good-lord-this-is-a-kids-game

the signs as things my AP European History teacher has said
  • Aries: go to a place you're not supposed to be, punch somebody, and run
  • Taurus: history is great! Penises, donuts, and art
  • Gemini: your job is to be up his butt
  • Cancer: I think I'm peeing right now
  • Leo: you can't kill me, I'm King Kong
  • Virgo: today sucks butt
  • Libra: I'm gonna give my coconuts to cute girls and become the lord of coconuts
  • Scorpio: I'm broke because I spend all my money on booze and women
  • Sagittarius: sexy Jesus is going down
  • Capricorn: this country just got a whole lot more funky
  • Aquarius: he fell in love with his pet goat when he was 17
  • Pisces: Angry Birds 2 is a good game, shut your mouth! I hate kids
  • Jon: *gasps*
  • Melisandre: AWWWRIGHT Off with the new Prince that was promised!
  • Jon: *gasps harder*
  • Davos: GIVE HIM A SECOND YOU MANIAC
  • Davos: here dearie, let's take a hot chocolate and talk about our feelings
  • Stannis: *from the nothingness* Lovely how either of those two gave a shit about trying to resurrect ME

In Mumbai, just about every Pokestop in Pokemon Go around is a temple. Just imagine kids who live in Mumbai with this game:

Mummy: “अरे बेटा कहाँ पे हंस रेज हो?”
Beta: “मम्मी मैं मंदिर पे जाऊँगा।”
Mummy: “ठीक है, भगवान आशीर्वाद दे!”
Beta: “हाँ मम्मी, भगवान का आशीर्वाद चाहिए। *घंटी बजता है* रब मुझे पिकचु दिखा।”

For you English speakers out there:

Mom: “Son where are you going?”
Son: “Mom I’m going to the temple”
Mom: “OK God bless you”
Son: “Yes mom I need God’s blessing *rings bell* lord show me where Pikachu is”

The sheer irony is that if you go to the Pokestops you get Poke Balls and other stuff so it’s literally like God help me beat my rival

Nintendo found a way to get kids to go to temple man omgggg

Loveable Losers

It was autumn 1984, my 10th year on the planet and I felt strangely wooden. I’d finally been adopted by a nice old Dutch couple, but I was lost. Lost in the middle of nowhere with no one my age to play with. Lost in a Ritalin haze. Lost in that giant quiet house listening to the antique clocks tick tock ticking.

My new old parents, who were impressively religious, broke down and got cable TV that fall, but they didn’t get the good premium channels like HBO or MTV. No, they were only interested in the three or four televangelists endlessly praising the Lord. So I found God too. On the TV.

There wasn’t much programming for kids back then. Friday Night Videos, Pro Wrestling, some cartoons. Flipping through the channels gave you something to do while you waited for nothing to happen. I was bored and alone, looking for something, anything! Then one day I stopped on a baseball game. I had never cared much about sports, but I stopped and watched the same. It reminded me of my dad, my real dad, showing me how to read box scores in the newspaper. I remembered watching baseball with him at the bar.

Just the sound of a baseball game. Sitting alone in that huge empty house, while all the people on TV were having a great time out in the sun. They were all jumping around like the televangelists. But these people weren’t selling anything. And you didn’t need to lie or pretend so you could get into Heaven. This was Heaven. It was Wrigley Field in Chicago, Illinois. Everyone looked wild and happy. Watching the game was like remembering my father and mother. He was a biker and she lived in an apartment above the bar, when she wasn’t in it. Hell, watching the drunk bleacher bums at Wrigley Field felt like being back in the womb.

One drunk guy was leading the party. The TV announcer, Harry Carey. He was yelling and hollering just like Tommy Burke, the old owner/bartender who yelled at the Yankees on the TV at our bar.

I was watching the 1984 Chicago Cubs. I didn’t know it was a big deal, but it was the first time they’d make the playoffs in almost 40 years. Harry and all the people he talked to during the game kept saying how wonderful and rare it was that the Cubs were winning. People were being so nice to each other. They’d say things like, “After all these years! This is finally it!” and they’d touch each other’s faces.

God, I fell in love with those people. Maybe I heard something in Harry Carey’s voice. Years later, after he died, I found out he was an orphan like me. Maybe the Cubs became a kind of family for him too.

When the playoffs came, the Cubs were still winning. This was it! It was really happening. Two more wins and they would go to the World Series! The days and moments felt like a holy celebration. I belonged to something. I was a part of it. I felt connected not only to the Cubs, Harry Carey and those bleacher bums drunk in the sun, but it spread into everything else. I found myself taking long walks and drinking in all the colorful trees and the smell of the air and the golden sweet decay.

Of course the Cubs lost. They always lose. A ball went through my favorite player’s legs, Leon “Bull” Durham and the Padres scored the winning run in the bottom of the ninth. We never recovered and the Cubs lost the series.

I felt a sadness, and sure I cried, but I still felt pretty good. Losing a big game like that was something! I was used to losing. I mean, who can trust happiness? What kind of asshole expects to win?

4

10 Days with Yamato Kougami
Day 02: beyond the surface

Yamato loves stars and constellations, aspiring to be an astronaut when he was a kid. At such a tender age, he dropped his astronaut dreams when he got a cavity, thinking “I’ll never become one now”. That in turn lead him to get into physics and that’s how he became a physics teacher, whom we all love today (who doesn’t?)

It’s no surprised that Yamato is a homebody person. Raised by his single mother, as a kid, Yamato learned how to take care of himself and their house when his mother was away from home— making meals and cleaning the house. He never knew who his father and so when Yamato’s mother passed, his grandmother (from his mother’s side) raised him, henceforth building up his skills to cook and clean.

Yamato is an honest, mean and straightforward guy. He admits it and doesn’t hide it. Though he does tend to blush and shy away when he says romantic things. There are occassions where he’ll get the shyness out of the way and then become openly honest about his romantic feelings. He guards his pride and so sometimes he doesn’t apologize to your face or he has his own ways of doing it. He’s also nurturing and compassionate. At work, his colleagues and students highly respects him (maybe except the Vice-Principal). He’s a stern teacher and makes sure his students pay attention in class and on their studies. Most of his students have crushes on him but he dismisses them merely as crushes and nothing more.

With his friends (Kunian/Long Island crew), he’s more lax. They’ll joke around and throw a few insults, but there’s warmth to it and they mean well. He loves to tease the heck out of the MC. He enjoys her cute angry faces or her snappy comments. Yamato throws the nickname “Pouty” around often. He’ll poke the MC’s cheeks or pinch them and comment on how soft MC’s skin is… just like his favorite food, warabi-mochi. Yamato tends to get up early to cook a full breakfast course.
That speaks volumes about how much he loves the MC (because we all know how much he knows she loves food) and how dedicated he is to cooking.

i am the bones you couldn’t break, a mix for pain, fear, awful days, fucked up things, broken kids, friendship, love, survival, and the glimmer of hope that leads us into lighter days

1. Plasma - Kronos Quartet / 2. Runaway - Ladytron / 3. I Come With Knives - IAMX / 4. We Are Not Good People - Bloc Party / 5. Glory And Gore - Lorde / 6. Kill V. Maim - Grimes / 7. Bury It - CHVRCHES / 8. Comeback Kid - Sleigh Bells / 9. Dream - Imagine Dragons / 10. Kamala - Kronos Quartet / 11. Never Say Die - Sleigh Bells / 12. Kerosene - Crystal Castles / 13. Helter Smelter - Valgeir Sigurðsson / 14. Battle For The Sun - Placebo / 15. Eartha Kitt - Disco Ensemble / 16. Team - Lorde / 17. Make Them Gold - CHVRCHES / 18. Stop Trying - Sia / 19. Best Day - Carpark North

listen here | cover art drawn by me

Avatar: The last Airbender starter memes

[ Book 1 – Water ; episode 1 - 10 ]

  This is how you catch a fish.  
  I don’t need any calming tea!
  Will you go penguin sledding with me?
  If you want to be a bender, you have to let go of fear.
  We don’t have time for fun and games with the war going on.
  Fun? We can’t fight the fire benders with fun  
  …you’re just a child!
  Well, you’re just a teenager.
  Good news for the Fire Lord. The nation’s greatest threat is just a little kid.
  Thanks again for the tea. It was delicious
  The Fire Nation is ruthless
  Firebenders? They were here?
  I wasn’t really gonna eat the lemur, okay?
  Send word to the Fire Lord immediately: The Avatar has returned!
  You have no idea where you’re going, do you?
  Where we’re going, you won’t need any pants!
  Are you going to finish that?
  My business is my business young man and none of yours!
  You can’t do this to us. Let us leave!
  do you mean the good chamber, or the bad chamber?
  That was the Captain you just threw overboard, sir.
  Their spirits were broken a long time ago
  No, please! I can’t swim!
  Don’t worry. I hear cowards float.
  Enough. we need to leave now!
  On second thought, why don’t you take another few minutes?
  I seriously have to use the bathroom!
  Sailing into Fire Nation Waters… Of all the foolish things you’ve done this is the most foolish!
  It’s good to know this trip was a complete waste of time for everyone!
  You bought a Tsunghi horn?
  I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.
  Don’t listen to him! He’s trying to turn us against each other.
  Shut your mouth, you Water Tribe peasant!
  You really should shut your mouth…
  Go jump in the river!
  Try to understand. I need to capture him to restore something I’ve lost. My honor.
  I didn’t steal it if that’s what you’re wondering.
  He’s a gigantic fluffy monster with an arrow on his head! It’s kinda hard to miss him!
  Ha ha, very funny.
  Let me guess, Your instincts told you?

so ive been thinking about the update a lot today. i like analyzing this comic and really taking the time to piece things together. i think i overreacted a little last night, i just wasnt ready to analyze and really think about it. i know that there are a lot of plotholes and unanswered questions, but in a way, homestuck has always been like that. we all seemed to be very good at drawing our own conclusions and we all piece things together a little differently. making all sorts of possibilities and outcomes is sort of a homestuck thing.

it also presents us with the cold hard facts of the game itself. lord english was killed easily, but only after the sacrifice of alt!calliope, who was extremely difficult to find considering it took three years. but in those three years, the kids formed a very strong team who, may fuck up paradox space from time to time and maybe go on a murderous rampage every now and again, but know how to fight and how to become stronger as a result of their mistakes and, well, growing up too. and each and every shenanigan in this story, even the stupid pointless ones, shaped these kids and their reactions were what kept us coming back. and the juju, which was a necessity to win the game, was also difficult to acquire, until the right people were able to get their hands on it. or just one specific person, who was capable of redemption and self worth in the end. the juju, when used correctly, can (in lord english/caliborn’s case) trap the enemy inside the void. and in doing so they were able to create the universe that took so long to build.

and this means that, no, gamzee wasn’t seen again. and no, the lord english “fight” wasn’t the battle we were assuming it would be. and that was jarring and unexpected and strange. just being….so straightforward. being straightforward and progressive is not what homestuck does. and so hussie absolutely through us for a loop, but in a way that would still leave it open to discussion, upon the plotholes that we can now fill on our own.

but i also don’t think hussie was always thinking in the same ways as us. as a creator, he has his own thoughts about his characters and their fates. its a fact that there were some trolls that were more important than others, plot-wise. karkat, kanaya, terezi, vriska and gamzee were very plot-central, while the others made their necessary contributions to the plot (even if it involved dying) and weren’t really focussed on after cascade. and that’s sad to think about, but i do believe thats the vision hussie had all along, and it makes sense. not everyone got a “Happy Ending” i.e. feferi (who wasn’t shown at all) and sollux (also not shown) (even in aradia’s scene). sollux predicted from the beginning of act 5 that all twelve of them would have to die in order to win the game. gamzee was the last one to die–only then could they truly beat the game. you needed to be smart and tactful and in some cases, you needed the opportunity to redeem yourself. this was not something everyone could accomplish. the meteor crew wasn’t even god tier, but they still managed to succeed. and the timelines got so fucked but they still managed to win regardless. we can create our own closure, and our own ideas about the ending and what comes after. i mean, we don’t even know what happened to the sprites lol but i digress. someone will make a theory about it and it will eventually make sense to me.

so yes, this ending was, to put it loosely, it was weird. it was really weird. for it to just…..stop. with all of that plot wide open. but seeing the kids who were strong enough to stay alive and create the new universe smiling and finally getting a chance to live normal lives again with all of their most precious friends is so so so wonderful and it really does make me want to read the entire comic over again so i can really appreciate the story with new ideas and connections. these children have been through so much and i have watched them mature (while i myself matured in the process) (thanks) and finally seeing them raking in the reward is so fucking satisfying. and the unprototyped kernelsprite at the end really hit home, if you ask me. hussie nailed that for sure.

One way to make Kristoff a football star:

He gets convinced to try out as a kid (let’s say Bulda pushes him to do something, be ~involved, make ~friends) even though its really not his thing. He’s good enough for a position, gets an athletic scholarship. But now he has to keep playing, because oh lord, would his mother be so mad at him for throwing his education away. 

Scout shows up. Headhunts him. He so doesn’t want to go pro, but…okay, Pabbie is sick. This would pay the bills. His family wouldn’t want for anything if he’s making an NFL salary. Plus, playing a game he doesn’t much care for as a way to pay the bills? Most people have real problems, this isn’t one of them, so he never says a word about it.

Let’s say Anna’s a reporter, bc she loves meeting people and talking to strangers, learning their stories and doing good with it. And she gets stuck with sports pieces bc her editor hates her. 

So now we’ve got a very early Lois Lane/Clark Kent-y thing going on here where Anna comes into the situation so bitter about being stuck with a section she has no interest in covering and here’s this big strong blonde bear of a guy all the girls are just fawning over, and ugh. She thinks he’s stuck up and wow, you must just loooooove all this attention, you pig 

so they have this bicker-y type relationship at first, bc she’s taking her frustrations out on this seemingly stereotypical football jock and he’s giving it right back to her.

And somewhere along the line, he realizes he likes her and she’s the only girl who doesn’t want him just because he’s a football player. 

And she realizes that certain things don’t seem to fit so well, because he doesn’t act like any of the other jocks she’s had to deal with on other assignments, he’s barely like the other guys on his team, he keeps to himself so much, so what is his deal.

And she finds out why, and boom, it all makes sense and she softens immediately.

We make sacrifices for the people we love.

(and then she gives him so much shit about it. good-naturedly, of course)
“How’s your head,” she asks. 
“I’ve got a thick skull.”
“You bet your butt you’ve got a thick skull, mister! Playing a dangerous sport you don’t even like just to…take care of your family. You idiot." 

(Elsa as an ER doc and for whatever reason he ends up in her hospital.)
"Oh. So you’re the football playing idiot.”
“…oh hell, you’re the sister.”
“Yep. Let’s see if my x-ray techs can get a good enough picture of your head.”
“…why?”
“So I can give Anna evidence of how thick your skull is.”

bloody shirt | an all for the game series fanmix

guillotine ft. travis mendes, jon bellion | wrong, finish ticket | faster car, loving caliber | high, young rising sons | heathens, twenty one pilots | love in the middle of a firefight ft. brendon urie, dillon francis | ooh feat. christianne jensen, jon bellion | careless, royal blood | closer feat. jennie a, lemaitre | dreams, beck | hell, olivver the kid | i’ll be good, jaymes young | shaking hands, b.miles | electric love, borns | closer feat. halsey, the chainsmokers | i slept with someone in fall out boy…, fall out boy | glory and gore, lorde | genghis khan, miike snow | pristine, mantaraybryn | we won’t, jaymes young and phoebe ryan | trash talking love, the ready set | lemon eyes, meg myers | temporary love, the brinks | bloody shirt (bastille remix), to kill a king