goofer

The Proper Collection of Graveyard Dirt

Graveyard dirt is essential to many spells and concoctions. However, you can’t just go grab some. At best, it won’t work, and at worst, you’ll have to deal with the ire of the spirits you stole from.

You may wish to choose your grave beforehand, or you can let the spirits guide you to the correct grave. 

If you choose your grave beforehand, do your research on the person who died and make sure that their life and death has something to do with your purpose. You aren’t just collecting dirt; you are offering to employ a spirit for your purposes.

You may wish to find the grave of a heroic soldier, police officer, or judge when you desire true justice, or your object is protection. If you desire terrible revenge, those who died violent deaths are usually the best to choose. If you are using your graveyard dirt for love (or protection), you can gather dirt from the grave of someone who loved you, or from an ancestor. And so on.

Before you enter the graveyard, pause and declare your intention to the spirits there, and tell them that you wish to treat them with honor and respect. Enter.

Find the grave of your choice. If it is dark, use a natural source of light.

Show your offerings to the intended spirit. Traditional offerings include silver-colored coins, tobacco, and liquor. If you knew the person and know specifically what they like, bring that. If you wish to be especially discreet, bring flowers to plant or bring a potted plant to place on the grave, and no one will think twice about you digging.

Tell the spirit what you need and why. Be brief, but don’t exclude important information that may convince the spirit to help you. Tell the spirit you will pay for the dirt and their help, and present the offerings. Ask them if they agree. Sit silently and wait for their permission.

When you have permission, thank them, and use a ritual knife to dig some dirt from their grave and put it in a bag. (if this is too difficult, you CAN consecrate a trowel, or use one you use in magical gardening.)

Don’t take sod. Once you’ve dug a small hole and emptied it, put your offerings into the hole as payment. If there was sod, replace it. If you were going to plant something here, plant it over the offerings.

Thank the spirit again and take your leave. Before leaving the graveyard, address the spirits again, thank them for letting you do your work, and ask that no one follow you. Spin around three times to confuse any spirits attempting to follow. Once you exit the graveyard, spin around three more times. Before entering your home, spin around three times again.

You now have an extremely powerful ingredient.

McElroy Content Expectations

MBMBaM: haha wacky goofers

Monster Factory:  haha wacky goofers

Coolgames Inc:  haha wacky goofers

Touch the Skyrim: haha wacky goofers

Griffin’s Amiibo Corner:  haha wacky goofers

The Adventure Zone: stress and crying

Car Boys:  haha wacky goofers

Trading Spaces- Part 1

Summary: Sam enlists the assistance of a witch to help you and Dean work through your issues. He’s not expecting that help to come in the form of a body swap sell.

Word Count: 5200

Warning: body swap, a tiny bit of masturbation

A/N: THIS IS PART 1 OF 2. Hope y’all enjoy this trope I’ve been wanting to write for a while! FEEDBACK APPRECIATED! XOXO


The smell of herbs and spices burned your nose, and you held back a sneeze as you watched the woman behind the counter fill a small jar with a goofer dust. She was calm and kind, with wild hair that framed her pretty face, and creamy dark skin that made you envy its flawless clarity. But her easy laugh and gentle demeanor didn’t change the fact that she was a witch, and you held your frown as you watched her closely. Dean shifted his weight behind you, practically buzzing, just as eager to get out of here as you were.

Sam, however, just leaned over the counter with relaxed shoulders and that charming grin that showed his dimples. “Thanks again for selling to us.”

Keep reading

Making REAL Goofer Dust

You’ve all probably seen it in metaphysical stores: a little bottle of pale green, sparkly dust that someone has labeled “goofer.“ It probably looked something like this:

And someone has probably told you that goofer dust is good for cursing others, or for protection, and you thought you might try it.

Look at the ingredients label next time. What’s that? Yeah, it’s talc. It’s not gonna do you any good unless you apply it after a shower.

Here’s a recipe for how to make the real thing. Keep in mind there are NO SUBSTITUTES for ANYTHING IN THIS POST. 

You will need:

  • sulfur
  • salt
  • skin or head of a venomous snake, dried and ground
  • black pepper
  • graveyard dirt

Optional additives:

  • red pepper
  • ground bones
  • ground insects
  • sage
  • mullein
  • anvil dust

All you have to do once you have these ingredients is to mix them together in a container. You can then cast and scatter this dust. Cast it where your target will walk, or where they work, or where they will most definitely be. Be warned that it will affect anyone else who also uses that space.

Your target will develop a very serious, chronic illness that may result in death. Accordingly, be sure to cleanse yourself and your space after handling completed Goofer. (It wouldn’t hurt to wipe down the outside of the closed container after, either.) If you or anyone unintended falls ill, sprinkle salt in the corners of your house, and commence sweeping and washing. Be sure to ritually cleanse the unintended victim, preferably in a magical bath.

ABOUT SNAKE SKIN: It is important that you verify the species that your skin comes from. Many sellers of skin sheds and snake parts are well-intentioned, but cannot properly identify a snake species. Many distributors of snake sheds will also tear it up or grind it up for you, which means you can’t verity that it comes from the snake that you need. Find an online listing for a snake skin shed and contact your local herpetological society or university by email and ask them to identify which of your links has an actual (let’s say) rattlesnake skin. It’s very easy to do, and having the correct item is invaluable. Many non-venomous snakes have patterns that are intended to look just like the venomous ones.

EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: There is NO substitute for graveyard dirt. Collecting it is a process. Many suggest that a combination of herbs associated with sleep and death are a substitute for graveyard dust, but that is not true in the case of a Goofer recipe. You MUST have dirt from an actual grave, and you must collect it ritually, asking for permission from the spirit whose body is in the grave, and leaving offerings for the dead in payment for the dirt. It is a process that is not dangerous, but must be undertaken with care, out of respect for the spirits and to ensure that none of them follow you home. Before attempting to collect it, please read my post on the proper collection of graveyard dirt!

Setting the World Straight on Graveyard Dirt

If someone tells you that graveyard dirt is a euphemism for ground mullein or patchouli, don’t listen. When it comes to graveyard dirt, those people don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground.

Graveyard dirt is, quite simply, dirt from a graveyard. No mystical herbal mixtures or what have you. It’s dirt. More specifically, it’s dirt from the graveyard at large rather than a certain grave.

Grave dirt is the dirt from a particular grave, used to hire that specific spirit.

Graveyard dust, though the term is often used interchangeably with graveyard dirt, isn’t the same thing. It refers to the fine particles that collect on the headstones and can be brushed off into a small bottle.

Goofer dust, which is also improperly used to refer to graveyard dirt, is something different altogether. However, graveyard dirt is a component of goofer dust.

So let’s review.


Graveyard Dirt: dirt from a graveyard

Grave Dirt: dirt from a specific grave

Graveyard Dust: dust and particulates from headstones

Goofer Dust: a specific mixture which includes graveyard dirt


There. Now you know. That misinformation drives me nuts, so I just had to make a post about it. If you want to know more, my ask is always open.

Shit I've Heard In Class (Part Five):
  • "Does that make me not gay?"
  • "Oh, classical guitar—this must be very serious music."
  • "I must admit that I have wished death upon a random stranger before."
  • "Fuck men—literally, not literally, whatever blows your bubble."
  • "That's beautiful—to me. That's delicious—to me. That's hideous—to me."
  • "Wham—bam—that was fun—don't ever call me."
  • "This is not a beer."
  • "And then she dies."
  • "What else matters besides money? Nothing?"
  • "It's not even that hard to commit a felony."
  • "I'm shocked—why am I shocked? Why am I shocked? I'll tell you why I'm shocked, it's because I'm stupid, that's why I'm shocked."
  • "Can I disagree?"
  • "You were just a virgin."
  • "This is why you don't mix work and goofer dust."
  • "Should you fall asleep I will sneak over to you and write on your face."
  • "I'd like you to see that I'm different from you."
  • "If I don't win I'm not the hero."
  • "The teenage girls loved it; they didn't know the difference."
  • "It's perfect for the background of your rap."
  • "If you tell on me I'm totally not gonna like you."
  • "You said the same thing twice."
  • "This is an embarrassment, actually."
  • "The problem is sexual tension, there's too much of it."
  • "I'm making a statement about cultural relativism."
  • "Your math teacher doesn't care what you believe."
  • "They're a bunch of old fuddy-duddies."
  • "I can spell THAT."
  • "He was speechless or stoned or something."
Crown of Thorns Oil

I use this – basically – like the oil equivalent of Goofer Dust. For curses, hexes and any unsavory workings. Its uses are as vast as the imagination and it seems to have a particular affinity for black and red candles. It can be added to charms, dolls, candles, poured into a person’s foot-tracks, etc. but the point is usually the same – to cause discomfort &/or to keep a person the hell away from you.

To create, mix:

  • Coffee Beans (whole or ground – either is fine)
  • Red Pepper Flakes
  • Cayenne and/or Chile Powder
  • (3/6/9) Whole, dried Red Peppers (like Tabascos, japonés, even red jalapeños) 
  • Black Pepper
  • Iron Oxide (Rust)
  • (Optional: Sulfur Powder)

Add these to a jar/bottle (using a dark bottle or one painted black is preferable, but not necessary). Once added, fill half way with:

Carrier Oil & Castor Oil (4:1)

Shake vigorously.

Finally. add in:

  • A few sprigs of Barberry
  • Pins and Needles
  • Ash of Deuteronomy 28:25 ;; The Lord will cause you to be defeated before your enemies. You will come at them from one direction but flee from them in seven, and you will become a thing of horror to all the kingdoms on earth.

Fill the rest of the way with oil – cork and shake.

WARNING: There’s a whole lot of capsaicin in that bottle. Be careful and be sure to wash hands after use.

Goofer Dust Recipe

Now, I know this is one of those things that you just aren’t supposed to divulge to anyone and I know quite a few people who would take their recipe to the grave (conveniently, given the circumstance…):

I, however, am not so private – or rather, I don’t mind sharing a few trade secrets.

I don’t intend to hold you hand for this process or walk you through specifics. If you choose to attempt this recipe, you do so on your own free will – don’t put it on me.

Things You’ll Need:

  • Dirt from a Sinner’s Grave (it’s a loose term, but you’ll know it when you find it – always pay at the gates and at the stone)
  • Red Pepper Seeds
  • Black Peppercorns (whole is better, then crushed forcibly)
  • Black Salt (Kala Namak)
  • Sulphur Powder
  • Lava Rock (powdered)
  • Limestone (powdered)
  • Iron Oxide (scraped from iron nails)
  • Traditionally, Snake Skin/Shed is also added, but I prefer Powdered Slug
  • Powdered, Hot Red Peppers
  • Black Dog Hair

Gather your ingredients and take them into the cemetery – paying your way. Without reading any of the stones, make your way to its center (alt. count 7 stones and do you working at the 7th you come to – I find this to be a little insensitive, however, given the 7th stone was probably just an unsuspecting person in life, garnering no added benefit).

Once there, “wash” your hands with Dark Rum, and pour some unto the earth. Combine your ingredients in a bowl or bag, beginning with the (9) peppercorns and red pepper flakes. Crush them with a rock or in a mortar.

To this, add your Dirt and mix thoroughly. Add in: Powdered Lava Rock, Sulphur, Black Salt, Iron Oxide, and Limestone (in no particular order). In a separate vessel or simply on the ground, combine Black Dog Hair, Powdered Red Pepper and Powder Slug/Snakeskin. Scoop with hands and add to the dirt mixture.

Wash hands with Rum again, and dust them with Cascarilla.

Leave a Piece of Silver (Coins were ideal, but aren’t made with silver anymore – though coins are better than NOTHING) or light a Black Candle where you worked. Collect your belongings and take 7 paces backward, at which point turn away and do not look back until through the gates.

2

Devil’s Trap with Exorcism on the inside Jewelry Box- Supernatural

A medium sized box that has the Exorcism inside. This box is only $25 and comes with one of these Hex bags. A neat cosplay prop that has a  wishbone (plastic), an unbroken spider’s egg (a cotton ball), some goofer dust (black sand), and some lavender (bath bomb shavings) all wrapped up in faux leather, tied together with suede cord and a metal pentagram for protection against all evils. 

i know everyones all about Griffin’s Goofers and i appreciate his witty jokes and all as well but like whycome no one ever talks about how fucking great he is as developing an entire plotline and world and various mysteries and puzzles as the dungeon master of taz? because like. hes fucking awesome as shit at telling a story mes amies

Anti-Love

You will need the following items for this spell:

  • 1 Black Couple Candle or 1 Black Figural Break-Up (Divorce) Candle
  • 1 bottle Crossing Oil
  • 1 packet Crossing Sachet Powder
  • 1 packet Crossing Incense Powders
  • 1 packet Hotfoot Powder
  • 1 packet Goofer Dust
  • 1 Bottle containing
  • 9 Pins, 9 Needles, 9 Nails, black dog hair, black cat hair
  • 1 packet Devil’s Shoe Strings Curio
  • 1 packet Devil Pod Curio
  • 1 packet Hyssop Herb
  • 2 White Offertory Candles

This spell is presented in several degrees of severity, 

 allowing you to choose just how much trouble you 

want to make. In addition to the items here, you will need
something personal from both parties, such as their hair,
footprint-dirt, menstrual blood, semen, photos, business
card, or the like. The more intimate the better. In
addition, you should symbolically write their full names on
two pieces of paper 9 times. Use black ink for the one you
want to have get away and red ink for the one you want to
stay near you. Use black ink for both, if you want both to
get away. Whatever item you use, those things, plus the
name-papers, will be referred to as “the couple’s personal
items.” Work during the waning of the moon).

Start by maaking the Crossing Incense Powders into cones
(use a twist of paper, pack the incense in with your finger,
and turn it out of the cone). On the Black Couple Candle
carve the couple’s full names with the words BREAK UP
between their names. Dress the candle with Crossing Oil and
sprinkle it with Crossing Powder. For each of the next seven
days burn a portion of the incense and one section of the
candle. Pinch the candle out between times, never blow it
out. During these 7 days, you will work the spell itself.

The bottle contains 9 Pins, 9 Needles, 9 Rusty Nails, the
Hair of a Black Dog, and the Hair of a Black Cat. These are
to cause pain, anger, emotional incompatibility, distance,
and quarreling between the couple so that they will “fight
like cats and dogs” and seek to part from each other. You
have 3 types of powders. Each is alleged to produce a
certain result. The more you use, the more mischief is
believed to result. Hotfoot Powder is to drive someone away.
Crossing Powder is to bring about bad luck, trouble, and
illness. Goofer Dust is to mess people up seriously, even
unto death. Choose 1, 2, or all 3 powders; blend them
together if you want.

Mix the couple’s personal items with the powder(s) you have
chosen, then put the mix in the bottle with the pins,
needles, nails, dog hair, and cat hair; stop up the bottle
and bury it under their doorstep. As you do this, pray aloud
for their intranquility and break-up in your own words; ask
in the name of your God or Saint. If you can’t put it under
their doorstep, hide it in a hollow tree where they can’t
find it, or carry it to the nearest graveyard and bury it
(praying for the death of their relationship), or carry it
to a crossroads and throw it into center of the road
(praying for them to travel apart from each other), or throw
it into running water (praying to have them both carried out
of your life).

CLEANING UP: Wrap up any left-over candle wax, incense
ashes, and unused materials in a piece of black cloth.
Secure it with black thread and tie it. Throw it out at a
crossroads or bury it in a graveyard.

PURIFICATION AND PROTECTION:
Because breaking folks up is an
Enemy Trick, you must cleanse yourself and protect from
retribution. To take off your sin, prepare a bath by
steeping the Hyssop Herb in a pot of boiling rain water or
spring water. Light the two white candles, stand between
them, and pour the Hyssop bath over your head while reciting
the 51st Psalm (“Cleanse me with Hyssop; wash me and I shall
be whiter than snow
”). For protection, drive the 9 Devil’s
Shoe Strings into the dirt across the path to your door-step
to tangle up anyone who may try to retaliate and cross you.
Put the Devil Pods outside or behind your front and back
doors to repel any evil work that may be directed toward
you.

@therealjacksepticeye and @wiishu~ I tried! But here you go, @simpleagle~ <3

Jack, you’ll always mean the world to me. Because you and Mark have made me laugh and smile a lot more than I had before last February. I didn’t really notice I did until the end of last year. And even though my parents just roll their eyes when they hear you being your loud self or Mark being the goofer he is, I know they thank you too. :) Thank you for just being there and being a constant friend when I’m feeling lonely or down. I’ll always appreciate you for who you are and what you have brought to my life.

Happiness.

Signe, I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry about the community badgering you about “say this to Jack” or “that’s Jack’s room” or “Jack took that picture”. It’s not right and I got upset over the fact. I haven’t really followed you long, that’s why I really don’t know what to say… But know that I’ll try and help as much as I can without causing MORE fights or MORE conflict. Know that I am a Septiplier shipper, BUT I FULLY SUPPORT you and Jack. :D You two are so adorable together and when I see pictures or videos of you two together, know that they make me so happy. Because you’re both happy with each other~

Jack…

Signe…

You two deserve the best out of life. And I hope it’s only getting better every day for you two.

Have a fantabulous day.