Peter Parker… Drunk??
Peter Parker X Reader Headcanons
A/N: Hey, everyone! I’m sorry I’ve been pretty absent these past few weeks!! As you probably know, it’s because of my internship thing which is finishing this week. ANYWAY! I’ll be posting more soon (hopefully)!! I hope you like this. (I have no idea why there are weird numbers in random places, I’m sorry!!!) (ON A SIDE NOTE I’VE GAINED LIKE 300 FOLLOWERS THIS WEEK?? THANK YOU I’VE GONE FROM 250 TO LIKE ALMOST 600 AND I FEEL V BLESSED)
- Let’s be real, Peter is a Lightweight™
- Like, one drink and he’s already going through the motions.
- This makes it awkward when you’re just at home casually Cracking Open A Cold One™ and then suddenly you’ve got a drunk Peter on your hands.
- There are stages of Drunk Peter™
One Drink Peter is sickeningly sweet!! His mouth will literally just bubble over, complimenting you.
- “(Y/N), why are you so pretty? Oh my gosh, I’m so lucky to have you.”
- “Peter, I’m literally wearing my pyjamas, what are you talking about???”
- He’s also 2467995790075 times more affectionate.
- Expect hugs from really awkward positions.
- Like, imagine Peter thinks some can is a fizzy drink and so he grabs it but it’s actually beer and he comes over to you drunk??
- And you’re trying to do yoga so you’re bent in a weird shape,
- And then Peter decides now is Prime Time™ for spooning.
Two Drink Peter starts talking SUPER LOUD, like, your head hurts.
- “(Y/N), I WAS THINKING AND I DECIDED I LIKE JELLO AND I LIKE ICE CREAM, BUT NOT TOGETHER.”
- “Thank you for the update, I’ll treasure it forever.”
Three Drink Peter gets very emotional.
- “I’m so lucky to be with you honestly like you look after me and I’d probably be homeless if it weren’t for you like I know I have May but I feel like I put too much pressure on her and on you I don’t know I mean I’d do anything for you…”
- “Peter, sh.”
- “No! You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me! I wish I was good enough with words to let you know how much you mean to me…”
- “You’re so dramatic. I love you, drama queen.”
- *choked up* “I love you too.”
Four Drink Peter makes gross & dorky innuendos.
- “Wanna have a fist fight?”
- “Peter, we’re not five… Okay, you’re going down.”
- *complete straight face* “On you, I hope.”
Five Drink Peter is weirdly confident???¿?
- Like, you might be at a party and suddenly Peter will challenge someone (probably Flash) to a rap battle or something and he’ll blow everyone out of the water with his Sick Rhymes™
- And you’re jumping up and down like tHaT’s My BaBy!¡!!
- When Peter is like this he also feels zero shame in gushing about you to literally everyone within a million mile radius.
- “Oh, hi! I don’t think we’ve met! I’m Peter and this is my girlfriend, (Y/N). Isn’t she great? I can’t believe she loves me, I’m so lucky. On our first date I was so nervous but she makes me feel so comfortable and – What, (Y/N)?”
- “Peter, stop, oh my gosh.”
- *simultaneous blushing*
- Flash, from across the room, behind his deck: “EW GET A ROOM”
- “WE ALREADY USED YOUR MOM’S ROOM EARLIER TELL HER TO WASH HER SHEETS”
- Peter, tearing up at what a blessing you are: “That’s,,,, my girl!!!!!!!!!”
Six Drink Peter needs to Sleep™
- One minute he’ll be walking just fine and then the next he’s just collapsed to the floor.
- “Peter? Peter! Are you okay?????”
- *unintelligible groans*
- “I’m getting you to bed.”
- *opens one eye* “Ooh, tell me more.” (Four Drink Peter, is that you????)
- “Not like that, you frickin’ dork.”
- Peter Parker is probably the most interesting drunk??
- Like an onion, he has LAYERS
- The End????