good things in 2010

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extreme makeover 2016 > 2010

some days ago i was wondering how hetalia characters would look if i drew them now. hetalia was a huge part of my life in 2010. some good things happened while i was in that fandom, and some other very awful things also happened. i still have a bittersweet feeling towards it but can’t help but remember those days and characters with a smile. 

i really liked america! I also did his cosplay lol 

i refuse to believe that parks and rec just invented galentine’s day???

like, it’s so perfect and it’s such a good thing and it’s only been around since 2010???

I’m in a weird, bittersweet mood thinking about Homestuck and the fandom that I missed the opportunity to be a part of as opposed to acting as a fan-the-spectator. I doubt I’m the only one who feels this way.

If I’m really honest with myself, I’m an a fan who’s waiting for the next big good thing to fill the Homestuck-circa-2010/2011-shaped hole in my heart.

Maybe it’s due in part because of how little I participated because I was too [scared/nervous/underconfident] and all of these other fans were so bright and awesome, so how on earth could I compete with that?

Maybe it’s also due to my inherent guilty conscience that berates me when I’m doing anything even remotely resembling “wasting time” like writing fanfiction or drawing fanart or throwing myself into a fan project, all for funsies.

But I wanted to, god did I so badly want to. I only ever watched from the sidelines. It never felt like the right time, something was always going on, maybe I’ll muster up the courage tomorrow…but then days turned into weeks and months and years and now it’s 2017 and Homestuck has been “done” for nearly a year now in all the ways that matter (Hiveswap doesn’t count in my opinion), with the vast majority of the fandom moved on.

And there’s lots of other fandoms of cool things, sure. Tons of them, even. Really fun-looking ones, too! But nothing ever feels wholly right. I find myself wanting different fandoms to be what they aren’t, which is hardly fair. I miss being a fan of something like Homestuck; I want the work and the fandom to be good on a level only matched by Homestuck.

I don’t miss the period of my life that was happening 6-7 years ago, but I yearn for a fandom that matches Homestuck in those Golden Days when everything was wonderful and nothing was destined to last. However fleeting, it would be nice to come in at the right time on something new and just bask.

I want a second chance at a fandom like that. I’m older and wiser, perhaps a touch less foolish. With hindsight I see the opportunities that I missed in the maze of dealing with being an extremely tormented kid in my early twenties.

So the wait continues for something that will match the Homestuck-shaped hole in my heart and give me that second chance of writing some fanfiction and drawing some fanart for something that I wholeheartedly enjoy.