green egg

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(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKh_WOfxkA4)

It’s Dr Seuss’s Birthday. So here is me reading Green Eggs and Ham for a charitable Good Cause.

during the debate between Ted Cruz and Bernie sanders last night about obamacare this one woman told Bernie she has a small business (I think a hair salon) and she was like I can’t grow my business because I have to provide my employees with health insurance and it’s too expensive. and Bernie straight up told her, hey you’re not gonna like my answer, but I’m sorry I think you need to provide them with insurance (and then he brought up the fact that he thinks single payer health insurance is still the way to go). then this lady told Ted Cruz that without Obamacare, she would have died. and he gave some generic answer about how he doesn’t wanna take away all aspects of Obamacare (which btw is a lie because he once held a 20 hour filibuster in which he read green eggs and ham in order to repeal every last word of Obamacare). but like…..this is where we’re beginning the discussion. “I can’t grow my business” vs “I would have died”

super cute food headers masterpost !!

i suddenly felt really inspired in the middle of the night and this was the result. below you’ll find 41 headers for twitter (size 1500x500) featuring some of your favorite foods! i worked really hard on these, so i hope you’ll all enjoy them. also, i’d like to thank everybody who liked/reblogged my mabuchi kou headers! my phone was blowing up with notifications yesterday because of it and it made me really really happy.

  • like/reblog if you save any. do not repost or claim as your own.
  • a link to the full sized headers will be at the end of the post.

download the full sized 1500x500 headers here!

“...Trois, deux, un… here I come,” Jack called out as he uncovered his eyes.

The living room was predictably empty even though Jack had half expected Annie to default to her usual spot which, was to hide behind the window drapes with her feed sticking out the bottom. Her understanding of object permanence was endearingly hilarious and adorable.

Jack checked behind the couch first to see if she had wedged herself in the space, but when she wasn’t there, he wandered into the hallway, making his way towards the closet in the front hall. It had become Annie’s second favourite hiding place ever since she discovered she could drag her blankets into there to make a fort. Unfortunately for Jack, it was also vacant except for a few jackets and hangers.

“Annnn-ie,” he called out, listening for the tell-tale giggles, but all he could hear was the pitter-patter of rain outside and the distant hum of the refrigerator. After a quick sweep of the main floor, Jack went upstairs to her room, but like the other spots he’d already checked, it was conspicuously empty.

A trickle of fear ran down his spine as he hurried downstairs to confirm that the front, back, and patio doors were all still locked. She was still somewhere in the house, at least, but it was little reassurance as Jack started to realize just how many tiny nooks and crannies a toddler could potentially hide in.

“Annie, come out! Papa’s done playing.” His brain unhelpfully supplied him with flashes of horrifying scenarios, and Jack had to check the laundry room twice to reassure himself that Annie hadn’t trapped herself in the washer or the dryer.

He circled around downstairs again with little luck. “You can have ice cream if you come out.”

He was just about to give up and call Bitty in a full-blown panic when he heard soft shuffling coming from the pantry. Jack quickly pressed the ‘end’ button before the call had a chance to connect.

He dashed into the kitchen and opened the pantry door to find Annie sitting on the floor with an opened package of chocolate chip cookies in her lap. She beamed up at Jack and waved a cookie at him . “Papa!”

“Oh, thank god,” Jack breathed in relief as he quickly scooped her up.

“Found me, Papa!” she shouted delightedly, patting Jack’s face with sticky, chocolate-y hands.

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” he admonished.

“Again! Again!” she crowed.

“No, not again,” Jack said firmly as he brushed the crumbs from her shirt. This was the last time he was ever going to play hide-and-go-seek, if he could help it. He gave her a big smacking kiss on her forehead. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” Then, he added conspiratorially, “And let’s not tell Daddy I lost you for fifteen minutes there, okay?”

Annie’s only response was to giggle at him before cramming the remainder of the cookie in her mouth.

Thanks for reading! More of my writing here!

GREEN EGGS AND HAMLET

(With my deepest apologies to Shakespeare and Dr. Seuss)

Can I kill my Uncle Claude?
Yes, I can, I can, by God!
I will kill my Uncle Claude!

Should I kill him in the house?
Should I kill him while he’s soused?
I could kill him here or there
I could kill him anywhere
Would I, could I, while he prays?
Kill him! Kill him! Wherefore stay?
I would not, could not, while he prays!

Not in the house, not when he’s soused,
Not with his sister, now his spouse!
Not while he prays, not while he feasts,
O, incestuous, adulterate beast!
I do not like my Uncle Claude,
I do not like that bloody bawd!

Say! In the dark? Here in the dark!
Would I, could I, in the dark?

Should I kill him in his bed?
Should I there strike off his head?
Kill him with his nightcap on?
Kill him when the churchyards yawn?
Should I kill him where he lies?
I will kill him, by and by!
I do not like my Uncle Claude,
I’ll kill him, i’ th’ name of God!

The play! The play! The play’s the thing!
The thing wherein I’ll catch the king!
No more ‘to be or not to be,’
I will kill him, you will see!

Kill him while he wears his crown
Kill him while his guard is down
Kill him with some poisoned wine
Kill him with this sword of mine
O, is the point envenomed, too?
I’m dead–Horatio, adieu!
But tell them, tell them, more or less,
Who it was that made this mess!

I did not like my Uncle Claude,
I killed him in the name of God!
Good friend, report my cause aright–
And now, goodnight goodnight goodnight!

Young Adult Teen Boy Protagonist: But…But I’m a nerd. I’m in a math class. I’ve watched Star Wars. I went to a library in the first chapter… And she’s the quirky new girl in school who likes poetry and old music from the 80′s and isn’t at all conventionally attractive but always gets hit on and is probably going to be played by Emma Watson in the movie. Sure, she has some major flaws; like being clumsy or having too many freckles, but how am I ever going to compete with the fundamentally unlikable and abusive jock boy that she likes for no apparent reason but to create an obstacle for me in the plot?

Friend of the Protagonist Who’s the Most Painful Closeted Cis Gay Stereotype Ever Created and Will Eventually get a One and a Half Page Coming Out Scene: You’re quiet, you’re basically nondescript in almost every conceivable way; you’re a total catch!  But–But don’t get the wrong idea, it’s not like I think you’re hot! I’m not gay or anything!

Other Friend of the the Protagonist Who is Non-White in Some Way: Yeah Kirk, everything’s gonna be swag. Just deadass chill, homie.