grandmas house!

so i didn’t want to say anything until it was official, but today is my last day at my current job…bUT i start at a new preschool this upcoming monday!!

2

I love the desert. God, I love the desert. / Swimming and you, Ari. Those are the things I love the most.

8

I’ve been in the world 37 hours. I’ve seen pancakes, and a stairs, and birds, and windows, and hundreds of cars. And clouds, and police, and doctors, and grandma and grandpa. But Ma says they don’t live together in the hammock house anymore. Grandma lives there with her friend Leo now. And Grandpa lives far away. I’ve seen persons with different faces, and bigness, and smells, talking all together. The world’s like all TV planets on at the same time, so I don’t know which way to look and listen. There’s doors and… more doors. And behind all the doors, there’s another inside, and another outside. And things happen, happen, HAPPENING. It never stops. Plus, the world’s always changing brightness, and hotness. And there’s invisible germs floating everywhere. When I was small, I only knew small things. But now I’m five, I know EVERYTHING!

Mija, serve your brother.

He is a year younger than me. 

We are children. My dad calls me to go outside with him to help fix the car. He needs me to find him a wrench in the garage. The garage is always filled with spiders and he knows I’m afraid. My brother is not. He’s inside playing video games. He doesn’t have to help look. He never has to help look. “You’re better at finding things.” 

Practice makes perfect. 

Mija, serve your brother.

My maternal grandma comes up to visit. The house is still a mess. I juggle honors classes, caring for the baby, caring for my brother, the bulk of the chores. Something had to give. My grandma looks at the house and then at me. “I could just beat you!” She growls. Nothing is said to my brother.

Later, she is helping make dinner. She brought a chicken and wants to show me how to cut it properly. I don’t want to. I’m tired from all the cleaning. She threatens to kick me. My mother says nothing about it. Just “You’ll have to learn to cook for when you have a husband!” My brother continues to play with his toys. 

I drop my honors classes.

Mija, serve your brother.

We’re in high school now. The washing machine has broken. It’s been broken for weeks. We’ve run out of money and can’t afford to go to the laundromat. My dad arranges for his sister to pick us up and take us to his parents house so we can use their washer.

I’ve done my own laundry since I was 12. I wash, dry, and fold and then put them in my hamper. I then decide to go on a walk. I come back hours later. “Thanks for leaving me with all the work!” My mother snaps. My brother is playing with our cousin.

I will not serve my brother. He can serve himself.

I put myself through college. I want a STEM degree. My days revolve around homework, notes, clubs, work. I no longer have time for all the housework. I will not sacrifice my education, my glimmer of a chance out of this nightmare. 

My brother lives on Youtube. He stays on Netflix until the sun rises. He is glued to the couch with the Playstation controller in his hands. Dishes are crusty. The laundry goes undone. The trash piles.The cat shits behind the chair because the litter is too dirty. He doesn’t want to pull his weight around the house.

My parents vent in frustration. 

“Why is your brother so lazy?”