graveyard jokes

anonymous asked:

Hey there! Can we get some Matt Holt headcanons? This guy deserves some attention. If you want you can write some nsfw headcanons too ~ Thanks!

i love matt holt with all of my heart like wow i now have two meme boys i love (this includes lance like pls ofc)


  • totally a babbler when he likes someone
  • I hc him as a person who trips over their words in an effort to talk to his crush
    • Matt having a crush is the most amusing thing to watch, especially when he tries to flirt with them and ends up talking about his bad eyesight for the next ten minutes
      • “don’t worry, the Garrison will fix it so we can go and watch a movie together and I wouldn’t have to wear my glasses!”
      • like
      • ……..ok, Matt
  • makes it so painfully obvious when he has a thing for someone
  • gets ten times more blush-y around the person he likes and would most likely try to overcompensate by showing off
    • Shiro: Hey, why’re you limping?
    • Matt, having done five set of squats without warming up: Oh, Y/N was in the gym and I had to show her my mad glute skills.
  • lives for the idea of innovative dates!
    • he would totally bring you to unexplored places like a planet filled with diamonds, or a cluster of stars with beautiful views for your first date
    • Matt: *tips his fedora* M’lady
    • since he’s good bros with Hunk, expect him to give you a whole banquet prepared picnic-style
    • he’s just a sweet romantic like that
  • off loads a lot of his emotions to Pidge, even if they explicitly say they don’t wanna hear anything about it
    • “For the last time, Matt, why don’t you ask her out?!”
    • “I can’t! What if she says ‘no’?”
    • “What if she says ‘yes’?”
    • “A ‘no’ has the higher chance of being the probability.”
    • “God, you’re so…..difficult.”
  • super picky with his food. like, you thought Pidge was bad bc they can’t take peanut butter, but Matt’s allergic to gluten and shell fish
    • eating with him is a riot bc you both don’t know what alien food contains
    • you would have to be super careful in offering him anything to eat
    • i like to see the placing of his transporter signal at the graveyard as a joke with the other rebels in this context, bc he couldn’t keep any food down without exploding in hives
  • Pidge makes it their mission in life to cockblock you two, just to get Matt riled up
    • but they will concede and be Matt’s best wingman which then gets you interested in him, so that’s a plus :))
  • even as friends, Matt is hella protective of you (bc he has lost a lot in his life) and he will always have your back in a battle or be there if you need a person to talk to
  • a good listener, like, he can take your ramblings and venting no problemo
  • your local meme dealer who likes to think he’s shady asf but is secretly a goof
    • “you got the good kush?”
    • “yeah, I do.” 
    • *Matt wraps you a hug* “you know I always got the bestest kush”


  • he definitely has an authority kink that he’s mortified to explain to his s/o
    • didn’t expect to be turned on by you calling him ‘commander’ in bed, but oh well, accidents happen and sometimes they yield amazing results ;))
  • Matt’s probably had a few experiences back at the Garrison, but they all happened to be one night stands
  • he couldn’t let anyone know about his….deviations, bc his Dad’s part of the Board of Instructors so everything was hush hush
    • incredibly good at having sex in semi-public places bc of this
    • loves to just place his palm over your mouth and ride you from the back as his harsh breathing washes over your neck and shoulders
  • loveloveloves giving oral
    • he’s not much for receiving it, as he’s an awkward bean and doesn’t like holding eye contact during blow-jobs  
    • but for you – oh man, he loves the way how you fall apart under his talented tongue
  • speaking of tongue, this boy’s got a mouth on him
  • but he’s p vanilla, so it’s all just variations of phrases like
    • “are you close?”
    • “you feel so good.”
    • “I can feel you pulsing around me.”
  • he’s a hella subby boy and wouldn’t mind you taking the lead
    • his fave position is girl on top bc he likes watching your body move on his and will tease you by gently nipping your neck or playing with your nipples
    • also, he likes watching you sink up and down his cock bc he’s a little bit voyeuristic in that sense
  • protective as fuck
  • he’s usually a pretty chill guy, but whenever some alien (or Lance) flirts with you, it sends him into a jealousy hyper-drive
  • would literally walk over to you and wrap his arm around you as he gives whoever dared flirt with you a smug grin
    • then he takes you to the closest unoccupied room and gives you the ride of your life 
    • he secretly loves the idea that he leaves you a little sore so you will be thinking of him throughout the day 
    • jealousy does crazy things to a man 
  • loves leaving you begging and making you beg for him
    • there’s just something about your hoarse voice and pleading eyes that gets him incredibly hard whenever he thinks about it
  • says the most filthiest things in the middle of innocent situations
  • once when you were both lounging in the common room, he nonchalantly mentioned the night before, while tracing the marks he left on your inner thighs
    • “i should leave them a little higher next time.”
  • that little shit knows exactly what he’s doing, don’t trust his cute smirk
Smile- Aaron Burr X Reader

request from anon: Psssst. Guess who’s birthday it is? That right. A-A-Ron Burr’s birthday. So could I request some Burr x reader birthday fluff plz and thank you! I love your writing btw! Byeee

“It’s cold.” He frowned as I practically dragged him through the streets of New York City.

“Yes I am aware, Burr.” I told him, placing emphasis on his last name. Despite the freezing tempature that put a scowl on practically everyone’s faces, he smiled. “Haha whoa did the notorious Aaron Burr just smile at me?”

“We’ve been dating for close to a year, you know better than anyone how much you make me smile.”

“Yeah but I don’t think I’ve ever made anyone smile like that when it is negative two degrees and we are walking around, on your birthday.

“Ah so you do remember that it’s my birthday today.” He smiled again, looking amused. I pretended to look shocked.

“First of all I’ve reminded you every city block we’ve walked and second I made you smile again?”

“You’re on a roll, dear. Where have you been taking us anyway?”

“I figured you want to spend the day with your parents.” I told him quietly and he stopped walking. I stopped as well and I looked at him, tears in his eyes.

“You…” He started and he hugged me tightly. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I did because I love you and I know that you want to see them, especially today.”

“I… I love you too.” He cried and he buried his head in my coat.

“Take my scarf, I don’t want you to be colder since you are crying and your tears are probably going to freeze. I told him and he laughed. I took my scarf off, the cold wind hitting my neck and I grimaced but I wrapped it around Aaron anyway.

"It’s only a couple more blocks.” I told him and he nodded, grabbing my hand.

“What’s in that bag you’ve been carrying around all day?”

“Flowers. I don’t know what type, I just asked the florist for some that can survive cold weather.”

“You didn’t have to do this.” He repeated and he squeezed my hand.

“You would do the same for me.”

We entered the graveyard, the conversation dying down and I gave him the flowers from the bag. He and I walked to the grave and he set the flowers down.

“I’ll leave you guys for a bit.”

“Stay.” He said although it was phrased more as a question. I nodded and he laid the flowers down and just stood there in silence, the snow slowly covering the flowers. I turned to him to see that he had started crying again. “I’m sorry I know you probably want to go.” He said and I shook my head.

“It isn’t about me, Aaron. I’ll stay here as long as you want. You don’t need to aplogize.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” He said, taking my hand and leading me out of the graveyard.

“Jokes on you, you can’t tell if I’m blushing or not because of how cold it is.”

“I think you’re the only person who can make a joke in this graveyard and make me smile still.”

“I’ll add that to the list on things I can do to make you smile that nobody else can.”

“Like make cold jokes about my last name.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen Hamilton try and you actually had to stop yourself from punching him.”

“Ha! Now that was an awful joke though, your jokes are way better than Hamilton’s.”

“You might be slightly biased but thank you.” I smiled and I kissed his cheek.

“My parents would’ve loved you.” He told me sincerely.

“From what you’ve told me, I would’ve loved them as well.”

I opened our apartment door and the warm air rushed to meet us and I sighed in relief.

“I’m going to get into warm clothes.” I announced and I quickly took off the clothes that thanks to the snow, were now extremely wet and I put on some pajama pants and I took one of Aaron’s tee shirts and slipped it on.

Aaron had taken the liberty to make hot chocolate for both of us while I was changing and when I was out, he handed me a mug and went into our bedroom to change. I took a sip, burning my mouth instantly but it was so worth it.

I started a disney movie and I set my mug on the coffee table and Aaron did the same, cuddling up to me on the couch.

“This is one of my best birthdays ever, you know that right?”

“I’m glad that you liked it.”

“I hope we don’t get sick though.”

“Same here. I almost forgot about your present so if you could kindly untrap me so I could get it…” I said and he laughed.

“The price of getting up is one kiss.” He told me and I rolled my eyes before kissing his cheek and I got up. I went into the kitchen and I opened a cabniet that didn’t have anything in it besides a box. I grabbed the box without much trouble and I closed the cabniet before taking the box back over to Aaron. I watched as he opened it and he pulled out a sweater with the words ‘Talk Less. Smile More.’ Written on the front. He smiled widely and he hugged me.

“It’s perfect, thank you so much.”

“It’s no problem.”

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