got alot on my mind

Friends With Benefits: Bill Skarsgard... Chapter 5

Originally posted by theunusualcaseofv

Originally posted by heartsnmagic

A few weeks had passed since the almost incident at Bill’s house and neither of us had mentioned it, it was like it had been completely forgotten about or both of us were just too nervous to bring it up.

Work had been pretty hectic but we both still made time for each other, infact there wasn’t a night that we weren’t together. We were still being intimate with each other, that definitely hadn’t stopped.

The sly encounters in Bill’s trailer, or me waking up to him beneath my sheets, working magic with his mouth. Life was better than ever and I didn’t regret this deal one bit, even if the almost kiss was playing on my mind.

I just couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was more than just a friendly kiss, or the type we share when Bill has me on his kitchen counter and his literally pounding away for dear life.

We were currently out for dinner, savouring our only day off of the week. Bill had driven out to Beverly Hills and made reservations at a nice restaurant, nothing fancy though, neither of us liked anything like that.

We had a cosy little table at the back of the restaurant, a booth with red leather seats that were an absolute dream to sit on.

“Kevin says we only have one more scene to touch on and then it’s a wrap.” Bill grinned, glancing at me over his menu.

“Yeah, he mentioned it to me. I can’t lie, I’m pretty excited to leave him behind.” I chuckled, breathing a sigh of relief at having some time off before someone else was asking me to work on their set.

“Time seems to be flying by, November’s coming.” Bill motioned to the scenery outside, there were a few trees that were shedding their orange leaves and the sky was getting darker at the year progressed before us.

“You mean, Christmas is coming. Speaking of Christmas, you heading to Sweden this year?” I asked, the question had been playing on my mind for a few days now.

“Nope.” He smiled, causing me to raise an eyebrow.

“Bill.. all your family is over there. You need to spend Christmas with them, it’s not right.”

“Yeah, and your here. I’m not leaving you alone at Christmas, it’s not like your waste of space family are gonna be knocking at the door bearing gifts galore. And correction, Alexander and Gustaf are over here for Christmas.” He retorted, closing his menu and causing me to let out a sigh.

I knew I wasn’t going to talk him out of staying and truthfully, I wanted him here. Last year he was in Sweden for four days over Christmas and it absolutely sucked not seeing him, even though he flew back over on boxing day and surprised me with festive flowers and a beautiful necklace from Tiffanys.

I was just about to thank him for his generosity and kindness when the waiter came over to take our orders.

“What can I get for you both?” He asked, his accent thick and I guessed he was probably from Italy.

“Just the pasta arrabiata, please.” I replied, handing him my menu as Bill did the same.

“And for you, sir?”

“I’ll have the same, thank you.”

The waiter left us alone in silence, informing us there would be a short wait for our food.

“So… wanna sneak out back?” Bill suggested, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“You’ve got no chance.” I retorted, taking a sip of water that had been filled when we were seated.

“It was worth a try, maybe later.” He shrugged, causing me to roll my eyes.

“Do you ever regret starting this?” I blurted out, motioning between us.

“Not at all, it’s been great fun and I think it’s actually made us closer, weirdly enough.”

“I guess you’re right.” I smiled, poking at his hand.

Bill had a quick reaction and grabbed my hand in return and I admit it startled me for a moment, it also confused me when he didn’t let my hand go, he merely laced our fingers together like it was nothing.

It didn’t feel wrong at all, I loved the feeling of his skin against mine, it was my absolute favourite when we were being intimate.

His skin was incredibly soft, so perfect and so comforting.

Everything about Bill was comforting to me including his smell, the sound of his voice and even the small scar that lay on his cheek.

It was no secret that my life had been a shit storm these last few years, but becoming best friends with Bill had made me forget all that, he’d given me a purpose, a reason to strive.

I could feel his gaze on me and I watched his jaw tense, almost like he was about to say something but withheld from doing so.

I frowned, but once again as I was about to question him, the waiter delivered our food to the table, making us pull our hands back from each other.

Bill thanked the waiter and we both began eating, I picked at the food on my plate, suddenly finding myself without an appetite.

I pushed the food around my plate, not particularly aware of my surrounding anymore, only my thoughts.

“You okay?” He asked, finishing a bite of his pasta.

“Yeah, just tired.” I smiled weakly, putting my fork down, the thought of eating made me slightly nauseous with everything that was swirling around in my head.

“Mmm…” Bill’s eyes narrowed and I should have known better than to lie, he knew me better than I knew myself.

“Don’t start.” I begged, knowing that I was about to be the recipient of his twenty questions.

“Fine… for now.” He replied, taking one last bite of his food and wiping his mouth.

He didn’t mention anything more on the matter, even after we’d left the restaurant and were back in his car.

“Can I take you somewhere? I’m not ready for the night to be over.” He wondered, and I just shrugged.

“Sure, but where?” I questioned in return, only to be met with a devious smile.

“You’ll see.” was all he replied as he started the engine, turning out of the parking space he was in.

The journey was filled with the sound of the stereo. we only made small conversation.

We passed a few destinations, but not one of them was where he stopped.

Around half an hour later we were descending up a steep road, with tall oak trees on either side.

“Where are we?” I questioned, slightly anxious as to where he was taking me as it had gotten dark within the time of our journey.

“You’ll see.” He repeated, shooting me a look.

I rolled my eyes and slumped back into my seat, fiddling with the seat belt.

I was intensely distracted by looking into my lap and messing with the material of the seat belt, that I didn’t even notice we’d stopped moving and that Bill had pulled up.

I frowned at him before he nodded his head to the direction of the windscreen and I turned to face out of the glass.

What met my eyes astounded me, it was incredible.

We were parked ontop of a tall hilltop, staring out over the city, where lights illuminated the sky and revealed the stars to us.

I couldn’t help but basically throw my seat belt off and jump out of the car, closing the door behind me with a dull thud.

I walked round the front of the car and looked up, searching the stars for an answer to my problems.

“Sit.” Bill ordered from where he’d followed me out of the vehicle and perched onto his bonnet, patting the space next to me.

I complied and took a seat, leaning into his side.

We sat in silence for awhile, just taking it all in.

I didn’t want to ask how he knew this place  because I already had a pretty good idea and I had no interest in thinking about any other girls he’d bought here, but I knew this time with myself held a different purpose.

The view from the hilltop was incredible, the stars were bright and the dark sky was clear.

I was in awe but I still couldn’t focus on the scenery fully, I was too invested in my thoughts.

“You seem distracted.” Bill commented, hopping down from the bonnet, pushing my legs apart and standing between them with his hands on my waist.

I let out a sharp laugh and it was followed by a sigh, I placed my hands over his.

I knew he was searching me for answers but part of me wanted to withhold my feelings, like they were my darkest secrets.

“I’ve got alot on my mind, I guess.” I managed to reply, meeting his curious stare.

“Like what?”

I shook my head and let out a deep breath.

“This thing we have going on…” I murmured, motioning between us.

“What about it?” He pressed, frowning.

“It just doesn’t feel like friends with benefits anymore, it feels like friends with feelings.” I confessed and I heard him take an intake of air before he answered me.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“It’s an unplanned thing, Bill. When we started this I told you it’d get weird, and it has. That night at your place, when were having pizza… it was confusing.”

“Mya, are you trying to tell me that you have feelings for me?” He inquired, not letting his eyes leave mine.

There was a pause.

“I think so.” I finally admitted, not only to Bill, but to myself too.

“You need to stop being so afraid of your feelings, you might shock yourself if you gave them a chance.”

“It’s not that simple, Bill. I told you that I couldn’t lose you, you’re practically my whole world and I’m not ready to let go of that. It’s fucking terrifying to me, the thought of waking up everyday without you lying next to me or without a stupid message you’ve sent me.” I asserted, dropping my hands from his and into my lap, pulling on the edge of my smock dress that lay on top of my tights.

“And what if you didn’t have to lose me? What if in fact you had all of me… and I had all of you? What if I completely fancied the pants off you and wanted you to be mine?” He questioned, taking my breath away and make my brow furrow.

I was speechless, he’d left me without any words.

His hands tightened on my waist and he pulled me closer to him and I couldn’t help but drink in his warmth, my biker jacket not quite shielding me from the cold breeze.

“You know, I think your car is abit expensive to be sat on and not in.” I spoke,  motioning to the black vehicle beneath me.

“Your car cost way more than mine, and don’t change the subject.” He demanded, referring to my Audi Q3.

“Bill… I really can’t talk about this now, it’s too difficult and to be quite frank, it messes with my head.” I professed.

Bill let out a groan.

“Fine, if that’s what you want then I won’t push it. But I promise you that I won’t drop this, we’ll have to talk about it sooner or later.” He shrugged, moving his hands under my thighs and lifting me up, causing me to let out a squeal.

I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist also hooking my arms around his neck, feeling the back of his hair with my fingers.

“Please don’t keep anything from me again.” He begged, looking up at me with an expression that almost broke my heart.

“I promise, and I swear we’ll talk about things soon, just not yet.” I replied, resting my forehead against his.

A heap of truth had been spilled out into the night and I was scared shitless for when the time came that we had to talk about it.

I was still processing the fact that Bill had basically just admitted that he liked me and it seemed like I never was going to believe it.

That night, once we’d gotten back to Bill’s place after our detour to the top of the hill, we laid in bed together in only our underwear.

We were facing each other, lay on our sides. One of Bill’s hands was lay on my thigh under the sheets and my head rested on his other arm that was under me.

I stroked at his smooth jaw, feeling it clench underneath my touch.

“I meant everything I said to you tonight.” He said softly, tickling the skin on my thighs, trailing down to the back of my knee where he pulled me closer, like he couldn’t get enough.

I nodded and bit my lip, running two fingers over his perfect pout.

“I believe you.”


- Soooooooo….. whatcha think? 

Zoies rant

Sorry yall but i got alot on my mind and i feel like i can say it here. Im tired of men. Tired of men who are around my age and want nothing more then some skinny girl to fuck and if not skinny then to play you along and fuck and then forget or talk shit behind your back. I gave my all to this boy. Finally let my walls down and tried to be with him. I liked him so much but then i found out he thought i was fat behind my back. And yet he still flirted with me and kissed me…. i told him if he couldn’t like all of me then he couldnt have me at all. And it was hard. Youd think it would be easy to let go of someone who treated you like shit. But it was hard. And im still so fucking hurt from it. And then theres this girl i have literally been in love with forever. I never acted on my feelings towards her because i thought it was just a best friend thing right? Well shes married to the worse guy ever and is about to have his baby. And shes so happy when shes around me. I take care of her better then he does… but whatever. Im just at this point where im ready to be loved and to be taken care of. To be told im beautiful instead of being shot down behind my back… im tired of guys making me feel good only to get a little piece and then disappear. Im just so done. And the worse part of it all is i should feel stronger with all this when really im just breaking more and more. And i dont know what to do.


SEQUEL to Happy Drabble from earlier this week.

98. “Don’t shut me out.”, 62. “You’re not as quiet as you think you are.” or 6. “I just like proving you wrong.”. Choose if not liking those.

I sat on my bed, typing away on my laptop. Typing out a couple more words, I paused, popping my back.

Getting up, I decided to put on something more comfortable. A Five Finger Death Punch tank that came just below my behind and my panties, sounded awesome.

The box fan pointed on ne and just covered in a sheet? Now that’s a good nights sleep right there.

I got back on the bed and typed some more.

Alot was on my mind after I left the clubhouse earlier. Leaving Happy behind after kissing him nearly broke me.

I wanted him even more now, but then wasn’t the time. I was pumped up because of it. Idea’s ran through my head and I just had to get them down.

It was the perfect plot for my romance book. There was way more than just lovin’ going on; guns, murder, families being torn apart… much like what was going on with SAMCRO.

I lived a ways out from downtown Charming, owning a peice of land ffrom Oswald before Hale bought the rest of it up. I could hear a car coming down the road for at least 2 miles, it was so quiet out here.

So the thunder of Happy’s bike was a dead give away. He walked about a half mile if I heard right.

I sat still on the bed, waiting for him to pick the lock on the front door. Happy was just that way.

He’d never been in my house before, so he hit every single creak on the steps coming up.

Still clad in his white SAMCRO  t-shirt, jeans and cut, he leaned against the door, folding his arms.

“You’re not as quiet as you think you are.” I told him, continuing with my typing.

I said nothing else, not even looking at him, waiting for him to make the next move.

Out of my peripheral, I saw him slowly come into my room, looking around before standing next to me.

Leaning down over my shoulder, he ran his hand down my arm to my hand, where he lifted it and pulled the laptop shut.

“You really not scared of me?” He asked, his head next to mine.

“No. Why should I be?”

He moved my laptop out of the way, sitting down, his knee touching mine.

He rolled the toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other.

“I’ve killed people.”


He looked at me like I was dense.

“With my bare hands, woman.”

I sighed, “I gather that Hap.”

“The fuck is wrong with you? You have some murderer fetish or something?”

“No, smartass, I don’t.”

He pointed a finger at me, “Watch it.”

“Or what? You gonna spank me?”

His eyes darkened.

“Tie me up? Punish me in some way?”

I knew I was playing with fire and should stop, but once my smartass mouth starts going, sometimes there’s just no stopping it.

Grabbing my legs, he yanked them towards him, making me fall backwards.

With extreme speed, he was on top of me and had me pinned.

“You know, for a woman who doesn’t have that much experience, she sure as shit is into some kinky fuckery.” He said, smiling.

I scoffed, “What makes you think I’m not that experienced?”

“You think you’re the only one with insight? Got news for you baby girl, you’re not.”

Okay, so maybe he was right, but this wasn’t just about sex so he was wrong on that.

I’ve seen the real Happy. I knew he wasn’t just the Tacoma Killer… he was a man who loved his family with a deadly passion. He was a man who needed to be loved in return to balance out all the shit that went on in his life.

“It’s not just about sex, Hap.”

He rolled his hips, his jean covered, hardening member creating delicious friction to my pantie covered mound.

“Is that so?” He did it again.

I couldn’t help the moan. He chuckled darkly, sitting back up.

I sat up slowly, “I care about you Happy.”

And just like that, his face hardened.

“Don’t shut me out.”

He got off the bed and paced the room.

Standing myself, I stood in his path as he turned around, “Please?” I said, a mere whisper.

He clenched his jaw, making it tick. Much like at TM, I reached up, taking the toothpick from his mouth.

Keeping my eyes open, I stood slightly taller, just barely grazing my lips against his.

He watched me, his breathing becoming heavy. His hands clenched into tight fists, his shoulders moved up and down as he tried to overcome what ever emotion was coursing through him.

I tilted my head to the side, kissing him a bit more firmly. His lips opened slightly and I dared to dip the tip of my tounge in between his lips.

He turned to leave and I could feel myself failing at this. Maybe he truly didn’t want someone. Maybe he loved having Sweetbutt’s and Croweater’s at his disposal.

He surprised me though, when he just went to close the door and take off his cut and shirt.

The tattoos on his back and torso, moved as his muscles flexed. Turning back around, he looked different.

He looked like the Hap you see when he’s with the people he knows. The Tacoma Killer wasn’t here.

“I’m no good at this.” He said, coming over to me.

“I’m patient, Hap.”

He reached for my tank top, pulling it over my head.

Bending down to put his large hands on my thighs, he hoisted me up, his hands quickly moving ro my ass to hold me to him.

My legs were wrapped tightly around him. One arm was around his shoulder, the other, tracing his chest tattoos.

He laid us down, hovering over me. “Can’t promise to be gentle, either baby girl.”

I ran my index finger down his pec, circling his nipple, “I won’t break.”

Taking my hands, I reached down and unbuckled his jeans. Unbuttoning and pulling the zipper down, he popped right out of the confine of his pants.

He was hot and heavy; his member resting on my hip.

Tentatively, I grasped him, circling my thumb over the head of him.

His eyes closed then. I used the element of surprise and leaned my head up to kiss him slowly as I began to pump him.

He grunted, taking his tounge and flicking the tip of it against mine.

The kiss progressed quickly, our lips smacking loudly the more into it we got.

I sucked on his tounge, making him moan as I twisted my hand upward and back down on his member.

I used my free hand to push his chest, turning him onto his back. He looked up at me, giving me a devilish grin.

I pulled his jeans and boxers down, him lifting his hips to help.

I was on my knees after I pulled his pants off. Sitting up, he gripped my hair in his hand.

He watched as I leaned forward taking the head of him in my mouth. I traced him with my tounge, loving his deep moan.

“Got to give me more… like a lot baby girl.” He said.

I gripped him at the base, leaving hot, wet kisses up his length. I flicked my tounge over the slit of his head, before taking him deep into my mouth.

I bobbed my head slowly, his moans turning me on. Sliding my hand into my panties, I touched myself, my moan making him close.

He pulled my head back, breathing hard. He watched me as I leaned back, pleasuring myself. It seriously turned me on, when he took himself in his hand and pumped, squeezing slightly when his hand got to the head.

He got down on the floor, making me lay back. Taking my hand from my panties, he yanked the cloth off, diving down between my legs.

I gripped his tattooed head as he gave me the best tounge lashing.

“Oh god.” I said, feeling myself near the edge.

Happy growled and moved up my body, while his fingers still played with me.

Without any warning, he pushed inside of me, his hips snapping against my tender flesh.

I threw my to the side, screaming as he found my gspot. Never before had a man done that.

“That’s it, baby girl.” He said. “That’s it.”

He let out a primal growl, as he dipped his head and took my nipple between his teeth, flicking his tounge over the sensitive flesh.

His hips seemed to go even faster as he neared his end.

Taking my legs, he put them over his shoulder, going deeper that before.

“I- I’m-” I couldn’t form a sentence as I neared another orgasam.

“Shit baby girl.”

“Christ Hap- don’t… stop.”

He bent his back as he shoved himself balls deep into me.

“Y/N!” He yelled as he came.

He kissed my legs as he moved his hips slowly before pulling out.

Falling over to the side of me, he breathed heavily, sweating.

I lay there, unable to move.

Happy pulled me to him, his hand going straight to my bottom and giving it a squeeze.

“All mine now… You know that, right?”

Surprised, I looked up at him.

I expected more of a fight from him. You know, him ignoring me, the typical shit.

“No fight?”

Another look like I was dense, “You seem shocked.”

“Ehh, a little.” I said, proping myself up on my elbow.

“I just like proving you wrong.”

The bastard, but what can I say?

He was worth it.

19 months.

So this past 3 days has been the most crappiest of my life. Being sick..going to victory of light getting a bullshit reading that broke me down in tears. I’ve been trying to not think about it but damn it I can’t not think about it. So I’ve been going threw so many emotions and then got another reading done..even more bullshit. So I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s all bullshit and I was dumb enough to waist my money for it. So forgive me if I’m bitter or not talking or not around. I m just not in the mood for anything. Yeah I know there’s more to life but this hurt me alot. Oh well. So if I seem distant now you know why. Got alot on my mind and prince is one of them.

With today being 19 heart is heavy..ive gone threw so much in the past 19 months and even in the past 3 days that I’m not sure about anything anymore right now.

So this past 3 days has been the most crappiest of my life. Being sick..going to victory of light getting a bullshit reading that broke me down in tears. I’ve been trying to not think about it but damn it I can’t not think about it.

These past 19 months have been the most emotional and greatest experience of my life. And I have him to thank for that. He s changed my life and helped me I ways I never thought possible. And then for it to all be taken away from me like that just kills my soul. I know you all think I’m crazy and your probably right. But I can’t just walk away and act like none of this ever happened. The things I’ve learned..the people I’ve met and the love we’ve all shared for one man some of us never knew,met or saw in concert. All of this has changed me And i can’t ever forget that it’s because if him. The man I come to love,respect and appreate in more ways then one. Thank you prince for all of it. My heart is always one with you. Now and forever 💜

Luna Lovegood x Reader
  • "Y/n I do think the nargles have gotten to you, you're awfully dreamy today"
  • Luna's voice pulls you out of your head and you look at her and smile.
  • "I've just got alot on my mind" you go back to staring at Fred.
  • "Have you been slipped a love potion?" Luna wonders
  • "No, no love potion.. Just a crush" you smile

-GASP- I can’t believe I never post this one here!
Long story short, 2 years ago I was trying to tell a short story without dialogue through animation and this is the result.