got me through this horrible day

This week has honestly been horrible and today is the worst day. I have hardly been sleeping, having repeating nightmares and being kept up by noise. I am really reaching my limit, and I’m so sick and tired of everything. I’ve been skipping classes, my NPD is really bad… a lot of internalizing narc rage, and I feel like I’m being mistreated by almost everyone around me. I have no energy. I’m either angry or painfully bored with life.

I have to give a stupid presentation in physics today, and I feel so unprepared. I really just hope somehow it goes well and fuels my ego. I just want it to be over with.

My life is currently a mess behind the mask I wear.

Comfort [Daryl Dixon x Reader]

Remember the season finale of twd? Could you do a Daryl Dixon smut based on that. The reader is his wife and after the talk/argument with Dwight in the cell, the reader tries to comfort Daryl about the situation.

Hope you enjoy @prince-of-edolas!! 

Originally posted by noisysunday

Words: 2,553

Warnings: Smut, Language, Unprotected Sex

A/N: I felt like I hadn’t written any Daryl in forever, so I hope you enjoy some sweet Daryl smut! 

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Phone Number? [Shin Wonho] M

Bartender!Wonho

2.8k words

Warnings:

~ Mature

~ Daddy kink (slight)


It all started late at night. You had just lost your job to the boss’s daughter and your best friend to his girlfriend, so you stopped by a bar to lose yourself. You decided you deserved to be treated though, so you went to the most expensive bar in Gangnam, with topshelf liquor. You weren’t entirely sure if even Patrón was going to be enough for you tonight. You could handle losing your job, but Kihyun had been your life for years. Your feelings for him slowly built until they were shattered by his girlfriend two years ago. You vowed to never let him know about your feelings because of how happy he was with her. It was so beautiful to see him smiling all the time, even if it wasn’t because of you.

You found yourself walking into the classy building, surprisingly vacant of customers. The bar had comfy looking chairs lining it, and the tables surrounding the area had chairs made of mahogany. The entire place had a sexy aura to it, arousing an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach.

You sat yourself at the bar and let your hair down, eliciting a glance from the previously busy bartender.

“Can I get a pineapple cocktail, two shots of Silver Patrón?” You asked the him and he nodded his head.

“That’s a lot of Patrón for a little lady like you, something bad happen?” His lips formed ugly little words in a beautiful way. You noticed, upon studying him a bit, that he looked simply delectable. His broad shoulders had his black button-up pulled taut, and it seemed as though his arms were going to burst out of the rolled up sleeves any minute. He sported black hair with subtle blue highlights, and it was slicked back in a way that made me want to run my hands through it and mess it up.

“Heh, you okay ma’am?” His lips pulled into a knowing smirk, “You’re about to start drooling.”

“Huh?” I snapped out of my trance and something came over me, a feeling of pure desire. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine, I just don’t run into bartenders this sexy very often,” I said as my voice became as sultry as ever.

“Well today’s your lucky day then, I’m here all night,” He said with an indistinguishable look in his eyes.

His smirk was playing games with your sanity, making you think things you hadn’t had time to think of before. There was something wild about him. Something more than a man who cleaned glasses and made drinks for a living.

“I guess I came to the right place then, Lord knows I need something good today.”

“Oh, well back to my previous question, something wrong?” He handed you your drink with a coaster under it and leaned on the bar in front of you, bringing him to eye level.

You thought about your day and decided to tell him what happened, why the hell not?

“Eh, it’s really nothing much, but I lost my job to the boss’s daughter,” you sipped on your cocktail and relished in the burning of the tequila on your throat before continuing, “and my best friend was given an ultimatum by his girlfriend to choose between us. He chose her.”

“Tough luck,” his features showed sympathy, “but at least you’ve got the sexiest bartender in Korea to listen to you.”

“Hah!” You chuckled, “I guess you’re right.”

When he heard your response he stood straight up with his brows furrowed, “You guess? Have you seen me?”

Devious little thoughts crossed your mind, little things to say to him, but you chose the one that would give you the most benefit.

“Well of course I have, but there are improvements that could be made,” You said while biting your lip.

“Oh yeah? Like what?” He leaned in closer to you and you felt your breath catch in your throat.

“Well, you look like a bit of a prude with your shirt buttoned all the way up,” You took your hand to his collar and started playing with the buttons, “maybe if you did this it would look a little better?” You said as your fingers undid the first button on his shirt. “Hm, one or two more maybe?” Your fingers were working on their own now, undoing the next two buttons to reveal a peek of his chest.

“Well, I’m sure you’re right, I must look even sexier like this.” His low voice seemed to turn a little bit husky as your hand brushed his chest on its way down to the table top.

The flirting seemed to continue forever and you had consumed three drinks by the time the bar was supposed to be closing.

“Hey, mind if I ask your name, bartender?” Your mind was fuzzy but your speech wasn’t slurred yet and you felt fine to stand and lean over the bar.

“It’s Hoseok, you?” He leaned close to you and you just wanted to thread your fingers through his hair and pull him even closer until your lips were crashing into each other.

“I’m Y/N, and I’m also drunk and need a ride home. Are you willing?” You let your hand rest on his bicep and traced ghost circles.

The look that crossed his face could only be described as hunger, and something inside you loved that you had evoked it.

“Yeah, I can give you a ride home, as long as you give me your number,” He bit his lip and stood up.

“Deal, give me a pen and a napkin,” You felt yourself getting excited for the rest of the night, even though there were no plans you had a feeling something would happen.

Hoseok turned around to grab a pen, but the alcohol hit you all at once and you felt your vision blurring and knees buckling, until everything suddenly went black. So much for letting loose tonight.

 

When you came to, you found yourself in bed with ten pillows and a blanket wrapped firmly around you. You sat up and realized it was a bad idea once the sun’s rays hit your eyes from the window.

“I don’t remember having that window… What happened to my house?” You thought to yourself with squinted eyes as you rose out of bed to find your clothes on the floor next to the nightstand. Panic overwhelmed you and you looked down at yourself to find you still had your underwear on at least.

Your eyes, more alert now, scanned the room, looking for clues. There was nothing until you saw a lump in the bed next to where you were sleeping.

“My mother… she would be so disappointed in me…” You thought as you hit your head.

Your thoughts jumbled into one big mess and you crawled onto the bed to peek under the covers at the lump. You saw a head of beautifully messy black hair, followed by a toned back and a nice ass in black boxers.

“Oh my God!” You shouted and fell off the bed with a huge thud that hurt your tailbone.

The man jumped out of bed with the laziest look of fear on his face, “Huh? Oh shit, are you okay?”

“I, uh, I don’t know. Most prominently my ass hurts, followed by my head, but that’s not the point!” You searched your head for memories from yesterday and remembered a few things. Things like being thrown away by work, your best friend, and then going to the bar and meeting one sexy bartender.

“Well get back on the bed,” He said as he held his hand out to you. You took it and took the chance to study his face, but low and behold there wasn’t much to study. You had studied him very well last night while you were drinking.

A blush powdered your cheeks as you said thanks and covered your scantily clad body, “Uh, thanks.”

“Do you remember last night?” He looked at you while running a hand through his hair and you noticed all the veins in his arm were popping.

“Uhm, yes, and I’m sorry, I’m not usually so straightforward. Did we do anything once we got here?”

“Heh,” he laughed, “no, you were mumbling about how horrible your day had been and how it was such a blessing you met me, then you K.O’ed. I had to undress you myself.” Hoseok smirked. “Nice tattoo by the way.” He was referring to the lacy design you had gotten under your boobs and on your abdomen.

“Oh, uh thanks, I got it to feel sexier. Guess it worked last night, huh?” I giggled nervously and lowered my head.

“Hey, you don’t need a tattoo to feel sexy, you’re the sexiest women I’ve seen.” He lifted your chin to look you in the eye. “Though, the tattoo does certainly add to it.”

You could feel heat spreading everywhere throughout your body, something new. You liked this feeling, feeling sexy. Hoseok aroused this new feeling in you, and damn it you just wanted him to put you on your knees.

His hand that had been on your chin worked it’s way around to the back of your head where he took a handful of your hair and pulled you closer.

“Do you mind? If I give myself what I’ve been waiting for all night?” His voice seemed even lower now, becoming a growl.

Something inside you took over and you straddled his lap, taking fistfuls of his hair and you brought yourself even closer to him. So close that your lips brushed his when you said, “Take me.”

His other arm wrapped around your waist the second you said it and pulled you so close that your bodies became one. His lips crashed into your’s furiously, as though he wanted to take your mouth for his own. Beneath you, you could feel him growing harder and you decided to take advantage of it by rocking your hips just slightly to cause him to moan.

“Oh no you don’t, you’re mine,” He snarled into your ear before flipping you on your back and climbing over your body. “I’m going to make you shake, so you just lay there and take what I give you. Understand babygirl?”

“Y-yes,” Nothing much had even happened and you were already this breathless.

He lowered his head to your neck and started nipping his way to your collarbone before going back up to kiss the sensitive areas better. He had you writhing in anticipation already, wanting more friction on every part of you. Hoseok snaked his arm around your back and unclasped your bra, sliding it down your arms and tossing it somewhere unknown while taking your peak into his mouth, working wonders with just his tongue. He took your other nipple and toyed with it until your hands threaded into his hair and your back arched. You were aching for more and the moans leaving your moths weren’t enough to tell him that.

“What is it princess, what do you want?” He smirked at you while letting his hands caress your sides and latch onto your hips.

“I-,” you knew what you wanted but your words were failing you. You had to find some way to tell him, so you grabbed one of his hands and started sucking on two of his fingers, eliciting a few guttural groans from his lips.

“I want more,” You said once you gained some control back.

“Hm, more…” He smirked that smirk you knew so well by now. “Well how much more?” He slid your panties to the side and just barely brushed your clit. “This much? Or this much?” Hoseok whispered into your ear as he shoved his fingers inside you and pumped relentlessly. You didn’t think your back could rise off the bed anymore, but it did and at that angle he was hitting all the right places.

“Or this much more?” He snarled as he slid down your body and found himself in between your legs in a mere instant. He pulled off your panties in one swift movement before diving right in and eating you like dessert. He took your clit into his mouth and made little figure eights with his tongue to make you moan his name. Finally, he added his fingers into the mix, entering you again just as strong as before. You could feel the coil in your stomach tightening and your moans grew louder before you started shaking. You had never been this sensitive before and no one had ever gotten you to such a high peak.

Hoseok finished you off by sucking on your clit and yet again increasing the speed of his fingers to a blinding pace. You lost all control of your body and started shaking as you screamed his name. He slowed down just a little to let you ride out this new level of heaven before bringing you back down to him by crawling back up your body and nibbling on your ear.

“See princess, I told you I’d make you shake,” Hoseok whispered to you before kissing you softly. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” you panted, “yes I’m okay, please give me more… Daddy,” You looked to him with your eyes half closed, looking you see what he thought but you couldn’t see him for long before he crushed your lips with his. You got remnant tastes of yourself once you opened your mouths and allowed your tongues to dance together.

“You’re learning well babygirl, I’ll give you what you want,” He was panting as he slid off his boxers to reveal his throbbing cock, and you couldn’t believe how big he was. You had been with decently sized guys but he looked the biggest.

Hoseok positioned himself in between your legs, guiding his tip in before slowly going all the way to the hilt. He buried his head in the crook of your neck and let out obscenities before composing himself. The way he looked you in the eye to see if you were okay only made you want more. You could feel him inside you and you loved it but you wanted to know how good he felt slamming into you as fast as he could.

Hoseok started kissing you softly and thrusting in and out, picking up speed as he went. He made you feel like you weren’t on this planet anymore, you only knew of pleasure when you were with him.

“Fuck princess, you’re so tight,” His voice was getting louder by the second, and then he stopped. “Are you okay with doggy style?”

“Mhm,” You nodded, letting yourself be flipped over and put on your hands and knees in one fell swoop. Then he entered you again, from behind this time and he reached new places, places that had you screaming his name over and over.

“Please, harder Daddy, I’m almost there…” You moaned as he took a handful of your hair and pulled your head back.

“Fuck, more? Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes, yes, please fuck me harder,” You were both out of breath but Hoseok picked up speed and for the second time you started shaking. Your arms collapsed and you rode out this feeling of pure ecstasy while Hoseok took time to reach his high.

“Damn babygirl, can I cum inside?” He asked as he gripped your hips even harder and slammed into you a few last times while you nodded. He pumped one last time before spilling himself inside you.

You both fell to the bed and tried to catch your breath and wrap your minds around what just happened.

“Oh my God,” You panted, your mind thoroughly blown.

“Holy shit,” Hoseok muttered, wiping off his forehead. “Are you okay?”

“Do you know how many times you’ve asked me that? I’m fine, better than fine, I’m amazing.”

“Well I know I can be too much for some girls so, I don’t know, I guess it’s become habit.”

“Well that was fantastic, I’ve never been with anyone like you.”

“Same goes for you, shit that was good.” He looked at you while biting his lip. “You know, you still owe me your phone number.”

A puzzled look crossed your face, “But we fucked? It’s a one night stand, am I wrong?”

“Yeah, you are, I don’t do one night stands.” He looked at you softly, “Though next time we meet I’d like to take you out for dinner and get to know more about you as a person?” Hoseok blushed a little sheepishly.

“Oh uh, yeah, o-of course!” You smiled as you laid your head on his shoulder, “Mind if we nap though? I’m exhausted.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” He said as he pulled you into his arms and drifted off slowly.

Dear Mags

[Also on AO3 in my one-shot collection Mean Peach Mojito]

She finds the first one when she’s at the DMV.

She’s been here for hours. She’s finished her book. She’s swiped an abandoned newspaper and solved half of the crossword before she gets stuck. She’s too proud to text Alex for help, so now she’s just opening and closing all the apps on her phone, aimlessly trying to pass the time without going ballistic about how slow this process is.

She opens her notes app, and about halfway down the screen, tucked between old grocery lists and weekend to-do lists and her list of books to read, she sees a note that starts with “Dear Mags.”

And she’d have remembered writing a note to herself. She scrunches up her face as she clicks on it.

“Dear Mags,” it says, “I don’t know when you’re going to find this. You’re about to get on a plane to Texas for that alien policing conference.” Maggie’s eyes widen a little as her nose wrinkles in confusion. That was a couple months ago, just a few weeks after she and Alex had kissed for the first time.

And the only person who calls her Mags – the only person with access to her phone – is Alex.

Dread drops, hot and dense, into her gut. It can’t be a breakup note, right? Not a breakup note, not from months ago, not just tucked into her notes app? That would be insane, Maggie knows that, but her heart is both frozen up in her throat and roiling down in her gut as her eyes fly over the screen.

“I know we haven’t been together very long, but there’s something I want you to know. I’m not sure when is the right time to tell you, so I’m chickening out by writing it here. Just know, whenever you see this, that it was true when I wrote it and I know it’s true today when you’re reading it.”

Maggie holds her breath as her thumb moves, both too quickly and not nearly quickly enough, to scroll down the page.

“I love you.”

Maggie tries to release her air, but her breath stutters.

They haven’t said it yet.

She’s wanted to for a while, but she hasn’t had the guts to do it.

And fucking Alex Danvers had the guts months ago.

“Just wanted you to know. I love you, beautiful girl. Come back soon. I miss you already.”

And now Maggie’s crying in the DMV.

An older black woman next to her hands her a tissue. “I’m sure they’ll call your number soon, sugar,” she tells her.



She finds the next note in the middle of the grocery list Alex had typed on her phone last night, while Maggie was giving her a shoulder massage.

“Eggs
Milk
Sesame bagels
Amazing tortillas
Gross cheese
I love you
I wonder every day if your dimples are a gift from god
When you smile at me I feel like I can fly
You’re so amazing
Also this massage feels excellent
Frozen broccoli
Pizza dough
Baking powder
Chili powder”

She, trying to be a good snake person, spends the night five minutes creating the right lighting to send a picture of her dimples to Alex.

It turns out the frozen food aisle is the best for that, the light from the freezers dancing gently on her face.


Keep reading

my grade got to give the 6th and 7th graders tours of our new school the other day, so two of my friends spent half of the time waiting for groups to enter the gym just to yell, “GET YOKED!” at them while flexing. they spent the other half speedwalking around the school with me while gossiping about how the stage crew was so horrible last year that i, as the stage manager, had a mental breakdown halfway through tech week and spent my time lying on set beds backstage in between set changes. since the musical, one of the friends who yells “GET YOKED” has given himself the job to give me piggy backs whenever i feel like it and to also carry my emotional baggage

BTS Reaction - “I’m still mad, but just stay like this.”

pandziax8 said: So can I request Bts reaction when you have big fight with them (you’re gf) but the day after you have a bad day and suddenly come and backhug them and say"Im still mad, just stay like this"‘cause it comforts you and they know that ^^ :)

Aw this reminds me of the drama Uncontrollably Fond, the characters always said “just stay like this” and hug after they had a fight. I love it!! Hope you enjoy!

Jungkook:

After a rough night fighting with Jungkook, and having a bad day that began by spilling hot coffee all over your white work outfit, you just wanted to sleep. Before you could even reach your bedroom, Jungkook came in and began to say something, but you stopped him and told him to be quiet. That’s when he came up and hugged you from behind.

“Jungkook, I’ve just had the worst day and I’m not in the mood.”

“Y/N, I’m still mad, but just stay like this. I’m sorry you had a rough day.”

Originally posted by donewithjeon

Jimin:

You were making tea in the kitchen when you heard shuffling. Inwardly sighing, you were hoping to make it through the rest of this horrible day without anymore problems. You couldn’t stop thinking about your fight with Jimin last night. Your car wouldn’t start, then you got yelled at by your boss. But when Jimin entered the kitchen, he didn’t say anything, just came over and wrapped his arms around your waist and put his chin on your shoulder.

“You should have called me when your car broke down. I’m still mad about last night, but please just stay like this for a second.”

Originally posted by park-jimizzle

J-Hope:

The poor boy wouldn’t know how to say anything to you after last night, and then the fight you had with your mom on the phone earlier that day. So he would just slowly pull your back against his chest and hug you from behind, hoping it would comfort you.

Originally posted by beatriceindre

Jin: 

There would be no words exchanged after the night before. You didn’t even explain to him how your dad called with some bad news - your little sister had been admitted to the hospital because of an illness. So when your mom called Jin because you weren’t answering and explained everything to him, he came into the bedroom where you were looking at pictures and hugged you from behind.

“I’m still a little mad, but can we just stay like this? I want to help you.”

Originally posted by theseoks

Taehyung:

After your fight with Taehyung over what’s happening with the holidays, you opted for the silent treatment. And after having a bad day - one where your internet broke, your contact lenses were bothering you, and where all you wanted was to cry over the night before - Taehyung noticed you were upset.

“I’m still mad. But just stay like this for a little bit. I know you had a rough day.”

Originally posted by suga-com

Suga:

You and Suga had fought over sleep. He slept too damn much, or at least you thought, and it was beginning to effect his work because he’d never answer his phone. To add to the mix, you were at the gym and some sweaty guy’s bottle of gatorade ended up hitting you in the head and spilling into your lap. You went home, soaking wet and upset that Suga was probably sleeping again, but instead, he walked over to you as you were trying to find a change of clothes and clung to you.

“Rough day?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry about last night. I’m still annoyed, but I just want to stay like this. I missed you.”

Originally posted by mn-yg

Namjoon:

Now, normally, there are no fights because you two are a really relaxed pair. But last night was terrible, and you fought over dumb things that could have been avoided. Added to that, on your way out this morning, you tripped and hit your forehead against the concrete. He saw it all happen - and made sure you were okay and gave you medicine before hugging you from behind and whispering to you.

“I’m really sorry. Please just stay like this for a while.”

Originally posted by jinkooks

Requests are open!

Crush Imagine #33

I woke up and smiled, waking up next to y/c was my favorite thing. He smelled heavenly, as usual, and looked so peaceful asleep. His arm was draped over me, as if he was going to ward off evil. I moved myself a little closer to him, which unfortunately, woke him up. He grunted and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I smiled and gave his chest a kiss, 

“Good morning beautiful” he sleepily said. 

“Morning handsome” I felt his hand rub my back. “What are we doing today?” I asked, remembering it was Saturday. 

“I don’t care, I just want to be with you” he murmured. “God I love you so much” he muttered and laid me on my back, and attacked my face with kisses. I giggled and tried to push him off until he kissed my lips lovingly. “It’s like I can’t contain my love for you” he muttered, pulling away from the kiss. “You know? I can’t wait to make you my wife someday. Did I ever tell you how I first knew I loved you?” he rambled. 

“No, how?” I wiggled my eyebrows. He chuckled lightly, “It was that day that we were all at the beach and you got stuck in a riptide. It sounds horrible but you know how those things are, if the lifeguards hadn’t gotten you, I don’t know what I would have done. I think at that very moment my life stopped before me because I realized that the only thing that mattered was you, and I couldn’t lose you” he ran his fingers through my hair. I kissed his shoulder in response, not sure of what to say. 

“When did you first like me?” I asked. 

“I think it was when you needed a dress and took me with you, and then you tried on that blue dress and it just looked so perfect on you, that from then on I kept seeing you as the most beautiful thing in the world” he admitted. I glanced up and saw his cheeks turning red, so I got up and kissed him softly. 

“I love you” I sighed. 

“I love you too” he grinned. 

Aftermath

This is a Sherlolly story I just finished and wanted to share with you all. Takes place after The Phone Call. I don’t know how to make a cut, so please forgive me if it’s too long. Let me know what you think! It’s my first time, so please be gentle, lol. I hope you enjoy! Rated PG for a little swearing.
**********************

Molly stared at the dead phone in her hand. She noticed she was shaking, but if that was anger, terror or some weird kind of relief, she wasn’t quite sure. She was completely mixed up. He had said it. To her. She had said it. To him. But did he really mean it? He’d said she wasn’t an experiment, but he was always such a liar. He lied whenever it pleased him, for his own amusement, for a case, on a crazy whim. Why believe him now? Why today? And why had he suddenly hung up with no explanation? Not even a goodbye.

“Damn the man,” Molly fumed. Feeling hopeless, hurt, rejected, and furious in equal measure, she stifled a sob. She wanted to throw something, to slap someone. She wanted to curl up in a corner and cry her heart out. She wanted to roar with frustration. A dull, aching cramp spreading in her abdomen brought her back to the moment and why she was in the kitchen in the first place. She threw a rice bag in the microwave and waited for it to heat up while she sipped her tea. It was cold and not really what she wanted anymore. Funny how everything can change in just a few minutes. She poured it down the sink.

Reaching under the counter, she pulled out a bottle of vodka, twisted the lid and took a large swig directly from the bottle. Thoughts, feelings and conflicting, unanswered questions swirled through her mind. She fiercely wiped away the tears that would not stop falling. “You will not make me regret this, you son of a bitch,” Molly declared.

She took another swig from the bottle. The problem with pms, she decided, was that it made her brain too foggy to think clearly. “Look, Molly,” she told herself, “you’ve had a hard day.” There was the autopsy on that four year old child, which was so horrible. She’d broken a bottle of chemicals and they had to evacuate the lab while it got cleaned up. Mike had been furious. Then the cramps, and then, to top off everything, that terrible phone call. From him. The love of her life, she sneered to herself. It was awful. What was wrong with her? “I’m going to move on,” she vowed for the hundredth time. “No more Sherlock Holmes. He’s not worth it.” Toby wandered into the kitchen and wound himself around her legs, mewing plaintively.

“God damn the man!” she said to her cat, who looked at her as if he agreed. What the hell did Sherlock think he was doing? Calling like that out of the blue. She snorted with a certain satisfaction as she remembered making him say it first. He had said it. And the second time he had sounded as if he meant it. Did he? Could he? Was it possible?

Was there a chance in hell that this man, this gorgeous man she’d loved with her entire aching soul for seven long years, this infuriating man who scorned all sentiment, could care for her? No, it must have been some stupid bet he’d made with some asshole for kicks. If he and John had been out drinking and were just screwing around she was going to kill both of them. “God damn the man all to hell. I’m through with men, Toby,” she asserted. “No more.”

Molly took another swig of the vodka, shuddering as the alcohol seared her throat, but then smiled as the friendly, relaxing burn hit her stomach and began to course through her veins. Ah, that was better. Maybe she could drink herself into oblivion. She was off work tomorrow anyway. That would be fine, and a perfect end to this entirely regrettable day. The microwave beeped. Molly extracted the comforting rice bag, grabbed a spoon and a half empty pint of strawberry ice cream, tucked the vodka under her arm, and trundled off to bed.

She awoke hours later to the sound of someone vomiting in her bathroom. Someone male. Of course. Who else could it be? She checked the clock: 3:47 am. Sitting up with a sigh, Molly frowned and rubbed her brow. What the hell? He was probably experiencing the after effects of a bender of some type. Maybe with that junkie friend of his. Wiggins. She got up and padded into her bathroom, ready to start yelling at him. She’d throw that bastard out. Show him she wouldn’t be trifled with.

The words died in her throat as soon as she saw him. Sherlock was crumpled on the floor by the loo, his arms around the bowl, his Belstaff discarded in a strangely sad heap on the tile floor. He looked terrible. His midnight blue shirt was muddy and wrinkled, the shoulder was slightly torn and there was a greenish smudge of something on his cheek. Pale and sweating, with dark circles under his eyes, he looked at her and attempted a wan smile. “Oh, hello Molly,” he drawled. He seemed about to say something else, but another wave of nausea hit him and he bent over the bowl again.

Molly grabbed a flannel from the cupboard and ran it under the cool tap. She knelt by his side and wiped his face gently. He pushed her hand aside and bent over the loo again, retching pitifully.

“Stop that, Sherlock,” Molly said softly. “You’ve got the dry heaves. Nothing’s coming up.” He sat up and leaned crookedly against the wall, supporting himself on one trembling arm. He swallowed hard and gamely tried to calm the bile rising from the pit of his stomach. She applied the wet flannel again, chasing the sheen of sweat off his face. He closed his eyes and made a small, vulnerable noise that went directly to Molly’s heart.

“Sorry about this, Molly,” he ventured, opening his eyes and looking at her. He waved his hand around, unsteadily. His eyes were glazed and slightly unfocused. “Sorry about that.” Was he referring to the phone call? She wasn’t sure. “Couldn’t be helped. It all just…sort of…hit me on my way over here. I came as soon as I could.”

Molly had no idea what he was going on about. She wrinkled her nose. “Sherlock Holmes, you smell like a swamp.” She scrubbed at the spot on his cheek. “Is that algae?”

“Been in a well,” he answered cryptically. “You should smell John!” he said and began to laugh hysterically.

“Are you high?” she asked.

“No,” he answered, calming down and looking her in the eye. There was a different tone in his voice and she instantly knew he was telling the truth. “I kind of wish I was. I’m as sober as a judge, although I’m not sure why judges in particular have such a reputation for being sober. I’ve known quite a few who were complete lushes,” he rambled. “Judge Farness, he sat on the case of Pendleton the poisoner, and you could smell…”

“Yes, alright, Sherlock,” Molly said, cutting him off. “I don’t need to hear any of that. Can you stand up?”

He tried getting up, but failed and collapsed against the wall. “Not yet,” he confessed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He looked at her, eyes blurry and confused, his words starting to slur. “This shouldn’t be happening. I won. I saved you, Molly. I beat the east wind and saved you. But she said I didn’t.” He began to laugh again, bitterly this time. Then he trailed off, closed his eyes and started to groan.

Molly had no idea what he was ranting about. He was scaring her. All she knew was she had to get him on his feet. She had to get him to do something. Something normal. She loaded a toothbrush with toothpaste and handed it to him. He brushed his teeth, and then hauled himself to his feet with difficulty and spit in the sink. She noticed he was shaking and wobbly on his feet.

“Come on, Sherlock,” Molly said, putting her arm around his waist and guiding him into the kitchen. He sat down heavily on a barstool, and she placed a firm, professional hand on his forehead. “You’re running a fever. When was the last time you ate anything?”

“I dunno,” he responded, putting his head down and pressing his cheek against the cooling granite countertop. “Yesterday, I think. Day before? Before Sherringford, at any rate.” His voice was deep and groggy. “This feels nice.”

“I’m going to make you some eggs and toast and you’re going to eat them. Slowly,” she instructed. “And then you’re going to tell me what’s going on. Okay?”

“Mmmhmm,” was the only response she got. There was a long pause while Molly moved around the kitchen, fixing his food. Just as she thought he’d fallen asleep, his voice cut through the silence. “Molly, I’m so tired,” Sherlock said, quietly.

He was sitting up now, his hands in his lap, shoulders slumped, watching her cook. There was something in his voice and posture that was new; he sounded like a little boy. Molly’s heart nearly broke as she gazed at him. He looked so guileless, so vulnerable. What could have happened to put him in this state? What was Sherringford?

She put the plate of food in front of him and pulled up a barstool next to him to sit on. He picked up the fork and began to toy with his food. “I’m not really hungry,” he said.

“Nonsense,” said Molly, firmly. “You’re so messed up you don’t know what you need. Eat.”

He obediently ate a bite of scrambled eggs, swallowed and sighed, nodded his head, and suddenly began to wolf down the food. Two minutes later he pushed the empty plate away. “That was good,” he said.

Sherlock turned toward her, sitting just a few inches away from him, her face soft and understanding. He looked at her for a few moments, and she could see a level of something in his eyes she’d never seen before. Was that kindness? Regard? Was it…love? Mollys stomach flipped over and hope flared in her heart. Suddenly, Sherlock reached out and cupped her cheek in his large, warm hand. She covered his hand with her own, turned her head slightly and pressed a kiss into his palm.

“You’ve been crying,” he stated. She nodded. “Because of me?”

“Yes, Sherlock. Because of you.” He cast his eyes down at the floor and had the grace to look ashamed.

“Molly…I…need to talk to you. I understand if you never want to see me again, but I need to talk to you. It was never supposed to happen like that. I never meant… It was Eurus. She made me…I mean I wanted to, I wouldn’t have if I didn’t, but…” He trailed off again, looking lost, not knowing where to begin. Not knowing how to begin.

“Sherlock, I can’t understand what you’re talking about. Let’s go sit on the sofa, and then you can tell me. You’ll be more comfortable there and you can tell me. You can tell me everything. Anything, Sherlock. You can tell me anything.” Molly got up and led him to the living room where they sat side by side on her sofa. He was quiet for a long time. She took his hand, interlacing her fingers with his, patiently giving him her strength.

Sherlock spent a few minutes studying their hands and the way they fit together, like he had never seen anything like it before. Finally he raised his eyes and looked at her, completely defeated by her generous heart, by her unassailable kindness. He smiled crookedly, wryly; the great Sherlock Holmes, overwhelmed by love and grateful at long last for the power of that ultimately humbling sentiment.

“Molly. Can I hold you? Please?” His voice broke as he asked her. In wordless response, Molly moved into his lap and wound her arms around his neck, twining her fingers in his curls. His arms went around her in a strong embrace, nearly crushing the breath out of her. She could feel the tension in his biceps as he gripped the back of her tshirt in his fists, clutching onto her for dear life. It was like he never wanted to let go.

She made soothing sounds as she stroked his hair. “Bad day, was it?” she joked, and immediately regretted it as she felt his shoulders begin to shake and realized he was sobbing. He clung to her as the tears coursed down his cheeks. “Sherlock,” she said softly. “What do you need?”

He pulled away and looked her in the eyes. “You,” he whispered. “Always you.” He buried his face in the crook of her neck, took a deep sigh, and then it all began to tumble out of him. Incoherent, mumbling, sometimes quickly, in slow, disjointed pieces at other times, he talked and talked.

He told her about Eurus and her evil bargain with Moriarty, about the cold, stony gray vastness of Sherringford, and about the governor and his wife, the blood and the panicked desperation that had enveloped them all, about the Garrideb brothers, and about the greedy sea that had swallowed them up on the wicked and terrifying whim of his sister. He spoke about the little girl on the plane, about the childhood he could barely remember, about his poor, mad sister’s misguided jealousy and revenge.

He talked for a long while about John’s steadfastness, his goodness, his help and his time in the well. He talked for even longer about Mycroft; he spoke with wonder and raw anger about his brother’s secrets, his lies, his experiments, his usury, as well as his noble, mocking, attempted self sacrifice and his well-meaning but ultimately harmful attempts to do his best for Eurus and the family. He told her about Redbeard, about Victor, about his loss, his hurt, his confusion, his wanting to do right, to help if he could, and about how all his lousy, failed attempts had ended in disaster.

And finally, he told her about that phone call, how he never wanted it to be like that, and how he had meant it without knowing that he had meant it.

It was a dizzying blur of words and emotions that filled Molly’s heart until she overflowed and her tears fell to mingle with his. No wonder he’d been sick and rambling when he arrived. He’d had more than enough to test the strongest of men. He’d been through literal hell and emerged. Victorious, yes, but this win was shot through with impenetrable loss, heartbreak, and sadness.

And then, purged of the grief, calmly and quietly, he told her he loved her. He needed her. He never wanted to be parted from her again in this life. And when he stumbled to a stop as the dawn light began to spill into the room, there was a deep silence between them.

“Molly Hooper,” he said, simply and without hope or expectation. “Can you ever forgive me?”

There was a pause. She looked at him, smiling gently. All the love she’d kept locked in her heart flooded towards him in great waves, finally, completely, and forever.

“Look out the window, Sherlock,” Molly said as she bent to kiss him passionately on his perfect, trembling lips. “It’s a brand new day.”

anonymous asked:

Any good tae fics?? I need him in my life rn

wow what a horrible day to ask me such a question considering he’s been messing me up since last night D: lol i need less of him in my life but

cat got your tongue by @wonhopes 
backseat serenade by @jungkxook
the t-shirt thief by @jungblue
move like you want by @floralseokjin
experimental error by @kookingtae
slip through the seams by @deerguk
loving him, loving her by @jungblue
a friendly favour by @baeseoul

thats all i can think of right now but you should also check out my fic recs tag and read everything else by all the authors I mentioned :)

anonymous asked:

I don't get the Wonder Woman shaving post. You are assuming all women shave for guys and that's not true. Lots and lots of women do it simply because they prefer it. I personally feel smoother and more physically comfortable when I shave and so do many other women. Shaving just because men expect it is bad, shaving is general is not and doesn't need to be vilified.

[here is the relevant post with past commentary]

hello dear, i am assuming best intentions with this ask and will answer it as kindly and as informatively as possible:

i am not vilifying anything, or anyone. however, women removing body hair is not a socially or politically neutral act, and any woman’s choice to remove hair or not does not exist in a vacuum and does reflect cultural and gendered socialization.

simply put, women’s individual preferences for smoothness and levels of comfort/revulsion associated with female body hair are not innate and do not exist in a vacuum. like many, many other things in women’s lives, those feelings are a direct result of gendered socialization, which has influenced our choices and self-perception and how other people see us since before we were even born.

the only reason the vast majority of women [outside of professional athletes like my sister] even know what that “smoothness” feels like is because we are raised to understand female body hair is something to be removed. 

in the western world,* this has only been the case for the last 100 or so years, and the reason this is the case has to do with capitalism, doing one of its favorite things and preying on women’s insecurities for profit.

in fact, 2015 is the 100 year anniversary of when gillette began marketing razors to women. prior to 1915, women’s clothing traditionally covered most of the body. your great grandmother would never have thought to shave her legs or under her arms, because no one was going to see her there until she was married—and even then, there was a high degree of modesty. 

however, about a hundred years ago, gowns with sheer sleeves [or no sleeves!] came into fashion. the razor manufacturer gillette was about 15 years old, and looking for a way to expand profits, especially while their main customer base became involved in a world war. [more on this here]

so they began putting out ads, explaining to women that the removal of their “objectionable” hair would be crucial to their staying in fashion, lest they risk public humiliation:

allow me to reiterate: these razor manufacturers, who were all men motivated purely by a desire to increase profits, suggested to women that their natural selves were undesirable. within about 5-7 years, beginning with the upper classes, women accepted this suggestion, internalized it, and began removing body hair. as usually happens with fashion, this trend was adopted in other classes, associated permanently with the concept that the natural hair was undesirable and embarrassing.

in the 1940s, the trend expanded to cover the legs, with a mix of the same advertising tactics and the emergence of hairless pinup art [female objectification]. and in the last 20 or so years has stretched to pubic hair as well, this time influenced by pornography [female objectification/degradation] as well as the advertising tactics. in fact, these cycles are repeating themselves outside of the western world—this is a pretty great article about how companies who make hair removal products are trying to replicate those advertising campaigns from the 1920s and 40s in china today, by convincing chinese women [who have little body hair and traditionally hadn’t worried about removing it] that the removal is necessary.

many, many women feel more comfortable shaving. i know that as early as 9 years old i was begging my mother to let me shave the tiny little leg and armpit hairs that i had. shaving was a sign of maturity for me, and i was terrified of being made fun of by the other kids in my class, boys and girls, for the peach fuzz on my legs. i LOVED shaving. it made me feel grown up, and didn’t want to give it up when i accidentally shaved a piece of skin the size of a quarter off of my shin, or when i got horrible razor burn and cried through a day of school, or when the stubble became itchy and ingrown. i used to send almost exactly the same messages to feminist blogs that were critical of hair removal and the beauty industry at large.

but absolutely none of that is innate behavior. it is all learned—i never even saw a woman with natural body hair until i was a 18 years old and a freshman in college. i had grown up looking at razor commercials of beautiful women sliding stainless steel over hairless legs. i had read “embarrassing” stories of girls who had gotten the moment of their dreams with their cute crush only to have him recoil in horror when they touched a stubbly leg. i had desired to shave and associated shaving with comfort and maturity, just as i was conditioned to.

but wonder woman? there are no male capitalists on themyscira. there are no  cultural institutions based on female subjugation, shame, or embarrassment. and there is no way she takes time out of her day to shave.

*devout muslims have practiced hair removal for hundreds of years, and ancient egyptians, greeks and romans of both genders may have practiced depilation at different periods for various reasons.

Hope [Rick Grimes x Reader]

Hi, I have to say your blog is purely fantastic and I was looking for fics like this for so long xD And I’d like to request something: reader comes to Alexandria after escaping from some guys who used to do terrible things to her but she had to remain with them to survive. She doesn’t tell anyone, but one day she opens up to Rick. He gets really angry and goes after them and when he returns he makes her understand that no one will ever touch her again(except for him).I hope I’m not asking much ;)

Here you go @whyso-se-ri0us! I hope you like it! 💘

Words: 2,161

Warnings: Violence, Implied Sexual Assault, PTSD, Panic attack

A/N: I’m baaaaccccckkkkk! And NO SMUT! Are you surprised? Sorry I’ve been MIA for the past couple of days. I have been so exhausted and needed the rest.You’ve all been so wonderful and understanding! I truly have the best followers around! Okay, okay, enough with my babbling.

Keep reading

So there’s this like 50 year old guy that comes into my work and he is always, without fail, in a horrible mood.

If you ask him how he is you’re always going to hear back,“Bad” or something else negative

My job specifically requires me to ask customers how they’re doing and I remember asking him once only to hear back,“I got bit by a brown recluse spider. I almost lost my foot.”

What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

But anyways he comes through the line the other day to get tacos. He only gets 3 things on his tacos and we have specific potion sizes so they’re not huge (but we do give extra for free if we’re asked)

The entire time he’s going down the line I see him shaking his head and rolling his eyes at the line person but I ignore it because if you’re not going to vocalize your discontent like an adult I don’t see it as my business

So when he gets up to me he says,“Those are some pretty skimpy tacos” in this pissed off tone. What the fuck am I supposed to do about that??

So I say, “Well we could get you more, or put sour cream and hot on the side for you?”

This would literally solve his entire complaint but he ignores me. When I finish ringing him out I ask again,“Did you want the sides?” And he says,“No I’m out of here.” And storms out in a huff

If you don’t want a solution to your problem then why the fuck are you talking at all? What, should I berate my line person about your portions so you can feel good? Should I order for you??

I enjoy endulging in the occasional bad mood but why are you literally TRYING to maintain that.

Is your life such a failure that all you can do is be rude to kids who are just doing their jobs?

That guy could have the worst life on this planet for all I know. I don’t care. If you’re going to come into a business multiple times a week you can act like a normal civilized person instead of some huffy farm animal

Morgan Rielly - Part Fourteen

Turns out I’m bad at Call of Duty.

               Like, really bad.

               Morgan is sitting with his elbows on his knees as his fingers rub his temples in circular patterns. I press my lips together and cross my legs, looking nonchalantly around the living room as the screen replays the event that took place moments ago. My character somehow not only kills Morgan’s character, who was on my own team, but I somehow killed my own character in the process.

Keep reading

Happy Birthday to the one and only, to the adored and worshiped Commander Shepard. 

Others may come and go, but no one has ever made me cry and laugh as much as you did. No one has touched me as much as you did, no one else had helped me through a horrible day as much as you did, just by saying “What would Shepard do?”

Inspirations come in many different mediums, but hell no one has ever made me push for more, push what I am owed like you have. 

I don’t care that people may sneer, you are real to me, and you got me through so much shit, and I will never let you go. 

Commander Damn Shepard is everything to me, and you can pry her out of my cold dead fingers. 

Happy Birthday, the entire galaxy bows before your stregth, your integrity and inspiration. 

And so do I. 

xmissconstructx-deactivated2017  asked:

The male band members reactions to femme s/o with horrible period cramps? (mine are so bad i can barely walk so I'd love some headcanons right now)

Not gonna lie, I just moved this to the top of my list because mine are killing me right now, I’m pretty sure I’m dying so I decided now was the best time for some inspiration! Lol so enjoy as I write this through gritted teeth. 


Stu Pot (2D):

  • Pills for days. You know he’s got those good painkiller hookups and even if he didn’t have midol (because why would he have midol?) he’d get you some faster than you could tell him not to. 
  • He’d sit behind you and wrap himself around you in tight hugs. Technically that helps keep the muscles from contracting, but he doesn’t know that. He just wants to hug you and make you feel better. 
  • He’d plan special activities for the two of you to do together at home since you wouldn’t really feel like going out. Talk about some major Jenga dates and movie nights!

Russel Hobbs:

  • You know he’d be the sweetest about everything. He’d constantly give you words of comfort and tell you everything will be okay, and he’d help you forget about your pain for a while. 
  • He would listen to you complain because he knows you’d listen to him go on rants about the world, so he listens to you go on about how you’re dying. He just holds you through it all. 
  • He would give the best massages to relieve your aching back and shoulders. He’d even massage your tummy to help make the cramps a little more bearable. His big hands would be pretty soothing. 

Murdoc Niccals (a little NSFW for those of you avoiding that)

  • Murdoc would be all about temperature regulation. He’d grad you some hot water bottles and hold you while you hold the bottle to your stomach to calm the cramps. 
  • When that stops working (because it always does, dammit) he’d run you a hot bath and he’d sit in the tub with you and massage your back.
  • He’s kind of a gross dude so he’s not deterred by blood or uncomfortable sexual acts. He’d probably offer to relieve you a bit by pleasuring you, because that can actually be incredibly helpful to hormone imbalances, cramping, and blood flow too! How thoughtful. 

An imagine inspired by this pic and how it makes me wanna cry.

Today was bad.

For no particular reason either. Which was the worst kinds of days. You woke up tired and unmotivated to go to school.

Not wanting to leave the bed with your sleeping boyfriend who was finally home from tour. But through it all you got ready, without waking him and headed off.

The line for coffee was too long so you went without which was a horrible idea. Half way through the day you literally almost fell asleep standing up.

A message from Luke made you smile, and seem like the day wasn’t going to be half bad. That was until you dropped half of your lunch on the ground, throwing the rest away because you were too upset to eat.

You were in desperate need of a hug and a cup of coffee. When the day was finally over, to top everything off you got stuck in rush hour traffic. When you got home you just wanted to fall into bed.


Luke greeted you at the door, not saying anything about you lack of a smile but definitely noticing it.

He hugged you and offered to brew up a pot of coffee. You thanked him, your day already getting better. He asked you how your day way which you didn’t know how to answer.

“Long.” You give him one word. He nods.

“Mine days are always long without you.” He says, a smile tugging at both yours and his lips.

You studied him as he poured the finished coffee. Days were hard with him, things are much better when he is here for you to come home to.

He looked different than when he left for tour. His hair longer, his face ever looked a little different. He was rolling with the stubble which you actually admired. It was different having him home, good but definitely different.

He sets the cup in front of you, sitting across from you with his own. You give him a small smile, he looks at you over the brim of his coffee cup as he drinks.

You hold eye contact with him, you can tell he is wanting to know what’s going on in your brain but you don’t even know.

Finally you break, your hands come up to cover your face as you cry. Luke looks horrified, was it something he’d done?

He gets up and walks around the counter to you. “What’s wrong, baby?” He rubs your back.

“I don’t even know. It’s just been such a long day and I miss you even though you are here but like I don’t know how long you are here for and it’s just a lot.” You cry into his chest.

He hugs you, rubbing your arm. “I know, baby. But I’m here now. I’m right here to hold you.”

Luke knows his schedule is hard. With how busy he is and how he’s always away from home it made it hard to maintain a relationship. He loves you so much that he would be lost without you.

He hates seeing you so upset but also think this is something you needed to get out.

“I love you.” You wrap your arms around his torso.

He pushes your hair out of your face as you look up at him, the side of your face still pressed against his stomach.

“I love you so much.” He replied.

And the next day you started your period. Understanding why it was such an emotional previous day.

A/N
Haha sorry guys I think I’m funny and thought this was a funny way to end the imagine. But fr I hate it when any time a girl is emotional she is mistaken for “being on her period”. Umm no, if I’m crying someone asks me if I’m on my period they gonna get smacked upside their head! No.

LOVE YOU!

tough love

kraglin: Cap ive been meaning to ask you why are you so hared on Pete?

Yondu: im going let you in on something want to know what i really think

peter listens in closely wanting to know what he thinks of him

Yondu: the kids a LOSER hes WEAK a total EMBARRASSMENT, i just want to get rid of him!!

peter heart aches hearing that

Yondu: *laughs* thats what people said about me.

perer: what?

Yondu:one day Stakar puts me through combat class , it was horrible at the time i thought he was trying to torched me…. but he was actually doing me a favor thats why im hared on on peter to toughen him up so when  so when the world fights back he fights back

kraglin: do you think its working

Yondu : i think so hes come a long ways when push comes to shove im proud of him …but dont tell him that he already got a big head

Peter has a small smile as he quietly walks away to do his task

My battle with ROCD: Tips, symptoms, and what you can do to be rocd free!

I got a message yesterday from a user that inspired me to write my struggle with ROCD. It was a horrible 10 months that I went through this, and I’m happy I’m out of that rut now.

ROCD can go a couple different ways, but most of the people I have talked to struggle with not knowing if they wanna be with their partner.

My ROCD started last year around Christmas time when my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to be with him still, which I said yes, but I felt doubt. I was very anxious that day, struggling with some other ocd patterns I couldn’t get over. That started the never ending loop of doubt that I wanted to be with my boyfriend.

Most people who suffer from ROCD, don’t know if their partner is the one for them. They doubt their feelings, love, and emotions towards their partner based off of one thought. The what ifs block their true emotions for their partner, which makes it hard to remove the thought, causing anxiety. Something I did when I was having doubts, I constantly said “I don’t wanna be with him” in my head, and then correct my thought which was “I do wanna be with him” to check how I feel and if I felt any different. That’s the thing you DON’T wanna do with ROCD or any type of OCD: correcting your thoughts. The more you fight it, you create more anxiety and you really feel like you’re losing yourself. You are lessening your chances of losing the obsessive thought of not being in love with your partner, and actually starting to believe that your thought is true!

Something interesting about ROCD, is that the people who I have talked to and helped with this type of ocd, is how much this issue is bothering them. Some of the questions are:

- Do I still love my partner?
- Am I in love with my partner?
- is this ROCD? Or is this my true feelings?
- Will it go away? I was madly in love, what happened?
- Why am I not attracted to my partner anymore?
- Why can’t I feel for my partner anymore?
- Am I gay/straight?

It is very common for people with rocd to stop feeling for their partners. They stop feeling attracted, in love, ect because all of those feelings are masked with anxiety.
Most of these people or stories I’ve read have said that they feel sad, they cry a lot, the want the thought out. And some even think about ending the relationship to see if it will make the doubts go away. Which leads me to my point that all of these questions (or doubts) are in fact an ocd pattern. the person usually values their relationship so much, which is why these obsessive doubts are so hard to get out. If you did not love your partner, these thoughts wouldn’t bug you so much.

When you are having an obsessive doubt, you can tell with your body, with the typical heart racing, dry mouth, feeling warm or sweaty, the typical anxiety feelings. But some, like in my case, get completely numb to it after a while, and stop feeling so anxious about it, but still have the obsessive thought in your head 24/7. And that’s when ROCD gets scary!

Pay attention to your mind. Are these thoughts obsessive? Are you constantly thinking about this thought no matter what you’re doing, and they’re bothering you? Keep in mind how much these thoughts are obsessive and how often you get them. Do you get more obsessive around your partner or when they’re away?
My best advice to ANYONE who has ROCD is to STAY PRESENT when they are with their partner. Allow yourself to have fun and be in love with your partner. When you are obsessing, you’re not in the moment, you’re somewhere else. Show these thoughts are are in control. Thoughts are not real. They are meaningless.

I hope this post helped anyone with their struggle with rocd. You can beat it, I promise you!

Alone Part 3

At dawn Nesta rose and looked out her window, no one, no one was here. Perhaps she’d gotten through to Cassian and he’d gotten through to them.

Cassian, her mate. She could finally let him go, release him from her heart, her soul. She could let them all go.

“Nesta! Nesta!” Elain was frantically screaming. Nesta reinforced her shields, waved a finger and slammed shut the shutters over her windows. Nesta lay on the couch as she heard Feyre trying to calm Elain down, “Elain she doesn’t want us here. She doesn’t care, maybe she never did”.

Nesta let out a quiet sob as those words ripped straight through her, “She loves us Feyre! She thinks she’s protecting us from her and her powers. Nesta! Nesta please!”

“Elain” Azriel’s voice this time “Elain, baby, come on”
“No! I’m not leaving here without seeing her, Azriel I can’t. I can’t, I can’t leave her alone”.

“It’s what she wants” Cassian spoke quietly.

“I thought you weren’t coming” Rhysand said.

Nesta quieted herself to hear Cassian’s voice once more, just one more time. She cast a spell and threw it towards a music box on her mantle.

“Feyre, I can blow through this shield”.
“So can I Rhys”.
“Do you want me too?”
“No. Why bother? She doesn’t want to see us, when Nesta is ready, she’ll come to us, she doesn’t want to see us”. Feyre’s voice sounded choked up on her last few words.
“Yes! Yes she does! Nesta loves us!”

“No, Elain, Nesta has made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t want anything to do with anyone here. We have to respect her wishes” Cassian spoke those words so softly, so kindly to her sister.

Nesta wanted to run out of the house and beg their forgiveness, tell them she loves them, but she needed to protect them more. She wasn’t sorry for that, she was not sorry.

“I can’t Azriel, I can’t leave her” Nesta shoved her face into a pillow to keep the sound of her sobs quiet. “Nesta! Nesta! Nesta please”.

Nesta cast another spell and Elain fell quiet as fell into a deep sleep. Nesta heard Azriel catch Elain in his arms and felt them all winnow away, except one, Cassian.

“I searched for you, forever, I have searched for you. I love you. 25 years have passed and I love you still, everyday I love you”.

Nesta realized this was Cassian’s goodbye. It sounded like he was speaking at her grave.

“When I leave here Nesta, I’m not looking back. I will walk away and I will move on with my life. I will mourn you, the loss of my mate, but I will move on. I will find someone who loves me, someone that’s not afraid, not afraid to try to love and learn together, to bleed together, not afraid to take each other’s pain away” he was crying in earnest now.

“If I could take away your pain, your fears, if I could take them on for you Nesta, I would. I would die over and over for you. But you’re killing me…”

Nesta could no longer hear what he was saying as she sobbed loudly this time. She couldn’t breathe, Gods, she couldn’t breathe, she was dying. Her heart was dying in her chest and she couldn’t breathe and she swore she heard him say goodbye. All Nesta could think was I love you, I love you, I love you as she continued to cry, (He broke threw her shield), Nesta was screaming in pain. Her heart, her heart, her soul (let him go, let him go, let him go).

Cassian crashed threw the door. “Nesta!”

She was laying in a crumpled heap on the floor hyperventilating, unable to calm herself down. She couldn’t breathe, she was dying. She would die if he left her.

She had left him because she was afraid, he was leaving her because she’d pushed him away and out of her life. He’d given up on her because he thought Nesta didn’t care.

Cassian carried Nesta to the couch and sat her down, he pushed her head between her knees “Breathe, Breathe”.

I’ve gone mad she thought “you’re gone, you left”. Cassian wasn’t there she cast a spell and the music box rang out his voice throughout the cottage “I love you, I have searched for you… I love you”, she broke down again.

“Nesta! Nesta I’m here sweetheart. Nesta, sweetheart? I’m here”.

Cassian clung to her until she’d stopped shaking, until her breathing slowed, and she collapsed, exhausted in a deep sleep.

Nesta woke in her bed. Her eyes were swollen but she went to the kitchen and grabbed 2 silver spoons and took them back to bed. Nesta lay her head on her pillow and froze the spoons setting them across her eyes.

“What are you doing?”
“My eyes feel swollen, I’ve spent the night crying.”
“No. You tossed and turned and kicked me off the bed but you didn’t cry. I slept on the couch.”
“I had the most horrible nightmare.”
“The cottage again?”

Nesta breathed out a yes.

“That was nearly 150 years ago. Everyone has forgiven you and you them, we’ve all put that behind us.”
“I know, but I almost lost you Cassian.”
“We became mates that day. We got through the pain and look where we are now” she nodded “triplets that have finally grown and left our house. I’ve finally found some other Illyrians to lean on that can run the camps. You volunteer at the libraries and run ½ the children programs in Velaris. We’ve done good Nesta.”

“I know. I love you Cassian.”

“I love you too. Do you think making me some waffles will ease your guilt?”

Nesta chucked a spoon at her mate, “get out!”

Cassian laughed “never again”

Nesta threw her other spoon at him.