gop is shit

Steve Bannon reportedly advised Trump to keep a “shit list” of Republicans who oppose him

  • Citing anonymous Trump administration officials, the Daily Beast reported that Trump’s chief strategist, Steve Bannon, has advised the president to keep a “shit list” of all the Republican lawmakers who choose to vote against the American Health Care Act during a scheduled vote on Friday.
  • Amid mounting evidence that GOP leadership will be whip enough votes needed to pass the legislation, Trump has reportedly become incensed — prompting Bannon to suggest that he make a note of the defectors.
  • “[Bannon] has told the president to keep a shit list on this,” one official told the Daily Beast. “He wants a running tally of [the Republicans] who want to sink this… Not sure if I’d call it an ‘enemies list,’ per se, but I wouldn’t want to be on it.” Read more (3/24/17 4 PM)

So I grabbed a Captain Underpants book that I haven’t read out of curiosity and….

“We All know that it’s good to be smart. It’s even better to be very smart. But being TOO smart is just asking for trouble. Take human beings for example […] somewhere along the way we got TOO smart for our own good. We started inventing dumb things like car alarms, leaf blowers, and spray-on hair. You’d think that dumb things would have been good enough for us, but no. Our big, ridiculous brains had to take things one step further. So we began creating incredibly dangerous things like atomic bombs and nuclear warheads, and we built enough of them  to wipe out everybody on the planet. Then, like the smarty-pantses we are, we handed the launch codes over to politicians.

Only human beings are smart enough to be that dumb!”

THIS IS HOW THE BOOK STARTS! HOLY CRAP!

Today in the news trump just shat on the oval office desk making the first ever live tweet by a president. When ask about the stool his cabinet had nothing but compliments saying “It’s a perfect poop emoji” and “It’s not runny or green or anything. Good job” GOP congressmen are against him shitting on the desk but excuse him because he doesn’t know better he’s not instilled in politics like we were.

GOP staffer who was talking shit about the Obama girls was quite the teenage terror getting arrested for shoplifting.

Pro tip: when talking about class, try to have some. Also, learn that free speech does not stop you from getting fired.

In last night’s GOP debate they mentioned the San Bernardino shooting (committed by Muslims) shooting 81 times. They mentioned the Charleston shooting (committed by a white supremacist guy) 0 times.

Seriously, though: If you’re some poor, unfortunate American who ever finds themselves getting shot by a crazy nutjob with an assault weapon in a mass shooting…

Well, before you die and pass on to the eternal afterlife with Jesus/Allah/Buddha/L. Ron Hubbard/Whoever make sure to get a look at the shooter and his skin color  Ask his religion, if you can summon up the energy while you slowly bleed to death.

Then you will know, ultimately, if the GOP will ever give a shit about you and your life. Or if they will just forget about you because, hey, Wayne LaPierre and the NRA making money matters far more than innocent dead people.

LaPierre REALLY needs that luxury yacht, you understand.