gold plate necklace

4

etsyfindoftheday 2 | 7.27.16

gold constellation necklaces by twinklebird // orion | ursa major

i heart both of these beautifully minimal constellation pendants … they remind me of stargazing in wisconsin during the summertime. love love this, twinklebird.

Karlie Kloss writing in "Born in the USA" for UK Vogue, May 2010. Photograph by Alasdair McLellan.

“Throw Moschino’s decorated jacket over shorts and a T-shirt for a class act. Embroidered satin bomber jacket, £275, Love Moschino. Cotton T-shirt, £120, L’Agence, at Selfridges. Denim shorts, £185, Escada Sport. Gold-plated pendent necklace, £95, Laura Lee Jewellery.”

To The One Who Matters The Most

I know. I know.

I know that most of the time, you feel trapped. You feel imprisoned inside your body, your name and the ideals that you have to live with. You find it unfair that even if before you were born, the manner of how you will live your life is already predetermined. Your iron bars are your family’s expectations and the limited options that the society has handed on you.

You feel like the value of your mere existence is based on the numbers that you acquire as you grow up. Remember that time when you almost lost yourself as you get drowned with home works and projects just to obtain a piece of paper and a gold-plated necklace? You almost got sick but still, you didn’t sleep. You felt like if you didn’t get it, your life won’t be anything but a lie.

When you finally had it around your neck and everyone was congratulating you for the achievement that you received for almost killing yourself, you didn’t exactly feel happy, did you? All that you could think was you should try harder next time because you were expected to get it again. You refused to lose because losing means being a failure and being a failure means having all of your previous successes buried into oblivion.

Maybe, the only consolation that you got from it was seeing the pride in your mother’s eyes. Even back then, you knew. You knew that you just need one person. Just one person who will make you feel like all of your hardships were worth it.

However, things never got easier. It seemed like the world would never run out of ways to destroy everything that you have been holding on. You were faced with the reality that in this world, you can’t just be anyone. You have to choose your identity. Forge it if you have to. You have to be someone who’s strong, resilient and fierce. You should not falter. You should not break. And even if you do, you have to pretend like you still got your pieces together. You have to go on your life and face this world as if its storms didn’t cause you any casualty.

Sometimes, you just want to be weak. You want to drop every expectation of those who are around you and take off all your masks so they would see that you have your own scars as well. You just want to stop suppressing all your emotions and let out a cry. Most of all, you just want to be held. To have someone to rely on. To feel like you belong.

So you go around and give your love to everyone who is around you. You lend them your ears and sympathize with all their tears. You take all their tales and you never dared forget. You used to think that if you give nothing but softness and tenderness, the world will also give you the same kindness. But as always, it proved you wrong.

Do you remember the first time you fell in love? Oh, how you ached for his touch. How you memorized his scent. How he brought autumn to your summer heart by giving you a single glance using his hazel eyes. How you poured everything to a man who was holding someone else’s hand when you weren’t looking.

When you found yourself in your dark room, drenched with your own tears and memories that you would rather forget, you thought that maybe, maybe some people weren’t made to be loved permanently. Maybe, your pieces weren’t enough to fill his longing. Maybe it’s you. Because if it wasn’t, why would he look for someone else?

Just as when you thought that your misery was an endless tunnel, healing shed its light. The heaviness left your chest. Your wound ceased from bleeding. Your life didn’t stop just because he failed to give you what you deserved. You have forgiven him for breaking your heart. You have forgiven yourself for believing that how he treated you was the equivalent of your worth. 

Then just like in books, a new chapter has begun and new characters were introduced to you. Once again you found yourself falling. Uncontrollably this time. Soon enough, you were lying on the ground, unable to find your way back up.

You see, it was beautiful. It was the kind that started so gloriously. Even if you don’t admit this, it still paints a smile on your lips whenever the events on the first pages of your story, cross your mind.

But then again, it went away as swiftly as it came. It left you so devastated, you started mourning again for your first love. You sobbed and you wept until there were no more tears left. Just as when you thought you could look at the world without having a blurry vision, it arrived on your doorsteps. You welcomed it wholeheartedly because you thought that maybe, the hands that inflicted wounds on your skin would be the same hands to cure them.

Of course you were wrong again. When you were already sleeping soundly beside him, he left before the morning came. This happened again and again. Just a pendulum that’s swinging endlessly. You had no idea why it was so indecisive if it would stay or it would stay gone.

Until one day, you just decided to walk away. You thought that love for the first time is blissful. Love for the second time is a choice. Love for the third time is a gamble. But love for the fourth, fifth, sixth and even seventh time is nothing but a waste of time.

Love, you realized, is just an excuse for people to hurt you over and over again. Nothing ever lasts anymore. People will always find someone else that they can replace you with. Letting yourself feel for anyone is letting them destroy you in ways that they aren’t even aware of. Feelings will do nothing but ruin you.

When all of the ache, anger and anguish left your heart, emptiness made a home inside of it. You became numb on every affection that others are offering you. You’re now indifferent to the emotions of those who are around you. You refuse to accept anything because you think that people won’t give it to you unless they are expecting something in return. You ignore their promises because you have proven that even the sincerest words that were spoken by the sweetest voice could be lies. You settled with goodbye because every hello is just a chance for another rupture.

I am sorry.

I am sorry if you are too much for the world I am sorry that you had to shrink yourself just so you could be contained. I know that all your life, you just want to be free. You just want to be able to do things because it’s your pleasure to do so, not because you’re a variable in a system that the society has already programmed long before you were born. I am sorry if the world is too loud and too cruel for you to live in.

 But for whatever it’s worth, it is never too late to soften your heart again. I know that you have been in the worst places. I know that most of the time you are thinking of leaving everything behind. But you should learn how to forgive this world.

Forgive this world for not returning everything that it has taken away from you. Forgive this world for not noticing your screams. Forgive this world for always making you feel like you are not enough and that every misfortune is your fault. Forgive this world for giving you people who did nothing but cause you pain. Forgive this world for not being the home that you deserve to live in.

 Somewhere inside you, I know that you still hope for a better tomorrow. I know that you are still capable to feel deeply. I know that you still believe in love and in kindness just like you always do.

Will you please do a favor for me?

Hold on. Endure all the days that you feel like you’re being suffocated by everyone’s presence and you just want to be alone. Swim through all the nights when being alone drowns you endlessly. You know it will not stay like this forever. You know that soon enough, you’ll be elsewhere and it won’t be this hard.

 So stay. Stay some more. And you will be free.

8

Noir | Sometimes al black is the answer. It’s always there to make you feel safe, comfortable, and simple. Today I paired my favorite pair of all black denim from Old Navy with this gorgeous chiffon blouse from @forever21. A simple black tank to layer underneath, and these super classic ankle boots to close the look. I kept the accessories simple with a Michael Kors Rose Gold watch, and my gold name plate necklace. Lips are Sapphire by Sephora.

2

L O O K  B O O K #17

Hairbase: Beusame - Jase hairbase
Tattoo: Bolson - Sacred
Top: Deadwool - Round collar shirt
Pants: sYs - Eros pants in black
Shoes: Addams - Dr.Addams boots
Clutch: Amitomo - clutch bag hologram (gacha)
Necklace 1: Wonton - Gold plated bar necklace (@Kustom9 march)
Necklace 2: Eudora - 3D Maya necklace (@Kustom9 march)
Plug: Bad Unicorn Clothing - Black gauge (group gift)
Earring: ieQED - Pirate doubloon earring (gacha)
Septum: Reckless - septum gacha 4 (@Luck of the irish)
Poses: Sari-Sari - Spring set (@Kustom9 march)

Shooting location: Pigeon Island (TAXI)