Tumblr girls be going on all day about how they want they groceries ate and a thumb in they butt

But when they get asked to lick a nigga gooch or finger his bootywhole they go running smh y'all some pseudofreaks

The signs as Cow Chop quotes
  • <p> <b>Aries:</b> "It's time to learn about death, little baby Tommy."<p/><b>Taurus:</b> "I'll suck your stuff."<p/><b>Gemini:</b> "You guys are really k-k-k-k-killin' my vibe.<p/><b>Cancer:</b> "You put gooch cream on my face and now I've got cake on me, dude. Stop."<p/><b>Leo:</b> "I'm two notches away from crying. Like. On the verge of a mental breakdown, constantly. And you're trying to force me to eat mac'n'cheetos."<p/><b>Virgo:</b> "Shit son, you're getting STD juice all over me!"<p/><b>Libra:</b> "I fuckin' LOVE nuggets."<p/><b>Scorpio:</b> "What is on the door handle?! Like, lube?! Everything about this house is fucked! We need a new house, we need a new life!"<p/><b>Sagittarius:</b> "Can you see it, Joe? Can you see my tiny wiener?"<p/><b>Capricorn:</b> "It's gonna be like, butthole related. <p/><b>Aquarius:</b> "I die, daddy, I die."<p/><b> Pisces:</b> "I'm 26. I'm not that young anymore...soon my life will be over."<p/></p>
Today, I fucked up by how I glued my ass cheeks together.

So last night I was bored as fuck and I decided to get my wife’s waxing stuff and and try my luck at waxing my ass crack, because, let me tell you it’s a fucking jungle down there. I’ve never waxed before and I didn’t bother looking up how to do it because uh who tf needs directions. I plugged the machine in and it took forever to heat up. When it was finally ready I took one of those sticks and just went to fucking town on my ass crack and my gooch. I knew basically how this works so I opened the drawer to get a wax strip out… and there were none left. I tried everything as a substitute I was freaking out I used: a shirt (which now has ass hair on it) an ace bandage duct tape after about 30 minutes the wax was dried and my ass was completely stuck together and I had made little to no progress so I had to do the unthinkable ..

Rip all of the hair out by hand.

For what felt like forever I sat in the shower ripping hair out of my ass crack with only my bare hands which also had wax all over them and were now completely covered with ass hair.

This has to be the worst experience of my entire life and I’m never trying to wax again kill me

TIFU: Internet`s best fucked up stories are here.

//Places to rest . Riki Lindhome / You Always Make Me Smile . Kyle Andrews / You and I . Ingrid Michaelson / The Happy Song . Kate Micucci / Screw You . Ted and Gooch (Scrubs) / Better Together . Jack Johnson / Lovebug . The Jonas Brothers / Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop . Landon Pigg / Hot Air Balloon . Owl City//


[listen here]

a short and hopefully fun mix of (mostly ukulele) songs that make me think of my favourite pair of teen amateur sleuths. songs i could maybe see them singing together.


by the light of the silvery moon nick palatas (from ‘scooby doo: curse of the lake monster’)
screw you ted buckland & stephanie gooch (from ‘scrubs: interns’)
i’ll see you in my dreams cliff edwards
tonight you belong to me steve martin & bernadette peters (from ‘the jerk’)
love is on the radio tom & giovanna fletcher
jam buds steven universe
i can’t give you anything but love cliff edwards
by the light of the silvery moon (ukulele instrumental cover)