It’s hard, you know, knowing that a part of what has been your adolescence for five years, is gone.
I’ve always known this would have happened some day, I’ve always known it would have been you, Zayn, the one who will have left the band.
But even though I was totally aware of this, I still can’t believe it actually happened.
You and the boys have been the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me and, as cheesy and silly as it can sound, it’s the truth.
I just want to say sorry, sorry if I haven’t been the best fan in the world, sorry if I deteched myself from you and the guys with the process of time. I’m so sorry for letting the judgments and the growth change my mind and my love for you.
I still remember everything, tho. The first time I saw you, the first time I watched a video of you on youtube, the first time I bought a megazine with a poster of the band, the first time I downloaded a song, the first time I bought a CD, the first time I wrote about you, the first time I actually had a crush on someone famous, the first time I became obsessed with a band.
I don’t know how I’m feeling about your decision right now, perhaps I still don’t realize that everything One Direction did belongs to the past, perhaps I won’t never be able to accept it. I just don’t know.
I think it will be hard and weird looking at the photos of the shows and not seeing you there, with your fucking sexy hair and your fucking sexy t-shirts singing high notes.
I guess I’ll just miss you.
Even if I’m not into you anymore like I was before, even if you’re part of my teens and I’ve grown up by now, I think I’ll never be ready to say a proper goodbye to One Direction.
I think I’m mad at you, for not leaving us in a proper way, for just writing a fucking post on a fucking social network after five fucking years of One Direction. I think I’m mad at you because you were a coward and we didn’t deserve it.
The only think I’m asking is just another song, another performance, to say a decent goodbye, to make me feel those shivers I felt on June last year once again.
I guess no one will ever be ready to say goodbye to someone who’s been an essential part of someone’s life. It’s just inevitable.
I really hope your decision will make you happy, but promise us you won’t ever forget about anything you did for me, for the fans, for the boys.
Thank you for everything you’ve done in five years, thank you for the feelings, the smiles, the crazy things you made me do.
I wish I had one more day to listen to you once again, because once wasn’t enough.