greatest find ever

anonymous asked:

If one hypothetically wanted to read your Eldritch Abomination Garfield fic, how would one go about finding it as directly searching for 'garfield' hypothetically does not include the fic?

“They bought it?” Lyman asked as Jon hung up the phone.

“I got the contract,” Jon confirmed, dazed. “I’m — I’m syndicated.”

“You did it, man!” Lyman said, clapping him on the back. Odie barked.

“They’re already thinking about merchandising deals,” Jon continued, staring into space.

“I told you things were going to turn around for you,” Lyman said with a nod. Odie continued barking, making it clear that he was not just trying to be supportive. “Hey, look, I’ve gotta take the dog for a walk. If the alarm goes off while I’m gone, can you take dinner out of the oven?”

“Yeah,” Jon said, with no real conception of what he was agreeing to. He still had not yet finished processing that phone call, the idea that he was going to be paid, consistently, that he was a working cartoonist, that his comics would be in papers. Merchandising deals. Merchandising.

It was not until he heard the door that Jon realized he was alone in the apartment.

Just him, and Garfield.

From the corner, it growled.

Jon’s heart spasmed; he hadn’t realized it was in the same room. “H—hey,” he said. It would have been a dumb thing to say if it was a normal cat. It was a dumber thing to say under the circumstances. Its eyes glowed red in the shadows. “How are you?” he asked, then winced as the cat growled again. “Heard the good news?” he asked weakly.

MY END OF THE CONTRACT HAS BEEN FULFILLED

It rumbled through his brain like an earthquake, words without words. He covered his ears even though it wouldn’t help. “Yeah, thanks for—”

I WILL FEED

Jon’s heart spasmed again, overwhelmed with the sense of a hunger not his own. “Right, about that—”

YOU WILL FEED ME it said, words written in blood, thick and hot.

“—yes, I got that, I’m just not really sure what I’m supposed to—”

MEAT and the word throbbed, tore.

“Would chicken be okay?”

UNACCEPTABLE it said in broken bone and jellied marrow.

“I don’t want to stereotype you by assuming you want to eat my roommate—”

YES GIVE ME HIS HEART it said, pulsing, torn flesh.

“—but you can’t eat Lyman.”

I͇̤͜ ̭̩W̨͕̪̠͙I̧̫͍͕̤̥̥̥L̜̜̭͔̪͢L̡͉͍͍͓̣ ͇F̤̜E̤̱̼̩͙̺͢E̥̳̫D̯͚̰ͅ

The glowing eyes moved from the shadows, grew larger, taller. Hellfire, if fire could cast dark instead of light, orange and red, fire and blood. The indistinct shape that might have been a cat became an indistinct shape that might have been a man, large, always large. Jon shrank back as it stretched to fill the room, tried not to look directly at it. Hot breath and sharp teeth against his skin, even though it couldn’t have been, because he was still wearing his jacket.

There was a chiming sound.

WHAT WAS THAT

“Uh.” Jon swallowed, hard. “Dinner?”

FOOD

“Yes,” Jon said, “but I don’t know if you can eat people food…”

Garfield sat in the middle of the floor, wide as it was tall. Its gaze was baleful.

“Right. You can eat whatever you want.” Slowly Jon inched around the cat to head toward the kitchen. “I don’t really know what it is, though. It might be… vegan.”

Garfield hissed, the sound of pain, and Jon fled toward the oven.

I SMELL MEAT

Jon stopped himself from telling the cat get off the counter. “I think it’s a casserole,” he said, removing the dish to set it on the stove. He gingerly removed the lid, his hands safely wrapped in oven mitts. “Oh. It’s lasagna.”

GIVE IT TO ME

“It has to cool,” Jon said. Garfield hissed again, and the sound turned Jon’s blood to fiberglass. He backed away, and the cat leapt bodily and entirely into the baked pasta. It did not seem bothered by the fact that the pasta sauce was still bubbling, and Jon tried not to look at the void of its mouth. A black hole rimmed with fangs, an absence of all light, drawing in all that it touched to disappear within.

WHAT IS THIS it asked, and a hellfire paw batted at a stretchy piece of mozzarella.

“… cheese?”

The cat-shaped thing nodded, still sitting in the dish of lasagna.

WE DO NOT HAVE THIS

“You don’t have cheese in hell?”

It nodded again.

“I guess that’s what makes it hell.” If Garfield appreciated this observation, it did not show it. It cracked open its maw again, more lasagna disappearing, and Jon looked away. “That lasagna was supposed to feed us for a week,” he sighed. “How much longer do I need to do this?” he asked.

UNTIL YOU ARE SATISFIED

“Until I’m satisfied?”

YOU MUST FEED ME TO SATISFY YOUR HUNGER

Realization dawned. “Wait, but — I thought this was a one-time thing.”

IT WAS NOT

“If you leave, I get fired?”

PERHAPS

“So I might still be able to make it on my own.”

DO YOU BELIEVE YOUR SKILL IS ENOUGH TO BRING YOU ALL THAT YOU DESIRE

Jon thought of the portfolio sitting in his room, and sagged. “… no.”

It grew, limbs stretching, claws turning to fingers and then claws again. It sat on the counter like a solid mirage, licking red from its hands.

YOU WILL HAVE RICHES BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS it said in truffle oil and fur and gold. SO LONG AS I AM FED YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HUNGER

Syndication and merchandising deals and maybe someday a cartoon on television. His signature in every newspaper in every house in the country. In the world, even. He raked his fingers through his curls and tried not to look at its claws.

“I guess I’m stuck with you, then,” Jon said.

It didn’t slide off the counter the way a man would, shifted off like drifting smoke or licking flames, stood and was no shorter. Tall and broad and solid, a weight to its presence as it moved closer. Jon shrank back again as it loomed, and this show of submission seemed to please it. Hot breath and sharp teeth against his skin again, and he shivered.

YES YOU ARE



i doodled this in like five minutes bcs the idea of it was HILARIOUS to me for some reason bless u

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ben platt as zoe murphy and laura dreyfuss as evan hansen aka the single greatest thing i’ve ever seen in my entire life, submitted by @strawberrydaydreams

2

The Loneliest Job in the World

TODAY IS FIVE YEARS OF RED AKA FIVE YEARS OF MY FAVORITE SONG. i really wanted to put in words how important everything has changed, as well as the red album, is to me, and i thought there was no better day than today to do so. 

@taylorswift i want to preface this by saying that without you, i would have had none of the hope i needed, nor the joy i feel now. without you, i would have never met my best friends. i would never had this song that means so much to me. there are not words to thank you, because these things to me are absolutely everything.

i remember hearing everything has changed for the first time. i remember sitting on the floor in my living room. it immediately struck a chord within me. at the time, i was only eleven, but i continued to find myself coming back to that song. it was so happy, and so joyful. and it had my name in it!

when middle school rolled around, i had no friends. i was incessantly bullied and harassed by girls that were my ‘friends.’ my parents had always told me that their teenage years were the best of their lives, and it made me mad - i was suffering when everybody else was having fun. it wasn’t fair. why did i have to take the brunt of the name-calling and the laughing and the jokes?

it happened daily. some days, it was so bad my mom would come and pick me up from school, and i’d stay at home and cry. every morning, i’d wake up afraid. school was hell and hell was here on earth.

and every day, there was one thing that kept me going. there was one thing that said “you’re going to get through this.” and it was everything has changed. taylor and ed had been where i was then, they had been bullied. they had been laughed at and made fun of, but they came out on the other side. they made it through. i listened to this song, about everything changing, about being cared for and loved and being happy, and i promised myself that one day, i would feel like that. one day i would have a friend like taylor had in ed. that friend would stand up for me like ed did in interviews. that friend would want to spend time with me. they would never laugh at me, they would cherish me and have only good things to say of me. and until i found friends like that, my two friends were my mother, and that song.

and then, one day in april of 2014, by a sheer stroke of luck, i stumbled upon what i know today as my dearest friends. we met through our love of taylor swift. they listened to me. they asked me how i was. they cared for me and cherished me. when i had bad days, they would listen to me, and tell me that they were on my side. they were my safety and my home. where i belonged was wherever they were. even if they didn’t go to my school, even if they lived thousands of miles away, that was okay. i had friends now, and that was all that matter. 

luckily, a few months later, i was fortunate enough to go and visit two of these friends in florida during the week 1989 came out. it was without a doubt, the happiest week of my life. after being so consistently sad, to have a week of bliss was the greatest joy i’d ever experienced. 

one night, we were walking down a street as we went trick-or-treating. my shoe had come untied, and as one does, i bent down to tie it. and do you know what? she stopped for me. she waited for me. she didn’t yell at me to hurry up, she didn’t laugh at me, she didn’t leave me behind. it was such a small thing, and it meant so much. it was my own equivalent of “all i know is you held the door.” it nearly brought me to tears.

now, i lead a much different life. i no longer go to the school that caused me so much pain. i wake up every morning thinking about how glad i am to be as happy as i am now. i am a part of so many wonderful things. i have friends i love that love me in return. and whenever i hear that song now, it’s my anthem. it doesn’t have to give me hope anymore, because what i waited for has come true. i have friends who love me, who care for me, who stand up for me. my life did a complete 180º for the better.

everything has changed.

anonymous asked:

Qi meeting another flower dork inmate/possible s/o? 💜💜💚💜💜

yES

Qi

  • finding another flower dork s/o is like finding the greatest pin ever in a haystack
    • he’s so pumped he can’t contain himself
  • he likes talking to his s/o about certain potion/herbal recipes and asks for their advice on certain products
  • gives rare/fancy flowers for their birthday, anniversary, etc
    • and even snuck into their room to cover it in flowers and plants one time
    • It was pretty, but impractical for s/o to sleep in
  • puts flowers in their hair whenever they’re alone n having a great time
  • his favorite dates with flower dork s/o would obviously be in meadows n flower shops, but also at the bookstore or library to check out flower dork content

I hope you enjoy! Thank you for the request!

The Gradius V iteration, aka the greatest shmup ever made.

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Find it on my shop here: https://www.redbubble.com/people/hybridmink/works/27722016-vic-viper?asc=u

Please check out my patreon for more work like this. $1 a day gets you progress sketches and lots of polls, including votes on what I draw in the future. :D
http://patreon.com/hybridmink

Photograph

So, I wrote this almost a year ago, but everyone and their goat knows that I am slow with posting things and hoard fics like they’re going out of style.

Anyways, enjoy.

Photograph

It starts as an unimportant event, in the grand scheme of things. Bob gets Alicia one of those new digital cameras for her birthday, since they are all the rage and Jack’s interest is piqued.

Alicia doesn’t mind showing him how it works. The camera can store many pictures and they can delete the ones they don’t want to print.

Keep reading

youtube

I wake up, get on youtube and I find the greatest commercial ever made.

The escalation….

Silently, the Praying Hands pushed open the door to the trio’s sleeping quarters. Their footsteps were silent, and their goal singular; to experiment on the greatest find any Delver has ever found. A living Golem, a homunculus born from the very depths of the Abyss, a treasure that out shown all other relics. It could think, it could feel, and it could empathize… but it could also destroy, annihilate, obliterate.

To let such an unprecedented individual slip through his grasp might end up being his greatest mistake. No matter what he said, he could not allow this golden opportunity to disappear. 

With the zap of an electrical discharge, the Aubade was knocked out. With the swift patter of feet, it was whisked away in preparation.


“Remove the helmet and all excess clothing.” Bondrewd ordered his men, his normal gloves replaced now with near translucent surgical ones. “Restrain his arms and legs.” Yes, this would be a worthy experiment, one that he would certainly not regret regardless the consequences. In fact, this might just lead to what he wanted all along… it was a win win no matter how this went. Walking over to the unconscious Reg, he roughly shoved him backward into several needles that would pierce his dense but elastic skin. Bondrewd had been working on these for a while now, something he realized he’d need after watching the trio’s encounter with the Tamaugachi. Normal needles would simply not suffice.

@abysmaltreasure

3

Dipper and Mabel and the Curse of the Time Pirate’s Treasure!: Select Your Own Choose-Venture

Once upon a time … travel, Blendin Blandin searches for the legendary Time Pirate’s Treasure, and he needs Dipper and Mabel’s help-and yours, too! Journey through time, exploring the dragon-infested medieval era, the weird-and-wild west, and the laser-and-giant-baby-filled future. Will YOU make the right choices to help find the greatest treasure ever known? Or is it only a matter of time before the twins and Blendin are clutched by the hands of time?! This all-new Select Your Own Choose-Venture time-travel treasure hunt features thrilling adventures, original artwork, and an exclusive double-sided poster!

By Jeffrey Rowe (writer “Scary-oke”, “Not What He Seems”, “Weirdmaggedon Part 2”, etc.) and illustrated by storyboard artist Emmy Cicierega. Out July 26, 2016.