greek mythologies

  • *everyone is standing around a broken coffee machine*
  • Eris: So... who broke it? I'm not mad. I just wanna know.
  • *pause*
  • Apollo: I did. I broke it.
  • Eris: No. No, you didn't. Aphrodite?
  • Aphrodite: Don't look at me! Look at Hades.
  • Hades: What?! I didn't break it!
  • Aphrodite: Huh. That’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?
  • Hades: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!
  • Aphrodite: Suspicious.
  • Hades: No, it's not!
  • Zeus: If it matters, probably not... Hera was the last one to use it.
  • Hera: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
  • Zeus: Oh, really? Then what were you doing over by the coffee cart earlier?
  • Hera: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Zeus!
  • Demeter: Alright, let's not fight! I broke it, let me pay for it, Eris.
  • Eris: No. Who broke it?
  • Persephone: Eris, Athena's been awfully quiet...
  • Athena: REALLY?!
  • Persephone: Yeah, really!
  • Eris, to the camera while everyone argues in the background: I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
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HADES, GREEK GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD:

He was the ancient Greek chthonic god of the underworld, which eventually took his name. Hades was regarded as the oldest son of Cronus and Rhea, although the last son regurgitated by his father. He and his brothers Zeus and Poseidon defeated their father’s generation of gods, the Titans, and claimed rulership over the cosmos. Hades received the underworld, Zeus the sky, and Poseidon the sea, with the solid earth—long the province of Gaia—available to all three concurrently.

Greek Myth Asks

by @wonderbreadwoman and @spidcrsman

GODS: Life

Zeus: What’s your name or nickname?

Hera: Where are you from?

Athena: How old are you?

Hephaestus: When is your birthday?

Aphrodite: What’s your relationship status?

Poseidon: What are your pronouns?

Dionysus: Are you and extrovert or an introvert?

Demeter: Do you have any pets?

Apollo: What kind of music are you into?

Artemis: What do you first notice about new people?

Hades: What’s a big fear of yours?

Ares: What’s a big pet peeve of yours?

Hestia: Where do you consider home?


CREATURES: Lasts

Pegasus: Last movie you watched?

Mermaid: Last tv show you finished?

Centaur: Last book you read?

Siren: Last song you listened to?

Gorgon: Last thing you ate?

Cyclops: Last time you cried?

Minotaur: Last time you were truly happy?

Sphynx: Last text you sent?

Chimera: Last call you made?

Griffin: Last thing you did before going to sleep last night?

Nymph: Last dream you remember?

Satyr: Last time you couldn’t stop laughing?


HEROES: Experiences

Heracles: Have you ever had a dream come true?

Theseus: What is your worst regret?

Perseus: Have you ever been arrested?

Cadmus: Have you ever had your heart broken?

Achilles: Have you ever had to be hospitalized?

Actaeon: Tell about a memory you wish to forget.

Bellerophon: Have you ever passed out?

Agamemnon: What is an achievement you’re proud of?

Oedipus: Have you ever been in love?

Jason: Have you ever travelled abroad? Where?

Atlanta: Have you ever stood up for someone else?

Hippolytus: Tell an experience you will never forget.


MAGICAL ITEMS: Favorites  

Trident: Who are your favorite people?

Lightning Bolt: What are your top three favorite movies?

Sun Chariot: What is your favorite mythological creature?

Lyre: What are your top three favorite songs?

Caduceus: What is your favorite color?

Aegis: What is your favorite book or series?

Scythe: What is your favorite tv show?

Bident: What is your favorite way to spend free time?

Harpe: What are your top 3 favorite places?

Cornucopia: What is your favorite place to eat?

Winged Sandals: What is your favorite thing to do when you hangout with your friends?

Golden Fleece: What is your favorite animal?


PLACES: Goals and Wishes

Olympus: Describe your dream job.

Tartarus: What’s a short term goal you hope to achieve?

Underworld: Describe your dream vacation.

Styx: How would you like your life to look like in 10 years?

Athuna: If you could live anywhere in the world for the rest of your life, where would it be?

Sparta: Do you have a bucket list? If so, what’s on it?

Elysium: If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Ogygia: Describe your dream husband/wife/life partner?

Troja: What is the craziest thing you wanna do before you die?

The Labyrinth: Have you ever died and came back to life as a vampire?

Delphi: Are you currently doing anything to pursue your dreams?

Thinking on it, Loki should really have just dropped the whole Asgard thing and moved to Greece to hang with the Olympians

Like, Loki’s worst bits of mischief, up to and including murder, is just Zeus’ casual Tuesday. Plus everyone is always busy either fucking with someone if not actually fucking them. There’s a god of drinking and theatre (professional artful lying, holy shit). Also a god of chilling in the woods and banging nymphs and/or lonely shepherds (ideal). Two love/beauty/lust deities (doubly ideal, good on Mama Aphrodite and Son Eros, great family tradition). No prophesy of an apocalyptic showdown to look forward to–or any kind of narrative to bind the gods, period (Fuck Yes). The local mortals are all nerds in togas or oiled up muscle men (c:). Balmy weather, access to spices (C:).

Honestly, it’d just be

Zeus: What convinces you, god from the north, that you have a place here among my family? Among the gods of sky and sea and earth, the gods who are all the power and inspiration of the world? What right have you, foreign trickster, to the gates of Olympus?

Loki: Oh, is this the job interview? Damn, and here I am without my power suit. Let me change real quick

Loki, naked: So my work history is,

Zeus, naked: Hera, have someone clear out the guest room