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so tonight was the badfic panel and at first i was all “man, last year a dude dressed as the stig literally somersaulted out of the crowd to read a shitty harry potter crossover for us, how are we ever gonna beat that”

but then we announced that the next reading was from same love lockdown, and somebody in the audience confessed that the epic tale of macklemore and kanye’s romance was their doing

i had the boyfriend read chapter seven. after he read out “don’t get butthurt if you get memed on!” the entire room gave a standing ovation. 

my favorite con moments are those ones that, when i look back on them (as a writer and lover of obnoxious, bizarre, overly coincidental campy bullshit), and think “i would not have scripted that any other way.”

thank you, yourheadcanon. you have truly given us a gift that keeps on giving.

stalinistqueens asked:

Do you have any thoughts on a Steven Universe pirate au?

i assume you mean au where they all organically become pirates instead of steven deciding that the first saturday of every month is Act Like A Pirate Day thus accidentally initiating the most epic larp connie has ever been invited to??? okay, cool. let’s do this.

  • first and foremost: please picture garnet with two eyepatches. just casually wearing both all day long and flipping up one at a time to stare someone down if they backsass her. she’s the new captain since cpt. quartz died in childbirth and even though she’s a softie everyone is terrified.
  • pearl was quartz’s first mate and has stuck by that position, though these days it’s mostly managing the navigation and also delegation because garnet is not very handson. she’s the expert swordfighter obviously and tries to tutor the rest of the crew on boarding tactics so that they don’t just flop on deck waving blades around. they do anyway.
  • steven is the cabin boy but everyone except him knows that he’s in training to take over the ship, because it’s his inheritance. 
  • the rest of the crew has slowly accumulated since steven came of age: lars and sadie work stock and rations, the cool kids are all runaway sabreslingers, connie comes on as a deckhand but Dreams Of More.
  • in this instance homeworld is the british empire, so garnet makes sure that they only raid ships flying an empirical flag. they do the typical non hollywood pirate thing of raiding for supplies and nothing else; and treasure they accumulated is just stuff that quartz confiscated from ships that were hoarding shit.
  • greg is a hermit fisherman on the island that they use as a main base, and he doesn’t participate in anything, but he’s always there to talk when steven gets tired of the big blue and wants to just relax and chat about how weird his life is.
  • lion is an albino golden lion tamarin that they found while hitting up south american forts.
  • if this IS just a great big larp, then amethyst swaps between being The Parrot or The Monkey or yes, when she gets steven to read peter pan, The Crocodile. pearl’s character has no charisma and stacked agility. garnet is exactly the same.
  • me:i should go to sleep early like a responsible adult.
  • friend:sure, but have you considered: this new au idea?
  • me:fuck...
  • sun:hey guess what?? i'm up now.
  • sun:cause it's like 8am motherfucker.
  • me:fffffffuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
7

whAT THE h elli s gOING ON Hi this how??????

i love the graffiti in my school’s bathrooms, you really get the whole range of conversations

after class tonight i noticed that somebody had written “unequal love is this world’s greatest problem

to which somebody had responded “that’s funny, i think greed, ignorance and cruelty are bigger

and a few inches below that somebody added “HOMESTUCK IS BACK

which seemed like the logical progression to me

i was cleaning out my files and i don’t remember screencapping this but it must be from when i was trying to explain this phenomenon to the boyfriend and couldn’t remember the english word for tire d'erable

it’s maple toffee. the term i was looking for was ‘maple toffee’. not 'hot maple snow stick' 

4

his favorite spot when i’m using the laptop is my shoulders or, in more typical cat fashion, somewhere in front of the screen

okay so mass effect fandom seems to really like using this image of the illusive man for gifsets and stuff right

and that’s fine it’s very dramatic and all, but

despite knowing that the illusive man just has a fancyass chair, despite KNOWING that it is simply positioning and lighting and silhouette choices

somehow all that i can ever see is this

the odd man

[ SERENITY ROSE | sera e. rose ] such shadows

over the years my general crestfallen playlist has gotten a bit bloated, so i figured it was time to suck it up and post mixes out of the songs that make me think of my favorite anxietyridden, selfcloseted lonelygoth witch (or her friends). this is the sadder, more atmospheric collection. mild warning for gendered slurs on the jack off jill track. cover art originally by mooncalfe.

apoptygma berzerk - untitled three;; i’m so scared | jack off jill - witch hunt;; i’m running out of air | portishead - undenied;; i can’t hide | patrick wolf - this weather;; such shadows are blossoming in me | bertine zetlitz - death in her room;; and it blends with the noise | suzanne vega - tom’s diner (dna remix);; oh this rain it will continue | birthday massacre - unfamiliar;; praise is just an unfamiliar sound to me | rasputina - leechwife;; you don’t need no new age crap | cloud cult - when water comes to life;; a heartshaped locket, an old photograph of you in daddy’s arms | rudi arapahoe - to gather flowers;; instrumental

( 8tracks | notes )

do not fall in love with series like madoka. it will take you to rooftops, and parks, and arcades, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without feeling hope like blood in your mouth. it will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. and when it is over, you will finally understand, why shoujos are named after protagonists.

comedy storytime

okay so the thing about my mum is that when i was like, six to eight years old she was working as a standup comedian. and because my mum is a moe blonde lady who was a single mom she was apparently sort of the darling of the regular group of irritable satirical comics

keep in mind that this is in washington dc in the early/mid nineties so y'know, crack cocaine was… trending.

so one day after her opening set, she was trying to unwind at the bar like usual, while a colleague was already onstage and just a wee bit tispy. so when he got heckled (instead of deflecting like you’re supposed to seriously like ruLE #1 IS TO NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE A HECKLER) he engaged him, and just kept ribbing on the guy’s hometown

and after like five minutes of him arguing with this one pissant, some dude in the audience stood up and pulled out a handgun and yelled “ARE YOU GONNA TELL A FUCKING JOKE ALREADY!?" 

which would admittedly be the punchline itself, if not for the fact that as most of the audience dove for cover and my mum just froze, another fellow comic friend named chip who was like three hundred pounds and had been in jail and was very fond of her

picked my mum up, under the elbows

and just tucked her away by reaching over, down on the other side of the bar, out of harm’s way.

and that is why my mother quit standup comedy.

OKAY BUT no seriously somebody please pay or at least encourage me to sit down and do musicity at some point, because like. we had so much planning and just chickened out because “who wants to read motorcity with guitars”, which is still valid, but sometimes i go back and read our outlines and just lose my shit. for example, here’s my outline notes for chapter five:

  • Kiss My Gators. In order to get his hands on Mutt, the Duke challenges the Burners to a karaoke contest. The only requirement is that Chuck face him alone (it’s… karaoke, Duke, that’s how it works??). If he wins, he gets Mutt and a guest spot on their next album (also maybe signing them to his label?). Mike jumps at it because how the hell can Chuck lose to this freakshow, and then it turns out Duke is actually just Dee Snider in a tracksuit. Chuck absolutely does not want to go through with it but Mike talks him into getting onstage and the Duke concedes a sort of tie, cause he has to admit the kid has pipes. He lets them keep the guitar and maybe their freedom, but they have to do a song with him. And he writes it. It’s called Kiss My Gators and nobody wants to ask exactly what that means. This ep is basically Blonde Thunder.

like please. every chapter was equivalent to a track off of their second album. i had every track from their first two albums listed. i WROTE SONG LYRICS FOR THIS. please. plEASE.

stalinistqueens said: Your hair is always too awesome ;^;

aaah gosh, thank you!! ;v; i really need a cut these days but i thought the Evolution was kinda funny.

lirance said: r u ramona flowers

at an anime convention i had an obvious scott cosplayer come up with a piece of paper and pull this

then he took a second look at me, dropped the hand holding the prop up, and broke out in a grin, and went “hey! don’t i know you?”

i literally have a league of evil exes. some of them are famous.

archiveofourown.org
MOTORCITY: riding shotgun ( burners polypile )
By Organization for Transformative Works

The Burners have been doing this – “this” being smoking up together whenever one of the myriad of grateful gangs try to pay them in weed – for long enough that there are Rules. Nobody wrote them down anywhere, but they’ve all figured them out. It’s all pretty easy stuff; like Dutch always rolling because he takes to it like some sort of origami challenge, even if it means that they have to roll their eyes and give him constructive criticism.

So it’s simple enough for everyone to remember the rules. There aren’t too many, and they’re all viewed as being relatively fair, but that doesn’t stop a few of them from being contested.

Particularly number six, which is that only Mike is allowed to give shotguns.

originally written for motorkink, though honestly it’s been so long that i don’t even remember how the prompt was worded. i finally got off my butt to edit it for archiving for polyshipping day, because mike chilton kissing every burner is still my ultimate motorcity ship.

content warnings: drug use, and that’s actually about it for once!

2

“he left his family behind!!”

i made the mistake of showing the first episode to my babysis RIGHT before we had dinner, and she insisted on having an ice cream sandwich for dessert. i did the best that i could on short notice.

she ate all of it except for the face, which she put back in the bowl and frowned at, mumbling “i feel bad. i don’t want to eat him. he’ll be sad… i feel really bad.”

i love watching people who are just starting to realize/acknowledge/admit their worst, weirdest kinks. it may actually be my favorite thing.

i am here for you, my friends. i am here for you, waiting.

waiting with fucking godawful porn. join me.

youtube

it’s taken a few weeks, but i think i’ve actually managed to teach my cat to fetch.

princeskull keeps screeching that i broke him, but honestly, i think i fixed him. now all we need is to train dogs to use litterboxes and we’ll all be set.

okay while we’re all still talking about jupiter ascending, i really want to point out that “undocumented exile finds the beta dogboy of her dreams who TREATS HER LIKE A PRINCESS and goes on to not only own earth but make life better for everyone on the planet”

is the high school mary sue fanfic wet dream of someone in particular