I think I’ve mentioned him before, but there’s this bus driver who is driving the bus that takes me to work, and it’s the same guy almost every morning and he tells jokes and anecdotes while he’s driving - and he’s hilarious!
This morning he said: And on a fine day like this, I feel like it’s appropriate to quote the greatest man who ever lived Oscar Wilde “the only thing I can’t resist is temptation”, have a great day and thank you for driving with us today.
The wondrous universe of Wahammer 40.000 - The Imperium of Man, part I: The Emperor of Mankind
All posts “The wondrous universe of Wahammer 40.000″ are meant to be a simplified lore narration, in hope to encourage beginners and new people to approach this awesome story. I can’t and will not claim to compete with the depth of information sported by Warhammer Wikia or Lexicanum.
The first few post will be about Mankind, the centre of WH40K narration, and since its lore is IMMENSE, I will divide it in some parts for ease’s sake. I do not own any of the images I’ll attach, and I’ll always mention the artists at the end of the post
The God Emperor of Mankind, the saviour of all humans, the greatest man ever lived. Thanks to him, humans now call a great part of the galaxy their own, and can fight all alien threats head on.
His origin is uncertain, he is said to be born around 8000 BC in Anatolia . These are the main theories, :
1) Official 1&2 edition: Hundeds of human shamans committed a ritual suicide to be reborn in a single divine individual, capable of protecting mankind from the Chaos Gods.
2) He is a Perpetual, a mighty but ultimately human psyker who lived hundreds of lifetimes and has the will to use all the knowledge earned this way.
3) Other speculations, such the C’tan Theory, but they were all invalidated by GW or show some inconstistencies themselves.
Through all the Dark Age of Technology he stayed in the shadows, sometimes acting as a leader but for the most time observing, learning and waiting the proper moment. The Age of Strife was coming to an end when he went back to Terra. The planet was isolated from the rest of the former human empire and ruled by techno-barbarian tribes in a post-apocalyptic wasteland; there he decided to reveal himself, using his mastery of genetics to create the Thunder Warriors, precursors of the Space Marines. Through the Unification Wars he united all Terra under a single banner, and then he convinced the Mechanicus of Mars he was the messiah (Omnissiah) of their Machine God, so they joined his cause and built weapons and ships for the nascent Imperial Army.
But before starting the conquest, he needed generals to serve him. So, using the powers stolen from the Gods Of Chaos in Molech millennia before, he started to create 20 super human Primarchs. But the Ruinous powers were angered for that, and snatched them away from the incubators, and scattered them across the Galaxy. With the remaining genetic material the Emperor created 20 legions of his elite troops, the Space Marines, vowing to find each Primarch during his conquest of the galaxy. So humanity embarked in the Great Crusade, to claim the stars for mankind once more.
Everytime a Primarch was discovered, the Emperor embraced him and put him at the head of a Legion, and eventually all Primarchs were found. When the Great Crusade was at the peak of its glory, the Horus Heresy erupted. Horus was the favourite son of the Emperor and among the most respected commanders of the Imperial Army. His soul corrupted by Chaos, he rebelled agains the Emperor when he was back on Terra, working on a way to allow mankind to use the Eldar Webway. 9 Primarchs and Legions joined the Heresy, and the bloody war was brought to Terra, at the heart of the Empire. In the end the Emperor confronted Horus on his flagship but, held back by his love for the son, he wasn’t able to destroy him immediately. Eventually Horus was slain and burned out of existence (so his soul couldn’t be resurrected in the Warp), but the Emperor himself was mortally wounded. He was brought back to Terra and inserted in a life support machine called The Golden Throne, which keeps him from dying to this day. His body is broken, but his mind and psychic power lives on, keeping daemons from attacking Terra and sustaining the Astronomican, a device which allows mankind to travel the Warp without being istantly torn to pieces by daemons. From this come the say “The Emperor Protects”. If he were to die, darker times would approach for humanity.
In the aftermath of the Horus Heresy, the Emperor began to be worshipped as a god everywhere in the Imperium, despite his will to put aside religion and mysticism when he was properly alive: the Imperial Truth was meant to lead humanity to a utopia of science and reason, but he underestimated the human need for believing in something greater. However, it seems this faith generates psychic power by itself, helping the Emperor in his task to protect mankind, it is a beacon of hope against the billions of enemies mankind has to face day by day.
Artists in order of appearance: RAFFETIN,
Robbie MacNiven, d1sarmon1a,
-I was enjoying womyn’s day of womyn’s history month, and personally observing “womyn’s day without women at work day for womyn” for the 10000th consecutive day, just imagining all of the (trigger warning: slave owners)employers suffering without my experiences or emotional labor.
-The safety and security that has been harder and harder to come by since January 20th suddenly (trigger warning: result of climate change)evaporated as I was about to cross the street when I overheard someone say “wow wiretapping is a pretty serious accusation.”
-I couldn’t see my attacker because he had his back to me, but I imagined he was a CISHET white man with a (trigger warning: hate slogan) make America great again hat, and a (trigger warning: victim blaming) Bernie would have won shirt.
-I said “can you please not perpetuate the cycle of violence against trans people by bringing up racist accusations against objectively the greatest human being who ever lived.”
-The man seemed to ignore me in a desperate attempt to silence me, but we shall overcome. I put in an extra safety pin and prepared to defend myself.
-I screamed “YOU CAN’T JUST ACCUSE SOMEONE WHO SERVED IN PUBLIC OFFICE OF ORCHESTRATING A GIGANTIC CONSPIRACY WITHOUT ANY EVIDENCE” I said as I looked at my phone to check if anyone had liked my tweet about how Vladimir Putin did everything in his power to promote white supremacy in the (trigger warning: worse than the holocaust)2016 election. All I saw was a message from amazon that said my XXXL that said “Bush did 9/11” had been shipped.
-The street (trigger warning: ejaculation like mechanism)erupted into applause as someone wearing a “well behaved womyn seldom make history” shirt handed me a badge that said “survivor”.
I will tell you my favorite story...about the greatest conqueror who ever lived: Napoleon! He was a might man, feared by all who looked up to him. Using his genius and his loyal army, he conquered all of Europe, then all of Russia, and finally the whole world. The end.
Your story's all wrong! Napoleon's 1807 seizure of Portugal and the subsequent rebellion by the Spaniards cost France over three hundred casualties, untold sums of money, and contributed to the eventual weakening of the Napoleonic Empire.
And your analysis on the invasion of Russia is also incorrect! Napoleon's invasion of 1812 resulted in massive casualties of his troops due to starvation and inclement conditions, and ended in a disastrous retreat from Moscow with his army defeated.
Yeah, dummy! And when he return to France, the allied nations of Europe united against him, which led to his eventual defeat at the Battle of Waterloo on June 18, 1815, where after he exiled to the island of St. Helena, where he died a miserable death from stomach cancer on May 5, 1821, stupid!
*is now getting beat up by Takeru, Makoto, and Alain*