good consent

some good consent phrases

“May I hug you?”

“When I ask you if you want to do something, you know it’s always okay to say no, right?”

“Let me know if you get uncomfortable, okay?”

“How do you feel about (x activity)?”

(When someone’s insecure about having said no and asks if it’s okay/if you’re mad or upset they said no) “I’m disappointed, of course, but I’m really glad you were willing to tell me (no/that you were uncomfortable/etc.). That’s really important to me. Thank you.”

“I’d ALWAYS rather be told no than make you feel pressured or do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.”

“I care about you, so when something I do hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, I want to know, because I don’t like making you feel bad.”

“Wanna do (x)? It’s okay if not, but I think it would be (fun/worthwhile/prudent).”

(When starting a social phone call): “Hey, are you busy right now?”

(When confirming plans made earlier): “Hey, are you still up for doing (x) at (time) on (day)?”

“Can I vent a little about (x)?”

“Can I tell you something (gross/depressing)?”

“Are you comfortable talking about it?”

“Do you think you could talk me through this problem I’ve been having? If you have the time and emotional energy of course.”

“It’s okay if that doesn’t work for you.”

“I’m interested in spending more time with you. Would you be interested in doing (x) together on (y day)?”

“No? Well let me know if you ever want to do something else.” (leave it open! don’t nag! let it go!)

Consent culture - it’s about way more than just sex!

Give people as much freedom as possible to make their own choices without pressure or control.

Even children deserve as much autonomy as allows them to remain safe and get their needs met - remember, you can’t train a child to make good/safe/healthy choices without ever giving them choices. A child who is taught to respect consent is a child who doesn’t assault people! A child who knows they have a right to say no is a child who knows that someone who infringes on their autonomy isn’t supposed to do that.

A consent-conscious relationship is a healthier and safer relationship, and a person who is aware of and deliberate about asking for, giving, receiving, refusing, and being refused consent is a healthier and safer person.

just your heart beating close to mine

for nurseydex week, day 2 - bed sharing

Nursey’s a clingy drunk.

Freshman year, Dex hated it. He and Nursey spend all their sober time bickering; fighting nonstop about everything from politics to slapshot form to whether ketchup belongs on scrambled eggs (Dex will never fucking admit it, but he’s actually started to find it delicious; Nursey can never know). But the second Nursey slips over the line from tipsy to drunk, he’s Dex’s best friend–hanging off Dex’s shoulders, draping his feet into Dex’s lap, hell, draping himself into Dex’s lap, two hundred pounds and then some of languid muscle. He’s sweet when he’s drunk, his chirps soft and fond instead of scathing, and his fingertips are gentle when they wander over Dex’s skin, dipping under the collar of his t-shirt, brushing against the short hair at the nape of his neck.

And Dex hated it, because morning would come, and hungover Nursey is clingy too but not in the same way, and they were always back to sharpness, and Dex would have to pretend he didn’t get home from those kegsters and throw himself into very, very cold showers.

Sophomore year, it’s a little better. They’re friends more often than they’re not, but on the flip side, that means the rest of the team actually trusts Dex to be on Nursey Patrol (“If you don’t want to kill him all the time, we can probably trust you to make sure he doesn’t drink himself into a coma,” Bitty said cheerfully the first time, shoved Nursey, already tipsy, towards him, and disappeared onto the dance floor with a solo cup in his hand).

Except Nursey Patrol, he learns, doesn’t end with the kegster. No, Nursey Patrol ends with Nursey safe in his bed, at least out of his shoes but ideally in something comfortable enough to sleep in, after a cup or two of water and two tabs of Aspirin, his phone plugged in and the door to his room locked.

(Dex does not want to know the series of events that led to this level of Patrol being in place. If he thinks about it too hard, his chest starts to hurt, and he doesn’t wanna deal with that.)

But–

“Dexy,” Nursey says, as Dex manhandles him down to his bed and then flops down next to him, hauling Nursey’s foot into his lap to start on his shoelaces, because Three Cups of Tub Juice Derek Nurse is not a Derek Nurse who has the coordination for tasks involving dexterity. Dex had said that, once, and Nursey had said “ha, Dexterity,” and giggled for ten minutes. “Dex, will you stay with me?”

(read the rest on AO3, or read more below)

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🎃Ways to Celebrate Samhain👻

 Samhain is the celebration of the final harvest and the honoring of the deceased that is celebrated on October 31st. 

Originally posted by falling-through-autumn

👻 Hold a dumb supper to honor the deceased. Invite your family to join and honor your loved ones who are gone.
👻 Make an altar, offering, prayer, or something special to honor the deceased or to honor the holiday
👻 Prepare for the winter by stocking up on herbs and powders and throw away old, unusable tools
👻 Decorate in red and black colors, pumpkins, cornstalks, apples, and candles around the house and on an altar
👻 Visit and tend to the graves of relatives
👻 Now is the ideal time to do any spirit work as the veil is exceptionally thin
👻 Do a divination reading to gather insight for the upcoming months
👻 Make a bonfire and share stories of late loved ones with your family and friends
👻 Take the time to embrace nature before winter wilts the plants
👻 Harvest any herbs or goods from plants and properly store them away or use them in a spell
👻 Now is a great time to do reflection on the self spells, spirit communication, and change spells
👻 Write in your grimoire or book of shadows and write down your magical goals that you want to achieve by the end of the year
👻 Dress up in costumes and have fun with friends! Enchant some of the clothing to make the night more fun!
👻 Do some crafts, such as carving pumpkins, making witch ladders, and making candles in cauldrons
👻 Make food for your friends and family and bless the food with their consent for good health and luck for the rest of the year
👻 Play with an ouija board with friends or use a pendulum by yourself to talk with spirits

Happy Samhain!🎃

I really can’t stress enough how important it is to talk to your friends, family members, and partners regularly about their right to set boundaries, even ones that inconvenience you.

We absolutely live in a hierarchial abuse culture where people can and do impose their will on each other in a million tiny ways. A lot of people just expect it - they’ll make choices according to the assumption that you, too, are invested in controlling them to whatever degree - because unless you consciously make a point not to be, it’s possible that you are.

In a healthy relationship people ask for consent often - “Do you want to do this? Are you comfortable with this? Is there anything you think we should change about this plan?” And then, they clarify that negative answers are totally normal and okay.

Checking in can sound like, “Hey, you know I love doing X but if you ever don’t want to you know that’s okay, right?” It’s paying attention to nonverbal cues that someone is uncomfortable and giving them an out - “You don’t seem excited about this party, I want you to know it totally won’t be a big deal if you’d rather not.”

In a healthy relationship there’s a huge difference between “no” and “you shouldn’t have asked”. “No” is normal and expected and it’s assumed that sometimes it will be the response. There’s an intentional effort not to punish each other for not always giving each other what you want.

Normalize “no” in all your relationships. Seek it out! Give people extra opportunities to say no! And accept it. Recognise that it’s a good sign when your loved ones feel safe enough to not agree to things they don’t want out of fear of your reaction.

Just - check in. I don’t care what kind of relationship it is, don’t assume people know it’s safe to say no to you unless you remind them and show them regularly. Making space for healthy boundaries is one of the most important things to communicate with the people that you care about.

Things that fucked me up in The Foxhole Court series (warning: spoilers):

  • Every single time Andrew did something just because Neil asked
  • “He pressed Andrew’s palm to the ugly scarring across Neil’s abdomen” 
  • Dan’s entire existence as the biggest boss in the galaxy
  • “You are a pipe dream.”
  • “I am not a pipe dream.  I’m not going anywhere.”
  • Renee saving Jean
  • Renee doing literally anything
  • Wymack hating that Neil flinches away from him and doing everything he can to prove he’s the good male role model Neil deserves???
  • RESPONSIBLE AND CARING ADULTS
  • “You hate me, remember?” “Every inch of you,” Andrew said.  “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you.” ANDREW LMAO
  • SHOWER BLOW JOB/CODDLING/ANDREW FINALLY LETTING GO ENOUGH TO LET NEIL SEE HIM FEEL PLEASURE (partly because he can’t bear to leave Neil’s side to take care of it alone FUCK)
  • “Yes or no?”
  • VIGOROUS CONSENT and Andreil knowing each other well enough to tell when the other isn’t in a good enough place to consent even when they think they are??
  • Neil calling Andrew a “drama queen” behind his back
  • Nicky getting the happiness he deserves in Erik
  • “Who’s humanizing who in that relationship, anyway?” NICKY OMFG
  • Andrew needing to map every single scar/wound on Neil’s body and Neil letting him
  • Andrew saying “I told you not to look at me like that” after Neil stares at him with fucking giant anime heart eyes when the sunlight hits his hair
  • Matt and his spikey hair (/everything)
  • Casual 3 hour bus chats where Andreil loses track of time smh
  • How fucking short Andreil is???  5 foot **nothing*** is right
  • Neil saying he wants a vacation and Andrew almost cutting Kevin’s dick off when he tries to get in the way of it
  • BED SHARING IN THE CABIN ffs
  • Honestly that whole woodland retreat with team bonding took me the fuck out
  • “The only one I’m interested in is you.”  Demi!Neil is watering every crop in my field??
  • “Thank you.  You were amazing.”  (aka me @ Nora Sakavic)

i mean… stories where characters have their first by just leaping on the other is cute… but it’s so much better if instead of that they ask smh like ‘can I kiss you?’ beforehand cuz like then you can have the other getting fluttered and excited and it’s more of a build up??? and it’s really sweet and soft???? like it shows the person asking clearly cares so much about the other that they want to make sure the other’s okay with that??? it’s just v good

aziraphale is very, very slow to adapt to the times, especially in his appearance. people having been getting taller and taller over time, especially in the last couple of centuries. therefore, the logical conclusion to draw is that aziraphale is short. like, super short, he’s probably like 5′2″. crowley, of course, loves the new average heights and is almost a foot taller, which he is unashamed to use to his advantage 

One reason it’s important to be honest when you’ve wronged someone you care about, is so they can make informed choices about how to interact with you.

Hiding the truth about how you wronged someone specifically so they aren’t able to make an informed choice about their relationship with you, is another layer of betrayal. It’s disrespectful to manipulate what they know in order to keep them making choices you like.

(Note: this is about lying about wronging someone, not about lying for safety, e.g. not being out or lying to your abuser.)

anonymous asked:

Well I was gonna say since the age of sexual consent is 18 in Japan doesn't it contradict Kaka/Saku (added the slash so it will not appear in the tags)

Out of curiosity I decided I would check my own fanworks to see how old Sakura is when she’s depicted having sex with Kakashi:

I Think I Read About This Once In Icha Icha: “How was it that she was barely twenty years old and already felt like an old maid?”

Your Most Important Person: “And when you turned eighteen, you were in Suna, and since you’ve come back we’ve both been so busy…”

Walk of Shame: “We’ve been flirting like crazy for two years, had sexual tension for four years, been comrades for six years, and known each other for ten years, we’re finally about to do it and this is what you say to me?” (Sakura must be 22.)

To Give Is To Receive: Sukea:  “It’s been over ten years since I showed my face out here, so…” Sakura must be at least 23. (I actually mentally assumed her to be around 26 or 27 in this story, and for her and Kakashi to have gotten married when she was around 21.)

Open Up My Eager Eyes: Naruto to Sasuke: “You missed my wedding, bastard!” Sakura must be at least 20.

So much for my own work. Obviously, it’s totally possible to have KakaSaku in which both parties are above the age of 18.

Through the magic of fanfiction, it is also possible to have KakaSaku in which they’re the same age, or in which Sakura is Kakashi’s teacher, or in which time travel is involved.

And of course, the Shinobi world isn’t Japan. In Japan, this kind of thing is not legal:

Originally posted by charizaard

Ah, remember when Anko told a bunch of thirteen year olds the rules permitted killing each other with no penalty? Remember how Gaara did kill some other teenagers with no penalty? Good times.

Moreover, in the manga, Shikamaru is shown smoking at age sixteen, which is definitely under the legal age in Japan, and nobody gives a shit, including when he’s smoking right in front of the Hokage.

Basically, absent any information in canon about what the age of consent is and how strictly it’s enforced (because a law that isn’t actually enforced might as well not exist), I honestly don’t have any problem with fic that depicts Sakura having a sexual relationship with Kakashi aged 16-17, even though I don’t write it myself. I mean, I enjoy Sense and Sensibility, in which 35-year-old Colonel Brandon falls in love with 16-year-old Marianne Dashwood. I have different standards for historical and fantasy works than for modern real life.

If it squicks you, that’s valid! You don’t have to read it! :D

Do you want to play with us?

Originally posted by litourgiya

Pairing: IvarxReaderxHvitserk
Rating: Explicit
Words: 8,587
Tagging: @inthenameofodin @tiyetiye @rockyrascal

Warning: Smut, threesome, cursing, hair pulling, rough sex, spitting, spanking, orgasm denial/delayed, being tied up and blindfolded. (I suck at warning tags so if you think one needs to be added, please tell me.)

Notes: My first threesome and let me tell you it was hard to write! First time writing Hvitserk too, I hope it went well. Sorry for the length, I don’t know how this monstrosity ended with so many words but I hope it’s worth it. Thank you for your advice concerning it. Ivar and Hvitserk love each other in this (take notes Hirst). Again, sorry for any mistakes! Enjoy, sisters! 


King Ivar and his great army advanced through England quite easily, pillaging and killing every single person that stood on their way. Today was a great day for the King; he had won the ultimate battle that raged for almost four months. He had slaughtered the entire royal family without a second thought and had taken the praised crown of York. Soon, the news would spread, giving Ivar the fame he craved, the fame he deserved. For he was the most brutal yet the most worthy man you ever met. The kind of man you dreamt of but never could admit it out loud. It didn’t help that he was unfairly attractive. So attractive that even Balder, the most beautiful god in Asgard, would be jealous. 

You tried to fight the attraction you had for him but you couldn’t fight the feelings you felt in his presence. You couldn’t deny the wetness between your legs every time he roared one of his clever speeches, perched proudly upon his throne or his chariot. You couldn’t deny the dreams you had. Him above you, taking whatever he wanted from your willing and helpless body.

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  • Dude 1: Dude, did you hook up with that chick last night?
  • Dude 2: Fuck yeah, man. She was totally asking for it.
  • Dude 1: Wait... so you-
  • Dude 2: No, I mean she verbally asked me to fuck her.
  • Dude 1: Good. Because consent is important.
  • Dude 2: Word.
  • Both: *turn to camera* Don't be a fuckwad.
Home Alone || Patrick Hockstetter

Requestcan you write where Patrick talks to reader on how he’ll kill her if she ever cheats or breaks up with him

Warnings: Dubious consent, death threats, choking/suffocation, degradation, abuse, and Patrick being himself!

Note: Personally, this is the darkest piece I’ve written ever. It deals with very scary situations, which made me even uncomfortable as I wrote it, and I’m quite hesitant on posting this. However, I felt how Patrick handles the situation in this imagine is in character. Please consider the warnings before reading! 


How Patrick acted bothered [Name] so much. At first, she was able to ignore the many flaws that Patrick Hockstetter had over physical attraction. And trust me, Patrick had too many flaws. But not even the wild sex could fix how the girl began to feel towards her boyfriend. The more she stayed, the more she learned what she didn’t like about her boyfriend who frightened her.

She detested the fact that Patrick took sadistic pleasure in bullying younger kids, especially the Losers Club. When she saw him give a shift and hard punch to Richie Tozier, [Name] felt nothing but terror and disgust. [Name] can agree with anyone that Richie Tozier doesn’t have a filter for his mouth but he was still a good kid! Him and his friends did not deserve the treatment they received.

Not to mention, the stupid pencil filled with dead flies with repulsive. If Patrick had been hot, [Name] would had screeched in disgust and look the other way.

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anonymous asked:

Hi, I really enjoy your blog! I have a concept for a game that's a bit complex to explain, but the gist is the protag is able to enter a dimension that's influenced by the experiences of others. He's able to help them, not through 'fixing' their mental illnesses by defeating enemies or anything, but uncovering hidden or repressed issues. I'm sorry if this is a vague desc but I wanted to ask what you think and general tips to avoid unfortunate implications? thank you sorry if this is a weird ask

Oooh, that sounds like Psychonauts, which is like one of my favorite video games of all time (see here).

Alright, so here’s my suggestions:

  • Consult with people who have the mental illness in question. Listen to and implement their input. This is critical. If you only use one of my tips, make it this one.
  • Have the mentally ill NPCs explicitly consent to having the protagonist enter these dimensions and uncover the hidden / repressed issues. 
    • Note - This is one of the few things I don’t like about Psychonauts - for many characters, the consent isn’t there, even though it ultimately helps them.

  • Have the NPCs make an appearance in the other dimension and even be an active part of uncovering their own issues.
  • Go to TVtropes. Look through the tropes on mental illness (here). If you find tropes that exactly match what you’re planning on doing, be very, very careful. Tropes are tools, but be careful to avoid overdone or offensive stereotypes. 

  • Think about incorporating some of the lesser-known mental illnesses, not just the well-known ones.

  • Even if you do only use well-known mental illnesses, shake things up a bit. Research the many different ways mental illness can be expressed. For instance, OCD isn’t always being a germophobe who excessively cleans (see here for some examples).

  • Incorporate the different mental illnesses into the game mechanics of the specific dimension. For instance, you could have the PC move more slowly in the depressed world, or have an escort mission in a world based on dependent personality disorder.

  • This one’s probably obvious, but incorporate the mental illness into the level design. In consultation with people with mental illness (mentioned in my first tip), create an environment that reflects and stylizes their experiences.

Followers, do you have any other tips?


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SAMIFER AESTHETIC  - ANCIENT ROME AU!

Sam and Dean are sons of a defeated clan leader and brought to Rome as proofs of submission and further good behaviour, what basically means exhibited as war trophies and used as slaves at the Royal Palace.

As they fought bravely, they are offered to the service of the Emperor’s sons. Dean to Michael, the one who is considered as the righteous, most possible one to succeed to Emperor Chuck at the head of the Empire, and who sits on the Senate.

Sam is offered to Lucifer, the army hero and most beloved General of the garrisons. The one people whisper about when they talk about overthrowing the current Power in Rome.

The first idea, for Sam and Dean, was to die as heroes after they slaughtered their “new masters” throats in their sleep, but it doesn’t go exactly as planned. Dean can’t reach Michael who is very suspicious and paranoid about his security. Sam, however, has plenty occasions, but Lucifer seems to have a soft spot for his new slave which is frightfully disarming. Sam can’t bring himself to harm him, seeing how Lucifer has a blind faith in him.