got through without it crashing

Perfect Only Last So Long- Tyler Joseph Part Seven

You had never imagined packing up and leaving your hometown, your life, your best friend, and your love would be so hard. You spent the next week packing things in boxes and preparing to move all while trying to convince yourself it will all be okay. In the week it took you to pack the things you would need in your new life you built up enough courage to drive to Tyler’s and tell him you were leaving. You knew it would crush him, but he needed to understand it  was only for the best. 

You finished your last day at your school and said goodbye to your friends then made your way to Tyler’s. You took a deep breath before knocking. You heard footsteps coming to the door and your heart was pounding so loud. This was really it. The day you would feel your heart break in two.

“Y/N oh my god. What are you doing here? You’re parents will kill you if they find out you’re here.” he said pulling you into a hug. 

 He went to pull away  from the hug but you held him tighter. “Do you wanna come in?” he asked. 

“I can’t. I’m leaving, I just had to tell you something.” you said then pulled away from the hug.

“Oh okay.” he said and sounded a little sad. 

You took a deep breath and got enough courage to say what you were about to say. “I love you and that’s why I’m doing what I’m doing. Tyler I don’t want to hold you back or ruin the potential you have. So that’s why I’m leaving.” 

“Y/N what are you talking about. Are you breaking up with me, because whatever is happening we can work this out. I love you so much.” he said.

 “Don’t say that.“ you said looking to the ground feeling disappointed in yourself.

“Don’t say what that I love you. I do, I’m freakishly in love with you Y/N. Now what’s going on?” He said holding your hands trying to look in your eyes but you wouldn’t look up.

 "I’m sorry, and I’m going to miss you so fucking much.” you started but you were getting chock up so you decided to just say it. “I’ll always have a piece of you with me, and this baby will always know how much you love them.” you said a tear rolling down your face. 

You waited for what felt like hours for him to respond. he looked confused at first but then yo saw he picked up on what you were telling him. When you saw the blank expression on his face as he stared at the ground you couldn’t take the silence anymore. He was probably disappointed in you too. You turned around and walked back down the driveway to your car with tears filling your eyes.

“Y/N don’t leave. Please.“ You heard call after you as you got into your car. You pulled out of the driveway and didn’t look back.

It was better this way. He will find someone 10 times better than you. You were never good for him and he didn’t need you there to hold him down.

TYLER’S P.O.V. 

“I’ll always have a piece of you with me, and this baby will always know how much you love them.” the love of my life said with a tear falling from her eye. I was confused at first. What did she mean, but then I realized she was telling me she was pregnant. I was so shocked. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. But as soon as I realized she was opening her car door and driving away they all came out along with tears. 

“Y/N don’t leave. Please.” I called after her as she started her car and pulled away. I collapsed on the ground. I just lost the best thing that ever happened to me. She was my everything, an inspiration, my love. And now she was gone.

 “Don’t go. I’ll be there for you.” I cried. 

I probably looked crazy, but I don’t care. All I cared was how to get to Y/N to stop her from leaving. I needed to talk to her, she needed to hear what I have to say. A year and a half I spent with this girl and one stupid night ruined it all. I was going to be a father and never know the kid. I was going to be lost without Y/N. I couldn’t let her go so I grabbed my car keys and went to her house.

Pulling up to her house I didn’t see her car. I got out of my car and ran up to the porch where her mother was sitting.

 “I’m sorry and I know I’m not supposed to be here, but is Y/N here?” I asked frantic. 

“Tyler, I’m sorry, but she’s already at the airport. She said she wanted to leave as soon as possible.” her mother told me and my heart broke again. 

She was leaving and never let me give her the proper goodbye. Tears filled my eyes knowing it was too late. I wasn’t going to be able to get to the airport in time. God how could I be so stupid. I had it all and my stupid delay in thought ruined it all. If I hadn’t broken down like that, I could be with the most beautiful woman in the world, raising our child, in love. 

“She left you this. She wanted me to give it to you if you ever showed up.” her mother said breaking me from my thoughts.

I took the envelope from her hands and walked back to my car. People always say don’t ever look back and now I know why. I looked back for just a second and a wave of memories can back to me. All the times she would smile at me from her window, or the times I would hear here whisper a ‘I love you’ as I left her house through her window. I somehow got back to my apartment without crashing. I couldn’t think straight. The only thing going through my mind was if she was okay and where did she go?

 I went straight to my bed and sat there for a minute. I looked down at the envelope, I wanted to open it. Maybe she said where she was going, her plans but then at the same time I didn’t want to cry. I kept telling myself that I was going to find her again one day. I’ll try my best to see her and show her that I will be there and love her until the end like I always said. 

 It wasn’t until 3 long days later when I opened the envelope. There was a letter inside and just reading it broke my heart. I know she must have cried while writing it. I wish I was there for her, to tell her how much I loved her, to convince her she could stay with me and we could be happy. It’s all to late for that.

Dear Tyler,

I’m sorry things had to end this way. I need you to know this was one of the hardest decisions I’ll ever have to make. Both of my options would have a happy part but something I would regret. I told my mom I was pregnant and she told me I didn’t have the choice of keeping the baby if I wanted to live with her. She told me you were going to leave me and I was going to be stuck with a baby all by myself. I know you wouldn’t leave me over this, but the what ifs kept running through my mind. I was going to tell you right away, but I just couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to have my heart broken if you broke up with me or see you hurt by my decision to keep the baby. My parents said if I wanted to keep the baby I had to move away. They said it would be a good new start for me. If I was going to stay I was going to have to give up the baby. As you can see it was a choice between you or the baby. I was going to have to leave you, but I would never be able to live with knowing I gave up our child. It might have been the better choice for the child, but I want to try. I’m going to try my hardest to fill the mother and father role for this baby, and they will know from the moment they are born that you love them.

You probably hate me for this and I understand why you would. I don’t want to get in your way. I’ve always told you that I believed in you and that you’re gonna go somewhere with your talents. I know you will make it big one day and know that I’m always right there as your biggest supporter. I also know that if things are truly meant to be, you’ll somehow find where I’ve gone. I don’t want to be found, so please just give it some time before you look for me like I know you will. 

I will keep my head held high if you keep reaching for your dreams. I want you to promise me you will not give up on your dreams of being in a band. I will and always have believed in you. Don’t let me ruin that for you. I don’t want to say these words, but I have to because it’s true. I love you Tyler.

Forever and always,

Your Ms believer.

I felt numb at this point. She was saying I wasn’t going to be there for her. Only if she knew how much I loved her. No, how much I was in love with her. The thought of leaving her never would have crossed my mind. She didn’t want to be found and although it was going to be the hardest thing I can’t go looking for her. I have to give her time. Maybe in 6 months time I’ll have her back with me and show her how much she means to me and how I’ll be there every step of the way.