grabs you by the balls and demands you listen

Iron What?

Summary: You somehow met Danny Rand even though there was no reason for you to meet him. He was a billionaire. No reason for a college student like you to meet him. But you did. And you found out that he is the Iron Fist. (Prequel to I Love You)

You never understood why people say “Whatever happens, happens for the best.” It is true. But what was the logic behind it? You could count the number of times when something bad, or something disagreeable happened, and almost immediately, you were ‘rewarded’ with something good.

Meeting Danny was the same.

Do you know the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you spot your ex making out with his girlfriend? The sinking feeling that exists even though you don’t like him?

Happened to you. You broke up with your ex at the age of 16 after dating him for two months and finding out that he is slightly warped in the head. Ever since the break up, you were single. You were 20 now, and you were still single. No guy was remotely interested in you. Your ex was the only dunderhead who was willing to date you.

Seeing him making out with a girl he has been with ever since the break up hurt you for some reason. He is an ugly piece of shit who found someone, and you are a smart, independent woman, who didn’t find anybody.

You had stormed out of the building, rage bubbling inside you. You didn’t like him. You didn’t like him. But it hurt a lot seeing him making out with that girl. Insecurity settled in your mind: were you not good enough for anyone?

Marching down the street in a blind rage, you didn’t notice a guy following you. Your hands were shaking due to pure anger. Streetlights illuminated your way home.

Anger clouds your emotions: you learnt that the hard way. Irked by the thought of reaching home before you could be calm, you entered an alleyway, away from the population.

Wrong move.

A hand grabbed your waist and pushed you into the wall.

“Hmph,” you groaned, looking at your attacker.

“All your money, sweet cheeks,” he let out a dirty grin, exposing his decaying teeth.

“Ew.”

“Money. Give me your money!”

“Ok listen to me dude. I am pissed. Don’t you fucking touch me, don’t fucking talk to me and don’t fucking demand for money because I am not giving you any. Alright?” You said in a steely voice.

The attacker snorted, raising his fist to punch you. You deftly swerved, kicking his balls.

“Stay down.” You snarled.

Unfortunately, you didn’t kick him hard enough. He was quickly on his feet, and he had whipped out a gun. And was pointing it straight at your face.

“Great. First I have to see my moronic ex boyfriend make out with that ugly piece of boglodite flesh and then you have to apparate and try and steal from me and I can’t even defend myself properly and I have a gun pointing at my face. Can my day get ANY better?”

You heard a small click.

Shit. He is going to shoot you. You are going to die. You closed your eyes in anticipation.

You hear a bullet firing, and you wait for it to tear through your body. After several moments, you opened your eyes, surprised that the bullet didn’t touch you. You looked up, spotting billionaire Danny Rand.

“Rand,” you whispered.

Completely gobsmacked that you saw Danny Rand, you almost failed to notice that his hand was glowing.

“Oh my god! Your hand! It’s- It’s -”

Danny Rand turned around, his fist still glowing.

“Um.”

“Don’t just Um me! Are you a -”

“I am the Iron Fist.”

“Iron what now? I am pretty sure I know Iron Man, Tony Stark. I mean, I don’t know him personally, I just know that he is Iron Man.”

Danny Rand chucked.

“You ok?”

“Uhhh… Yeah. Why didn’t the bullet?”

“Because I blocked it.”

“You’re bulletproof? Like Luke Cage???” You asked him, slightly excited.

“Sort of. Most of the times.” You raised your eyebrows. “I mean, when I centre my chi, I can concentrate the energy to my fist”- his fist glowed up - “and I sorta become invincible.”

“What?”

“It’s a bit hard to explain.”

“Can I meet Luke Cage? Do you know him?”

“Yes I do. Come on.”

You jumped happily, not noticing the small, gentle smile that Danny Rand had etched on his face.

SHREK X PEPE

SHREK X PEPE

Once upon a time, there was a little ogre named Shrek, who lived with his parents in a bog by a tree. It was a pretty nasty
place, but he was happy because ogres like nasty places.
On his birthday, the little ogre’s parents sat him down to talk, just as all ogre’s parents had for hundreds of years before.
“Listen son,” said mama ogre “you’re growing up so quickly.”
“Although we want you here, the rules are very clear…” said daddy ogre.
“Now you’re seven, and now it’s time to go away.” mama and daddy ogre said together as they shoved Shrek out of the house.
Shrek shed a tear as he wondered out of his parents bog down a lonely road, he cried many times, as if he was smelling an onion.
This went on for 40 long, lonely years.

“Oh woe me, I’m a giant angry ogre. I’ll never have anyone in my life. I did have that donkey but…” Shrek peered out of the corner of his eye to his meat stew boiling over a fire. “Sorry donkey.”
Shrek stood up and stomped over to the pot, stirring it, lifting the spoon he hand widdled to his giant soft ogre mouth, and sipped.
“It’s missing something…” He looked around. “But what?”
Shrek walked over to his shelf of spices.
“Warts, teeth, bone dust, no no no none of this is right!” Shrek shuffled through the shelf to find the perfect ingredient.
“Frog tears! Perfect! Just to add to my misery.” He opened the jar. “Empty.”
Shrek yelled and stomped around, things falling off of shelves, falling over, breaking due to his ogre tantrum.
“I must get more, I need it for the perfect stew.”
Shrek grabbed his old sack and places the jar inside, grabbed some knives, rope, and eye scoop and some other items as he headed out the door.

After about 40 minutes of hiking down old tracks that haven’t been traveled in far too long, he saw something; something h wished he never saw. His parents bog had been captured by the frog people and turned into a bar. And his parents…
Shrek looked away trying to not see the new bar, only to see his parents had been strung up in a tree long ago, for only bones remained. It looks like they had been skinned for food.
Shrek dropped his bag and walked up to the rope that held the cages up in the tree, letting them down. He looked at what his parents have become.
“…..this is why you kicked me out.”
Shreks ice cold heart started to melt a little, but this still hadnt fixed what he had become. Shrek recalled the from the past his parents talked about the frog vs ogre war; it was time to settle this.
Shrek stormed into the bar, crashing down the door, but to his surprise, it was empty; except for one.
A scared, young bartender had stayed to clean glasses, he SCREEEEED in fear of the ogre.
“Please don’t harm me! Take whatever you want! Oh no they says this would always happen!” The bartender threw his arms in the air, dropping his cloth and glass, it shattered all over the floor.
“Where’s the owner!” Demanded Shrek, walking up to the young, fresh frog. “As I can see you’ve just turned into a frog, that’s the best stage to eat. All tender and warm.”
“P-please don’t eat me, I couldn’t take it, why did I take this job oh no.” The frog cried.
“STOP YOUR CRYING.” Shrek demanded. “You’re wasting tears. If you do cry…” Shrek grabbed his bag and pulled out the jar. “Do it in this.” Shrek couldn’t kill the little frog, he just had this warm feeling in his chest, he couldn’t explain it, he’s never felt it before.
“W-what?” The frog slowly lowered his arms and reached for the jar.
“Cry in here.” Shrek grabbed the frog and lifted him onto the counter so they could be eye level, he tried to not show any emotion.
The little frog SCREEEEED he was lifted. Shrek then noticed something, the frog was wearing a sexy!fem!bartender! costume, without the pants.
Shrek suddenly felt this tensing in his lower abdomen, this hard feeling that has never been felt.
The frog gasped as he saw what was happening, Shrek turned from a sickly green to a tomato red.
“What is this feeling?” Shrek growled.
“You, frog thing, take care of this. Now!”
“T-the names Pepe…” The small frog whispered. Pepe got off the counter, his face being aligned with the ogres pelvic region, Pepe grabbed the button on the ogres pants that was about to burst off and gently tugged, the ogres pants ripped open from too much pressure, his green dong punching the tiny frog in the face.
“Frog, what did you do???” The ogre demanded to know.
“How could you not know?” Pepe rubbed his face, he went to make eye contact with the Shrek but the large shaft was blocking his view.
“This has got to be bigger than my arm!” Pepe SCREEEEED loudly.
“This is a very pleasant feeling, but I don’t understand.”
“Okay listen up, ogre.” The frog stood up, a sudden ball of confidence formed, this is also my part time job… Pepe untied his apron to reveal a new sexy!dom!stringy!waitress! Uniform.
“My body is ready.” Pepe SCREEED.
Pepe wrapped his body around Shreks staff, it was so large he had to shuffle his body back and forth on it.
Shreks body vibrated with pleasure. Pepe ripped the rest of Shreks pants off to see two large, steamy onions, legit onions.
Pepes face twisted in confusion, Shrek looked down to Pepe wondering what is going on.
“Why have you stopped.” Shrek asked.
“WHAT ARE THOOSEEEE.” Pepe SCREEEEED. Pepe turned around and bent onto the counter. “do it.”
Shrek grabbed pepes hips.
“JUST DO IT.” SCREEEEED Pepe.
Shrek entered Pepes body dry. Shrek let out his mighty ogre roar as he thruster his hips into ogre-drive. Pepes body flailed around. This is the biggest dick he has ever taken, even after the 100 group orgy where he took 9 dicks at once. Shrek was bigger, much, much bigger.
“Oh god I’m going to die, I’m going to be ripped apart.” Pepe SCREEED.
Shrek roared as he oggressivly poured his juices into Pepe. Pepe SCREEED as his stomach stretched from being filled, he blew up like a balloon. Shrek ripped himself out of Pepe. Pepes ass poured out Shreks hot, sticky fluids, his ass was the size of the moon. Pepe couldn’t even stand. He laid there for a moment soaking, then rolled over, grabbing his apron and wrapping it back around himself.
“Well I better clean this up before the boss shows up.” Pepe looked at the pantsless ogre. He handed him a jar with his tears in it. “For you.”
Shrek grabbed the jar and slowly pulled up his pants and started walking out without saying a word. He peered over his shoulder to see the young frog cleaning his mess. Shrek looked down at the jar to notice a piece of paper attached to it, he flipped it over and read it. On it was scribbled an address and a few words.
“Round two?;)”