got humour

Clarke: I want to make sure that everyone is saved! We will all survive together! Let’s share the bunker!

Grounders: Nah. Let’s have a conclave instead and whoever wins gets the bunker for their clan.

Octavia: *wins the conclave* We are one clan! We will all share the bunker! Together!

Grounders: Okay! Let’s do it! Hey Clarke, we wanna share the bunker with you now!

Clarke:


He leaned close - the scent of polished leather, and sage hitting her - his lips whisper soft against her brow as he kissed her. 

“Indess,” Zevran murmured, her heart breaking for him. She had known from his glances, the way he would cut across the battlefield to support her, that he thought of her more than a friend. The fact that he still cherished her, knowing she loved another - it felt like she had betrayed him, betrayed his kindness. 

“No matter the decision you make, people will understand.” He pulled back briefly, smiling at her sadly, as if he already knew the answer to his unasked question. “But Antiva is beautiful this time of year. The sea glitters as you walk down the harbour, rain and mud are but a thought, unlike Ferelden." 

There was a wistful tone to his words, the rogue drawing in a deep breath, homesickness hitting him. It always did when he spoke of Antiva. It was hard not to cry at his gentleness, at the calloused touch of his hand on her cheek, fingers stained with betrayal and death, but there was a softness to them - the caress of a lover. 

Perhaps a small bit of her did love him, in some strange, forgotten way. Alistair had claimed her heart, but Zevran made her very soul catch alight. 

"You have sacrificed enough for this world. Come home with me.”


Complete credit to @warsonghold for the stunning snippet! 

Theresa ‘strong and stable’ May: “People talk about the sort of Brexit that there is going to be - is it hard, soft, is it grey, white - actually, we want a red white and blue Brexit. That is the right Brexit for the United Kingdom.” 

John Oliver and every rational person left on Earth: “But what does that mean? You’re heading into a negotiation that will set the course for Britain for generations, and you’re naming colours on the fucking flag? Forget running through fields of wheat - that must be the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said. And actually, you know what - I apologize to that guy from before - I said there was literally no worse way to discuss this than with cheese, but I was not counting on Thatcher in the Rye here answering a policy question with a fucking colour scheme.”

instagram

deserves an oscar or four

Why do I feel like if the Hound and Tormund Giantsbane ever meet then they are going to have a chicken eating contest and they are going to goble up all the delicious chicken legs Winterfell has to offer and Jon’s gonna be really mad at them for doing so. Imagine Arya placing bets and Sansa handing out a favor to Sandor and Brienne rolling her eyes at Tormund. Bran can be the judge…Yeah I would definitely like to see a chicken eating contest!!!

i find the decapitation meme really interesting, cus it feels like it was gonna happen for sure based on the fandoms sense of humour, but the way it works is based on how it happened in-comic

like a similar joke was gonna happen either way because even tho its a long comic where a lot of characters die repeatedly, dirk managed to get decapitated TWICE, but i feel the joke wouldve gone differently depending on whether both incidents were on purpose, both accidents, or one was on purpose and the other an accident

since both incidents were dirks idea, it became the joke that dirk comes up with being decapitated whenever hes faced with a problem (which is hyperbolic to comic effect, considering in the canon both occasions were life or death situations, but i love the hs fandoms hyperbole)

but i think that if both had been accidents, the fandom wouldve still come up with a similar meme, namely that this is just something that can randomly happen to dirk whenever. similarly hyperbolic comics would emerge of, like, him an dave playing frisbee and the frisbee accidentally decapitating him; him and the others are sitting around eating breakfast and his head falls off in his cereal. that kinda stuff

and if the first instance was on purpose but the other one turns out to be daves idea i imagine it wouldve been at least one comic of dirk complaining “wow you cut your head off ONE TIME and suddenly its A THING”; or if the first was an accident and the second was on purpose there would be at least one comic along the lines of dirk musing mid-battle “yknow actually, that decapitation worked out pretty well, maybe it will this time” (tho tbh i dont think these ones wouldve caught on as much because of the lack of room for hyperbole and possible applications for the joke)

but yh, this is just something i was musing about in the shower yesterday. i just think that this meme kinda perfectly captures a large part of the fandoms sense of humour in a few ways

2

John Smith , 2x10 , The Man in the High Castle 

how to sit down like a boss

The amazing @ketlingr and I are doing a sort of prompt game where the two of us fill the same prompt, just to see how different/similar our versions of it will be. I’m sure it’s gonna be lots of fun, so if you want to know the details check out this post or just follow the tag tonyprompt. And of course anyone who wants to give it a try is welcome to join in :)

For the prompt: “Why is there a rabbit in the room?”


“Why is there a rabbit in the room?” Tony asks no one in particular. He blinks, then does it again, but the rabbit remains the same. In fact, bar a twitch of its tiny nose, it looks entirely unimpressed by Tony’s antics. So, not a hallucination. He has wondered about that.

Well. That, and the fact that he’s woken up in a room he doesn’t recognise, with a dull headache and a terrible taste in his mouth that simultaneously makes him want to throw up and makes him suspect he already did. He’s also bound to a chair–with real rope even.

Huh.

So he has been kidnapped. By what is either a very old-school villain or a very new and inexperienced one. Tony wishes he could say he was surprised by this, or at the very least alarmed, but really, he’s been drugged or knocked out (or, on a couple of memorable incidents both) so many times, it’s really starting to get a little old. There’s just not the same excitement there he used to feel when he was fifteen and crawling through an old, forgotten tunnel in some backwards hut anymore.

On the other hand, there’s a rabbit. A pretty rabbit even, with brown, soft-looking fur and an adorable, little mane around its neck. Tony has to admit, he did not see this coming.

“What?” a voice asks in seeming confusion through the closed wooden door. And right, there had been someone talking to him, hadn’t there? It hadn’t been the usual villain-spiel exactly, but still close enough for Tony to forgo paying attention to it. Especially since wannabe bad guy hadn’t even shown his face.

Yelling through a door at your captive just doesn’t have the same affect, Tony can attest to that.

“There’s a rabbit in the room,” Tony repeats, absently noting that no, even on whatever stuff they’ve got him on, this doesn’t sound any less ridiculous. Hey, maybe they don’t have him on anything at all. “I’m not sure why. Unless it’s a new way of torture because I’m not ‘llowed to pet it? In which case ‘ts totally working, cause I wanna!”

Or maybe they have him on some pretty strong stuff.

There’s a moment of silence from his as of yet unrevealed captor, followed by a barrage of very impressive swear words.

Followed then by a very outraged, “I told you to put Smartie into her cage seven times, damn it!” that makes Tony’s head throb in protest.

“They named you Smartie?” he asks curiously and watches as the rabbit hesitantly scampers a little closer. It looks adorable and he might have underestimated the effectiveness of this torture method after all.

In the background, the shouting match between his captors continues.

“You know,” Tony says conspiratorially to the tiny rabbit a couple of minutes later, “no pain, no maniacal laughter, no threats to wipe out earths entire population and genuine concern for a cute-looking animal? Your owners are really starting to grow on me.”

Smartie continues to nibble on the tip of his shoe–but Tony swears there is an air of smugness in that nose twitch that has not been there before. For the first time he wonders, if maybe it’s not the cats they should be watching for the inevitable revolution?

And also, damn, what stuff did they give him?


I have no idea how I came up with this but here it is lol. Please check out ketlingr’s version here and I hope you enjoyed the ridiculousness that is this drabble :D 

Hozier sentence starters
  • "My lover's got humour."
  • "I should've worshipped her sooner."
  • "We were born sick."
  • "The only heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you."
  • "I was born sick, but I love it."
  • "I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife."
  • "Good God, let me give you my life."
  • "There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin."
  • "With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean, she's the angel of small death and the codeine scene."
  • "It's bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet."
  • "No other version of me I would rather be tonight."
  • "She found me just in time."
  • "God, I never felt young."
  • "She's gonna save me."
  • "We'll name our children Jackie and Wilson, raise 'em on rhythm and blues."
  • "Lord, it'd be great to find a place we could escape sometime."
  • "We tried the world, good God, it wasn't for us."
  • "You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you."
  • "Would things be easier if there was a right way? Honey, there is no right way."
  • "I fall in love just a little bit every day with someone new."
  • "I guess any thrill will do."
  • "Would things be easier if there was a right way?"
  • "Honey, there is no right way."
  • "My heart's already sinned."
  • "Never feel too good in crowds."
  • "All I've ever done is hide."
  • "Honey, when you kill the lights, and kiss my eyes, I feel like a person for a moment of my life."
  • "You don't know what hell you put me through."
  • "It feels good to be alone with you."
  • "I know that you hate this place, not a trace of me would argue."
  • "Honey, we should run away, oh someday."
  • "Babe, there's something tragic about you."
  • "Something so magic about you."
  • "Babe, there's something lonesome about you."
  • "Something so wholesome about you."
  • "Get closer to me."
  • "Innocence died screaming, ask me I should know."
  • "There's something wretched about this."
  • "Something so precious about this."
  • "There's something broken about this, but I might be hoping about this."
  • "We'll lay here for years or for hours."
  • "I'd be home with you."
  • "Any way to distract and sedate."
  • "Free and young and we can feel none of it."
  • "Something isn't right, babe."
  • "We should quit but we love it too much."
  • "Come and save me from it."
  • "I'm so full of love I could barely eat."
  • "My baby's sweet as can be, she'd give me toothaches just from kissin' me."
  • "I'll crawl home to her."
  • "I swear I thought I dreamed her."
  • "She never asked me once about the wrong I did."
  • "No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her."
  • "I will not ask you where you came from."
  • "I will not ask and neither should you."
  • "Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss like real people do."
  • "In some sad way, I already know."
  • "I should not ask and neither should you."
  • "Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips."
  • "We should just kiss like real people do."
  • "You know better, babe."
  • "I know who I am when I'm alone; I'm something else when I see you."
  • "Don't let me in with with no intention to keep me."
  • "I will come back."
  • "I'll find my way back to you."
  • "Always a well dressed fraud."
  • "She feels no safety in my arms."
  • "Her eyes and words are so icy, oh but she burns."
  • "She tells me I'm hers and she is mine."
  • "It's a crime that she's not around most of the time."
  • "Her fight and fury is fiery."
  • "It's worth it, it's divine I have this some of the time."
  • "I need you to run to me, run to me, lover."
  • "All you have is your fire and the place you need to reach."
  • "Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep 'em on a leash."
  • "You've done me wrong for a long, long time."
  • "After all you've done, I never changed my mind."
  • "Please try to love me."
  • "My love will never die."
  • Olenna Tyrell: you knocked my grandson over with a sword?? awesome
  • Olenna Tyrell: my husband gave me this necklace for my birthday but im gonna throw it over this balcony bc w/e
  • Olenna Tyrell: who would ever do such a terrible thing as murder someone at a wedding??? *murders someone at a wedding*
  • Olenna Tyrell: THE CHEESE WILL BE SERVED WHEN I WANT IT TO BE SERVED
  • Olenna Tyrell: stop pretending to write things down you dumbass i know you're faking
  • Olenna Tyrell: *calls the queen regent a tart to her face*
  • Olenna Tyrell: lmao yeah my grandson sucks dick

Okay so I’m working on the femslash story about the Falcs and Aces twitter people for @omgcpwomenfest! Here’s the first 500 words.


The Providence Falconers @ProvidenceFalcs
10 minutes before the #StanleyCupFinalSeries Game 1! Got your towel ready?

WESTERN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS @LVAcesNHL
@ProvidenceFalcs Yeah, better have something to cry into.

“Hey Kendra!” A large woman in a burgundy dress appears at the end of the row, towing the Aces’ social media intern. “Before we start, I wanted to introduce you two and maybe get a picture for Twitter.”

Kendra smiles, because Kent Parson’s girlfriend is influential and knows a ton of people. “Sure.”

The girl Andy Scarlatti gestures to sit beside Kendra is a delicate-looking black girl with hunched shoulders who smiles at Kendra like an apology. In contrast to Kendra’s jersey, she’s wearing a white dress with long sleeves and frilly high neck that reminds her of a stylish nightgown, but with little black bows and glittering black skull buttons.

“Show me your Tweeting thumbs,” Scarlatti commands, and snaps a couple pictures of them grinning and giving the camera thumbs ups. She lets them look over the three pictures she took, agreeing the second one is the best, and read over her tweet: Tweeters behind tonight’s battle of wits! The Aces’ Shanique Christian and Falcs’ Kendra Lafontaine ready for #stanleycupfinal game 1!

“I’m n-not sure,” the other girl stammers, almost inaudibly. “If I’m ready.”

Scarlatti immediately sits next to her, rubbing her back. “I don’t have to post it, honey. I’ll sit on it unless you feel comfortable, okay?” She pauses and says, “Want me to take the last names out?”

“Yeah,” Shanique says immediately, and Kendra’s honestly kind of staring. This is… not the kind of thing she’d expect from someone who talks as big a game as the Aces have since Eric handed off his Twitter duties at the start of playoffs. Though maybe she should have. Maybe she just doesn’t want to live up to the shit she says.

“I want you guys to get credit.” Scarlatti’s moving her cursor back, erasing Christian and Lafontaine. “But not more publicity than you’re ready to deal with. Okay. Looks good?”

Shanique nods, and Scarlatti uploads the Tweet, squeezes Shanique’s shoulder, waves to Kendra, and bustles out of the press box.

“That was nice of her,” Kendra says noncommittally as she keys up her draft tweets about the pre-game You Can Play dedication the team captains are doing. Shanique seems to have decided her chair is as good a place as any to tweet the first period from.

“Andy used to do my job.” Shanique sounds shyly proud. “She was the PR intern five years ago.”

“Mmm, and now she’s Kent Parson’s girlfriend.” Kendra can’t help but be a little bitter about the way this goes. “Feeding the image that we’re all glorified puck bunnies.”

As she starts thumbing through an album of on-ice images of the dedication ceremony, looking for one to tweet, she can feel Shanique looking at her sidelong. They stand up for the national anthem, but when Kendra sits down again, Shanique doesn’t. She goes to the bar, busy on her phone as she stands on line, and sits in the back of the box for the rest of the period and somewhere else for the rest of the game after that.

They spend the rest of the game in rivalry, tweeting shit at each other, but even as she has extra elbow room Kendra can’t help but feeling that the empty space beside her means she’s done something wrong.

My Ideal First Scene from GoT Season 6
  • Doran and Arianne are sitting in a room (maybe that really pretty one from episode 9?), laughing their asses off.
  • Arianne: We punked them so good! They actually believed those four Mummers I randomly hired in the Planky Town were Ellaria and the Sand Snakes?
  • Doran: I KNOW! That woman even forgot that the real Ellaria has children!
  • Arianne: The fact that they were incompetent Mummers makes it even funnier. And what as with those accents?
  • Doran: Who talks like that? No one!
  • Arianne: Did they do that thing with the spinning and the mincing steps while they were fighting? We spent so much time rehearsing that.
  • Doran: It was so entertaining that I was slightly worried I waited too long to send the guards in. I mean, it was broad daylight and they even had an establishing shot of me watching from the balcony.
  • Arianne: Did Larry not get suspicious that he was even able to sneak into where the prince lives in the middle of the day without being stopped or questioned by anyone?
  • Doran: I think we lucked out, this guy was really dumb. He did no research. He didn’t even know you exist. He didn’t even notice that his daughter/niece was several years too old and had a different face.
  • Arianne: Hey, that Mummer was good. It’s not her fault. Her facial expressions were very expressive.
  • Doran: You don’t understand, Arianne, they actually thought that that whiney little boyband reject was my heir. He improv’ed this line about a flea bite.... it was bad... but also funny.
  • Arianne: Wait till I get back to the Real Water Gardens and tell Trys and Myrcella about this. They’ll laugh so hard, they’ll knock over the cyvasse table.
  • Doran: You should have seen their faces when I randomly started toasting the king. They were so confused!
  • Arianne: Like you would ever unironically express support for the Lannisters!
  • Doran: With, like, no kind of context or preamble? I know!
  • Arianne: Well, I’m glad that the whole thing provided a distraction for everyone so that the two of us could work out our issues in a mutually respectful and non-sexist way, entirely off screen.
  • Doran: Yes, I’ve very happy that we both did things for reasons that were relatable and coherent and that a series of events happened that caused us to be challenged as characters resulting in us being somehow changed at the end of both of our arcs.
  • Arianne: We make a great team.
  • Doran: Yes we do.