The human experience is a nuanced and multifaceted thing. At times, we can be compassionate, contrary, spiteful, loving, introspective, thoughtful, confounding, and inspiring. But fuck all that when we’re on TV. If we want to delve into someone, let’s ignore their soul and instead learn how their dog has AIDSabetes and needs poop transfusions that can only be secured via winning Chopped. Cue the tears. Yes, salt is necessary for any good dish. Mmm, your anguish is delicious and ratings-invoking. Tell us about the time you skinned your knee in kindergarten, then make a ceviche!
If you don’t watch cooking shows, you may be entirely unaware that they’re 50 percent cooking and 50 percent human tragedy. Everyone has a story on cooking shows. Everyone’s mom had a leg eaten by a Yeti, or their house was stolen by squatters, or they woke up one day with their face on backwards. You’d think that becoming a cook could only be born from some manner of low-level calamity. Taquitos were invented by a man who was actively in the process of being set on fire by his own estranged father. Oatmeal was actually invented by a Scotsman while he was inside a bear. Food is life is pain.
Taking criticism with a nod and a degree of self-reflection is for shit that happens in Margaret Atwood novels. We demand emotional breakdowns and half-assed tantrums! If I have to endure watching someone cook eggplant, it better end with them tearing the hair from their scalp and running full bore into traffic while screaming or else what’s the point? This same approach is reflected ten fold on America’s Got Talent where it seems like your best chance for impressing Howie Mandel is to show up with one hand holding in your exposed entrails after being gored by a bull.
For your anon hour: Headcannons for BTS on Family Feud
OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU okay listen my college roomies and I watched this show for hours all the time. Our TV was usually stuck on FF 24/7. I am fucking just– The weirdest part of this was also making Headcannons for Steve Harvey. Ask me last week if I thought I’d be doing that, and man would that be a hard NO.
Seokjin: That guy that makes an unfunny joke but Steve Harvey just rolls with it so hard and every time they look at each other or when Steve comes to him for an answer, they’re both grinning and giggling messes and it takes AGES to get to the response because they’re just laughing and gasping for breath. Always gives the obvious answers, but after that, kind of flops. Decent at Fast Money.
Yoongi: Gives the answers no one thinks are going to be up there (and rightly shouldn’t be) but the way he phrases it is so generic that the people who decide if the family got the answer right give it to him. Complains about everyone else when they get an answer wrong (like ‘really???? You thought???’). Gets defensive if someone complains about his. Bad at Fast Money. No one notices. They keep letting him play.
Hoseok: Has the time of his fucking life. May not be the best player, but man does he make up for it in heart. Gets the middle or last answers consistently, but never sees number one coming. Always supportive of every single answer, even if it was dumb and 100% not up there. He claps and hoots anyway. A little embarrassed if his isn’t up there. Pretty good at Fast Money, but always misses the number one spots. He best as the second person because he can think quickly on his feet if he accidentally repeats a response.
Namjoon: Gives the most logical answers that, yeah, okay, sure. They make sense, but buddy. Bud. Bro. Man. Americans as a group are not that smart don’t expect that much please. They make sense, but man. It’s not up there. Doesn’t get to play Fast Money because: “Okay, Jimin. Guess how many points Namjoon got for you in Fast Money.” “I’d be happy with, like. 60?” “Well. You’ve got 7, so you need to get every single first answer.”
Jimin: That chruch-mom but is the first to say ‘his dick’ or ‘weed’ or ‘they’ll have sex, Steve’ whenever it gets to him. Doesn’t even fucking hesitate. Leaves Steve Harvey speechless. Amazing at Fast Money and gets all the number one answers. Tells Jungkook to get better with his answers at the same time he praises Taehyung for thinking outside of the box with his. And so help them all if Jungkook accidentally repeats one of his responses
Taehyung: Gets complimented on his tie and spends the rest of the show super happy about it. Never gets an answer right. (Maybe once, and man are they all surprised. Steve runs around like a goddamn idiot and has to double check.) He’s smart, but not quick on the fly. They get a strike because he times out a few times. Never gets the chance to play Fast Money, but man would he do just as bad.
Jungkook: Steve Harvey fixes his tie for him and makes sure the knot is tight. Calls him adorable. Makes him smile for the camera. Can’t believe he’s an adult. If he gives an answer that isn’t up there, Steve gets super offended and totally defends Jungkook’s response (even if it’s shit). Is okay at Fast Money, but they can’t put him and Jimin together because they’ll just repeat every answer and lose
two types of the signs, mostly based on people i know
type 1 - “i’m an aries!”, loud, starts driving before everyone has their seatbelt on (or before people even get in the car), loves cooking but usually just buys everything from the store and pretends they put hard work into it, hard to tell if they’re stupid or smart.
type 2 - takes 100 selfies in a row, does really cool makeup, doesn’t believe in school, “this musical artist is SO under appreciated.”
type 1 - down to earth, has neat handwriting and doodles in class, patient, bird-lover, likes making flower crowns, laughs a lot.
type 2 - show-off, amazing memory, can be an edgy people-hater, loves yelling, gives people weird nicknames.
type 1 - two-faced, feels like they need something in return for their actions, cares more about bagels than people, the friend who everyone worries about.
type 2 - loves reading, kind and supportive but awkward about it, the type of person you call when you need advice, snappy when they’re being interrupted, watches 5 tv shows at a time.
type 1 -down for literally any adventure, cries or has a breakdown while eating, doesn’t realize some things they do are harmful to themselves but can sense when others have a problem.
type 2 - talks very fast, takes on any task without a problem, loves talking about themselves, can probably do 10 backflips in a row, moody, sends smiley emojis in every text message.
type 1 - attention-seeking, wants everyone to respect them, says “lol” out loud, laughs at their own stories but sometimes forgets to listen to others, animal lover, a good role model.
type 2 - genuinely cares about their friends and checks up on them always, super chill and easygoing, fashionable, gives great hugs, someone you go to when you’re sad.
type 1 - shy, gentle, awful at explaining things and you really never know what they’re talking about, offers everyone gum, knows all the lyrics to every song they listen to.
type 2 - anxious about tiny things but ignores huge problems, cares so much about others that it gets annoying, likes to redecorate or organize their room for fun, loans you a pencil and forgets to ask for it back.
type 1 - movie expert, likes when people laugh at their jokes, untrustworthy but somehow you trust them anyway, casually shares deep secrets or personal information randomly like it’s no big deal.
type 2 - doesn’t like opening up or sharing feelings, artistic and individualistic, doesn’t have problems with anyone or anything.
type 1 - calm/quiet and very open minded, loves the ocean, nice but when provoked they turn into a whole other person (who is terrifying), very passionate about their interests.
type 2 - doesn’t ever know what’s happening, suspicious and questions others’ motives, either loves someone or hates them, never shares secrets. ever.
type 1 - plays at least 3 musical instruments, likes being right, theater kid, extrovert one minute and introvert the next, opens up to others and immediately regrets it.
type 2 - angsty teen attitude, has strong opinions, blames problems on others, maybe has a heart deep down?
type 1 - makes fun of everything, the most extroverted friend, pretends like they don’t care about others’ opinions but deep down is extremely self-conscious, forgetful, funniest jokes.
type 2 - honestly? a real fucking pain in the ass.
type 1 - feminist, nature lover and very free spirited, knowledgeable and factual, has a silly side, cool hair, can listen to all your problems but will never know what to say.
type 2 - can be cold but they are just trying to protect themselves, has one character/idol that they would literally die for, has probably made up all of the funny stories they tell because they want others to like them.
type 1 - extremely honest but can doubt their beliefs since they try to get along with everyone, generous when it comes to material but will not give up themselves to others.
type 2 - understanding, shy extrovert, great with advice but doesn’t know how to take other people’s advice (asks for help but doesn’t want to), never fully present or in the moment.
If Sweet/Vicious gets cancelled I’m gonna blame tumblr like ffs it’s everything tumblr wants in a show??
you got a rape survivor and a bi girl as the two main characters who both became vigilantes to fight rapists on campus, a woc and moc as two more badass characters, awesome fights, great humor (it’s not a heavy show!!) and you got female show writers taking shit seriously and portraying it all accurately for once and showing how the system is messed up, and who
also promised a female love interest for the main character in s2 if they get it?? like wyd?? go watch it
STRINGS Violin - Are you a perfectionist? Viola - What makes you different? Cello - Favourite place to be? Double Bass - How do you like to relax? Acoustic Guitar - What instruments do you play? Electric Guitar - Do you experience synesthesia? Electric Bass - What do you want to study? Electric Cello - Favourite composer? Electric Violin - Have you ever been in a musical/play? Harp - Favourite piece you’ve played? Ukulele - Are you a good performer? Sitar - Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Balalaika - Do you enjoy playing sports? Mandolin - Who inspires you?
WOODWINDS Piccolo - Describe your personality Flute - Have you ever gone overseas? Oboe - Favourite kind of weather? Cor Anglais - Introvert, ambivert, or extrovert? Clarinet - How much time do you spend online? Bass Clarinet - Favourite item of clothing? Bassoon - Do you enjoy online shopping? Contrabassoon - Are you brave? Bass Flute - Can you dance? Soprano Saxophone - How many times have you broken a bone? Alto Saxophone - Have you ever pulled an all nighter? Tenor Saxophone - Favourite film? Baritone Saxophone - Describe your dream bedroom
BRASS French Horn - Where are you from? Mellophone - Favourite musical? Trumpet - What makes you happy? Slide Trumpet - Do you like being outdoors? Cornet - Favourite genre of music? Flugelhorn - How do you feel about your past? Bugle - Would you ever join the army? Trombone - Describe your dream meal Valve Trombone - Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? Bass Trombone - Are you reliable? Tenor Horn - What do you aspire to be? Baritone Horn - Do you have perfect pitch? Euphonium - Favourite food? Sousaphone - Who is your hero? Tuba - How/Why did you join Tumblr?
OTHER AEROPHONES Melodica - Do people consider you annoying? Harmonica - What makes you laugh? Accordion - Favourite Tumblr blog? Air Horn - Are you good with kids? Ocarina - Do you know how to do CPR?
Whistle - Favourite smell?
Slide Whistle - What TV shows have you binge-watched? Didgeridoo - Tell a funny story!
Recorder - How well did you do in school?
PERCUSSION Xylophone - Do you like classical music? Marimba - What’s your ringtone? Glockenspiel - Are you talkative? Bongos - Can you jumpstart a car? Wood Block - Describe your dream house Snare Drum - Favourite colour? Bass Drum - Would you want to be able to read minds? Timpani - Do you enjoy meeting new people? Gong - Are you a loud or soft person? Triangle - Could you imagine being the President/Prime Minister? Steel Drum - Favourite season?
Okay but on a serious note, wayhaught is some of the best wlw representation I’ve ever seen on tv. We get these soft girlfriends that actually know how to kiss, we get plenty of scenes, we get sex scenes where they ask for consent (which is fucking rare), emily just throws in scenes to make us happy (cheerleading scene) and the actresses and writers actually give a shit about what happens to them. On top of this, the show is actually good. The storylines are interesting and the humour is incredible and I actually like every single character on this show (again very rare) and I don’t get bored watching it. They’re so invested in this show and their roles and we need to keep this show going, otherwise it’s going to be cancelled and this rarity on tv is going to disappear. So please watch this show live if you can, tweet a shit ton about the show and make some noise, because after seeing a show such as sense8 be cancelled, I know it’s always a possibility and unlike sense8, it doesn’t have a multimillion dollar company backing it.
Comedy about two very different families living
right next to each other: The Lepics and the Bouleys. There are nine seasons so
we can see the characters evolve on a really long time period. Some serious
issues are tackled with humour, like education, how to cope with the death of a
loved one, or how parents react to one of their children coming out as gay, for
instance. Most of the characters are really lovable and you easily get attached
to them even though they can be annoying sometimes. Also, there are some really
funny moments. I wouldn’t say it’s one of my favourite shows ever but I had a
nice time watching it (though, I haven’t watched all the seasons yet).
Trigger warning: none that I can think of (this
show is suitable for children).
Level of difficulty when it comes to French: I
think it should be fine (there’s nothing really technical, the show’s about
everyday life, so it mainly uses colloquial/casual French).
Les Bleus premiers pas dans la police:
A four-season show about rookies in the French
police. I used to really love this show when I was in middle school, and I have
very fond memories of it now, even if I haven’t watched it for a long time.
This show has diversity and representation: a Muslim man (who is one of the
main characters) and his family, gay men (one of them is also a main character),
a bisexual woman (also a main character in the first seasons), and so on. It
also portrays strong female characters (including a woman in a position of
power, from season 2 to the end I think). The characters are very lovable (in
my opinion), and funny. By the way, this show has very funny moments as well as
serious moments (including the scenes showing how the LGBT characters and the
women deal with discrimination at their workplace or elsewhere). The only
problem with this show is that the end is a bit unsatisfying considering it
stopped because it failed to get renewed (or at least that’s what I understood
at the time).
Trigger warning: depiction of discrimination
(for instance, homophobia), and of course the usual warnings when it comes to
cop shows (even though it is far less graphic than most other shows of this
kind, and there are less murder investigations than in most investigation
Level of difficulty when it comes to French: I
think this one is okay too. There might be some terms describing police stuff,
but all in all it’s pretty casual.
Le Bureau des Légendes (ongoing show):
A show about the DGSE (Direction Générale de la
Sécurité Extérieure), which is basically the French intelligence agency
concerning foreign matters. It has three seasons so far and it’s one of my
favourite TV show ever. It’s captivating, I got really attached to many of the
characters (and most of them are not completely good or bad, there are a lot of
grey characters, which is great), and it’s also really moving (especially the
last season I think). One of my favourite thing about this show is its
subtlety: it’s deeply moving, but in a subtle and somewhat low-key way. There
are close to no typical tear-jerking scenes, with sad music and close-ups on
the crying faces of devastated characters. There are really sad scenes, but
they are played out with a great sobriety.
Trigger warning: psychological and physical
torture (nothing too graphic though).
Level of difficulty when it comes to French: it
should be mainly okay, I think. There are probably some technical terms, since
it’s about an intelligence agency, but it should be understandable as a whole.
Also, many scenes are in other languages (English, Farsi, Arabic, etc) and are
subtitled in French, which is really good in order to practise your written
Les Revenants (ongoing show):
A show about dead people coming back to life in
a village of the Pyrénées. It only has two seasons so far, but I’m really
looking forward to more. The show is really mysterious, with a gloomy
atmosphere that I absolutely love. The dead people (who are from different
generations and died at different times) come back to their family/loved ones
(when they have some), and no one understands what happened, including the dead
people. After their arrival, other very strange events take place in the
village. Some characters have very dubious motives and you’re often unsettled,
not knowing what to think of them. However, you can’t help but to get attached
to some of them anyway. This show has some very serious themes like how to cope
with the death of a loved one, death in general, love, family (by blood or by
Trigger warnings: death, suicide.
Level of difficulty concerning French: I think
it’s pretty okay… The show aired on American TV so you can probably find a
subtitled version quite easily, which is pretty cool :D
My favourite French tv show (and even my favourite
show ever). This show depicts the Arthurian legend in a humorous way, and it’s
one of the funniest thing I’ve ever watched. The humour is unique, the
characters are really lovable, and the entire show is extremely creative: this
is honestly pure genius. Plus, the atmosphere evolves from something
exclusively light and funny to something that is serious and deeply moving at
times. The show goes from episodes that last a few minutes to far longer
episodes in the 6th (and last) book (=season). I could go on and on
about this show, but nothing I could say would make it justice. Honestly, just
give it a go, this is brilliant.
PS: Alexandre Astier (who plays Arhtur, wrote
the scenario, the music and basically came up with this entire masterpiece) is
a national hero. That’s all I had to say.
Trigger warning: it’s really funny and you’re
having the time of your life, and suddenly there is a serious/sad scene and you
feel like crying (but it’s worth it)… just be prepared ^^
Level of difficulty concerning French: it might
be pretty hard at first, because they speak quite quickly and use weird
expressions (but then, use these expressions in front of Kaamelott fans [ie a
looooot of people] and see their faces lit up => it could be really
rewarding I think).
Apart from these, all the creations canal +
(Braquo, Engrenages, Cercle polaire…) have a good reputation/positive reviews I
think, but I’ve only watched Les
Revenants and Le Bureau des Légendes
for now, so I only talked about those ^^
I think many people like 10 pour cent and Hero Corp
too, but I haven’t watched them (yet) so I couldn’t include them in the