gone light

When one of the Riot guys came over to Sana and said: “Wanna join me in the back of the bus and sit on my face?” So Sana said: “Why should I? Is your nose bigger than your dick?”

“Looking back on those years reminds me, for one thing, that I had a crush on Mr. Ford before it became a trend… I was 19 and he was 34. I kept a journal chronicling my crush, as well as crushes past. Just a taste: ‘I’ve got to stop getting obsessed with human beings and fall in love with a chair. Chairs have everything human beings have to offer, and less, which is obviously what I need.”

Excerpt from Carrie Fisher’s essay in Newsweek’s May 17, 1999 cover package.

A Starless Night Ritual For Letting Go of Guilt, Whether Warranted or Not

You will need:

  • Candles or lamps in your home


After dark on a cloudy night.

The spell:

Outside, look up to where the stars would be, saying, “Stars, thought invisible this night, yet I know you shine your light. The clouds will clear, you will appear, and I will shed this guilt and fear.”

Move you hands in and out slowly, palms vertical and facing each other, and create an invisible energy ball from the power in your hands. Toss the energy ball up high and say, “Guilt be gone!”

Go indoors and light candles or turn on all the lamps, saying, “Like the stars I will shine again. No guilt remains, for peace I gain.”

- “1001 Spells: The Complete Book Of Spells For Every Purpose,” by Cassandra Eason

today has been a long day. i spent most of it locked out of my body. this year has left me speechless a lot. last night doesn’t feel real. i went to work. when people asked me how i was doing i said i was fine automatically. the sky was very grey and inside of me i feel nothing. like a light has gone out. like i’ve scrubbed down my organs with ashes. 

what do i say under the walls of this. my fingernails hurt from trying to claw out of the grave. we were so close. i was starting to feel brave. like it just might work. like if we fought hard enough we could get something done. i really believed, for a moment.

there’s nothing to write. what are words when our actions meant nothing in the end. when all the pleading in the world didn’t stop them. when our protests, when our stories, when our existence wasn’t enough to them. or maybe too much. i’m uncertain. over ten thousand people vote for a dead gorilla. i wonder if they feel the weight of him sitting on their chest at night. over half the electoral votes go to trump and i know, terribly: at least one person quietly took their life that night.

i am reassured clinton would have been bad, too. i have looked up new zealand real estate in the last twelve hours. i was named after a political writer in my family who wrote under a false name, who sought asylum in america. who didn’t make it to america. will i be her shadow, will i make it to new zealand? 

there is nothing left in me. i am burnt out. nothing i have done mattered to them.

for some reason: this is where the good comes in, that it never stopped them from hating me. everything i said and did in the name of hope will never reach their ears and that’s okay, maybe.

it did reach one person. or several people. who needed me to say something, even if it would never change someone’s mind.there was someone who needed me to stand up even if i’ll never make it above their shoulders. someone who needed me.

we have learned such awful things about our neighbors. which is why we must become each other’s wing guards. listen, you who are sitting on aching feathers, bone-picked and with fresh wounds and nothing to turn to: turn to each other. be what they need, let them be the same in return. be their voice, be their steady hand, be the diary. be alive for them. be alive for me. be alive to save a life, to be present on the bridge the day we burn it down, to light the fire, to warm your hands in it. be loving, be the gentleness we have had torn from us, give quilts of yourself and look up. when they push you down you keep your eyes on the stars and you whisper that you’re not doing it just for yourself anymore. you’re doing it for trans girls trapped under eighteen wheels, for the brothers we lost in nightclubs, for the latin children and the laughter stolen out of their mouths. we are doing it not to feel our own blood pumping but so that the blood of others may never be spilled again on this soil so help me, if i live, if i get through this. and we are doing it for you, who are reading this, who deserves to live a life so full of sweetness that you get drunk on it. fly with me. i know the myth of icarus. you can be my daedalus. if you get there safe, at least that’s one of us. or maybe, in this story, we both land, with blessings from the sun. fly with me, look up.

there are a million places i have never seen and a million things you haven’t done and a dozen bones we must break before we see morning. we may never change their minds, never stop feeling helpless or broken or tired.

but look up. we might save a life.

and that’s good enough.

Okay, Gone series appreciation post.

This series has:

- Canonically gay and lesbian lead characters

- Canonically black, Latino and Asian characters

- One of the most important people in their society is a black guy who got there by working hard

- Another is an undocumented Honduran immigrant who got there by just being awesome

- The most powerful character in it is autistic

- Canonically anorexic/bulimic/depressed lead supporting character who is also one of the most amazing people in the series

- Deals with loss and guilt

- One of the main themes is how society gets along as a whole and how everyone is important

- Has a terrorist group; shows their point of view but clearly demonstrates they’re in the wrong

- Deals with very real issues like alcoholism, drug abuse, weapon control, teen pregnancy etc

- Seriously, these books are awesome. I mean, there could still be more representation - I’m only halfway through Light so there’s still hope Brianna’s ace - but they are way ahead of so much other stuff right now.

- Read these books.

There’s unconditional love there. You hear that phrase a lot but it’s real with me and her… She loves me in spite of everything, in spite of myself. She has saved my life more than once. She’s always been there with her love, and it has certainly made me forget the pain for a long time, many times. When it gets dark and everybody’s gone home and the lights are turned off, it’s just me and her.
—  Johnny Cash
Summaries of the Gone series books
  • Gone: Teenagers with super powers panic alone and die.
  • Hunger: No food, more panicking. Death.
  • Lies: Plot twists you knew were coming but they still emotionally scar you. Some death.
  • Plague: monster bugs and emotional pain, also constant death.
  • Light: Michael Grant shits on your heart, ft. Lots of death.

Chuck Berry, the legendary musician who was one of the founders of rock and roll, died Saturday night at age 90. Almost immediately, the tributes started rolling in from some of the most famous names in music.

Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger wrote that he was “so sad” to hear of Berry’s passing.

Jagger’s bandmate Keith Richards chimed in. “One of my big lights has gone out,” he tweeted.

Tributes To Chuck Berry Pour In: ‘One Of My Big Lights Has Gone Out’