For the second installment of The Guest List, Neil P. of Got 'Em Coach stopped by to drop a little moniker knowledge. And since he is the cognomen emperor we decided to give him nickname carte blanche; five new nicknames for players of NBA’s past and present.
Nickname Carte Blanche
by Neil P.
I love nicknames. It’s true. I gave myself the nickname “Mayo” in college just so when people asked, “Why do they call you Mayo?” I could answer,
“It’s short for Mayonnaise.”
Here’s my list of five new NBA nicknames (it would have been six, but I withheld nicknaming LeBron’s entourage, “Basketball Cancer.”)
Blake Griffin - “The Webmaster” We nicknamed him “Milkshake” at Got 'Em, but I know there’s no real connection or meaning. It’s just fun. “Webmaster” makes more sense to me, because Blake has the Internet on lock.
Sidney “Deep Water” Moncrief Sidney Moncrief is one of my favorite players ever, and probably already has the greatest government name in NBA history, but I thought a good nickname was in order. If you brought the ball up-court and saw Sid waiting, you were in serious trouble all night long. Those waters run deep.
Detroit Joe Dumars I left the quotation marks off because, quite frankly, this should just be his name. This is what we should all call him. How do you make a world-class name like Joe Dumars even better? Put the name of a great and proud town like Detroit in front of it. Joe represented the Motor City perfectly - both were quiet, hard-working, but dead serious.
Daryl “Yo Mama” Dawkins No one ever having the nickname “Yo Mama” is a travesty, and I’m in the position to change that. Plus, Dawkins had no regard for anything. Not life. Not basketball. And certainly not personal possessions. Watch this.
Side note: I was walking through Little Italy in New York City as a teen with my brother, when I saw, standing tall in a sea of diminutive Asians, a lone African-American. As I got closer, I knew who it was. I told my brother, “That’s Daryl Dawkins.” We were now steps away.
“Daryl Fucking-Dawkins,” I said with a smile spread across my face.
“Yo Mama” turned to us both, nodding his head and obscenely licking a mountainously-high, soft-serve, vanilla ice cream dessert, from sugar cone to tip.
All my brother could get out was, “You used to name your dunks, man.” That was it. We walked right on by.
Joe “Milkman” Johnson If Karl Malone was the “Mailman” because he always delivered, then Joe Johnson’s gotta be the “Milkman,” because old-timey milkmen delivered just about once a week.
Honorable mention Scottie Pippen - “The Vice President,” Chris Paul - “Pusha” (because CP deals it like a kingpin, and because we need more points of intersection between the NBA and Clipse), and Shaquille “Black Death” O’Neal (because when the Daddy put you in the mix down low, it was lights out).