Yeah you, that grey-ace right there reading this. You’re amazing, you’re absolutely wonderful and bring so much light to the world!
I know it can be hard to accept yourself and your identity but i also know that you wont always feel this way! One day you’ll be confident or even proud of your identity! One day you’ll be able to think “this is the way i am” and mean it in a positive way!
Im so proud of you for getting so far already , you’re doing such a good job! I believe in you! I believe that you can make it!
So I learned a lot about myself this week. Mainly I realized I’m not straight like I always thought. The funny thing about it to me is I only found this out because of a cartoon about an alcoholic, narcissist, anthropogenic, cartoon horse. After Todd (spoilers btw) comes out as asexual and starts to learn more about, it struck a cord with me. I looked into it and once I found out as much as I could and once I did it felt like I finally figured out the answer to the question I didn’t know I had. I’m not stright I’m a grey-asexual(if you want to know more about that you can message me or look it up.) and just like Todd I feel a lot better saying it out loud. I’ve been more at peace this last week than I’ve ever had in my entire life. So thanks Bojack you’ve helped in a way I didn’t know I needed.
Hi! I intend on writing a gray-ace character and I've been doing some research on asexuality but a lot of sites don't really define key terms like romantic attraction and sexual attraction or the difference between sexual desire and sexual attraction. Do you mind explaining? Or can you link me to any posts that go into depth?
This is the eternal issue when trying to explain asexuality and aromanticism to allo people. So far I’ve found a couple of good explanations for those various terms.
Romantic attraction is generally defined as the desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone (or to do romantic-coded things with them). That, of course, is very culture-specific; a romantic relationship or romantic-coded things won’t look the same in America as in, say, Japan, necessarily.
There are a lot of different flavors of gray-ace. I identify as gray-ace because I’m not particularly sure if I have/will feel sexual attraction, and so it’s an easy all-encompassing term for me. People may identify that way because they know they’ve felt it but do so rarely enough that they don’t identify as allo. People may identify that way because they only feel attraction in certain cirmcumstances.
All of this stuff is subjective.
If the character is gray-ace because they sometimes feel sexual attraction, that will likely be directional in the same way that it is for allo people. That is to say that someone can be bi gray-ace or hetero gray-ace or gay gray-ace or pan gray-ace, etc. On the other hand, they might not think of it that way. I’m not sure what a general feeling among gray-ace people is about how they think about it.
A person being gray-ace does not determine whether they want to have sex. I’m fairly sex-repulsed, and I will almost definitely never have sex no matter if I feel attracted to the person. That is not the case for some other gray-aces.
You may notice that I haven’t given my own definition of sexual attraction here, and that the definition of romantic attraction I linked to isn’t particularly helpful, necessarily. To understand why, I suggest you read this post by Sciatrix about, among other things, the inherent difficulty of asking asexual people to define sexual attraction. It’s also a fantastic post.