gravity wins again

As you can see the Lucifer addiction is too strong but I will take that break somehow… My thesis depends on that… But there was something I wanted to share… I was talking with @ships-sailing-in-the-night who has the misfortune along with some other friends to listen to my endless PM babbling and there was this thing I had to express like a small drabble of feelings… For this gif:

So it unravelled like this:

You know what I realised?

When Lucifer finds Chloe in his bed… It’s like a dream.

Not because he wants to have sex with her but because probably once he had this desire that she actually could fit in his world and in his bed. Make his house, her house and he (Lucifer) in all these dreams and expectations he may have had in 2x12 are now smoked mirrors but there she is… taunting him to {face} what he will never get to have.

It’s the moment he realises that he will never be able to love her openly. Never hold her.

Never savour this moment in time because she does not belong there. Although he would give everything for her to just be around her because that’s what love is for Lucifer in season 3… Pain. And he is very familiar with what pain is…

And once again in his existence the wounds do not heal, his continues to bleed and there will be no marbled scars this time… Only silence because that is what he also familiar with. 

His father supposedly loved him through His silence and that the only thing Lucifer knows to care is to stay silent. To care is to cause pain. To love is to suffer.

{In the gif}

His hand stretches to touch her but you see it hesitates and the gravity wins. 

It brings him again to Hell as her warmth on the mattress is there so he forces himself to be content with that… To love, adore and worship just that. Her warmth from afar, her presence in the two-second reachable distance between them and Lucifer just stops.

You see him look at her face as his neck is cocking to the left and his lips are tightening before he bites his bottom lip due to the cowardliness he feels when he cannot reach her. 

Worse is his bravery to let her go… {but} Just as far away as he selfishly keeps her near. But he has lost the war since his hands left his knees… Because this war has already been lost a long time ago… But both sides refuse to take prisoners. 

They refuse to claim their victory and that might lead to the downfall of them both until a new day breaks in the battlefield… It’s L.A. after all… 

Does that make sense?I just see it all there…. I think I’m going crazy…