Barbara: “If you eat that piece of bacon I swear to god this friendship is over"
Dick: *sneaks up on unsuspecting sibling* *randomly drops and crushes said sibling with all their weight* "HUMPBACK WHALE!!!"
Jason: "Hey come here, I have to tell you a secret. Closer. Little closer.” *sticks tongue in their ear*
Cass: “I’m sorry but I really don’t like you and I want you to stay outside of my house or maybe just be dead and burn in the darkest pits of hell please"
Tim: *loses battery for the remote* "WHY WON’T GOD JUST FREAKING LET ME DIE I THINK I’VE EARNED IT BY NOW"
Stephanie: *accidentally sets fire to counter* "You know, maybe you shouldn’t play with fire anymore” “Yeah, maybe-” *lights match* “-but not today"
Damian: "You know once a kid dared me to stick up the middle finger in kindergarten and I did and the second I did it he called the teacher and she made me sit out recess that day and this is why I have trust issues"
Alfred: *banging pots and pans* "GET THE FRICK DOWNSTAIRS YOU PEASANTS I MADE CUPCAKES AND NEED VALIDATION ON MY BAKING ABILITIES"
Bruce: "hOw DaRe YoU dIsReSpEct mE!!! i aM tHe KiNg Of tHiS LiViNg RoOm!!!"
Commissioner Gordon always carries candy and breakfast bars; his coat pockets are deep, sometimes Cass can score 2 chocolate chip breakfast bars if she gives Gordon a hug. The second Robin liked lifesavers, and oddly enough that seems to be Red Hood’s kryptonite too; the third Robin, now Red Robin, prefers chocolate so Gordon hands over a Reese’s cup in thanks for intel on who robbed that bank on Monday. Red Robin eats it while mapping out his theory for Gordon to understand, mumbling around the peanut butter chocolatey goodness. The first Robin, now going by Nightwing, is rare to see these days but Gordon still carries gummy worms in case he shows up; Spoiler swings by, hyper as always, and Gordon has already dug out a pack of Skittles and three breakfast bars. The newest Robin, little devil that he is, can be placated with a a pack of Runts that he begrudgingly shares with whatever sibling he’s on good terms with that night; Batman doesnt accept anything.
There was a time where Gordon, young and unawares, didn’t carry candy and breakfast bars; not until one night a boy was brought into the precinct, in shock and alone and grieving, clutching a bloody suit jacket way too big to be his, and Gordon poured four dollars into the vending machine for a pack of poptarts and 3 different types of candy. Anything to offer comfort and make the boy feel less alone…
Batman may not accept anything, but whenever Gordon sees Bruce he’s always tempted to ask if he still likes jawbreakers.
Headcanon that the batkids hide under Bruce’s cape ALL the time. When they get cold on patrol, when they’re scared of a particularly creepy villain, when they get tired and need a warm, dark place to hide, they can always be found in Bruce’s cape, hanging onto his back like a koala. One time Hal and Barry were at the watchtower just hanging out when they saw something move under Batman’s cape. Assuming it was an alien parasite out to kill the dark knight by sucking his brains out, Barry pulled off the cape to reveal not one, not two, but three of Bruce’s kids huddled under there playing a game of Uno. It was a mystifying experience.
When all the guests had left, Bruce brought out the old record player and danced with his kids to songs from the 50s. Some favorites include Beyond the Sea (Bobby Darin), Hound Dog (Elvis Presley), At the Hop (Danny & the Juniors), Sh-Boom (The Chords), and
Rockin’ Robin (Bobby Day)!
Super-excited, just wants his dad to be happy. Throws himself into wedding preparation. Lives for this. Takes cake-tasting far more seriously than either the bride or groom.
Passive-aggressive questioning in the fake voice of a 10-year-old, just to annoy Bruce. Is not actually worried about whether he'll have to share his room with the cats. Selina finds it hilarious. Bruce is unamused.
"...You know, I knew something ridiculous was going to happen while I was not-dead. This wasn't even in the top twenty worst-case scenarios, so...congrats?"
Quietly super-happy. Subtly works cat motifs into her costume. Tags along with Selina on patrol.
"About time. This house needs some more feminine energy. They're always ganging up on me."
"Stephanie, you don't even live here."
"New mommy, dad's being mean to me again."
Is mainly worried about Alfred the cat and how he'll react to his new step-cats.
Polite, welcoming, genuinely congratulatory. Also practical. Makes sure all the valuable Wayne Manor paintings are secured to the wall. Especially any with a cat in them.
Takes over bachelorette party planning. Has binders of blackmail material on Bruce to show Selina. This is her moment.
Is just glad the tabloids will stop shipping her and Batman.
[the bat family is standing around the broken coffee maker]
Bruce Wayne: So. Who broke it? I’m not mad, I just wanna know.
Dick Grayson: … I did. I broke it.
Bruce Wayne: No. No you didn’t. Jason?
Jason Todd: Don’t look at me. Look at Tim.
Tim Drake: What?! I didn’t break it.
Jason Todd: Oh that’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?
Tim Drake: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken.
Jason Todd: Suspicious.
Tim Drake: No it’s not!
Jason Todd: If it matters, probably not, but Barbara was the last one to use it.
Barbara Gordon: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!
Jason Todd: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Barbara Gordon: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that Jason!
Dick Grayson: Okay let’s not fight. I broke it. Let me fix it Bruce.
Bruce Wayne: No! Who broke it!?
Tim Drake: Bruce… Damian’s been awfully quiet.
Damian Wayne: REALLY?!
[everyone starts arguing]
Bruce Wayne: [to Alfred] I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
Roy often skips Boy Scout meetings to hang out with Kori and Jason (Don’t tell Ollie)
Kyle Rayner is usually hanging with the Troublemakers but had a cold on this particular day and Hal wouldn’t let him leave the house.
Cass is wearing Bruce’s old costume (here) that she found in the attic while playing hide and seek with her brothers. Alfred has since made a few alterations to it, of course.
That stuffed cat looking thing behind Damian was made by Dick. Alfred has been teaching him how to sew and he practices by making tons of plush for his siblings! (They’re finally starting to look like actual animals)