“Ow.” Blaine rubs his forehead and his nose, blinking stars from his eyes. Has that screen door always been there? Blaine scowls at it.
“Whoa, you okay?” Burt Hummel opens the door from outside, balancing a plate of hamburgers and hotdogs and looking at Blaine with fatherly concern.
What is Blaine supposed to say?
Oh sure, just walked into the door due to your son’s tiny, tiny shorts.
He chuckles awkwardly. “I think the heat’s getting to me.”
It’s the perfect season to revisit this fic! (Well, it’s the perfect season in some parts of the world, but the perfect FIC wherever you are.) I love the humor. Blaine’s interactions with Carole and Burt really seal my love for it.
“I can’t believe I’ve never seen it like this,” Kurt murmurs, reaching across the back seat of the car to slip his fingertips into the curls around Blaine’s ear. Rachel and Finn, still buzzing over their prom court wins, are chattering away in front now that Rachel’s shock has worn off and she’s got her usual command of her tongue back. “A whole year together, best friends for longer, and I’ve never seen it. How did that happen?”
This is my favorite of all the fics I’ve read that talk about Blaine’s relationship with his hair. It’s not overwrought in dealing with Blaine’s insecurities but it doesn’t make him the butt of a joke either. And Mercedes is fantastic, as is Kurt’s brief little interaction with Finn.
“Trick-or-treat,” Mercedes says, and Kurt holds out his bag, smiling a boy-ish smile.
The man looks them over, a smile appearing on his face. “You kids look incredible,” he says, managing to get his cuff-links on. “Can you two give me a moment? I just need to – Pam!” he calls back into the house. “Pam, get Blaine and the camera!”
Mercedes and Kurt share a worried glance. This man hasn’t even given them any candy, and he wants to take a picture of them?
A slightly older woman appears next to him in a beautiful cocktail dress. “Oh my goodness, isn’t this just the biggest coincidence!” she says. “Would you two be okay if we took a picture of you with our son? It’s just… Oh, you’ll see.”
This is a sweet little alternative meeting fic set during Halloween where Mercedes, Kurt, and Blaine are all dressed up as Harry Potter characters. It’s so satisfying. If I were an artist, I’d create fanart for this in a heartbeat and I
know exactly what it would look like. Alas, the best I can offer is adoration.
“Violet, what should Papa make for you this year? Pick something and I’ll make it for you in less horrid, synthetic fabric.”
Kurt laughs, “Oh sweetie, your Daddy is a very talented man, but he can’t sew to save his life.”
This is another Halloween fic (I’m just now discovering that I have a soft spot for stories that involve costumes) that’s picture-perfect and deserves fanart - this time, with Kurt and Blaine’s daughter dressing up as one of her dads. The ending melts my heart.
Again, I will go into further detail in my full review (like the magnificence that is Anderson’s facial expressions and that blistering snark that edges Hummel’s most biting lines) but I just needed to share this now, because I need people to know about this show and to know about these two men.
I love it when fics play with media in storytelling, and this particular take on a theatre review of Kurt and Blaine’s production of "Who’s Afraid of Viriginia Woolf” delivers these little details that give a wonderful sense of what Kurt and Blaine’s performances must be like.
My mother and I spoke for a while. I told her the whole entire story. Start to finish, and she listened.
She obviously wasn’t 100% content with the idea of me having a child at this delicate time in my life, but she was one of the only few people who could compensate with the news.
There was no going back now. I was always taught to live by 'what’s done is done.’ Which, is basically the saying you want to keep at the back of your head so you can always have the slightest bit of pride.
After we hung up, I turned off my phone, tablet, and computer. I needed to be cut off from the world. I was physically and emotionally drained and talking to anyone or being on any social media would put me in such a bad mood. It seemed like in every second of every day, life just got harder. It was like I was individual pieces of chopped up fruit trying to find its way back together, but inevitably failing when the big blender of life came and fucked it all up.
My head hurt.
My stomach hurt.
My back hurt.
Also, as cheesy as it sounded, my heart hurt.
I don’t know what I was feeling towards Dan. I was always feeling a sexual attraction towards him. There was no denying, he was walking porn to me. But emotionally?
A part of me wanted to believe that I was so reluctant to let him have a chance because I wasn’t ready to open the door of maybe falling for him. Everything inside of me that could feel any type of emotion twisted whenever he was near. Psychologically, it could’ve been because I had slept with him and I was pregnant, so naturally I felt that romantic interest take over. Realistically, however, I was just being stupid.
I never expected for him to marry me when he found out I was carrying his child. If a time paradox could happen and we could go back in time before this whole mess happened, I probably would’ve gotten to know him as a person rather than a sex partner. Maybe both. Who knows…
Until then, I was stuck with the confusing feelings in my head. I really hardly knew Dan, but that connection to him I felt every time he was by me couldn’t have just been inflicted by the pregnancy.
Besides feeling confused with my inner conflicts about Dan, I also felt extremely angry.
Maybe it was hormones
Or maybe it was just me not having patience anymore. I do not kid you when I say that EVERYTHING pissed me off. Catherine not closing the door when she left my bedroom, not being able to find another job so I could start saving up for baby stuff, and not to mention, little miss Marie, Dan’s girlfriend.
Okay, Marie was pretty. She was literally the definition of gorgeous. Her face didn’t have one flaw, her figure made you want to either have an eating disorder, or make you want to put a corset on every day to achieve her tiny waist. Her eyes were born, and although that’s considered a 'boring’ eye colour, she could change your mind. Her hair, was also-I shit you not-so golden blond, you could trick people and say she had actual specks of gold in her follicles. I understood why Dan liked her so much, but she annoyed me.
"Hey, are you ever going to stop eating?“ Catherine groaned, coming in through the front door and walking into the lounge one day after returning from her glorious job as a hardware shop employee. She was always so rude and grumpy after a slow day.
"Sorry. I’m eating for two.” I retorted, shoving a potato chip in my mouth. After hearing the crunch, Catherine cringed and fell on the couch next to me.
“Seems like you’re eating for four, but hey, it’s your body, not mine.” She shrugged and took the TV remote, flipping through some channels.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I rolled my eyes and started to play with my hair. Today had been such a long day that when Catherine spoke to me in her bitter tone, it made me want to stab my ears.
“It means that you’re three months along and you don’t look it. You literally look like your five months pregnant. I get that you eat more now, but a salad wouldn’t kill you.” I could tell that Catherine thought she was being frank and easy, but not quite. She was the complete opposite. “
“You need to get it through your head that pregnancy is way harder than you think. I didn’t think it was even this hard but it is. I can’t move an inch with profusely sweating, I can’t wear any of my old jeans, and my hormones are all so all over the place that I can’t even control what I think anymore.“ I ate another chip. To be fair, I knew how much dignity Catherine had and how she’d never admit she crossed a line. The options that went through her mind were: to keep jabbing at the sensitive aspects of my life, or stay silent.
"Well,” she started. “If it’s so bad, why are you pregnant?” Her choice was to keep digging herself deeper.
"Why am I pregnant? You know why I’m pregnant. We forgot to use a condom, I wasn’t taking my pills, and here we are.“ I picked up my (y/h/c) coloured hair in a cute, but messy pony. My body was heating up so quickly with the heat in the room turned up and the way Catherine was ticking me off.
"Are you sure it was even an accident? Dan’s an attractive guy, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were just trying to stir up some drama.” Catherine had a playful grin on her lips when I turned to face her. She looked at me and batted her eyelashes, her eyes themselves saying words although her mouth wasn’t. She was proud of what she’d just said because she knew that was the last straw.
“Dan’s attractive, yes. I’m pregnant now because of a mistake.” I said under my breath. “But, if you asked me? I think you’re just jealous because he chose me the night you wanted to fuck him.”
That was true. The night Dan and I had been together wasn’t supposed to even have a chance at happening. Catherine had spoken to him on different occasions, but not enough so that they could be friends. She used to gush about how she met a tall and nice guy that didn’t make her want to “choke on her own vomit.”
I am not a bad friend. I didn’t know that this was the guy she was talking about. Catherine knew so many people from so many different places that I never even questioned it. Dan and I just clicked when we met and we chatted for hours beyond hours that night. I don’t think that if I had the option to go back in time that I’d change anything. He was truly a dream, and that one night I had with him would always be in my memories.
"I’m not a desperate whore!“ Catherine yelled back at me. After the incident in the living room, I’d begun packing while she and I fought. Don’t get me wrong, we always had our little arguments as we were roommates. This one, though, was different.
"Neither am I, but apparently since I’m going to be a mother I must be!” I zipped up my suitcase and put the hood of my sweater over my head. I rolled the suitcase out to the door and slipped on my burgundy coloured vans. These shoes were old and worn out, but they were so comfortable and made my feet feel good when I wore them.
"Where are you going to even go? You don’t have any other friends in London, and you don’t have any money for a hotel.“ Catherine put a hand on her hip. A smirk played on her lips making it seem like she was just getting ready to say, "ha ha, I won.”
She didn’t. This may have just been a fight, but I knew I wasn’t losing it.
"Goodbye. I’ll be back at some point to get the rest of my stuff.“ I opened the door and walked out.
I felt powerful when I exited the apartment building. The world was at my fingertips and I could do anything I wanted!
Except I couldn’t.
It seemed that in the 2 minutes it took to leave the apartment and walk out into the pitch black and rainy streets that I’d forgotten some keys facts:
-The streets are dangerous and creepier at night and I am afraid of the dark.
-I was pregnant.
-I was tired.
I walked far enough that I reached a bench for a bus stop and sat inside. The bench was covered by a little metal roof, so even though I was already soaking wet, I wasn’t still standing in the downfall of the rain. At this point, there was one option I had left and I had to take it. I pulled out my phone and dialed his number. Was it embarrassing that I already had it memorized?
After a few faithful rings, he answered.
"Hello, Y/N?” Dan’s voice said from the other line. I could tell he wasn’t doing much as he seemed relaxed.
"Oh, is that Y/N?“ I heard Phil say in the background. I paused before speaking, really thinking about whether or not this was really my last option. It was, so I just got to the point.
"Hey, sorry to bother you. C-Catherine and I got into a fight and believe me, if I had another place I could go right now, I wouldn’t bother asking. Do you think I could crash on your couch for a night or two? I really need it.” I was rambling for a while before Dan stopped me.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he hushed me. I sounded so distressed that it must’ve been exhausting him just by listening to me. “Of course you can stay here. You’re always welcome. How far away are you?”
“Not far.” I really wasn’t. Maybe just 3 or 4 blocks. At least I wasn’t on the complete other side of the city. Dan sighed in relief.
“Alright, Phil and I will go set up everything. Please hurry, if you can.”
I walked to the apartment in just a few minutes. I was so determined to get there and change and just sleep. My energy needed to be refilled and I was in desperate need of being revitalized.
Dan opened the door and pulled me inside. He helped me take off my soaked shoes and took my coat and hood off of me. I offered him a smile, which he returned. Every time I looked at those lips… It sent my mind down a spiral of memories.
It was like I could still feel his lips all over my body. On my neck, jaw, chest, hips… Everywhere. They were a perfect rosy pink colour and slightly chapped. I craved to have him be as close to me as he was that one night, but there just wasn’t anything I could do about him. Every single cell in my body ached and begged for him to pay some sort of attention to me as a woman. A person of personal interest rather than the chick he accidentally knocked up. What did he even think of me? A chore? Did he feel bad for the unspeakable things we did together?
"Again, I’m so sorry about just randomly popping in here like this. Everything in my life just keeps happening so fast that I don’t even know where I’m left standing.“ I shrugged and started up the stairs.
"Y/N, seriously, it’s no trouble,” Dan offered a warm smile towards me and put his hand on my back, guiding me throughout the house and up the stairs. “Listen, I know this sounds kind of scary. Well, it is terrifying but… You and I… We’re always going to be in each other’s lives because of that little living thing inside of you. We’re going to need to do favours for each other if we really want to do what’s best, and that’s only a small part of it. We’re going to be each other’s partner in crime, so why not start early?” At the top of the last set of stairs before going into the lounge, Dan grabbed my shoulders to look at his face directly. “Everything is going to be alright. Just take a break, okay?"
"Okay.” I replied and looked to my feet after staring at his face just became too much for me. Everything was too much for me, but what more was there left for me to do? Cry? If I cried anymore, I’d run out of tears. Scream? With what energy?
Dan led me into the lounge after I’d gotten changed out of my soaked clothes. Phil sat at his computer, his eyes glued to the screen. It was only around 9:30, making it pretty early. The two men were wide awake and I could tell they’d remain like that for a while.
“Hey, Y/N,” Phil said kindly. “Dan and I were just about to play a game. Care to join?”
Playing Mario Cart with Dan and Phil was like asking for death. I’d never really played before that night, but they sure as hell beat me. I came close a few times to making #1, but it wasn’t long enough.
We got interrupted around 12:30am, when the doorbell started going off. The boys looked at each other and I could tell that they were just as confused as I was. The three of us stood up and went to step out of the room but I was stopped when Dan stood in front of my and shook his head.
"Neither of you should go down. It’s probably someone lost but let me and Phil check it out in case it’s a fan or something.“ He walked away and it took me a second to realize something. 'Neither of you’ as in, the baby and I. Something about how he said it and his protective instinct just made me feel all tingly inside… Almost like butterflies in my stomach.
I sat on the couch and studied my bump. It was prominent with the outfit I wore although it wasn’t that big. I was headed towards four months and getting chubbier and chubbier. It would’ve been comforting when I looked in the mirror and told myself that it was just me creating life, if Catherine hadn’t called me a basic fat ass. I obviously wasn’t meant to be stick skinny at this point, but it still hurt.
Moments later I heard a symphony of various foot steps up the stairs and prepared myself for what about to come.
Dan and Phil came in with a man who didn’t look older than 24. He was pretty handsome, but the smell of alcohol that emitted from his body was nearly unbearable. It was disgusting and even made me feel like I would have a hangover in the morning.
"Heeeeeyyyyyyy! Is this the girl that my little sister keeps complaiinnngiiinggggg abouuuuuut?” The mans words slurred so bad that you could hardly understand him. He was easily shitfaced and if his sober persona had a filter, his drunkenness just took it and stomped on it.
"Jacob, this is Y/N,“ Dan mumbled to him. "Y/N, this is Jacob. Marie’s brother.” Dan already looked apologetic because there was a storm coming his way and he knew it. I only gave a nod in Jacob’s direction, just to acknowledge him that I knew he was there.
"Tell me, princess? What’s it take ya to get you into bed, huh?“ Jacob laughed and tried to walk towards me. Dan and Phil held him back, though. God, couldn’t they have just left him in the streets?
"I almost forgotttt! You only sleeeeep with men who will get you pregnant!” Jacob let out an almost evil snicker. He probably thought he was so funny when in reality he was the opposite.
“I sleep with men who’s dicks aren’t the size of my pinkie toe.” Was my only response. Not my best, I admit, but it would do enough damage. Phil’s eyes widened for only a moment but then went back to his regular expression. A smirk played on Dan’s lips as he looked away. He knew he couldn’t say much to Jacob or me because the damage had already been done.
"Excuse me? You’ve probably never even been with a real man, young lady! I could fuck you like no other. I bet little Danny boy over here didn’t even make you come like a woman.“ Jacob tried to walk forward but lost balance and leaned over to Phil’s side.
"Jacob, that’s enough. I think we need to call you a cab home.” Dan sighed and tried to make the situation better, but it just wasn’t happening.
“Not before I let this little one get her punishment,” he chuckled.
“Still don’t see why my sister doesn’t like you, you’re a ball full of sunshine,”
I had just opened my mouth to speak when Jacob threw up all over the floor and fell against the wall for support.
“Marie’s here. She’ll take him home,” Dan mumbled to Phil. He looked at Jacob, me, then back at Phil. Normally, I could more or less read what he was thinking through just his face but now… I wasn’t sure what to think. He had no expression, so he could’ve just been in a neutral state. He could’ve been the nicest he’d ever been, or he could’ve been the meanest.
“Tell Marie I’ll call her tomorrow. I need some air.” He told Phil. “I’ll make sure to return the favour.” Dan didn’t even give Phil the opportunity to reply and walked out the front door. To my dismay, Phil gave me a look that was begging me to go after him. So I did. I jogged down and a little down the sidewalk when I stepped out of the building to catch up with Dan. His long legs could make him travel faster than me, so reaching him was an adventure. Along with the fatigue that came with being pregnant, I was a panting mess.
“Dan,” I wheezed out, gripping my thighs and leaning forward. My tiny bump was heaving with every breath I took. He turned around quickly and looked at me with sorrow in his beautiful brown eyes.
"Are you okay?“ He said, walking a little closer and putting his hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah. Just really out of shape,” my panting finally began to subside and I wiped off the bead of sweat that had already formed on my head.
"Both of you?“ His voice was so soft but it reeked of concern. It was strangely comforting but also strange.
"Yeah, yeah. What about you?” I chewed on my bottom lip and started walking again with him. My eyes were on him the whole time, looking for some sign of anger or happiness, stress or fear.
“I feel guilty, you know? I let so much shit happen and it’s affecting so many people,” it was so cold you could see our breath when we spoke.
"Like what?“ I decided to play dumb, probably make him feel better. He stopped in his tracks and placed his hand on my stomach, giving me a sincere look that was begging me not to make him say it out loud.
"That was both of us.”
“I had the protection. I could’ve prevented it, but now you’re paying the price way more than I am. Not to mention Marie is a wreck, and Phil doesn’t know what to do with himself. He likes being happy, but he can only be happy if everyone around him is.” Dan started walking again. By this point I was shivering so hard my teeth started chattering.
"People screw up. But you’ll see, everything will turn out fine.“ I offered him a smile and crossed my arms. He looked at me once more and took off his coat, quickly giving it to me.
"Put this on and let’s turn back. We’ll talk more tomorrow.” I tried to make him put it back on since I knew he’d be cold to, but he insisted. In the end, I put it on. By now, we’d both realized the journey we’d begun. And we both knew one thing.
Deadpool: Suicide Kings #5 2009-10 Written by: Mike Benson & Adam Glass, Art by Carlo Barberi and Sandu Florea
Tombstone and the Wrecking Crew face off against Deadpool and Spider-Man.
SPIDEYPOOL/QUEER/REP/NOTABLE: [Wrecker to Spider-Man]: Ain'tcha gonna introduce us to your girlfriend ‘fore we pound his brains outta his nose? [Deadpool]: Some people call me Deadpool. Some call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice, 'cause I speak of the pompatus of love. [Spider-Man]: You asked.
The fight starts.
REP: [Deadpool]: Before the festivities begin– You guy shave heard of me before, right? The merc with a mouth? Ring any bells? [Yellow]: Oh god. Shameless. [White]: Pandering.
Wrecker belts Spider-Man into orbit.
SPIDEYPOOL: [Deadpool, watching Spider-Man get sent flying]: Oooh. Glad I’m not him right about now.
Distracted by watching Spider-Man, Deadpool is hit hard in the back. He gets piled on by Piledriver and Wrecker.
CRAZY: [Deadpool hallucinates as he gets knocked down].
Spider-Man slams into the ground behind the fallen Deadpool. The Wrecking Crew is about to finish Deadpool off, but Spider-Man recovers and webs Wrecker in the eye.
SPIDEYPOOL/QUEER: [Spider-Man]: Don’t tell me this is the first time you took one in the eye.
Spider-Man and Deadpool stand back-to-back, facing off against the Crew.
[Deadpool]: This feels very “Lethal Weapon”. [Spider-Man]: One or two? [Deadpool]: There was a sequel? Tell me you got an ace up your sleeve? [Spider-Man]: I’m a sort of a fly-by-my-pants kind of guy. [Wrecker]: Wreckin’ Crew–Let’s make it rain! [Spider-Man]: Spiffy catchphrase. [Deadpool]: Please. Stole it from “The Warriors”–Remember the orphans scene? [Spider-Man]: Riiiiight!
The Wrecking Crew are hit by a laser blast.
SPIDEYPOOL/CRAZY/SELF-LOATHING: [Deadpool]: Do you see hat… Or is this a Pool-O-Vision shot? [Yellow]: Great! Let the whole world know about the “Pool-o-Vsion” shots! [White]: Blurter! [Spider-Man]: You mean the Punisher on Green Goblin’s glider, wearing Unicorn’s battle ram and the Claw’s prosthetic hand? [Deadpool]: Yeah! Good. We’re all good here. [Deadpool]: Never thought I’d be happy to see that guy. [Spider-Man]: Give it a minute. The night is still young. [Deadpool]: True dat.
Punisher joins the fight.
FOURTH-WALL: [Wrecker]: Buncha minor league wannabes. Yer kiddin’, right? [Deadpool]: “Wannabes”? [Yellow]: Yeah. We got TWO books out right now. [White]: And another next month.
Punisher hits the Wrecking Crew with a Hobgoblin knock-out gas pumpkin.
SPIDEYPOOL/FOURTH-WALL/CRAZY: [Spider-Man]: Hobgoblin’s jack-o'latenterns pack enough knockout gas to put down a herd of elephants. [Deadpool]: Ahhh… the old knockout gas-in-the-jack-o'lantern trick. Very Golden Age. Very Steve Ditko. [Spider-Man]: What? [Deadpool with a sad smile]: Nothing.
With Punisher’s help, the heroes defeat the Wrecking Crew. Deadpool continues on after Tombstone, who has gotten to another motorcycle, kicking his man off of it.
Deadpool follows back to Tombstone’s place. Conrad has finally given up, sick of Tombstone’s bullying. He bulks as Tombstone is about to drag him onto his escape helicopter, so Tombstone tosses him into the pit with the man-eating pigs.
HERO/HEALING: [Deadpool, despite being set up by Conrad, saves him from the man-eating pigs, though he lost an arm in the process.]
Conrad reveals that this was all a bet between Tombstone and him about whether Tombstone could take Deadpool out.
HERO: [Deadpool]: You killed all those people in that building for a bet? [Tombstone]: That’s how I roll. [Deadpool]: Yeah, like a punkass gangsta wannabe.
Tombstone objects to Deadpool calling him that and faces off against Deadpool. Deadpool attacks, but he doesn’t know that Tombstone’s skin is diamond-tough and that he is invulnerable. Deadpool’s attacks backfire and Tombstone defeats him.
Just as Tombstone is about to finish Deadpool sweeps Tombstone’s legs out from under him and pounces, threatening to send a ragged wrist bone through Tombstone’s not-invulnerable eye.
HERO/REP: [Tombstone]: What do you want? [Deadpool]: A confession. [Tombstone]: Nobody’s gonna believe you. [Deadpool]: You’re right. That’s why I’m rollin’ with my posse. [Yellow]: Posse/ God, you’re so white. [White]: So that’s why we can’t dance.
Dare Devil, Spider-Man, and Punisher all show up, having Deadpool’s back.
Soon… Deadpool returns Conrad to the O'Shea home. O'Shea expresses his displeasure with this son and questions why he should let Deadpool kill him.
HERO: [Conrad]: What? Are you kidding me? [Deadpool]: Yeah, what he said. [Mr. O'Shea]: I’m deadly serious. [Deadpool]: Uhm. I thought you said there was a ransom to be had?
Mr. O'shea gives Deadpool a suitcase of money and then has Deadpool let the police in.
Later… Deadpool leads Outlaw into a place with his hands covering her eyes.
QUEER: [Outlaw]: Can I look already? [Deadpool]: Mmm– In a sec… *sniff* *Sniff* [Outlaw]: Are you smelling me? [Deadpool]: Kind of. Okay, you can open your eyes.
Deadpool has led Outlaw to a new, furnished apartment that he bought for her.
FRIENDS: [Outlaw]: This one of your jokes, Wade? [Deadpool]: Not a joke, Outlaw. I ruined your last place and got you bounced out of that crappy hotel. You’ve always been there for me– I wanted to do something nice for you. It’s not like I have that many friends. [Outlaw]: What’s the catch? There’s ALWAYS a catch. [Deadpool]: I dunno. If the Punisher destroys my next place, I can crash with you? The couch folds out into a bed. [Outlaw embraces him]: I don’t know what to say, Wade. No one’s ever done anything remotely lie this for me before.
Outlaw raises his mask up to kiss him, then throws him down onto the bed.
FRIENDS/QUEER: [Yellow]: Is this REALLY happening? [White]: I was just about to ask you the same thing. [Deadpool]: Outlaw *umpf* I didn’t buy it for you to get into y– [Outlaw]: THAT’S why it’s happening. [Yellow]: Maybe there is a god. [White]: Can you not talk and let me enjoy this. [Deadpool]: Be gentle with me.