If something leaves your life, it wasn’t supposed to be a part of your future. God has more for you; trust His plan at all times.

My version of the watermelon salad !!!
Watermelon diced cubes + cubes of white cheese (slightly salty) + walnuts and I drizzled some lemon juice and zaatar (thyme) with sesame seeds on top !

I had this after a good workout and I must admit that it was very filling and a great source of fibers !


thought I’d make a little post to let you know I’m still alive. I know I haven’t been very active, but I’m trying hard to keep everything running. I don’t want to let go of the blog just because things are difficult at the moment. I want to be able to do both.

I’m working on a few projects which I hope you are excited for, but it may take a while before I can announce them.

anyway, I hope life is treating you all well and that you’re doing okay :)

It will hurt.
It will take time.
It will require dedication.
It will require willpower.
You will need to make healthy decisions.
It requires sacrifice.
You will need to push your body to its max.
Ther will be temptation.
But, I promise you, when you reach your goal, it’s


Worship of the loving God is man’s whole reason for existence.
—  A.W. Tozer

anonymous asked:

Hey chris what do you think about straight girls shipping mlm? My friend who's straight believes its not bad but i said to her its problematic because alot of straight girls fetishize gay men. Not all straight girls ofc but definately a lot. Some of them are v homophobic or only care about imaginary gay people but not real gay people. Imo straight girls are just as bad as straight guys who fetishize lesbians but i don't wanna overgeneralize because there are some allies you know? idk,.

What’s with all the questions about queer stuff?  I’m not a “discourse blogger” or anything like that (and I really don’t want to be, I get enough “discourse” in my life).  Are you sure you don’t want to talk about stunts or favorite flavors of ice cream or something?  Well…

In a nutshell I think that’s very complicated.

First of all, re: fetishization, I really wish people would stop carelessly throwing around cute, “academic” and “intellectual” sounding terms like “fetishization” to make ill-defined arguments for wokeness™ brownie points.  It dilutes the usefulness of those concepts and leads to dangerously oversimplified arguments.  It’s no good to just diagnose everything as “problematic” or “unproblematic,” or “good” or “bad,” and not think about the complicated and contradictory dynamics behind them.

It frustrates me when people automatically dismiss the practice of women shipping M/M, or to use your terminology, MLM (men loving men, not multilevel marketing) ships or even being interested in real MLM relations as “fetishization.”  We already know that straight men routinely hypersexualize and fetishize lesbians or WLW (women loving women).  Can and do women fetishize queer men?  Oh yes, definitely.  Sometimes I just hop onto Tumblr or Twitter or whatever hellsite I happen to be on at the moment, and within five minutes I am rolling my eyes and shaking my head at the painful un-self-awareness and casual homophobia that proliferates among these (in this case, overwhelmingly straight) women.  The worst is when it comes from self-identified “feminists” and wannabe “woke” folk who seem to not understand that, yes Debbie, straight privilege and entitlement are indeed a thing.

But is there more going on to women’s interest in MLM than fetishization or backhanded homophobia?  Yes, and I think that’s important to take into account.

Let me start with a story.  Once in a class for media studies, I did my in-class presentation on fanfiction.  I admit that I actually chose it because I was absent on the day we chose presentation topics and that was one of the only ones left.  (It was that or sports journalism, and I don’t read sports journalism, so fanfiction it was.)  It really intrigued me that most of the fanfiction that I found was MLM and seemed to be mostly produced by women and/or queer people (when the writers identified themselves).  When we discussed it in class, the question of who in there actually consumes MLM fan works came up, and nearly every single woman there said they did.  Even the professor did.  That was probably about 20 women.  There were plenty of women of all sorts—white women, black women, Latina women, Asian women, even women who self-identified as lesbians!—who said they enjoy consuming materials of MLM.  Some of them admitted it as if it were “embarrassing,” but a lot of them were very enthusiastic about it.  Some of them said they disliked heterosexual stuff and almost exclusively preferred MLM (some of them, also WLW).  So then the question of “why do you like MLM?” came up.  The answers were also varied, and some of them were homophobic and pretty disturbingly lacking in self-awareness (oh man…I’m having flashbacks now of the straight nonsense that was on display in that room…LMAO!), but some of them were really thought-provoking.  I learned a lot from that.

I think the common denominator of the more interesting motivations behind these women’s MLM consumption was that it was a way for them to imagine sex, romance, relationships, etc. away from heteronormativity.  A lot of the women said that when it’s two men, instead of a man and a woman, it’s free of the bad baggage that comes with heterosexual relations.  (Not like MLM relations don’t have their own baggage, including baggage that comes from heteronormativity, but fair enough.)  A lot of them said that they felt that MLM relations were more “real” and more “pure” than heterosexual ones for that reason, and however accurate or inaccurate that was, or however much unpacking that needed, the point is that shipping MLM couples and/or admiring real MLM was a way for these women to step outside of heteronormative strictures.  (This is sometimes an explicit feature of “shipping” subcultures, e.g. yaoi production and consumption by fujoshi (yaoi fangirls) in Japan is often self-presented as anti-mainstream.)  Which included being able to identity their roles as women in heteronormativity, and being able to identify what about it was a problem or somehow dissatisfying.  I don’t think that’s something that should be thrown away or discounted—especially since the point of generalized sexism and heteronormativity is that they are presented as “normal” and therefore not something that should be pointed out or questioned.  If shipping fictional MLM or admiring real MLM gives women a lexicon for understanding normalized structures of sex/gender for themselves, I think that can be a good thing.

I also think one of the more interesting and thought-provoking points that was made was that MLM allows women to step outside of dissatisfying and otherwise common representations of women.  Unlike the way it might be for POC or queer people, there really is no lack of women’s representation, strictly speaking.  There is just a lack of women’s representation that isn’t somehow sexist and obnoxious.  So when the problem isn’t necessarily that you don’t see representations of yourself, but rather that you see plenty of representations of yourself and they are mostly terrible, distancing yourself from that is not so unreasonable.

I don’t think the sexual aspect of MLM shipping/admiration should be dismissed either.  Can it feed into homophobia by being fetishistic, hypersexualizing, or objectifying?  Can it treat queer men like cute fic fodder or zoo attractions and divorce them from very real oppression?  Definitely, and that deserves to be criticized.  But also consider that no one is grilling straight men for being attracted to women.  And women (and queer people) are taught not to have any ownership over their own desires and are shamed for having them.  If MLM allows women to explore sexuality, attraction, etc., including their own—especially in a safe way that takes women out of the equation if the overwhelming deluge of typical M/F representations out there make them uncomfortable—then I don’t think that in itself is bad.

The last thing I would say is that hopefully MLM shipping/admiration teaches these women literacy in queer men’s issues, especially if they are straight.  As I have said and witnessed countless times before, there is definitely a lot of straight privilege and just plain alarming levels of homophobia running amok amongst (mostly straight) women who are fans of MLM.  But I do think that some women can learn something about homophobia and queerness from it.  While in general I do not give an everliving fuck about some random straight person’s opinions about queer life, I am invested in getting straight folks thinking and talking about heteronormativity, homophobia, transphobia and other problems that affect queer people, especially in getting them to think about how they fit into that.  If MLM shipping/admiration is some women’s entry into serious considerations of those problems (and not just merryweather posturing or just reduxes of homophobia in the guise of benevolent consumption), and if their starting point for considering those problems is their own struggles with sexism as women, then I think that shouldn’t be dismissed out of pocket as “fetishistic.”

Those are my thoughts on it.  Basically: yes, women’s MLM “shipping” practices can be a homophobic mess, but they can also be very productive and that shouldn’t be invalidated.

She’s back (duhn duhn duhn)

Dear all of my readers, I must say thank you for your unbreakable patience.

in my months of absence I have missed you all so much but the consistent comments on all my works have just made me so fucking excited to get back and guess what


First update of the new schoolyear, Vintage Datemates Chapter 9 comes out tonight. CAW:KAW and others will update soon, and even more exciting, i have like THIRTY REALLY GOOD TANGIBLE IDEAs iM ALREADY WRITING AND KICKING ASS ON

it’s gonna be a hell of a year and I can’t wait to get started again with you all, I have missed writing and I have missed this fandom and I have missed these boys and I am ready to get back into it.

I hope you’re all still with me, and here’s to new updates and a hell of a lot of new stories !!

Originally posted by onceland