Pairing(characters): Jensen x Reader, Jared, Genevieve,
Summary: Just two weeks after giving birth Jensen is excited to finally reveal to the fans and the world your newborn. You’ve kept the secret but how will everyone react?
Word Count: 1118
Warnings: Daddy!Jensen (yeah, that’s a warning), mostly fluff, giant dorks, typical J2 banter, talk of exhaustion but briefly
A/N: Randomness has been popping into my head lately. I hope y’all enjoy. And thanks to @impalaimagining and all her excitement. And always, thanks to my roommate for putting up with me @thisisnowmylife-gdi.
Padalecki and Jensen Ackles!” Richard yelled into the microphone before he
patted each man on the shoulder and exited the stage. The crowd erupted in
cheers and screams as each man gave bows and waved to the fans gathered in the
Jared said as the room began to quiet down. The whole room responded in kind
which made Jensen smile as he sipped on his second coffee of the day.
hello.” The words finally came out after he swallowed down the contents of his
“Before we get started, I think everyone has
something to say to you.” Jared looked over at his best friend.
“Congratulations!” The shouts and cheers came from the room and grew
louder as Jared quickly wrapped Jensen in a hug.
After the room
finally grew quieter Jensen smiled and quickly said into his mic. “Thanks! God,
I’m exhausted. Is this how you always feel?” He had turned to Jared.
three kids. Not just the newborn.” Jared teased.
listen. I’m not someone who tries to tell other people how to go on
with their creative stuff, but this is just – an idea. So the thing is, I
understand how terribly hard it can be to write a story without
homoerotic undertones. They just – happen, you know. All these
parallels and carefully crafted scenery to underline a certain
subtext, man, just – I know that feel, bro. All my stories? Never
supposed to be Destiel. Dean just comes barking in, screams “I’m
queer, dude” and then I just – well, anyway. Not that Dean is
queer, of course, why would you ever think that.
what I want to do is: I want to offer you guys, SPN writers,
directors, producers, you name it, a way to no-homo your episodes
efficiently so no one can tell you that you want us to ship Destiel
because that wouldn’t be true, right, right? And man,
I know a lot about bro friendships, I watched The Wild Soccer Bunch
when I was ten.
I’ve noticed that some people – without any indication in the
subtext or even text whatsoever – started picking up extremely on
the romantic undertones in Dean and Cas’ relationship specifically
in the last two seasons. So I’ve looked into this plot and I just
found a few teeny tiny things that were of course completely
unintentional but could make some weird lunatics think that this is
something the writers actually think of.
let’s start, shall we? Very important in every bro™
relationship: don’t make the entire plot of a season rest onto the
special bond between you and your bro. I know this is an easy mistake
to make because let’s face it, Cas is awesome, but some
people might read into this and think “Man, if he can resist his
strange ‘love’ for Amara by looking at Cas, maybe that means he
loves him?” and hahaha, what a crazy thought, right?
So yeah, rookie mistake no. 1 but man, that can happen to everyone.
Instead, maybe make him have concern for his bro but at the same time
not be able to overcome his mind control because of his lo
broness with Cas. It’s really easy and then the director doesn’t
have to put some suggestive shots into the episode where Amara
figures out how much these two bros bro with each other and uses that
revelation against them!
speaking of this? I know, heart imagery is great and when you
only have a cast of male white dudes it gets hard to portray it
without homoerotic undertones, but yeah, it’s still a bad idea to
have the main villain hover over the heart of one bro and then get a
magical connection to the other bro through this heart. I mean, I get
it, keep your friends close and your bros closer, but some people
might think that the heart imagery connects to the feeling of love
and that would be ludicrous, right? A good alternative would be to
simply scratch this whole plot line. Maybe make Dean doodle some
hearts while talking to Amara if you want heart imagery so much
because hey, she’s a FEMALE and she’s RIGHT THERE so by every
television standard they HAVE to copulate!
– the pining and caring for Cas. I mean, is that really necessary?
Cas is a big boy. He can take care of himself. And Dean, you should
really just listen to Sam when he says that Cas will be okay and you
should make the smart choice instead of the heart choice (and there
it is, the heart imagery again! I KNOW heart rhymes with smart –
but here are a lot of others things that you could have
used instead: fart, cart, bard, pop tart – you’re welcome to use
them! Let Dean make a fart choice next, guaranteed no homo™ and also
fart jokes are awesome and funny and original!)
not have Dean have a roll in the hay with Mildred? Man, that woman
was badass! But having her insist that Dean was already pining for
someone else and watch the sunrise together, an imagery that has been
associated with Cas consistently, that just was plain bad writing. I
get that you wanted to write you out of a corner because Mildred was
coming onto Dean and that it wasn’t supposed to make us think of
Cas at all but next time just so the full route and let Dean have his
way with the ladies, he loves it because he’s a LADIES man and he
loves the LADIES or the fellas I don’t judge wait
what Dean shut up!
all these talk about Cas and Cas and where is he and Cas and
Caaaaaaas (shut up Lucifer)? It’s great talk, really, but maybe
replace it with a significantly less gay word: BRO! Why care for Cas
when Dean can care for his BRO?! There’s no reason against it! And
if it’s not necessary for the plot, maybe don’t make Dean talk
about his bro at all. You gain precious minutes that you can instead
use for the brother bond you value so much! (What, you say, you want
to end this co-dependency? DON’T! Then you may have Dean
ready to enter a healthy relationship and man, people could think
this relationship could be gay, urgh)
mistake: the scene in that barn? Don’t get me started. You started
so good, SPN writers! You had Dean say a really bro-like thing,
“don’t worry, I’ve had worse” - good on you, Dean, that was
very manly and very good at ignoring the glaring (and oozing) problem
right in front of you. But then of course someone had to turn it
around and put this silly “I love you” in there and repeat
it. Your script probably just fell into a printer and got copied
twice so they thought “ah, heck, now we’ve got to say it twice
and make it sound like the first
one was specifically for Dean, and
let’s throw some suggestive camera angles in there while we’re at
it” so maybe next time, I don’t know, try to keep these
rogue scripts in check. You don’t want anyone to think that
Cas actually loves Dean and only Dean.
also, I know, bros love bros and they love their quality time with
each other, but still, bros don’t just leave the room when they
talk to their bro and the phone and then sound suspiciously like they
forced themselves to have a completely different conversation when
they re-enter the room. And maybe, because you all just love the
Sam-and-Dean-codepency have Sam talk, too! Let him interact with his
bro! People could think that the fact that Sam has a completely
different dynamic with Cas means that Dean’s love for Cas is more
than just family and that’s obviously not true *cough* who would
think that *cough* Lucifer maybe *cough* and every other villain on
the show and a few friends too *cough*
I’m sorry, I got something stuck in my throat. So anyway, let’s
get to the next point: I LOVED that scene in 11x23 where Dean told
Cas that they’re such BROS and Cas means so much to them as BROS
and I really hoped that means we could have some BRO action in Season
12 but no! Somehow Cas still didn’t feel like he belonged because
apparently being a BRO wasn’t enough for him? He still wanted to
prove himself to Dean specifically with no talk about Sam? I know,
guys, guys, I know you want drama in your show, we all know
this, this is SPN, but next time, tone it down a notch. You may just
want to have drama where Cas is part of the family as a BRO and
everyone accepts that and he too and he doesn’t have to get
PERSONAL GIFTS by Dean to maybe show him that he belongs and
still not getting it because something is still missing - because
then people might think that this something missing is something
absurd like LOVE and not in a platonic way.
Oh and the last thing: 12x23. Boy where do I start. I mean I loved that you had separated them the last episodes (because people may think that they would start to kiss or something like that if you left them alone for a few minutes) but was it really necessary that Dean just stopped functioning as soon as Cas died? He could have instead, I don’t know, have a few pimples that he needs to squeeze and that’s the reason why he couldn’t face Jack with Sam together. I get that this was all great foreshadowing because Sam and Jack do have a weird connection but really, don’t make the mistake to pair Dean off with Cas again and make them look like they share a special connection! Pimples, man, I tell you. They’re almost as original as fart jokes and very heterosexual, trust me, I never had them and I’m as queer as can get.
please, enjoy this free advice on how to no homo your episodes
efficiently because just throwing in a few hook-ups with waitresses
now and then just isn’t the FULL no homo experience™
because some weird people still think that Dean could be something
like, I don’t know, bisexual, and we all know that bisexuality
doesn’t exist and even if it did, Dean couldn’t possible come out
at this age because that’s just unrealistic,
You’ll need pie. Now you’re probably on the go to get yourself some delicious, classic apple pie, but at this point I may stop you. Why, you ask? Firstly, we don’t want to draw suspicion and secondly, it’s pie - literally any pie is precious!
You’ll need a box, a string, and a stick (don’t act suspicious whilst carrying those supplies to the agreed set point)
Put the pie underneath the box and use the stick as well as the string to create a trap. Now hide behind some bushes or otherwise unsuspicious objects.
At this point, Dean usually arrives with the speed of light in order to get his grabby hands on the delicious pie. This is your moment, brave hunter! Pull the string and catch your fist Winchester!
Now is Sam’s turn to show up with the mission to either rescue or laugh at Dean.
You may give him his precious moment of “i told you so.
After he is done you may take your heaviest encylopedia and snatch it over his miraclously perfect unicorn hair (a subtle moose sqreek should indicate if it has worked)
Celebrate! Congratulation, you’ve successfully caught your very own Winchesters!