gorgeousxnightmare

Cuz all of Me, Loves all of You. Loves your Curves and all your Edges. All your Perfect Imperfections. Give your All to Me, I’ll give my All to You. You’re My End and My Beginning. Even when I lose I’m Winning.
—  Cuz ill give my All to You.
3/2/14

This goes out to my girlfriend, Christine!
You and I, have been through hell and back already. And knowing how we both are, we’re bound to head back there all over again.
But you know what?
I’d rather go through hell with you than with anyone else.
We’ve only been together for a short time, but we’ve known each other for longer than that. And the way we always talked. And the way we sent each other messages long enough to be essays. We might as well have been together the entire time.

In case you still don’t know.
Or in case you still don’t believe me..
You mean the world to me baby.
You make me feel like no one has in the longest time. And a way that I thought I wouldn’t feel again.
You are truly amazing and you’re just perfect to me baby.

I can’t wait until I fly over and finally get to hold you in my arms.
We only have a few weeks more to wait, but it feels like an eternity.
Soon, we’ll finally be together.

Happy 2 months baby.

Time and Patience.

That’s all we need to make this work.

The patience to deal with each other when we get a little too frustrated. And the patience to deal with the time it’s going to take for us to get together.

Time and patience is all we need to make this work.

Boy could we make this work.

And when we do make this work,
We’ll realize, that every struggle. Every frustrating moment. Every thought of giving up being pushed aside. It’ll all be worth it.

Why?
Because we know we’ll have fought for something that really matters. And we fought it through to the end.

Time and Patience is all we need my love.

Because All Of Me, Loves All Of You.

No matter how much you deny it.
And no matter how much you tell me no.

I will always love the sound of your voice.
I will always love having your voice be the last i hear before I fall asleep.
I will always love how your voice sounds when your sleepy.
And how your voice sounds when you just ramble on and on.
I love it when you do that.
In fact..I’ve missed it.
It’s not to say that we haven’t talked a lot.
But it sure has been a while since I’ve just listened to you talk and listen to you keep going and going.
I really have missed that.

Honestly, I can’t wait for the day that I’m lying down next to you.
And we just talk while I hold you.
And we keep talking until it turns to whispers.
Then we’ll keep whispering until it turns to silence. And we just fall asleep.

I honestly can’t wait for the day I have you next to me.
And I especially can’t wait, because even when we stop talking, I won’t have to start missing you like crazy..
Like I do now.

Today...

Is officially 4 months with my beautiful and amazing girlfriend! ❤
Wow..where do I even start.
In all honesty, it doesn’t even feel like its been 4months with you already. It’s been so amazing to call you mine, time just keeps flying by. But at the same time…it feels like I’ve known you my entire life.
I’ve gotten to know you and you’ve gotten to know me. Not just these past 4 months, but since the day we first met. And we’re still not done learning things about each other. It’s one of the many things i like so much about you. Everyday you still manage to surprise me with something I didn’t know.

You know..
We’re not perfect. You piss me off at times, I know for a damn fact that I piss you off sometimes. We’ve been through hell and back during these past 4 months. A LOT! But no matter what we go through and no matter what we fight about, we are always there for each other in the end. We may be hardheaded and stubborn with each other at times, but no matter what, we’re always there for each other.

If I had to, I would choose you all over again. And I would never even consider choosing someone else of you.
You’re perfect for me baby.
And although I still think you’re too good for me, I’m still glad that you picked me.

Happy 4 months @gorgeousxnightmare
I love you baby.
we’ll be together soon, my love. I promise.

You're right. And I'm sorry...

You’re right, to say that it just scares the crap out of you.
You didn’t even say the words that I did, but just reading that made my heart sink. I can’t even begin to imagine what your heart must’ve felt.
I’m sorry. For putting you through that. You never deserved to see that. To make you feel like that.
I was stupid. And an idiot.
And if I could take it all back, I would. In a heartbeat.

You see..
I wasn’t myself. When I wrote that.
To be completely honest, I didn’t even remember that I typed that. It just wasnt me. Not anymore.
You said that you’ve never seen me make a post like that, and it was for a reason.
You came around, and I just didn’t want to die anymore. I actually wanted to live. And I’m not taking about the beginning of the year us getting together, no. I’m talking the, “hey, what’s your name” messages. Back when we really started talking.
You just made me feel something else. You never knew it, but you changed me. I may still have dealt with depression every now and then. But I didn’t have any suicidal thoughts. Not anymore.
And the crash, it was kind of like a trigger.
You take all the built up anxiety I had.
Mix in a little fear and depression about losing you.
And top it off with a near death experience, it pushed me over the edge. And I couldn’t hold on.
It made me sink to a place I didn’t want to be.
Because the truth is, I don’t want to die.
The truth is, I would never want to leave you alone,not just here in the physical world, but anywhere.

“I just want to go to the nearest bridge and jump”
“Well you better wait until I get to be next to you, because if you jump, ill be holding you the whole way down”

Do you remember that?
I never want to leave you.
You are my everything, and to know that I hurt you so much, it just killed me inside.
I wasn’t in my right mind. And I was an idiot for even thinking such a thing.
I know it’s not an excuse. And I know it’s not the easiest thing to forgive.
But I hope you accept my apology. I really am sorry baby. And I promise, you will never hear those words come out of me again.

I just hope you can forgive me. And we can go back to how things used to be.
Like today, we didn’t get to oovoo, but we texted all day. And it felt good talking to you. I think I even made you laugh a couple times. And it felt even better not having it end in an argument. I just hope we can keep that going from here.

I just can’t help but think, of how cute you look with those braids. And seeing your face after so long, oh you have no idea how much of a dork I looked with such a big smile.
Although, I am greedy. I don’t just want to settle with talking to you over text. And seeing you over video.
I want to be there. With you.
I want to be able to hold you. And kiss you.
I want to be able to come up behind you, wrap my arms around your waist. And kiss your cheek. And just think to myself “how did I ever get this lucky?” I want it. So bad.
I have enough money now. And if you’ll still have me, I’d love to fly over and see you. And be with you. It’s only be less than a month now. And I want to make it happen.

You mean everything to me baby, never forget that. And I’d do anything for you, especially to see that gorgeous smile of yours.
:-*

youtube

Christine,
Since you didnt let me be a good boyfriend and surprise you with flowers for Valentine’s Day. Or you wouldnt let me buy you merch at the concert, I decided to do something i knew you couldnt stop me from doing.

I put this together for you, I hope you like it.
You mean the world to me baby, enjoy. :-*