Let me tell you, one of the best things about being a fairy gothmother is having a serious conversation with the eldest goddaughter about how the protective fuzzy companion bear I gave her is apparently jealous of her other plush companions, and figuring out a solution. (Which is for her to come hang out and bring her bear, who will hang out with MY bears and bunnies and fuzzy monster to learn that Tickybox having other fuzzy companions in her life doesn’t mean she loves Protective!Bear any less.)



1) as friends: this is really fucking scary, Húrin would be a champion of Melkor! Gothmoth would take him under his wing and present him with the dragon helm he’d take from Fingon’s corpse, if Húrin survived the unnumbered tears. Maybe he’d be a general under glaurung. Or, maybe Morwen is given to him after the Sudden Flame as a present, too. Maybe he and Huor kill each other during the unnumbered, having grown apart. Wow! It’s the absolute worst!

2) favorite meal time together: once Melkor feeds Húrin some nasty pickled orc food just because he can. Húrin doesn’t want to admit but he actually likes it.

3) annoying third wheel: curse

4) caught red handed: once Glaurung goes fetch Papi and finds him sitting on merrily straddling Húrin’s shoulders 

5) caught being cute: Gothmog is present when Melkor absently-minded braids Húrin’s beard

6) perfect date:  dagor dagorath

7) dark au scenario: I managed to make canon worse!! See #1

The portrait I had commissioned a few years ago seems like the correct thing to use for the big “describe me in bad fanfic” post! You people are delightful.

From Anon:

Fanfic description: she was hardcore, like really hardcore, with pink and black hair that flowed from her head like a spooky river. Her clear bright eyes were rimmed in black makeup like a really hardcore vampire queen. Her clothes were also hardcore

From ravenaxx 

The fairy gothmother had very pointy witchy hat upon her black locks with 2 very pink streaks on either side of her head She was soaked in black clothing, her petticoats reaching the 7th circle of hell and her winklepickers were pointy enough to kill.

From Anon:

The goffik kween of goffikness. Peeple all over marveled at her beauty as she spread the goffik word all through out the ungof land. (I was trying to go for a “My Immortal” feel, but I’m 99% sure I failed miserably. Sorry.)

From @hermitjesty

Bad fanfic description ahoy: “She shook her flowing locks, the color of ravens’ wings and cotton candy. Her eyes sparkled with a mischievous gleam behind her diamond-shaped spectacles (only the best in designer witchwear for Jillian Venters).”

From annabellioncourt

“There she was, the queen. And not one of those ugly queen type things either, like, she was evil, but she wasn’t mean about it. She was a witch two and a vampire but she didn’t need to drink blood because that was messy and she was magic. The fairy godmother queen had come to help the goth princes and princes” (it hurt me to write like 12 year old me, but it was fun.)

From Anon:

She was like goth but like even more so. You could totally hear Sisters of Mercy when she entered a room, even when it wasn’t playing. She was just like black on black on black with a vicious shock of pink that made the black so much blacker.

From thejackalsdance

(Really bad fanfic description) She had an amazing wardrobe that was put to shame by the extra amazingness of her personality. She had as black as the ink a Romantic poet from years past would write with (or perhaps spill on their letters by mistake after too much melodramatic pining.) Her hair also had pink streaks in it, the kind of pink you get when you accidentally throw a new red washcloth in with the whites on laundry day.

From whitexblackrose

For the fan fiction thing: “Not many knew this, but Dracula had a little sister. A bubbly woman who used her inhuman paleness to her advantage. It made him cringe for when she visited, he found his castle refurnished with pink velvet and black lace.”

audacityinblack  asked:

Will you be my fairy gothmother?

Of course, darling!

And for anyone who may be unclear on the matter: if any of you peeps out there want to adopt me as your fairy gothmother, go right ahead and do so. There still isn’t a reliable spell to summon me, and teleportation is also proving more difficult than expected. (Splinching = bad.) But I will be with you all in spirit! 

What I ask in return is that you always try to be kind to people. Because kindness is punk rock, and kindness is Goth As Fuck. Trust me on this. 

anonymous asked:

Would you do a "how Goths decorate for Halloween " video? I must know how the batty gothmother does it!!

Nice idea, would be fun :D Although generally I don’t change anything for Halloween, because my home looks scary all the time? :p 

anonymous asked:

Hello! I love your blog,admire your book and website! You have inspired me and given good advice to many,it always helps. I have always wondered, though, and sorry if this may be a bit too private to ask,ever thought of having your own baby bats?

Awww, thank you for the kind compliments!

No, I never wanted baby bats (by which I assume you mean children) of my own. I adore kids, and am incredibly blessed with friends who’ve let me be an active part of their children’s lives. But I’ve never wanted to have one of my own, and the thought of being a parent and 24/7 responsible for a small human TERRIFIES me. There are times when I’m pretty sure I’m not responsible enough to handle the nominally “grown-up” life I have with the RealHusband and the Kitties of Chaos! 

I am perfectly happy being everyone’s wacky auntie and fairy gothmother, and occasionally borrowing the kidlings in my extended family. For one thing, borrowing them means I can give them back when I’m tired.