going towards the future i have planned

Ease - Part 11



Length: 3.4k

SummaryYou and your best friend Taehyung have recently got into the same university in the capital of Seoul. Hoping that this was your year to finally admit your romantic feelings towards your said best friend, uni seems an exciting prospect. But of course, the future never really goes according to plan.

Originally posted by jeonbase

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“I want you to update me on what happens,” said Jungkook, the night before your field trip. “What Taehyung says to you and all that.”

You scoffed. “Jungkook, stop being protective. Taehyung’s never going to do anything; he’s also still probably broken up over Yeji, so I can’t exactly not talk to him.”

“Still,” he shrugged shiftily, “you’d better tell him that I’m with you now. Even if it might be difficult.”

He hugged you tightly before you left, while you muttered that you’re technically weren’t ‘official’, but Jungkook ignored you.

“Remember to text me how it’s going!” he called to your retreating back.

“Yes, mother!”

It was the first time you’d seen Taehyung since the night of the café, so not only were you worried about how he’d been coping, but also how to tell him, without rubbing it in his face, that you were seeing Jungkook.

Your major class had been taken on a trip to a museum, which was a large building with several floors and rooms branching off in every direction. The ceiling was impressive by itself, as the patterned glass with a large chandelier allowed light to flood the room. Jungkook’s words rung in your head, but you’d seen a huge ‘no phones’ sign as you entered and there were numerous members of staff milling about the place, so you weren’t going to risk sending a message for the sake of Jungkook’s motherliness. Instead, you scanned the crowd for the familiar face of your best friend, but you couldn’t see him anywhere.

“You may go off and do your own thing, but remember to have lunch and meet me back here at 4,” announced your teacher. “No excuses. Remember to be respectful to others and take notes; I may include some of this in the test next week.”

Although everyone nodded, there were several small sighs as they realised that they couldn’t completely slack off. After thank you’s had been said, students split off from the group as they went to explore, leaving you standing at the entrance by yourself. You hadn’t needed to make any friends in your class, as you’d always relied on Taehyung being there, and no one had bothered with you, either. In fact, you were pretty sure no one even knew your name.

However, as the crowd thinned, you finally spotted Taehyung standing next to a statue, peering up at the chiselled face in wonder. As your heart rate increased at the sight, you almost bounced over to him, a relieved smile on your face.

“Tae! There you are. I couldn’t see you on the coach.”

Taehyung turned around, and you were surprised to see that he looked relatively healthy. Although he still had dark circles and his eyes lacked their usual shine, he didn’t look like he was suffering from heartbreak. But then again, that’s Taehyung for you, you thought to yourself. He’s the king of hiding his emotions so you think he’s fine, but in reality, you never know what’s going on underneath.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said, lacking enthusiasm in his tone.

“Have you been eating properly?” you asked, as he avoided eye contact. “I hope you’ve been okay, I know these past few days haven’t been-”

“I’m fine,” he interrupted, readjusting his cap so that his long hair covered his eyes. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his denim jacket, he walked away, leaving you by the statue. He stopped not far off and looked back, as if he expected you to keep up with him despite the moody response he’d given you.

Sighing at his obstinance, you followed the older boy, throwing him more questions but earning similar, half-hearted replies. Taehyung refused to look at you, and with a mask covering his mouth, it made you feel as if he’d shut himself off, building a wall so that you couldn’t go near him. You racked your brains to figure out if you’d done anything wrong, but as far as you were aware, you’d parted on good terms. Perhaps this was just the consequence of the Yeji situation, you thought.

Taehyung stood behind a glass case, looking down at the objects inside and reading the labels alongside them. You tried to do the same, but you weren’t really looking, the objects merging with one another as you struggled to come up with ideas of what to do next. Clearly, words weren’t working, seeing as Taehyung had clammed up and refused to say more than two words at a time.

“Do you want to talk about it? Because if you don’t, just say and I’ll stop bothering you. I don’t really fancy having a one-sided conversation for the whole day.” You didn’t mean for it to sound sassy, but recently you’d found yourself getting annoyed at the smallest of things. It was mainly directed at Jungkook, as whenever he got snappy you found yourself arguing back, or whenever he talked about Taehyung you backed up your friend instead of him. It was out of character for you, because usually with Taehyung, you knew when to take a step back before things got too heated. But the stress of the dance competition and the pressure from Jungkook and the worries of Taehyung were taking its toll.

So, when Taehyung moved on to another glass case instead of answering your question, you spun around and stalked off, his behaviour beginning to make your skin crawl. You didn’t trust yourself to talk calmly, and that’s why you found yourself glowering on a couch in a silent room. The seat was shaped like a large splodge of paint, with places to sit formed between the rise and fall of the arms. It was on the fourth floor at the back of the museum, so although it had a huge, old clock facing outwards on the window with rusting Roman numerals for visitors to look at, it was dead. Sitting with your arms and legs crossed and staring out the clock at the river below, you let your annoyance fizzle out by grumbling a stream of curse words under your breath in as many languages as you knew.

You understood he was going through a tough time, and you could make allowances for his behaviour, but at that moment, you needed to take some time off. Taehyung rarely had mood swings and you rarely got angry, but since going to university and experiencing all of the hardships that went along with it, both of you had taken cuts and bruises, leaving you raw.

You’d only been sitting there for a few minutes before you heard someone totter into the room, making their way to the strangely shaped couch. They sat in the seat next to you, but due to the circular design and the small hills between each seat, you could only see their legs stretched out in front of them. Luckily, you knew Taehyung’s wardrobe inside out.

“I want to talk about it,” was all Taehyung said.

Without much hesitation, you leant forward in your seat so you could see his face. This time, you could clearly see the pained expression as he stared at a single spot on the floor, his eyes shining and his interlocked hands twisting. There was something in his eyes that you hadn’t seen before, despite all the years of knowing him. It was a mix of regret and disappointment, but the muscle popping in his neck suggested anger. You got up and squashed yourself next to Taehyung, even though there was barely enough room for one person, but Taehyung never cared about personal space when it came to you, so thankfully he made as much space as he could.

It felt odd having him that close to you again, with your hips pressed firmly together and your bodies so packed in that you felt his ribs contract and relax as he breathed. He still had his honey scent, and you couldn’t help feeling nostalgic to all the times where you hid in storerooms together to avoid doing sports or got in the back of Taehyung’s parent’s car with his siblings when they had a very small car. The memories made your heart lift, but you forced it back down again.

You’re seeing Jungkook now, you told yourself firmly. Move on.

“Yeji told me the reason she dated me,” he swallowed, looking down at his lap. Although you grabbed his hand in comfort, you felt your palms go clammy as you realised what Yeji must’ve said to Taehyung. “To put it simply, she never liked me in the first place. I remember everyone being so shocked why Yeji asked me out so quickly after we first kissed, and so did I, but I didn’t question it. I just thought that she had been wanting to date me for ages. In fact, I wasn’t really focused on a lot of things. I think I barely noticed that she wasn’t very happy with me, because I was… I was in my own little world.

“Yeji told me everything. She actually fancied Jimin, but Jimin had told her to ask me out before he would consider dating her. He apparently told her that it was a joke, but she thought she’d do it anyway because then Jimin might take her seriously. But Jimin found out about us dating and told Yeji that she shouldn’t have gone through with it because he still wasn’t going to date her. That’s what I saw them arguing about the other day. So, the only reason Yeji was with me was to get Jimin’s attention. She never liked me, Y/N, never. And I feel like a damn fool. She told me all this and then she split up with me, saying that I deserve someone who loves me and to go chase… whatever.”

The more he spoke, the worse you felt. You tried to shroud your heart to make it thicker, but the bitterness in his tone tore it to shreds and you were left feeling terrible. You couldn’t say anything to console him, because you would’ve been lying through your teeth. This wasn’t news to you, and the guilt was putting your acting skills to the test. You rubbed your thumb against his hand and rested your head against his, letting his hair tickle your cheek while hoping that Taehyung didn’t ask you any questions.

Luckily, he tried his best at making things light-hearted as he grew uncomfortable with the silence you’d created. “But I’ll get over it. Worse things are happening in the world, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s still difficult,” you muttered. This reminded you of what Jungkook had said to you earlier: ‘you’d better tell him that I’m with you now. Even if it might be difficult’. Was this the right time? Is it best to just get all the hard words out of the way?

Telling Taehyung would feel like you were lying to him. It would suggest that the feelings you admitted for him were gone, and that you were completely focused on Jungkook. As much as you wished that were true, the burning sensation in the pit of your chest and the nervousness running up your legs told you otherwise.

Taking a deep breath, you made a quick decision. “Tae, I’ve got something to tell you too.”

Taehyung nodded, his usual steady gaze now darting across the wooden panels on the floor. “I already know,” he whispered softly.


When you didn’t respond further, he slowly nodded, his eyes still flickering downwards. “That’s great.”

You swallowed your pride and nodded in agreement. When you were with Jungkook, it was easy to forget about your feelings for Taehyung and instead focus on whatever you had with Jungkook, but in that moment, you couldn’t help wondering if you were doing the right thing. Of course, Jungkook was sweet and funny with a childish side that kept you on your toes, but there were also things about him that got you questioning whether you were forcing something that would never work. He was hot-headed, protective, and he hadn’t established which lines he shouldn’t cross with you. Being with Taehyung reminded you of how comfortable you could be, because you knew each other inside out so you didn’t need to try with your friendship. It just… happened.

You shook yourself out of your reverie. Taehyung was probably well aware of what you felt for him, and yet there were no signs that those feelings were reciprocated. He didn’t see you in that way, whereas Jungkook did. Sure, you were going to have to work hard for your relationship to work, but you were determined not to pine for what could’ve been with Taehyung. Jungkook was right; he hadn’t been thinking of you. Although he’d made up for it when it was pointed out to him, not once had Jungkook forgotten about you or left you for someone else. You were doing the right thing. Doing the best thing.

“And do you still… like me?” he asked tentatively, causing your stomach to flip.

The answer was at the tip of your tongue, one breath away from slipping out of your mouth. It was the real answer, the one taking a beating at your conscience every time Jungkook smiled at you with gentle eyes and blushed cheeks. The easiest option was to say that you liked the boy who saw your dancing and the joy in your eyes, but the boy currently pressed against your side saw your fiery temper and learnt your deep thoughts, and still accepted you as you were.

But you sometimes, the easiest option wasn’t always the most honest.

Taehyung looked up with a sorrowful gaze, and as you locked eyes, you knew he saw straight through you. Although you didn’t respond to his question, a shy smile appeared on his lips, making you turn red and look away in shame. However, Taehyung squeezed you hand as if to say it’s okay, I understand.

“Come on,” Taehyung said suddenly, standing up and holding out his hand to help you. “We’ve got hours left here, and it’s only fair to celebrate that you’re no longer single, because that’s a miracle in itself.”

“You little bastard,” you groaned, but there was a smile on your face, knowing that Taehyung’s coping mechanism was keeping busy and insulting you at the same time. “The sad thing is, I’m technically still single, just not available.”

Taehyung grinned, his eyes glinting. “It’s a miracle that you even managed that,” he said cheekily.

“You’d better run, Taehyung, while you still can,” you threatened.

However, Taehyung just laughed, throwing his head back as he did so. The sound filled your heart with happiness, the nagging thoughts of Jungkook and the guilt about Yeji disappearing. “Come on,” he repeated, “let’s go have some fun.”

Taehyung took your hand gently and pulled you into room after room, and you soon relaxed and let the weight of your worries be lost in the back of your mind. Taehyung found most of the paintings hilarious, laughing at their expressions and managing to mimic the same face in each one, causing your camera roll to be filled with Taehyung posing next to paintings. It was just like old times, as you pointed out the ugliest statues and said ‘that’s you’ while Taehyung said he couldn’t tell the difference between you and the litter bins. It was as if time had been rewound back to your high school days when you went on similar trips, with your classmates asking Taehyung to hang out with them, but he always refused and stayed with you. You constantly objected, telling him to be with his other friends, but his response was always ‘who needs other friends when I have an idiot best friend?’ or ‘they don’t laugh at my jokes like you do’.

There were small booths playing videos explaining the history behind the knowledge in the museum, which you and Taehyung were more than happy to sit in to rest your legs. Taehyung watched each video eagerly, leaning forward on his seat as his eyes followed whatever was on the screen. You found yourself getting fidgety during an extremely long video about science, and you couldn’t keep still. Taehyung was intently focused, so you thought you would slip away to grab a snack in the café room before you fell asleep.

“I’ll be back,” you whispered in his ear.

However, Taehyung flung his arm across your lap to prevent you from standing. “It won’t be long now,” he muttered, knowing that you were getting bored.

His hand gripped onto your leg, and although he wasn’t holding on very tightly, you didn’t try and fight him. Instead, you let him absentmindedly play with the fraying rip in your jeans, his thumb stroking your exposed skin and sending tingles through your veins. Not good, your mind was shouting at you. Think of Jungkook, think of Jungkook. But you couldn’t. You knew that there had to be boundaries, but you couldn’t bring yourself to build them, especially when you’d been having such a good time. It was funny how the simplest act of affection from Taehyung left you immobile, whereas if someone else had done the same, you wouldn’t have noticed the roughness of the hands or the coldness of a bracelet trailing against your skin. But you removed Taehyung’s hand and went to the café anyway, telling yourself it meant nothing to you.

After leaving the museum and arriving back on campus, you turned on your phone as immediately it bleeped and buzzed with the missed calls and text messages flooding the screen, with one name on each one: Jungkook.

Not bothering to read his frantic words, you called him back straightaway. The phone only rang twice before he picked up. “Why didn’t you text me?” he asked, not bothering with hellos.

“We weren’t allowed phones inside,” you explained, watching your classmates say goodbye to each other before making their way home. “I would’ve got it confiscated if I’d tried.”

You heard him sigh at the other end. “I was so worried,” he muttered, but despite how quietly he spoke, you picked up on the upset tone.

“I’m fine.”

There was a silence, in which you imagined Jungkook biting his lip in thought. “I think we should practice tonight.”

“Ah, Jungkook,” you moaned, “I’m so tired! Let’s do it another night.”

“Well… if you’re sure… it might do you good, you know. I don’t want you being sad by yourself.”

“And why would I be sad?”

“You saw Taehyung today. Usually that doesn’t put you in the best of moods.”

You thought about it for a few moments, thinking back on the times where you yearned for Taehyung so much that it reduced you to tears whenever you realised that you didn’t stand a chance. “No, I feel better. Much better, actually. We had a good time.” Telling Jungkook this probably wasn’t your best plan of action, but you didn’t want to lie about feeling happy.

That’s what hit you the hardest. You should’ve been feeling worse, you should’ve been aching for him and wishing that it could be different, that there could be more between you. All the anguish and sorrow from the past few months was no longer there, and you knew it was because Yeji was out of the picture. You wished there was some part of you that was sad, as talking to Jungkook and hearing the longing in his voice would’ve been easier to accept if you had been. Because when you were sad, Jungkook could pick you up and take you under his wing, but because you were happy, you didn’t need his comfort. You didn’t need that longing. Sometimes, loving Taehyung got you out of bed in the morning, but sometimes, it left you crying into the sheets and wishing someone could help you up.

“I’d better go home,” you uttered, before hanging up the phone on the silent Jungkook.

He wasn’t happy, and you knew it was because he didn’t like the idea of you having a good time with Taehyung. Jungkook was aware that you hadn’t moved on from him, so his protective side was in overdrive because of it.

Were you just giving Jungkook false hope? Could he really help you move on? He was willing to love you, but it felt like a fairy tale; it was a pleasant idea, but when put into the real world, it felt flat and unthrilling. Instead, you yearned for something you couldn’t have, along with the intense fear that it would be all you’d ever feel.

anonymous asked:

I had come out to all my friends early in Oct, and one of my ftm friends said to just get it over with and come out to my mom. After that, everyone really ganged up on me and pressured me into coming out to my mom. Which I did. Unfortunately, since I had only found out so soon bc it was like everything just clicked in my head and everything was so sudden. i feel like i have no one to blame but myself for letting people pressure me into coming out so soon. I wasn't ready and now ive ruined it

I don’t understand how you ruined it? Did you change your mind? Sometimes coming out doesn’t go as planned. I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted to. We can’t change the past but we can learn and put that towards the future. Now you know to not let others peer pressure you, I assure you that you’ll have to come out many more times in your life–something we all learn.


"Too nuanced to fit into a tweet"

I’ve seen a lot of people say that Twitter is bad for conversation because things worth saying are too nuanced to fit into a tweet.

That misses something about Twitter. Twitter is mostly about conversations. And it’s possible to have very good conversations on Twitter. Some of which can’t happen easily elsewhere. Twitter is particularly good for talking to strangers.

You can say a lot in one tweet. You can say even more in multiple tweets — especially if you’re having a conversation with other people.

The number of characters in a tweet is limited. The number of tweets in a conversation is not limited.

A tweet doesn’t need to say everything. It just needs to be part of the conversation. And there are tweets that support nuance and tweets that make nuance harder.

There are a lot of skills that go into quality Twitter conversations. I’m planning to write about some of them, hopefully in the near future.

But for now — the first step towards good Twitter conversations is realizing that they are possible.

anonymous asked:

Think they will go on tour again? They have been hinting a lot towards it i think. Hbu?

I mean they just basically got off a tour, I think they will but not now maybe in the future. I think they’re planning something bigger like a show on full screen or something idk

Ease - Part 1

Genre: angst/fluff

Pairing: reader/taehyung

Length: 1.4k

Summary: You and your best friend Taehyung have recently got into the same university in the capital of Seoul. Hoping that this was your year to finally admit your romantic feelings towards your said best friend, uni seems an exciting prospect. But of course, the future never really goes according to plan.

A/N: This is my first fic so go easy on me! This parts sorta just an intro. It’s set in Korea but I’ve written the reader as being  from another (English speaking) country so I hope you can go along with that. Also have no idea what regular Korean schools are like soz

Originally posted by jeonbase

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“Do you think we will stay friends at university?”

You heard Taehyung chuckle at your words. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Everything will be different in a month. New city, new people, new friends. I just… don’t want you forgetting about me, that’s all.”

Your view of the clear blue sky was suddenly obscured by a black-haired boy with a cheeky grin as he hovered over your head, a twinkle in his eye. “Y/N, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t forget about you if I tried,” Taehyung said, his smile growing wider. “We have a framed photo of you in our house, and there’s only so many times I can accidentally smash it.”

“Yah!” you exclaimed, pushing your friend’s chest so he fell back into the long grass you were both lying on, making him laugh at your reaction.

It was a few weeks until you both left for Seoul, or as Taehyung put it, a few weeks until he could finally dye his hair without his parents freaking out. You two had already discussed arrangements on meetups and film nights, but there was still that nagging worry in your chest that you were going to lose the closest friend you had.

Staring back up at the cloudless sky, you heard Taehyung giggling to himself before you felt his hand grab yours amongst the stalky grass.

“You’re my best friend, Y/N,” he said solemnly, “and I’d be a fool to ruin that.”

You let yourself be comforted by his words. Although you weren’t completely reassured, just feeling his warm hands wrapped around your fingers put you more at ease.

After so many tense days of waiting, the big move to university finally arrived. With only a few bags of your belongings, you were packed and on your way to Seoul. Sitting on the bus, with your head lulling against the window, you peered out onto the streets to admire your new home. As the bus drew ever closer to the place you would be staying, more and more butterflies made a nest in your stomach. Just the simple thought of meeting your housemates made your hands tremble slightly, which is why you had them jammed between your legs.  Your mind kept drifting back to when you moved to Korea, and how scared you were then about meeting your class for the first time.

Spotting your assigned classroom, you ran to the door whilst checking your watch. One minute to spare. Once inside, you looked around at all the students already seated at their desks, chatting to their friends or making one last text before the class started.

You shifted your weight from leg to leg, hoping to cover the shaking in your knees. Come on Y/N, get a grip. Just find a desk and sit down. Your eyes frantically searched for an empty chair, but there didn’t seem to be any available. A blush grew on your cheeks as you realised how many people began to stare at the new international student, standing gormlessly in the doorway of the classroom.

Just as you were considering turning around and leaving to save yourself from more embarrassment, the teacher at the front of the room cleared his throat. “Park Jimin, if you would like to sit on the chair instead of the desk, maybe there would be enough room for everybody.”

A boy, supposedly Park Jimin, had spread himself across two desks, and with a red face, he got up and slid behind the desk closer to the blackboard, creating room for you. Smiling gratefully at the teacher, you edged your way to the back of the classroom, plonking down on the chair with relief.

Just as your cheeks had cooled down and the teacher had begun the lesson, a scrunched-up piece of paper landed in front of you, flying in from the left. Looking at your neighbour, you found yourself staring at a pair of dancing eyes, belonging to a cute boy with a boxy grin. He wiggled his eyebrows, implying you to open the piece of paper. Intrigued, you opened it up and slowly deciphered his scruffy handwriting.

‘I’m Kim Taehyung and you got my friend, Park Jimin, told off. He was annoying me, so thanks. Owe you one. What’s your name?’

Smiling gently, you turned over the paper and wrote your name, hoping your Hangul handwriting was better than Taehyung’s. After returning it the paper to him, you got it thrown back at you with a new line of text underneath yours.

‘Hello Y/N. Want to eat with us at lunch?’

Ever since that first day several years ago, you and Taehyung had become glued at the hip. You shared the same sense of humour and you were both interested in the same things, and it made the move to South Korea a whole lot easier. Taehyung always helped you out when you needed it, whether it was improving your grammar or showing you the best food places in town, so you knew you could rely on him. Your parents were relieved that you had found a friend so quickly, and Taehyung’s parents had become like your own.

Even sitting on the bus on the way to your new city, you could imagine Taehyung sitting next to you blabbing on about a new video game he was obsessed with or how difficult he found the maths homework. His personality was infectious, bringing you warmth and comfort even when you felt your lowest. Perhaps that was why you had starting falling for him, and began to see him in a different light.

“Y/N! She’s coming this way! How do I look?”

Without removing your head from your locker, you reply, “You look great Tae. Who’s ‘she’ again?”

“You didn’t even look!” Taehyung whined. “It’s Yeji! The girl who I’ve been talking about for the last three months? Have you been listening to me?”

You turned and looked at Taehyung, your heart sinking a little when you heard the name ‘Yeji’. You knew you were jealous; only jealousy could describe the panging sensation you got whenever Taehyung stared lustfully at another girl, or when he would comment how pretty Yeji was. She was pretty, so you assumed that that was where the jealousy was originating from. It had to be, surely?

Yeji walked past with her friends, chatting about exams and how much work they were doing. Taehyung looked straight at her, his dark brown eyes following her every move, but not once did Yeji look his way.

When she was a safe distance away, Taehyung let out a wail and dropped his head onto your shoulder, pretending to have a sob. “She doesn’t even know I exist!” he cried, tufts of his soft hair tickling your neck.

As you patted his head and breathed in his honey scent, you tried to ignore how your heart rate had increased and palms had become clammy. Just jealousy, you told yourself. Just jealousy.

“How about grabbing some pizza on the way home? I’ll let you choose the film,” you offered.

Taehyung stood up straight at your words, his eyes shining once more. “This is why we’re friends,” he grinned, linking his arm through yours before pulling you down the corridor.

That’s all you two would ever be: friends. When that realisation stung your heart, you knew deep down that Taehyung meant more to you than you’d ever imagined.

Shaking your head, you pushed those feelings aside. I’ll tell him, you told yourself. I’ll tell him next time I see him. But for now: housemates.

When you came to realise you liked Taehyung more than a friend, all you’d ever done was push those feelings aside. You didn’t want to ruin what you already had, and what you had was a friendship most people only dream of. He’d tell you his darkest secrets, and you’d share your greatest ambitions, but you also made him laugh with your stories of your home country, and he would always crack a joke to lighten the mood.

Climbing out of the bus, you wished for the thousandth time that Taehyung was standing next to you. He was probably excited to meet his housemates, and probably friends with them all already by now.

Taking a deep breath, you rang the doorbell to your share house.

Hey guys.

Byrd and I have decided to end our relationship The distance was too much to handle, and with all of the hazy things going on with my surgeries and the future it was just difficult to plan what’s going on.

We’re going to be taking some time not talking to each other. Nobody did anything wrong, and there’s no “bad guy” in this scenario, except for the space between us.

I’m going to ask you to please be respectful towards both of us in this time. If I get prying questions about this (because I’m not going to talk about this) I will block you, and if it continues I will disable anonymous messages.

Thank you.