anonymous asked:

please put a magical gorilla in your next fic i would read tf outta that. also your writing Is fabulous in my humble opinion,,,,,,,, really & truly! your creative brain has whipped up some of my fave fics ever and ily for it!!!!

Draco’s eyes were locked with the gorilla’s. He waved his wand at his own face to cast an Eye-Moistening Charm so he wouldn’t have to blink. He refused to lose a staring contest with a magical gorilla named The Patriarch. 

Pat, for short, Luna’s dreamy voice sounded in his head, but Draco didn’t have time to think about Luna right now. 

Pat was having outbursts of uncontrolled magic the second he was removed from his pool. The plastic kiddie pool he was currently splashing in, in the middle of Draco’s sitting room.

Really, this was Luna’s fault. Luna’s fault for becoming a magical creatures expert and starting an animal sanctuary and somehow tricking Draco into thinking that accepting a job with her was a good idea. It was also her fault for welcoming Pat into her sanctuary when the gorilla started showing signs of magic at the London Zoo. Before Luna had rescued him into the magical world, Pat had managed to Vanish a Muggle’s clothes, Enlarge his enclosure, and cast some type of as-yet-unidentified mind control over a Muggle zookeeper.

“Pat,” Draco said, wishing he had training in hostage situations or something requiring a similar level of psychological diplomacy. “You’re in the water. Everything’s fine. That calms you right down, doesn’t it?“ 

Draco still hadn’t blinked, and somehow neither had Pat, who was splashing giant waves of water out of the pool and onto the rug they’d bought from the magical district in Cairo.

Pat looked at Draco with unsettling awareness, and Draco remembered Luna’s lecture about the intelligence of primates. Good grief. He’d already accepted the humanity of werewolves and other humans that he would have once called “half-breeds"—wasn’t this taking it a bit far? Hadn’t he already proved his tolerance towards all living creatures? But no. Somehow he was being tested—again—by a gorilla who may or may not have been able to cast an Imperio.

Pat squinted and a rubber ball floating in the pool shot across the room with alarming speed, hitting Draco in the head.

“Motherfucker,” Draco hissed, still refusing to break eye contact. Pat’s lips curled up in a way that Draco would swear under Veritaserum was a smirk. 

Draco waved his wand to erect a Shield around him, protecting himself from further projectiles and splashes.

It was all Luna’s fault for taking a holiday to research Snuffalupaguses in Burma, leaving Draco to deal with a gorilla who, apparently, couldn’t be left alone after hours. 

Actually, no, it was Harry’s fault for inspiring Draco to become a better person. If Draco were like his father, he would’ve killed Pat straightaway and followed it up with a little philosophical speech about the ethical imperative of his actions. Of course, that presumed Pat was even mortal.

Draco was going to have to train this gorilla to perform magic, wasn’t he? Otherwise Pat would never learn to keep it under control? Somehow this was his life now. Draco Lucius Malfoy, magical instructor to apes. What was next, teaching Charms to capuchins? Transfiguration to tarsiers?

Pat finally broke eye contact, squatting and looking down at the pool.

Aha! Draco had won! The first step in teaching Pat who was charge of this household! Oh—wait. Oh, Circe.

Draco pulled his magimobile from his pocket, pressed a button and said, with a voice teetering just this side of insanity, “Call Harry.”

“Hey,” Harry’s voice sounded a moment later, his calm tone incongruous with the situation.

“I need you to come home now,” Draco said, as carefully as he could, so as not to provoke Pat. “And I need you to stop on your way to buy nappies.”

Forever in our hearts. Happy Birthday Carrie, we miss you. 🌙✨🌟🌹❤️