I’m a fat shorty roll of a girlfriend who acts like an idiot, eats too much, gets really lazy at inconvenient times, farts and burps maniacally, has two left feet, fidgets too much in bed, showers for too long, trolls frequently, gushes over dogs, loves on her boyfriend too much, willingly tries to square up with birds, and can’t multi-task for shit. Yet @borderlineuseless still loves me. Wut.