poly rambles 1
So thought I would try blogging to get some of the crazy ramblings out of my head and onto the computer screen
Identifying as polyamarous has allowed me to explore and initiate relationships with the blessing of my beautiful husband , these relationships have helped me grow as a person in different ways and although most have been challenging they have helped to teach me about love, and encouraged me to explore love and the infinite nature I have for it in my heart.
And then along came the hard part, jealousy in its ugliest most confronting form. Yes, although I now had this freedom to explore and entertain the idea of having more than one love so did my husband. And the first forays into life as poly did certainly give way to some jealous thoughts it wasn’t until my husband met his now current girlfriend did it hit me like a B-Double truck
This girl is drop dead gorgeous, and yes in a physical way I’m a little bit attracted to her too , yet what makes her so gorgeous is the inner beauty that comes with confidence in yourself as a person . She has this charisma about her that is difficult to emulate and to explain. And she is madly head over heels in love with my husband
The jealousy didn’t come straight away, but crept up on me and wound its dark and long fingers into my head … she’s prettier than you, she probably is better in bed than you, she kisses him more deeply than you, he loves her more than you … and so it carries on. These thoughts are insistent and I push them away and then they come at me again. Both of them have been nothing but supportive, my husband tells me multiple times a day he loves me, his girlfriend is going out of her way to develop a friendship with me … so why the fuck do I feel like this?
And how can I love other people if I don’t have enough love and confidence in myself?