someday my prince will come...

Colonel Chester Philips had a war to fight and quite frankly, didn’t have a lot of time for nonsense.

That memorable first Christmas that granted Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes a new nickname among the rank and file was, Philips supposed, good for morale.  However, he carefully ignored and made sure to squash anything that would cause an epic clusterfuck with the top brass.  Personally, he was not about to sign no goddamn blue ticket for anyone, because a man’s private business was not his concern, as long as that man can pick up a gun and fight. 

So Philips was perfectly happy getting on with the task of fighting Nazis and Squid Nazis (thank you, Dugan for adding this to the parlance, along with SNRFB).  The one super soldier left to them by Dr. Erskine had proved to be worth all the money the U.S. government had invested into his creation and then some, even if Captain Rogers had a knack for ignoring certain orders, but regularly coming up with impressive results when he chose to do so. 

Philips could live with the paperwork, as long as it meant one step closer to Berlin. 

But then, there was Barnes.

The whole Snow White business was a god damn joke, Philips sternly reminded himself. 

So he tried not to twitch when an actual, for real squirrel went running up to Barnes in the middle of their planning, climbed up to his shoulder and chattered to him importantly.  Barnes nodded, made the appropriate noises back and then, casually mentioned that there was one of those fucking monster HYDRA tanks hiding in the very section of forest they were going to run to. 

“Did the squirrel actually tell you this, Sgt. Barnes?” sneered a lieutenant - God help them, it was that asshole who nearly fucked up everything for Easy Company at Foy.  Philips made a note to find the quickest excuse to boot him somewhere else… soon.  

“Yes, sir,” Barnes deadpanned. 

“We always make it a point to trust the local forest population,” added Captain Rogers innocently.  “They’re not very fond of Hitler or HYDRA.”

Agent Carter pressed her lips together to repress a smile.  “The Forest Resistance forces are very grateful and most helpful.”

“Or…. you know, that would be because it’s a logical place to hide a tank of that size,” Captain Rogers continued - he had been there for the Foy clusterfuck and had met up with the other lieutenant who had picked up the pieces and got Easy Company moving.  He’d recognized this asshole too. 

The squirrel chattered again and Barnes absently stroked its head and gave it a piece of cracker.  “Thanks, buddy.” 

Philips was going to need a good long drink later.  And he’d just gotten a new supply from Captain Nixon too…. 

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red as blood

This much, the fairy tales had gotten right.  Her skin was as white as new fallen snow, her hair as black as ebony, her lips as red as blood. 

He ought to know; bunică had passed on her looks to him and if bunic had his way, he might have been named Ingeras instead of Iacov…. James. 

They said that she had lain sleeping in her glass coffin, surrounded by her devoted friends, waiting to be awakened by her Prince with a kiss.

What they don’t speak of is what had transpired before.  When the Prince had been invited to the little home she had made for herself and her outcast friends.  When the Prince had already embraced the monster in him, with a century and a half of his life-in-darkness, already succumbing to despair.   That he had knocked on that little wooden door with nothing but the blackest of intentions in his heart.

He had been…. hungry.

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so at the party today my grandfather’s all like super excited about the whole black belt thing and he’s like ‘did i ever tell you the story about when yous was little?’ and im like, hell no gramps tell me the story

and he’s grinning and i know this is gonna be good and he’s like ‘so yous was mindin your own business on the beach just playing by yourself, for good long time too, and then this one boy comes over and starts bothering u, like throwing sand and stuff, and like i could see your face and after a few moments you realize its not gonna stop you kinda just get up and wander over to this rock pile. and your looking and looking, and then you reach down and pick up this nice size rock and turn around and i knows what you thinking so i go ‘Ash what you doing?’ and then you look at the rock and just kinda sigh and say ‘nothin’ and put the rock back down.’

i was one hardcore kid apparently 

My grampy inspires me everyday. He is still such a hard worker and amazing family man at 90. I went into his office today and saw this written on his calendar. He cared for my grandmother 24/7 until she passed about a year ago after 70 years of marriage, and recently has been having more of a tough time as the year “anniversary” of her passing comes closer. I asked him about it and he said it’s a reminder when he’s sad, “There’s still hope in every day, and one day I’ll be in heaven with your grandmother again, the best has yet to come”

King of Dad Jokes. Master vacation planner. Fount of wisdom and truth. Patient listener. Generous with both time and resources. Vigilant protector. Playful Grampy. And so much more. Happy Father’s Day to the man I’m blessed to call Daddy.

aw plot bunny no

Originally posted by kvtiebishop

…. to make up for the HORRIFIC sadfic I’ve inflicted upon you all, I have been ambushed by a Plot Bunny that simply has this prompt:  Bucky Barnes, who is apparently the child of Snow White and Dracula.

I’m amending that to grandchild.

Yes, I’m going to write down how the hell Grampy met Snow. 

Originally posted by veronikavankatova


Anyway Grampy turned the wifi off and my mobile internet has a shitty signal, so I’m giving up on tumblr for the night

Tomorrow I’ll be visiting my sick nan and then travelling half the day to go home, so I might not be online until the evening

Goodnight guys, love you all

Rule #53. Under no circumstances is ANYONE to refer to Sergeant Barnes as Snow White. I don’t care if you saw him cheep at a fucking squirrel and heard the squirrel cheep back. No, those wolves did NOT just roll over and start shamelessly begging for scritches just like overgrown mutts. Captain Rogers, I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT BARNES’ GRAMPY. GDI, I WILL HAVE NOT HAVE DISNEY PRINCESSES OR VAMPIRES IN MY ARMY DO YOU HEAR ME?!!!!
—  Colonel Chester Philipps, who will forever wonder what in the name of the Good Lord above did he do to deserve Rogers and Barnes…

“I’m not Russian, I’m Romanian.”

Bucky says this with an air of long-suffering and waits for the inevitable.  Of course, Jon Stewart’s not that crass.  So he simply mugs suitably for the camera and just says, “So I’m fairly sure you’ve heard this before – “

“Oh dear Lord,” Steve pretends to put his head into his hands. 

“No, look, really, let’s practice some tact here.  I’ll just say one word,”  Jon smiles angelically.  “Vampires.”

Bucky doesn’t hesitate.  “Half. I am half vampire, thank you very much.”

Jon guffaws.  “Half?!”

“Dracula’s my Grampy,” Bucky shrugs.   

“His Grampy’s a great guy,” Steve adds. 

“You say that because you’re his favorite grandson-in-law.”

“Well, hey, if Count Dracula’s your in-law, it’s awesome that you get along, right?” Jon puts in.  “But, er, the half-vampire thing…. so does that mean you don’t really need blood or …. ?”

“He gets Nibbling Privileges™ from me,” Steve says with an absolutely straight face.  “It’s kind of ticklish but…. nice.”

“Hey, I had to work my ass off for those Nibbling Privileges™!”

“And, hey, fellas, it’s late night, so you two can give us all the TMI….”  Jon reminds. 


Note:  I want to say I regret EVERYTHING about this ficlet but I can’t.  So, here’s to you, Baz, for being very gracious about all the vampire jokes that you’ve probably heard (oh god you poor boo, I cringe on your behalf) and for working the Eerie Pale-skinned Brunette Vampire Look like a boss.  It bears repeating:  A BOSS.