greatest find ever

anonymous asked:

If one hypothetically wanted to read your Eldritch Abomination Garfield fic, how would one go about finding it as directly searching for 'garfield' hypothetically does not include the fic?

“They bought it?” Lyman asked as Jon hung up the phone.

“I got the contract,” Jon confirmed, dazed. “I’m — I’m syndicated.”

“You did it, man!” Lyman said, clapping him on the back. Odie barked.

“They’re already thinking about merchandising deals,” Jon continued, staring into space.

“I told you things were going to turn around for you,” Lyman said with a nod. Odie continued barking, making it clear that he was not just trying to be supportive. “Hey, look, I’ve gotta take the dog for a walk. If the alarm goes off while I’m gone, can you take dinner out of the oven?”

“Yeah,” Jon said, with no real conception of what he was agreeing to. He still had not yet finished processing that phone call, the idea that he was going to be paid, consistently, that he was a working cartoonist, that his comics would be in papers. Merchandising deals. Merchandising.

It was not until he heard the door that Jon realized he was alone in the apartment.

Just him, and Garfield.

From the corner, it growled.

Jon’s heart spasmed; he hadn’t realized it was in the same room. “H—hey,” he said. It would have been a dumb thing to say if it was a normal cat. It was a dumber thing to say under the circumstances. Its eyes glowed red in the shadows. “How are you?” he asked, then winced as the cat growled again. “Heard the good news?” he asked weakly.

MY END OF THE CONTRACT HAS BEEN FULFILLED

It rumbled through his brain like an earthquake, words without words. He covered his ears even though it wouldn’t help. “Yeah, thanks for—”

I WILL FEED

Jon’s heart spasmed again, overwhelmed with the sense of a hunger not his own. “Right, about that—”

YOU WILL FEED ME it said, words written in blood, thick and hot.

“—yes, I got that, I’m just not really sure what I’m supposed to—”

MEAT and the word throbbed, tore.

“Would chicken be okay?”

UNACCEPTABLE it said in broken bone and jellied marrow.

“I don’t want to stereotype you by assuming you want to eat my roommate—”

YES GIVE ME HIS HEART it said, pulsing, torn flesh.

“—but you can’t eat Lyman.”

I͇̤͜ ̭̩W̨͕̪̠͙I̧̫͍͕̤̥̥̥L̜̜̭͔̪͢L̡͉͍͍͓̣ ͇F̤̜E̤̱̼̩͙̺͢E̥̳̫D̯͚̰ͅ

The glowing eyes moved from the shadows, grew larger, taller. Hellfire, if fire could cast dark instead of light, orange and red, fire and blood. The indistinct shape that might have been a cat became an indistinct shape that might have been a man, large, always large. Jon shrank back as it stretched to fill the room, tried not to look directly at it. Hot breath and sharp teeth against his skin, even though it couldn’t have been, because he was still wearing his jacket.

There was a chiming sound.

WHAT WAS THAT

“Uh.” Jon swallowed, hard. “Dinner?”

FOOD

“Yes,” Jon said, “but I don’t know if you can eat people food…”

Garfield sat in the middle of the floor, wide as it was tall. Its gaze was baleful.

“Right. You can eat whatever you want.” Slowly Jon inched around the cat to head toward the kitchen. “I don’t really know what it is, though. It might be… vegan.”

Garfield hissed, the sound of pain, and Jon fled toward the oven.

I SMELL MEAT

Jon stopped himself from telling the cat get off the counter. “I think it’s a casserole,” he said, removing the dish to set it on the stove. He gingerly removed the lid, his hands safely wrapped in oven mitts. “Oh. It’s lasagna.”

GIVE IT TO ME

“It has to cool,” Jon said. Garfield hissed again, and the sound turned Jon’s blood to fiberglass. He backed away, and the cat leapt bodily and entirely into the baked pasta. It did not seem bothered by the fact that the pasta sauce was still bubbling, and Jon tried not to look at the void of its mouth. A black hole rimmed with fangs, an absence of all light, drawing in all that it touched to disappear within.

WHAT IS THIS it asked, and a hellfire paw batted at a stretchy piece of mozzarella.

“… cheese?”

The cat-shaped thing nodded, still sitting in the dish of lasagna.

WE DO NOT HAVE THIS

“You don’t have cheese in hell?”

It nodded again.

“I guess that’s what makes it hell.” If Garfield appreciated this observation, it did not show it. It cracked open its maw again, more lasagna disappearing, and Jon looked away. “That lasagna was supposed to feed us for a week,” he sighed. “How much longer do I need to do this?” he asked.

UNTIL YOU ARE SATISFIED

“Until I’m satisfied?”

YOU MUST FEED ME TO SATISFY YOUR HUNGER

Realization dawned. “Wait, but — I thought this was a one-time thing.”

IT WAS NOT

“If you leave, I get fired?”

PERHAPS

“So I might still be able to make it on my own.”

DO YOU BELIEVE YOUR SKILL IS ENOUGH TO BRING YOU ALL THAT YOU DESIRE

Jon thought of the portfolio sitting in his room, and sagged. “… no.”

It grew, limbs stretching, claws turning to fingers and then claws again. It sat on the counter like a solid mirage, licking red from its hands.

YOU WILL HAVE RICHES BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS it said in truffle oil and fur and gold. SO LONG AS I AM FED YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HUNGER

Syndication and merchandising deals and maybe someday a cartoon on television. His signature in every newspaper in every house in the country. In the world, even. He raked his fingers through his curls and tried not to look at its claws.

“I guess I’m stuck with you, then,” Jon said.

It didn’t slide off the counter the way a man would, shifted off like drifting smoke or licking flames, stood and was no shorter. Tall and broad and solid, a weight to its presence as it moved closer. Jon shrank back again as it loomed, and this show of submission seemed to please it. Hot breath and sharp teeth against his skin again, and he shivered.

YES YOU ARE



anonymous asked:

Qi meeting another flower dork inmate/possible s/o? 💜💜💚💜💜

yES

Qi

  • finding another flower dork s/o is like finding the greatest pin ever in a haystack
    • he’s so pumped he can’t contain himself
  • he likes talking to his s/o about certain potion/herbal recipes and asks for their advice on certain products
  • gives rare/fancy flowers for their birthday, anniversary, etc
    • and even snuck into their room to cover it in flowers and plants one time
    • It was pretty, but impractical for s/o to sleep in
  • puts flowers in their hair whenever they’re alone n having a great time
  • his favorite dates with flower dork s/o would obviously be in meadows n flower shops, but also at the bookstore or library to check out flower dork content

I hope you enjoy! Thank you for the request!

Photograph

So, I wrote this almost a year ago, but everyone and their goat knows that I am slow with posting things and hoard fics like they’re going out of style.

Anyways, enjoy.

Photograph

It starts as an unimportant event, in the grand scheme of things. Bob gets Alicia one of those new digital cameras for her birthday, since they are all the rage and Jack’s interest is piqued.

Alicia doesn’t mind showing him how it works. The camera can store many pictures and they can delete the ones they don’t want to print.

Keep reading

youtube

I wake up, get on youtube and I find the greatest commercial ever made.

The escalation….

3

Dipper and Mabel and the Curse of the Time Pirate’s Treasure!: Select Your Own Choose-Venture

Once upon a time … travel, Blendin Blandin searches for the legendary Time Pirate’s Treasure, and he needs Dipper and Mabel’s help-and yours, too! Journey through time, exploring the dragon-infested medieval era, the weird-and-wild west, and the laser-and-giant-baby-filled future. Will YOU make the right choices to help find the greatest treasure ever known? Or is it only a matter of time before the twins and Blendin are clutched by the hands of time?! This all-new Select Your Own Choose-Venture time-travel treasure hunt features thrilling adventures, original artwork, and an exclusive double-sided poster!

By Jeffrey Rowe (writer “Scary-oke”, “Not What He Seems”, “Weirdmaggedon Part 2”, etc.) and illustrated by storyboard artist Emmy Cicierega. Out July 26, 2016.

“Why don’t I have people in my life who really care about me?”

“I don’t need to talk about how I need a drink, I need a reason not to drink.”


I am abundantly more satisfied when I have gone before The Lord than when I go before anyone else in this world. It is when I have offered myself up to Him who offered Himself up for us, that I find the greatest joy ever known and the grandest love that will ever be known.
—  T.B. LaBerge // Jesus, His Grace and the Gospel

Captain Raptor AU: Police detectives Owen Grady and Killian Jones were sent undercover as priests to the tight-knit town of Storybrooke Maine. They meet Sheriff Emma Swan who isn’t thrilled to see them. {requested by @darkkillianjones}