for the anon who asked for a groupchat celebrity au with twitter. ik this isn’t exactly what you asked for, but i will do a proper celebrity au one day. probably. dedicated to my wife @jiilys bc she deserves all this and more
James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: thanks for tuning in last night! check us out next week when we’ll be discussing whether sand dollars should be a viable form of currency
Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: james no one cares about ur stupid fuckign radio show
James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: ur the co-host
Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: i dont see how thats a relevant piece of information
Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) tweeted: @jimsradio why do you have pine trees listed as your topic for next week
James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: why not
James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: theyr an important part of our capitalist, consumer-driven society
Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted: is this just because you couldn’t come up with a better topic
James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: r u insinuating that i had no ideas and decided on pine trees bc there happens to be one outside peters bedroom window
Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted: yes
James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: fair
James Potter to radioheads: how about we have remus as our special guest next week
Sirius Black: i have legitimately never heard of a worse idea
Remus Lupin: good luck driving yourself to the lido next week then dickhead
Sirius Black: i already lost that job
Remus Lupin: why am i not surprised
Sirius Black: jokes on u lupin, ur the one who’s been driving me 40 minutes out of your way every morning for nothing
Remus Lupin: fucker
Remus Lupin to James Potter: we need more advertising
James Potter: ?? we have plenty of advertising
Remus Lupin: we have the same ad for your dad’s hair gel playing every break on a ten minute loop
James Potter: ?? what’s ur point
Peter Pettigrew to james you know i love monty but we need more advertising: guys 2, 141 people listened in last week
Remus Lupin: are you kidding
James Potter: result!!!!
Sirius Black: was that the one where we talked about freaks & geeks conspiracy theories
Remus Lupin: no that was the one where you talked about crunchy chips vs squishies
Remus Lupin: do you even listen to the show
Sirius Black: im the co-host thank you very much
Remus Lupin: could’ve fooled me
Sirius Black has removed Remus Lupin from the chat.
Sirius Black (@blacksheep) tweeted: @petepettigrew i still cant believe u prefer squishies to crunchies
Peter Pettigrew (@petepettigrew) retweeted: what?? theyr more flavoursome
James Potter to Sirius Black: remus has been our special guest for the past five episodes i think we need someone new
Sirius Black: what about pete
James Potter: pete does sound
Sirius Black: then get someone else to do sound
James Potter: u, my friend, are a genius
James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: we need someone with tech experience to do our sound booth pls and thank
Peter Pettigrew to fifa plays would make a shitty topic: I thought I was sound technician??
James Potter: u can still be sound technician we’re just having u as our special guest
Sirius Black: im not sure i can handle having a special guest who thinks squishies r better than crunchies
James Potter: ??? u were the one who suggested pete in the first place
Sirius Black: i was?? funny that
Peter Pettigrew: i hate u all
Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted: @jimsradio i have two years worth of tech experience and can do friday evenings if ur still looking for a sound technician
James Potter to shitdick central™: holy shit check out the chick who just applied for techie
Peter Pettigrew: who is she
Remus Lupin: lily evans
Remus Lupin: she had her own radio show a couple of years back with this really awful guy
Remus Lupin: it was really popular
Peter Pettigrew: the radio show or the guy
Remus Lupin: ?? the radio show
Remus Lupin: the guy turned out to be a massive racist
Remus Lupin: in her last interview she called him ‘an abusive fuckface’
Sirius Black: i say we hire her
James Potter: seconded
Remus Lupin to James Potter: is the only reason you want to hire her is because you think she’s hot
James Potter: do you really think i’m that shallow
Remus Lupin: yes
James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: @liljane you’re hired. i’ll dm you the details
Sirius Black to i’m not shallow remus i just have an appreciation for the finer things in life: i cant believe that you both literally and figuratively slid into her dm’s
James Potter: im blocking u
James Potter to what the fuck is an aardvark anyway: that went rather well if you ask me
Sirius Black: ?? it was a fucking atrocity
Sirius Black: you were staring at her the whole time
James Potter: no i wasn’t
Remus Lupin: you missed five of your queues
James Potter: ok, so maybe i was a little off
Sirius Black: there were more awkward silences than that one time peter tried to pick up rosmerta at the three broomsticks
Peter Pettigrew: you promised you wouldn’t bring that up again!!
Sirius Black: sry pete, desperate times call for desperate measures
James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: make sure to check us out at our new time of 7:00pm fridays!!
Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: you do realise no-one actually watches this show
Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted: he’s right you know
James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: i hate both of u
Lily Evans to James Potter: can u stop making jokes about lamps
James Potter: i don’t know what u filamean
Peter Pettigrew to wes anderson is better than quentin taratino and you know it james: ALMOST 10K PEOPLE LISTENED IN LAST NIGHT
James Potter: HOLY SHIT
Lily Evans: james u owe me $50 and your 1st edition copy of the great gatsby
James Potter: i’d rather die
Lily Evans: then die, jim
Remus Lupin: christ
Sirius Black: u called??
Peter Pettigrew: what even is this group chat
James Potter to Lily Evans: was that u tearing up i saw in the sound booth when i was reading out my piece about foreshadowing in the simpsons
Lily Evans: i was tearing up over how bad it was
Lily Evans: there was something in my eye
Lily Evans: i think it was your complete lack of a writing style
James Potter: stop it
Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted: petition to kick sirius out of the group chat bc he won’t stop talking about scooby doo conspiracy theories at 3am
Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: i can scooby do what i want
Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted: blocked
James Potter to Sirius Black: WHERE ARE YOU WE’RE ON IN 5
James Potter: sirs
James Potter: where r you
Sirius Black: ran in tp regulus at the cineplex
James Potter: where are you now
Sirius Black: field next to cneplex
James Potter: don’t move
James Potter (@jimsradio)tweeted: sorry that there was no show this week folks!! sirius got mauled by a bear and i had to drive up to toronto to help amputate his right arm
Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted: @jimsradio who’s going to wank you off now
Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: @remuslupout bitch im left-handed
Sirius Black to velma, daphne and fred: i’m sure evans would do it for you james
Lily Evans: you want to lose the other arm black
Peter Pettigrew to cry me a river lupin: maybe we should make our group chats accessible to the public to get more hits
James Potter: i would but no one wants to see screenshots of sirius in a bra
Sirius Black: by no-one do you mean everyone
James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: thank you guys so much for 20k hits the other night!! more content coming
Sirius Black to bitches bitchin: GRAHAM NORTON TONIGHT BITCHES
Lily Evans: are you sober
Sirius Black: am i ever sober
Lily Evans: good point
James Potter to sirius stop changing the group chat name while graham is in the middle of asking you questions: i think that went well
Lily Evans: james im leaving you for graham norton
Sirius Black: not if i leave him first
Severus Snape (@halfbloodprince) tweeted: @jimsradio feel like keeping your hands off my co-host you wanker??
James Potter to i haven’t been able to listen to eyes on fire by blue foundation since they played it over bella and ryan’s scene in eyewitness: how are we gonna handle this
James Potter: my vote is firmly rooted in manslaughter
Lily Evans: leave it to me
Lily Evans: but keep manslaughter as a backup
Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted: @halfbloodprince i wonder what it’d be like to not be so ridiculously self-involved as to impose yourself where you’re strictly not wanted?
Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted: @halfbloodprince stay out of my life or you’ll be receiving numerous calls from my lawyer
Lily Evans to manslaughter: yes or no: its sorted
Sirius Black: you don’t even have a lawyer
Lily Evans: he doesn’t know that
James Potter to Lily Evans: whats a rlly interesting and extensive subject we could cover this week
Lily Evans: milk
James Potter: excellent
Lily Evans to tangled is so much better than frozen: im at the studio and i have liquor
Sirius Black: be there in 5
Peter Pettigrew: can u pick me up
Sirius Black: McNo™
Remus Lupin: i regret the day i gave u that keyboard shortcut
Sirius Black: i dont
James Potter to Lily Evans: r u ok
Lily Evans: fine just sistet stuff
James Potter: u sound trashed
Lily Evans: thsts bc i Am
James Potter: where r u
Lily Evans: blcony
Lily Evans: jim
Lily Evans: can u tak e me hpme
Lily Evans: jaems
Lily Evans: i love you
Lily Evans to James Potter: what did i say last night
James Potter: nothing its fine
James Potter: don’t worry about it
Lily Evans: i am worried about it
James Potter: don’t be
James Potter: see you at work
Remus Lupin to James Potter: whats goin on between u two
James Potter: ???
Remus Lupin: you know what i mean
Remus Lupin: you keep looking at her and looking away
Remus Lupin: she keeps forgetting to give you your queues
James Potter: probably distracted by that hickey on your neck
Remus Lupin: i TOLD you i FELL OVER
Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted: thank you guys so much for 100k! i’ve made @jimsradio promise to change his username if we make it to 1mil in the next two months
Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: he should change it to @wanker
Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted: i checked its already taken by @halfbloodprince
Sirius Black to james potter and co: can you and evans stop eye-fucking during the sets
James Potter changed the chat name to i dont know what you’re talking about.
Sirius Black changed the chat name to yes u do.
James Potter changed the chat name to do not.
Sirius Black changed the chat name to do too.
James Potter changed the chat name to do not.
Remus Lupin: you guys know she’s getting all of these right
James Potter: shit
Lily Evans to James Potter: u have something u want to tell me
James Potter: i’d rather do it in person,,,,,if thats ok
Lily Evans: only if we announce our engagement during a set
James Potter: deal
James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: we hit 1mil! also @liljane and i are fucking
Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted: about time
Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: you don’t say
Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted: i do say
Peter Pettigrew (@petepettigrew) retweeted: im blocking both of u
Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted: r u gonna hold up your end of the bargain @jimsradio
James Potter changed his username to @lilandjimsradio.
Gef the Talking Mongoose is a creature that was supposedly encountered in the early 1930s on the Isle of Man. This talking mongoose was found on
the Irving family’s farm. Gef was first heard by James Irving while he was reading the newspaper outside when suddenly he heard a voice say “Read it out, you fat-headed gnome!” James Irving claimed that Gef looked like “a little animal resembling a stoat, a ferret, or a weasel, yellow in colour with a body about nine inches long. Its long bushy tail is speckled with black”.
Gef often communicated with the family, claiming that he was an “extra extra clever mongoose!” and that he was even an “Earthbound spirit”. Gef was definitely a character. He enjoyed waking people up in the middle of the night, he chased and caught mice that invaded the family home, and liked to eat bacon and sausages. Voirrey Irving was said to have been behind it all and people accused her of being a ventriloquist. The actor
Leslie Graham bought the farmhouse after James passed away and everyone left. In 1946, Graham claimed to have shot and killed Gef, however, Voirrey saw the body of the animal Graham killed and denied this. She claimed the creature that was killed was larger than Gef and instead of his yellow color, it was black and gray.
Until her death in 2005, Voirrey denied that she had created Gef.
One of Gef’s most famous lines was: “I am a freak. I have hands and I have feet, and if you saw me you’d faint, you’d be petrified, mummified, turned into stone or a pillar of salt!“
Hannibal fic prompt: Will Graham is way too pretty
i’m a grouchy unsociable loner
you have 14 restraining orders against ex-girlfriends, ex-hairdressers, and ex-coworkers who randomly fell in love with you after seeing you once in the Quantico cafeteria
where i eat ALONE at a table by the window ALONE
people literally choke on their food around you because they forget how to breathe and chew at the same time
no one likes me or invites me to social events
you got invited to mark's retirement party just last week, you ruined three relationships just by walking around the room once, the only thing you told mark was 'sorry to see you go' and the poor old bastard offered to leave his wife of 25 years for you
i sweat like a pig
you don't sweat like a pig, you glisten like a sea-sprayed statue of antinous
my unironic lumberjack clothes fit me poorly
you made 'lumberjack slob' the leading fashion trend in the Washington metropolitan area.
my students applauded me once for shooting a suspect, it was inappropriate
wanna talk inappropriate, your students once gave you a five-minute standing ovation for drinking from a water bottle
alana rejected my awkward and fumbling advances
my self-esteem couldn't handle me not being the pretty one in the relationship
supermarket tabloids cast aspersions on my character
how else am i going to justify devoting 8 pages to long-range photos of you playing with your dogs or wandering around your property in your underwear? btw calvin klein's people called, they're ready to offer you six figures to model those cute little boxer briefs you favor
help me jack i am so broken and vulnerable!..
sorry buddy, i'm going to have to talk with my back to you from now on, bella told me not to look at you ever again after i called out your name during our anniversary sex
WELL FINE SCREW ALL OF YOU I'LL JUST TALK TO THIS SHRINK I AM BEING FORCED TO SEE BECAUSE MY AIR OF MYSTERY, SELF-SACRIFICE, AND LOVE OF RESCUING ABANDONED ANIMALS ARE ALL SO OFF-PUTTING
dr. hannibal lecter:
dr. hannibal lecter:
hello! i know we literally just met, but all i want to do for the rest of my life is cook you delicious meals and fill my mansion with drawings of your face and butt
dr. hannibal lecter:
sorry, i don't think i'm saying this right. my apologies, english is my fifth language.
dr. hannibal lecter:
what i meant to say was, i want to give you all my infinite money and also babies
“It was the first thing my dad taught me, you know..”
Hannibal watched him as Will approached his space, sat between his legs and basically made him his bed, just because he can. Will could feel the smile radiating off Hannibal’s face.
“..that here in the sea, the stars are your comrades.”
He lazily points a finger upward, following a train of stars.
“These two are your friends.” Will says as he pauses and shifts to a constellation opposite. “Spring up, fall down.”
He points to one star, directly above him. “And that’s your best friend.”
“Polaris.” Hannibal supplies. “The star that would always take you home.”
Will smiled to himself. “I used to call bullshit on it. One star couldn’t just be able to miraculously substitute directions.” Hannibal felt his body getting heavier, along with an audible sigh. Will closes his eyes.
"But maybe… I take it back.”
Silence hung in the air. Will hadn’t felt this comfortable in years.
Hanniversary request for @imlostinthedream who wanted Will and Hannibal cuddling under the night sky. I’m sorry I used a stock photo for the stars (I collect too many of them ||orz||), but this one was so PRETTY.
Prompt: Imagine Tom Hiddleston has a crush on you and he is feeling jealous of James McAvoy on “The Graham Norton Show” because James talks about how great the chemistry was between you, his co-star, and him in your latest film.
Also, some of the timelines are going to be off in this, to make stuff fit.
You were fidgeting with your red skin tight dress as you stood backstage at the Graham Norton show with your current co-star James McAvoy and ex-costar Tom Hiddleston. You checked your phone for the eighteenth time, seeing a text from your best friend in the whole world, Ida.
“Good luck! : )” she sent, upbeat and encouraging as always. She’d been your good friend for five years now and she was busy with her music journalist job, interviewing Metallica tonight.
“Thanks!” you replied back.
“You ready for this, Y/N?” James asked, his Scottish accent so thick and so nice, you loved the way your name sounded on his lips. He was buttoning his suit jacket as he glanced your way. You tried not to stare, but goddamn was that hard. He was funny, handsome, clever, charming, talented….there wasn’t anything you didn’t like about him.