gonna-be-may

  • Peter: May, I'm not gonna die. I'm seventeen.
  • May: And so you cant die?
  • Peter: I just don't see it happening
ANOTHER LOVING PSA TO ALL YOU TWEAKERS, JUNKIES AND ADDICTS FROM YOUR FAVORITE FELLOW TWEAKER...

**FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANTLY**

  • “THERE’S NOTHING SLOWER THAN A TWEAKER IN A HURRY” MOTHERFUCKER, KEEP TRACK OF THE TIME OR USE A REMINDER OR DOZENS OF ALARMS. NOBODY LIKES WAITING FOR 5 HOURS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SAID YOU’D BE THERE IN 10 MINUTES. IF YOU CATCH YOURSELF FLAILING AND TRYING TO DO 10 THINGS AT ONCE, STAND UP, FOCUS AND GATHER YOURSELF AND GET YOUR ASS MOVING. THIS IS MY BIGGEST PEEVE. BE FUCKING CONSIDERATE. I WANT MY DRUGS IN A TIMELY FUCKING FASHION. I HAVE PLACES TO BE AND A JOB TO WORK AT.


  • ARE THE FEDS AT YOUR DOOR? NO, YOU TWACKED OUT MOTHERFUCKER. THEY ARE NOT AT YOUR DOOR. DON’T BE A PARANOID FLOYD OR FANNIE AND RUIN EVERYBODY’S HIGH BECAUSE YOU GOT TOO HIGH AND THINK THE FEDS ARE GONNA GET YOU. YOUR FRIENDS MAY JUST BEAT THE TWEAK OUTTA YOU.


  • IF YOU’RE A NEWBIE, WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT BURN THE FUCKING PIPE, TIP OVER THE PIPE WITH FRESHLY POURED METH, SET YOUR PIPE ON YOUR BAG OR JUST SPILL THE BAG IN GENERAL. THIS IS A SURE WAY TO DIE A TWEAKER DEATH AND GET KICKED OUT.


  • YES, YOU SELFISH SAVAGE, YOU MOST CERTAINLY DID GET A BIGASS HIT. DONT YOU DARE SAY YOU DIDNT. WE JUST SAW YOU SMOKE HALF THE BOWL.


  • HEY ASSFACES, YOU HEAR YOUR STOMACH GROWLING? IT’S TELLING YOU TO EAT SOME FOOD SINCE YOU’VE FORGOTTEN TO SHOVE TASTY THINGS IN YOUR MOUTH FOR 5 DAYS. YOU’LL BE ABLE TO POOP TOO FINALLY.


  • OH, YOU KEEP COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW YOU CANT PISS? GET A MOTHER FUCKIN GALLON OF WATER AND DRINK IT. ACTUALLY. MAKE IT 3 GALLONS SINCE YOU WANT TO THINK YOU’RE PART CAMEL. ALSO, KEEP A CUP NEXT TO YOU SO YOU CAN SWISH WATER AROUND YOUR MOUTH TO GET THAT LAST LAYER OF METH OFF.


  • “nobody even knows or notices!” HEY YOU DOOFUS, YES THEY DO. THEY CAN TELL. YOU PROBABLY SMELL LIKE A HOOKER’S OVERUSED VAGINA FROM NOT SHOWERING FOR A WEEK. THE FUCK, BRO?


  • YOU REALLY JUST SKIPPED WORK BECAUSE YOU GOT HIGH AND FORGOT YOU HAD TO WORK 3 HOURS LATER? UH HELLO A JOB IS IMPORTANT AND YOUR BOSS PROBABLY WONT FIRE YOU IF YOU AT LEAST SHOW UP.


  • HAVING A PLACE TO LIVE IS REALLY IMPORTANT. PAY YOUR FUCKING RENT, YOU FOOL, WITH THAT FULL TIME JOB YOU KEEP FORGETTING TO GO TO.


  • ARE PEOPLE SHOCKED THAT YOU FINALLY EMERGED AND CAME OUTSIDE AFTER ABOUT 3 WEEKS OF BEING M.I.A? HEY, YOU NEED SOME FRESH AIR AND TO BE PART OF OUTSIDE WORLD AND HANG OUT WITH YOUR FAMILY.


  • YOU’VE BEEN GETTING HIGH FOR THE LAST 6 DAYS BUT YOU CANT SEEM TO GET ANY HIGHER? HELLO, DING DONG, THAT’S YOUR TOLERANCE TELLING YOU TO TAKE A BREAK FOR A DAY. LET IT DROP LONG ENOUGH FOR THE NEXT TIME YOU GET HIGH, YOU ACTUALLY GET HIGH. YOU’RE JUST WASTING YOUR PRODUCT, KIDDO.


  • HAVENT HEARD A PEEP OUT OF YOUR PET OR YOUR CHILD? THAT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING DEAD DUE TO LACK OF FOOD. DONT BE AN ASSHOLE AND FORGET ABOUT YOUR ADORABLE ANIMALS AND YOUR CHILD(REN). THEY NEED YOU. THEY LOVE YOU. TINA DOESNT LOVE YOU.


  • REMEMBER TO TEXT PEOPLE BACK. DONT FUCKING GO GHOST FOR 3 DAYS BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO HIGH AND DISTRACTED. PEOPLE WORRY AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS YOURSELF, YOU SELFISH FUCKFACE.


  • YOUR PLACE LOOKS LIKE A TORNADO, TSUNAMI, HURRICANE AND NATURAL DISASTER HAPPENED? DONT FORGET TO CLEAN YOUR PLACE AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. HELLOOOO.


  • IF YOU’VE BEEN SOBER FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME DUE TO JAIL OR RECOVERY, BE SMART. YOUR BODY CANNOT HANDLE THE SAME AMOUNT YOU WERE DOING BEFORE YOU SOBERED UP. YOUR TOLERANCE LITERALLY DOESNT EXIST SO YOU’LL PROBABLY END UP OVERDOSING AND BEING DEAD. LIKE PLEASE DONT DO AN ENTIRE GRAM SHOT AT ONCE IF YOU’VE BEEN SOBER FOR LIKE A YEAR. T H I N K.


  • GET OFF THE FUCKING FLOOR. YOU’VE BEEN CARPET SURFING FOR 5 HOURS. THERE’S NOTHING ELSE THERE. GET THE FUCK UP.

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, SET A BUNCH OF REMINDERS IN YOUR PHONE SO YOU DONT FORGET TO DO THESE THINGS.

happy tweaking :)