Happy Birthday to my baby sister @emmamarypoland :)

I love you so much, you are the greatest and cutest and just the best sister I could ever have. You are an amazing friend, lovely person and so great to talk to. Now it’s your sweet sixteen and I just wish you the best for your new year, so much luck and happiness and that everything you wish for, coming true.
These are just some facts I love about you, but there are so much more. Any day I talk to you is much better than a day without talking to you.
And most importantly some Shandy action for your birthday ;)

I love you, but you already know that.

Sincerely your always loving sister Hel

In my entire life, nothing has ever gone the way I thought it would.

I’m used to it now; I know what not to expect.  I set my intentions, send my hopes out into the big wide somewhere and know that while I might get what I wanted, it will never look the way I thought it would.

Today was no exception.

I was sad but intent on not feeling it too fully.  It’s a Monday and I had reports to run and meetings to have and a lovely new hire to train.  I had a great weekend to celebrate and problems to solve and no time for nonsense and crying.

But sometimes, the day has other ideas.  

Today, the universe sent me love from all sorts of unexpected places: snuggles from the almost-never-wanting-to-be-petted POW; notes from friends near and far too far away; a moment where I laughed until my sides ached and was blessed to see, quite clearly, how much I am loved and looked after - even when I’m not looking.

I missed my traditional Disneyland frozen banana moment at 11:11 today, but what happened instead must have made my mother so unbelievably happy.  Brooke and Tiffany, two lovely ladies I work with, made me their very own, homemade version of a frozen banana and served it at 11:11 to be present and to help me celebrate.  

It was so far from what they wanted it to be that we all laughed until we cried (and cried a little and laughed some more)!  It was the ugliest thing I had ever seen.

It might also be the most beautiful.

I felt loved and honored and important … just as I’d wanted my mom to feel.  It is one of the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me and the perfect way to mark the day  – with chocolate and messiness and laughing until we cried.

Thank you, Brooke and Tiffany.  Thank you, Nicole.  Thank you, Jenni. I did not fully feel my grief today (as I’d originally hoped), but I did feel loved and important and looked after. 

And thank you, Wonderdad, for making us Momma’s favorite meal: Nachos and Margaritas.  

Cheers to the Mommas and the daughters and the love that lingers long after one of you is gone.  Cheers to good friends and great loves and laughing until you can’t laugh anymore and to the world’s ugliest, most delicious, not nearly frozen enough banana.