But Darling Can’t You See I’m Laughing? by @aekyon
(Hey it’s me again!
I wanted to try something different and here’s the result. I like Tsuna and all but the others characters deserve love too! Today’s treat lover is Xanxus! It’s two pages longer than Tsuna wow.
This time the reader is kind of… peculiar. Don’t be fooled by her nonchalance, she’s a weird psychotic. Also I can see the Varia being huge dorks around each other but when it’s time to work, save your jokes for later.
Idk if I should put warning in there since most scenarios are dark but just in case: strong language, sexual innuendo and violence which somewhat goes a little graphic at the end.
“Gosh your Boss is so hawt Little (Name) you’re oh so lucky to see such a handsome creature every day… Say will you hate me if I slept with him~??”
You said nothing. The woman in front of you puffed her cheeks, arranging her hair and make-up before turning to you.
“How boring! You could at least pretend to be angry or shocked instead of remaining emotionless, you remind me of that mint-haired cutie behaving like that,” she grabbed your face, her perfectly manicured nails slowly digging into your skin, “then again that’s an assassin for you! So calm and collected! Do you ever feel anything?”
The brown-haired woman added no more and finally let you go. She offered a sympathetic smile, the kind reserved for small, pitiful animals.
“A n y w ay, that’s it for today. You may go now. My own bodyguards will handle the rest.”
“I teased you enough for today now get out.”
You nodded not bothering to wait for any further indication as you knew the only thing in her mind right now was Xanxus.
A sigh escaped your lips as you let yourself fall on the ground, your back pressed against the door.
“Why do I have to take care of such a brat.”
The woman’s name… What was it again? You sighed once again, vaguely remembering it ended with an a.
Anyway, that woman was the precious daughter of the only heir of a powerful and resourceful family.
That’s what they claimed at least. Reborn didn’t seem convinced but until their investigations proved anything, the Varia was to take care of the negotiations, something you found pretty weird since said Varia which you were part of was composed of assassins and hardly any diplomats.
Honestly though, none among you could handle negotiation. Could you picture Squalo or Bel at the job? No way.
“It’s as if Reborn is dumping her on us so we can take care of this family as soon as they’re proved to be useless.”
You still had to wait for Sawada Tsunayoshi’s approval though.
Now, why were you the one in charge of this annoying princess?
Despite the doubts clouding on everyone’s minds, she still was a potential soon-to-be ally. Her safety was to be guaranteed especially since her family has been the target of countless rivals. She obviously had her own bodyguards but since you all had to treat her… decently, it was decided that a notorious assassin of the Vongola would take care of her.
This is where the fun began.
When she arrived, that woman had absolutely refused to be seen with both Levi and Lussuria, claiming they were creepy and gross.
You swore Lussuria cried and Levi plotted murder.
Xanxus didn’t even pop up as a potential candidate. He still had to go through her visits on a daily basis though.
Squalo couldn’t because of his numerous tasks but you were pretty sure he wouldn’t have taken care of her anyway.
Bel had mysteriously vanished that day and only came back three days later.
One of the perks of the Varia headquarters? You had a huge, magnificent bathroom connected to your own huge, magnificent room.
When you stepped out of the shower with your (h/c) hair still wet and opened the door to your room, you weren’t surprised to see the squad had once again gathered.
You knew buying a sofa for your room was a good idea.
It was also a good thing you already changed in your nightgown.
“(Name)-senpai is completely wet~”
“Fran… stop it.”
The illusionist apologised in his usual monotonous tone. Bel who sat next to him catcalled but was soon reprimanded by Lussuria. Levi was once again completely absorbed by the content of your magazines, especially the parts about love.
It was as lively as always.
“Come here (Name) I’ll blow your hair dry,” Lussuria offered, hair dryer and comb already in hands.
“Ushishi I’ll let you blow something else Princess—“
“BEL YOU JUST DIDN’T!”
Cue Lussuria smacking Bel with your comb and the Prince seemingly fainting.
“… well thanks Luss,” you sat in front of him and shivered a bit as you felt the fresh air on the back of your neck.
“How is (Name)-senpai doing? Isn’t she mad at the woman for throwing herself at the Boss? Even though (Name)-senpai and Boss had a huge fight and Boss could cheat on (Name)-senpai at any time? Or maybe he already did. Ooops.“
Lussuria gasped, “Fran I told you not to mention that!”
“It’s fine Luss,” despite the statement you still pouted and pinched Fran’s cheeks, “I’m doing fine. Also, this is punishment for my little Fran who doesn’t like having his cheeks pinched~”
“I don’t mind if it’s (Name)-senpai~”
“Aw aren’t you two precious?,” Lussuria cooed, “It would look cuter if both of you actually smiled though.”
“We’re cute but (Name)-senpai is pretending she’s not worried so she’s cuter. Or dumber. Say, are you cute or dumb senpai?”
You pinched his cheeks harder.
“Alright, maybe I am a little worried. He could cheat on me at any given moment… but I feel like he won’t. Even though he as the worst temper ever, get mad whenever Decimo is close—“
“Or us, the flying pony, the bomber, the cow, Master, and—” Fran counted.
“… yeah he’s a little possessive isn’t he? Still, my point is—“
Fran hid behind Lussuria. Levi jumped. And Bel came back from the death.
At least that’s how it looked like.
Squalo looked beyond pissed. It’s been almost one hour since he sent someone to fetch you all but he couldn’t find any of you.
He should have known they would be in you room.
“You guys are ALL coming with me RIGHT NOW,” he screamed, leaving no room for argument. The swordsman then turned to you, “As for you, someone’s here to see you. DON’T MAKE THEM WAIT.”
“Wow must be someone important then,” you thanked Lussuria again for you hair and put on a cardigan, “Where are you all going? I feel like I’m always missing the fun…”
“Showing some hospitality to our guests.”
You looked up and your eyes instantly met the others’.
So this family was useless in the end.
The atmosphere quickly changed; if you and the others had been carelessly playing around minutes ago, right now, everyone was silently fighting over who will get the heir’s and his daughter’s heads.
Only you was pouting.
“It’s unfair… I’ve been taking care of that woman since the beginning, surely I ought to give her a proper goodbye too!”
“Ushishi~ (Nickname) is angry; her mist is showing~”
You blinked and looked at your hand. Indeed your ring was glowing.
“Well she was the original replacement,” Levi scoffed, ready to head out, “Rest reassured there will be nothing left. I’ll start with her guards.”
“It sounds booooring but I’ll do it instead of (Name)-senpaaai,” Fran added, soon followed by Bel.
“Maybe I’ll find some cuties to add to my collection~,” Lussuria sing-sang, “Should I keep that brat’s body somewhere for you should I get her first?”
You scoffed, “Nah it would be a bother. She would be a waste of space in your room. However,” a grin soon appeared on your face, “Could you get her nails?”
The Sun Guardian gasped, “So she really did SRATCH you cute little face, I thought it was the result of a mission.”
“They were annoying,” you pouted once again and surely, Lussuria squealed then gasped again.
You figured Tsuna dropped by only to mess with Xanxus. And give Squalo more tasks regarding the remaining of the useless family.
You and the Decimo had a peculiar relationship, playing house when it obvious that each of you only felt platonic love for the other. Tsuna may have been a flirt, you knew he wouldn’t desperately run after your just for the sake of winning you over.
Especially if tensions within the family could arise because of that.
The hall you reached was already spotless. Judging by the sounds from earlier, you knew Xanxus was in the room at the end.
“They cleaned everything quickly.”
You softly knocked on the door and went inside right away. Had Xanxus not wanted anyone in, he would have shot. Or thrown something. Or both.
You were greeted by the smashed face of the brown-haired woman on the ground. Truth to be told, the only reason why you recognised her was because of her hair which was the only thing left intact did you not count the fact it was burnt.
Her face had been completely destroyed. There was nothing on this bloody smashed flesh that could have been linked to her.
As for the rest of her body, you could see the burnt didn’t only apply to her hair though her lower body was replaced by a pile of dust.
When you looked up, you saw your fiancé enjoying a glass of wine as usual. As he put down his glass, he throw a small glass-like box at you.
You could easily recognised those bloody painted nails.
“… is it your way of apologising?”
Xanxus merely grunted. He motioned for you to come over, which you happily did so and comfortably lay on his lap.
Completely mewling under your fiancé’s touch, you took a look at the nails once again.
“Did Luss tell you about the nails?”
“… trash touched what’s mine.”
You actually squealed.
“Oh by the way,” you looked up to him, your hands resting on his torso, “Thanks for earlier. Decimo was getting a little close.”
Xanxus’ grip on your waist became firmer, “Then fucking stay away from him.”
“I can’t just do that, he’s still the Decimo,” you pouted, taking off your cardigan, “But I can’t forgive him for messing with us either!”
You blinked, a grin soon stretching on your face.
Xanxus could recognise that look anytime.
You had an idea.
A brilliant one judging by your face.
“… wanna make a mess in his office next time?”
Xanxus threw you on the ground, your nightgown already torn.
R: First off, yes opinions are just opinions. But professional music critics have jobs for a reason. They understand the trends and viability of certain sounds & music. Their (hopefully) unbiased opinions of albums is far more valuable that the rants of lonely teenage girls online who think "Harry is the cutest!11 GOSH he is so Hawt!" And frankly, like MANY of Harry fans, bought the album because Harry Styles HEART emoji made it & couldn't give damn about the quality of it. Don't act brand new.