I left the dude’s name out for sake of not being petty but this shit is the internal dialogue that goes on in my head every time I look in a mirror. And y’all, to be clear, I’m never ever asking y’all to give me compliments. I don’t take them well, regardless. Greatly appreciated but unnecessary. I sort of post this stuff for me to write about and get my feelings out about things… Here I go:
My doctor has diagnosed me with mild anxiety and severe depression. Which didn’t stem from me being paranoid or worried or sad or whatever but because I overeat, I have no motivation to do anything and I sleep like, stupid amounts of hours and I’m always exhausted, which led to a diagnosis of Excessive Daytime Sleepiness and Shift Work Sleep Disorder. Those had to be documented in order for my insurance to cover some new medication, so how relevant those are I don’t know, but regardless, I sleep a lot. I don’t go to the gym. I don’t run. I sleep. All the time.
So, I’ve gained weight. I look in a mirror every day and see that. My doctor tells me that. My BMI is actually in the obese range. I had to buy new clothes. I have those red stretch marks on my love handles. My face is rounder and my jaw can no longer cut diamonds, aka why I have facial hair (to hide my soft jaw). Like, I got it. I know. I’m aware. What gets me about shit like this is that I was feelin’ myself and I posted a picture of me, leaving out my body per usual, and someone STILL said something about it. Obviously, we can’t make everyone happy but my insecure people know how it is to linger on the one bad thing we’re told. No matter who it’s from. It’s almost like validating every thing I already think about myself. Again, I know it’s a maturity thing, or even an insecure thing on their part, or they just want to get a rise out of me. Congrats. You got me. BUT, I got my hair did and I dyed my beard hairs and I shaved and all my lady friends told me I was lookin’ A1. So, kiss my jiggly ass cheeks. I guess it’s one of those times that teach you when you know you have the right people in your life. Which is why I love all you guys cause y’all are always so sweet to me. So, thanks. Y’all the best. And if I have any followers like that person up there that felt the need to spew their negative opinions at others, grow tf up. Realize what your words can do. I hope this post gives you a little bit of insight as to what you may be causing, cause I can guarantee you wouldn’t be so smug if people were shitting all over your happiness.
*Steps off scale* (Get it? Like, *steps of soapbox*?) Bye.