golf-carts

The President charges his own Secret Service to use his golf carts.

The Secret Service also had to move out of their floors in Trump Tower because they couldn’t afford the lease.

THE PRESIDENT IS MAKING MONEY OFF OF HIS PRESIDENTIAL SECURITY DETAIL.

THEY ARE REQUIRED BY LAW TO PROTECT HIM AND HE’S CHARGING THEM AT HIS PRIVATE BUSINESSES TO DO SO.

The Secret Service is almost out of money. Trump spent in one year on travel what Obama spent in eight (not to mention profited off of it). They can’t afford to pay people their people to cover Trump’s huge family as they travel for work and go on vacation every week.

This is corruption.
This is unethical.
This is something we should all be mad as Hell about.

Alexei “YOLO” “Tater” Mashkov is an expert at talking himself out of traffic tickets. He has the Helpless Famous Hockey Player Who Mistook Miles For Kilometres And Would You Like Some Merchandise Officer act down to an art.

(Marty: But if you thought it meant sixty kilometres, you should have been going much slower than that…
Tater: Don’t bothering me with stupid details, Marty. Have hockey to think about.)

Batfam Quotes

The batfam as things my family has said this vacation.

Tim: *softly* It’s only gay if the dicks touch.

Jason: *eating a smore with melted chocolate* This is what it looks like when you eat ass.

Bruce: If everyone could stop announcing that they have to poop by screaming at the top of their lungs, that’d be great. We do have neighbors, guys.

Dick: *while plastered* *gasps* You guys are watching The Lorax?!

Babs: Why is the pool closed? Shouldn’t it be my decision as to whether or not I want to freeze my tits off?!

Duke: All we’ve had for dinner for 5 nights straight is burgers and honestly, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Alfred: If people would just do the dishes every once in a while then maybe I wouldn’t be going for an EKG next week.

Steph: *while plastered, talking to her phone* Okay Google. Remind me tomorrow to fight Jason.

Cass: the ice cream store closes in five minutes, get on! *goes 30mph on the golf cart to get to the ice cream store*

Damian: *softly* There’s so many dogs here… I’m gonna live here forever.

Harper: *about the female lifeguards* I’m too gay for this shit.

This one time... at band camp...

A freshman clarinet (in band we refer to human beings by the instrument they play) got caught off-guard by her period. I guess none of the other girls had spare supplies, and she couldn’t track down her parents. Somehow- despite the warnings from other clarinets that she’d probably get shouted out the door for daring to bother him with this- she went to our band director for help. Our very grumpy, 45-year-old, childless, never-married, male band director.

She peeped, “So, um, I started my-”

And then he was like: “AUGGggh I don’t need to know! It’s fine, kid. I’ll… I’ll take care of it, just… please stop talking.”

He drove to the 7-11 next door in his golf cart and bought a veritable variety pack of feminine products, just to cover his bases; and painkillers; and Gatorade because fluids are always good, right? And chocolate, to… appease the estrogen goddesses or something. All of this out of his own pocket. He then had a senior flute take the stuff in the girls’ bathroom, leave it there, and quietly go inform the freshie in need. That way she wouldn’t be singled out by other kids for receiving all this stuff.

I only know who this unfortunate freshie was, because a few years later she was able to laugh about it and tell most of the girls in the band. We never brought it up with the director again, obviously. But we all loved the story because, knowing our band director- and our entire band’s culture- we did not see that coming.

It was Sparta, okay. We were 120+ members and competing in the toughest regional competitions. Band camp was 6 hours a day, 5 days a week even in the dead heat of August, and continued to consume evenings and weekends through the end of November. The assistant director on drills was a Korean war vet who could’ve been dropped onto our high school football field straight out of Full Metal Jacket. The lead director’s disciplinary style was more subdued but just as scary: usually, he’d just glower us all into submission.

This mousy, 98-pound, 15-year-old girl had expected a Death Glare that would turn her into a smudge of ash on the band room carpet, just for having a uterus and a forgetful moment. But instead- in his own huffy, taciturn way- our Fearsome Leader took care of her. Like Bigfoot cradling a little duckling in his giant, hairy hands, it was a sweet gesture that makes you rethink how “scary” the big guy is… but also makes you giggle.

i like to imagine that guy fieri is cal several years after his breakup with mare

and he just really lets himself go

and then one day he gets these sweet frosted tips because “FIRE AND ICE HOW COOL”

and eventually he starts this show called “diners drive-ins and dives”

but its entire purpose is just to find mare

because she’s the only one who can get him to flavortown

look he even got a 2 seated golf cart so he has space for her

5

Hurricane Harvey is devastating the Houston area right now. My neighborhood seems to be safe, but we’re getting some pretty intense rain and very minor flooding. The people living here seem really into it, so I went out and sketched some of what I saw them doing. 

(Those kids in the golf cart were splashing around on that flooded sidewalk before they hopped back onto their ride!)

4

My dad collects pre-1970 golf carts and he sold one to the production staff for Guillermo del Toro’s The Shape of Water. It made it into the trailer! Here are a few screenshots from the trailer, as well as a picture of the cart before they painted it turquoise, and a picture of the same model of cart in yellow because he had two for some reason. I love del Toro’s movies and this one looks awesome - I know what I’ll be doing on December 8th.