gold bars

THIS IS THE EXTREME MONEY FERRET

IF YOU REBLOG THIS SOME FORM OF GOOD FORTUNE WILL BE BESTOWED UPON YOU!!!

WILL YOU RECEIVE ALL THE LOOT YOU’LL EVER NEED?! POSSIBLY!

WILL AN ARMORED CAR FULL OF SOLID GOLD BARS CRASH THROUGH YOUR HOUSE AND KILL YOU?! ALSO POSSIBLE!

THIS MONEY FERRET IS SO POWERFUL WE HAVE NO WAY OF TELLING WHAT IT IS CAPABLE OF!

Starring Cupcake the (blurry) Ferret!

She returns from her previous bout of fortune energy!

The night they broke the DM

Context: my party of a Rogue, Druid, and Bard had just taken taken down a white dragon in a mining town and were in the process of looting it when I decided that they shouldn’t be able to carry around a whole dragon skin so I sent in someone to stop them.

Me: from inside the mine runs out a huge, burly half-orc covered in soot. He looks at you three, and says “we’ll take it from here.”

Rogue, standing on the carcass: This is our kill. We will do with it as we please.

*Rogue fails a persuasion roll*

Half-Orc: You killed it on my land, it is my dragon. You can keep what you’ve taken so far, but the rest belongs to the mine.

Gold-hungry Rogue: You can have it, for 50,000 gold.

*fails persuasion* *Druid fails to charm the Half-Orc*

Half-Orc: This is MY dragon.

Cocky Rogue: I’ll fight you for it.

*The party is all level 3 at this point, so I make the Half-Orc a Champion*

Half-Orc: *laughs* [Miner]! Bring me my greatsword!

They fight, and the Rogue is of course KO’d instantly. The Bard heals him and as he stands up with blood running down his face.

Sonofabitch Rogue: That was a great fight. We’ll give it to you for 15,000.

I stare at him in disbelief.

Me: Roll persuasion with disadvantage ‘cause he just kicked your ass.

The Rogue rolls a 19 and a 20. And this war hero who has killed a Pit Fiend and a Adult Blue Dragon gives the scrawny, greedy, arrogant Half-Elf 15,000 gold worth in silver bars from his own mine.

I knocked everyone’s drink over from how hard I slammed my head on the table.

washingtonpost.com
Authorities: Gold miners at a bar bragged about slaughtering members of a reclusive Brazilian tribe
The garimpeiros had bragged that they’d come across members of a reclusive, uncontacted Amazonian tribe near Brazil’s border with Peru and Colombia, authorities say. The tribe members were greater in number — there were as many as 10 — but the gold miners said they’d gotten the better of them and killed the entire lot, said Carla de Lello Lorenzi, communications officer for Survival International in Brazil. The miners cut the tribe members’ bodies so that they wouldn’t float, Lorenzi said, then dropped them into the Jandiatuba River. The miners had collected tools and jewelry from the indigenous dead, corroborating their story. An unidentified person who overheard the story was disturbed by it, recorded the miners’ conversation and turned the audio over to authorities. They have since launched an investigation into what, if confirmed, would be one of the largest mass murders of uncontacted people in decades. Advocates for stricter protective measures say the suspected massacre is evidence that the Brazilian government isn’t doing enough to safeguard the more than 100 vulnerable tribes that have never made contact with the outside world — and have no desire to.
By https://www.facebook.com/CleveWootson

This is pure evil