Lily hated everything about James bloody Potter but she especially hated him when he was standing tall in the middle of the Quidditch pitch as if he was the Prince of the highlands, that boy had the ego the size of a dragon. It didn’t help when all of the red and golden stands yelled out his name in unison. Lily could accept the fact that James was a pretty good Quidditch player if he didn’t fucking gloat about it every five minutes in the common room.
Lily could literally see the third year girl next to her drool as she watched James fly effortlessly through Ravenclaw defense and not-so-gently nudge her friend in the ribs as she whispered “isn’t he sooo cuuteee?”. Lily felt like smacking the girl in the head to knock some sense into her but thought better of it,this was none of her business. The fact that almost all of the student body was infatuated with James Potter was ridiculous, Lily thought it was because Sirius was taken by Remus because Sirius was superior to James in look wise. Lily would never tell it out loud but she kind of understood why people liked James and why she could never do so. The ego that fed his self confidence and charisma was extremely annoying to Lily.
Thank Merlin he had stopped asking Lily out though, Lily was finally at peace. After that incident with Snape, James had withdrawn himself, too and Lily felt good. She never needed anyone to protect her or defend her honour, she was very capable of doing so herself, thank you very much. Lily left the game early and went to the common room after James scored his 10th teams 14th goal, she knew how it would end, it always ended the same when James was in the mood for it. Just as she had expected half an hour later Firewhiskey was flowing like waterfalls in the common room as a tipsy James approached with a bottle of half empty Firewhiskey in his hand.
“Alright there, Evans?” he asked carelessly as he tried to find his balance.
“Congratulations Potter, you got a hundred more girls to fall in love with your ego today” teased Lily. James shrugged at this and left without another word. Lily made her way to her dorm, as much as she loved her house, she had never enjoyed the celebrations after the games. So she settled herself in her bed, unable to fall asleep, making pillows fly around the room as she tried to keep herself from doing her Prefect duties and spoil all their fun. No, she wasn’t going to do that.
Games against Slytherin always took a toll on James Potter, Lily could always see that and now that he was the Captain, the tall boy was crushing under the expectations. It was the second game against Slytherin and even though Gryffindor crushed them in the first one, James still had his doubts.
Lily looked at James as he played with his food sitting just across her.
“James, you have to eat,” recommended Lily. She didn’t know why she called him James, she never did that. “and you need to stop worrying, you will do just fine”
“Oh, not you, too, Evans” said James as he dropped his fork and took off his glass to rub his eyes. “They are going in for the kill, they want each of us in those beds. I don’t want my boys to get hurt just for a cup, I’m not a psycho”
“Okay, Potter. Snap the fuck out of it. Where’s the Potter I know and hate?” she smiled as she put porridge in front of the darker skinned boy with some pumpkin juice. “Now eat up before I hex you to next year”
James smiled a little, Lily could feel him ease up a little. She hated him but they were friends now, it kinda worked out that way without either of them intending to and James, well, he had grown out of that idiotic phase where he hexed people for the pure pleasure of it. He had actually grown literally, too. He had grown taller and broader, Quidditch did him well and then Lily realised she had been staring at Potter for too long as Sirius came to the table.
“Alright there, Evans?” he teased, his grey eyes shining with mischief.
“Sod off, Black” replied Lily almost instantly because he knew, he knew she was looking at James with something else in her mind. James finished his porridge and chugged his pumpkin juice as he got up to go to the pitch.
“Good luck” blabbered Lily with a shy smile and James left with a nervous nod.
“When will you tell him?”
“When will I tell him what, Black?” challenged Lily, there was nothing to say and they got up silently to get some good seats. Peter and Remus met them at the entrance of the Great Hall and they placed their usual bets for the game as they walked.
Lily felt edgy as the players walked out on the pitch, she heard Peter whistle loudly. It was fun watching the Quidditch games with the Marauders but this time, Lily would rather a little less enthusiasm knowing how James felt right now. He wasn’t a complete prick after all, she felt her heart flutter as James looked their way. This had started happening way too often and Lily was starting to worry because really? Potter?
The game was as disgustingly rough as James expected it to be Lily found herself hiding her face behind Remus as James was hit by one of the massive Slytherin Beaters. It was the longest one and a half hours Lily had to endure, at the end of it James was in one piece and he was smiling widely.
Lily had started joining the celebrations lately and they were as fun as Marlene told they were, she realised she enjoyed it because she didn’t spend her time criticising the Marauders but instead drinking unhealthy amounts of Firewhiskey with them. When the night ended Remus, Lily and James were sitting on the couch James in the middle as the others were laying on the ground. Lily felt her already warm skin burn every time she felt James against it and this may be Firewhiskey speaking but she wanted to kiss him. I am so fucked. They talked about everything that night and Lily felt safe. She hadn’t laughed that hard for a long time, she made James give her a piggy back ride to her dorm because she was too drunk to climb the stairs, praying that no one would remember it tomorrow. As James let her down slowly, he gave her a grin and disappeared to his dorm quickly. Lily fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow and dreamed of messy black hair and warm brown eyes.
It was the first game of their last year. McGonagall had practically begged James to win the cup this year because the coming generation didn’t please McGonagall one bit.
Lily woke up to the familiar scent of his boyfriend, who had probably been lying awake for the past hour.
“Morning” she mumbled sleepily.
“Morning, love” replied James, his voice still rough and Lily just loved that. She got up slowly and kissed her boyfriend a little too eagerly that James had to stop her. “Not a good idea before Quidditch game, Lils”
Lily rolled her eyes and got up as James took all of her in and jumped out of the bed to lift her from her waist, Lily’s favourite.
“We are going to be late to breakfast and you need to eat Potter” she scolded as she pulled over a sweater she picked up from Remus’ pile of clothes. The other boys had started slowly shuffling.
“Wake up you fuckers, I have a game today” yelled James suddenly making Sirius jump.
“Fuck you” groaned Peter. James grabbed Lily’s hand and they made their way to the Great Hall. Lily watched as almost everyone wished James a good luck and realised how much tenser he got with each pat on his back. It as raining outside so Lily slowly took James’ glasses as he stared confused and bewitched them to stay clear.
“I love you” murmured James as he put his glasses back on and got up.
“Love you, too”
She did, she did love him so much and was actually proud to call him her boyfriend. She loved that they were Head Boy and Girl as it gave them freedom in the castle and lots of time to talk and snog. Lily loved that his brown eyes looked like honey and that his hand fit perfectly on her waist, she loved that his messy hair was the perfect place to hang onto as he kissed her fervently. She loved that James was hers and no one else’s, she loved that most of the girls were jealous of her because she was the one holding James Potter’s hand and not them. Lily realised she had made it to her seat while she was thinking all the ways she loved James Potter.
The game was relatively easier than Slytherin ones but Hufflepuff had a good team and James knew that. Lily prepared herself mentally to not attack anyone who’s a little too harsh on James because he could handle himself.
It had been quarter of an hour and Lily couldn’t keep it in anymore as a Bludger scraped James’ left arm.
“Oi newbie, I will fucking haunt you if you hurt him” yelled Lily over the rain to the Hufflepuff’s new beater and the boy literally shrunk in size out of fear. “That’s better.”
Lily cheered and jumped with each goal James scored and very audibly shouted “That’s MY boyfriend!” like there was anyone who wasn’t aware.
Lily got lost in thought for a while as he watched James fly perfectly, the way he dived and rose again swiftly even though the rain made it harder on everyone else, James wasn’t affected by it. His wet robes made every part of his body very visible and Lily shuddered a little and she tamed herself because this was not the time. She would have James to herself after the game was done.
When the game was done Lily flung herself into James’ arms and snogged the living shit out of him because James was hers and no one could stop her.
Calling someone scum or trash isn’t justice. Hurting someone’s feelings isn’t justice, even if that person is actually a nasty asshole (if you really think justice is making someone feel bad, please examine that and maybe talk to someone because it is reeeeeally bad to think that emotional and mental abuse under any circumstances is a positive thing).
It doesn’t save victims. It doesn’t protect people. It doesn’t save lives. You children. You wanna help us? You wanna help me? Hey, I’m a mixed race queer disabled girl who was abused and who deals with PTSD and other mental shit. I’m your fuckin’ golden goose. You think yelling at the people who helped make me this way is gonna do shit? What, you want my mom’s number so you can call her “trash” for the stuff she did to me in the past so you can pat yourself on the back?
You wanna make a positive difference no matter how small? Start a support blog. Reach out to people. Talk to them. Offer advice and insight. About once every few weeks I go through the fibromyalgia and narcolepsy tags and I try to reach out. I try to be there for them and help them and offer advice on how to deal with these sucky illnesses.
If I went about it the way tumblr does, it’d be like if these illnesses had personal blogs and I sent them anon hate expecting everyone with fibro to suddenly be healed.
Activism doesn’t grow through childish “neener-neener got ya” humiliation games. It doesn’t help anyone that you feel totally badass by harassing someone like that.
You wanna keep masturbating to your toxic call-out culture “justice”, keep at it until your hands burn down to the bone.
But keep it away from me and the people I’m trying to help because I have seen enough friends become suicidal because of tumblr. Seriously, enough is enough.