going to burn your house down

Please keep my city, Guadalajara, Mexico, in your thoughts, right now there are shootings and narcobloqueos (burning vehicles blocking roads) happening all over the city because an important member of a drug cartel was captured by the authorities. We are being asked not to leave our homes because this people won’t go down without fighting. They shot down a military helicopter killing three people right now. Pray for the safety of my people.

Hermione: I don’t understand it. How did Al manage to burn the ceiling?

Ginny: I don’t even know.

Harry: He said he was trying to bake cookies.

Ron: I bet you it was Malfoy’s boy’s fault.

(Earlier that day)

Albus: Okay, so I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

Scorpius: Al nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES!

Albus: FLOOR IT?

Scorpius: AL NO!

Albus: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND

Scorpius: ALBUS YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN

Albus: I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES

Scorpius: ALBUS P L E A S E

(Present)

Harry: I honestly wouldn’t be surprised.

I want to say that I understand your sentiment that everything will be okay. Because it feels the way it does when your team loses a championship – you’re devastated, but you’ll be back to cheer them on next year. But this is more than that. Believe me, I was crushed in 2013 when the Niners lost the Superbowl. (If it wasn’t for that power outage …) For the people who say everything is going to be okay, this election feels like a championship loss. The pain and grief are real, but you know the draft is only months away and the new season will bring new hope. For some of us, it’s not just watching your team lose a game; it’s more like finding out your team lost the game, and then finding out that the game was just a distraction created to keep you occupied while someone broke into your house, kidnapped your family, and burned everything down.

We are afraid. We are very afraid. We don’t want to let fear control us, so we are trying to be strong. But it’s very difficult to hear a white person say everything is going to be okay, because we already know it’s going to be okay for you. Hearing that conservatives were upset when Obama won the 2008 election is not helpful. In 2008, the (public) fears about Obama’s presidency were that he was going to take away guns and that he might be a “Muslim.” All these fears were projections, not actual promises Obama made. But last night, we elected a president who has openly campaigned to build a wall around the country. He has encouraged his supporters to use physical violence against minorities. He posted an Anti-Semitic meme featuring Hillary Clinton, and courted the support of white nationalists and the alt-right. This is not the same thing at all.

Dear White Friends: Stop Saying Everything Is Going To Be Ok

Thomas: so I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute

James: thomas nO THATS NOT HOW YOU BAKE YOUR COOKIES FRIEND

Thomas: FLOOR IT?

James: THOMAS NO

Thomas: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND?

James: THOMAS YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN

Thomas: IM GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES

James: THOMAS P L E A S E

  • Momoi: So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
  • Aomine: Satsuki, nO, THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES.
  • Momoi: FLOOR IT?
  • Aomine: SATSUKI, NO.
  • Momoi: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND?
  • Aomine: SATSUKI, YOU’RE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN.
  • Momoi: I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES.
  • Aomine: SATSUKI, P L E A S E.
Curse for one you wish to turn to ashes

I used to be against any curses at all but I got involved with the wrong type of people who has been threatening to ruin my life. So I’m going to ruin theirs first.

INGREDIENTS:
Cigarette ash (or incense ash if you don’t smoke)
Black candle
Knife/carving object
A picture, an email address or phone number, or their name. Basically a piece of paper (to burn) that represents them.
Strong intent

Take the candle, and carve the words “ashes to ashes” in it. Take the ashes and sprinkle it over their representative, saying the words, “et animam tuam ad cinerem” (may your life turn to ashes). Then burn the paper, mix it with the rest of the cigarette ashes and bury it somewhere away from your house. Let the candle burn completely down.

Alright, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Kaz Brekker lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m going to get Kuwei and Wylan to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
—  Kaz
  • Tae: so I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute
  • Jin: tae nO THATS NOT HOW YOU BAKE YOUR COOKIES
  • Tae: FLOOR IT?
  • Jin: NO
  • Tae: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND?
  • Jin: TAE YOU ARE GOING TO BURN THE GOD DAMN HOUSE DOWN
  • Tae: I'M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES
  • Jin: TAEHYUNG NO
  • Tae: TAEHYUNG YES
“Let Me Eat You Out” (M) (request)

You flipped the page to your book as you tried to teach yourself how to cook Korean cuisine. You were leaning on the counter in your kitchen as you at a pretzel, humming your favourite song. You were wearing Jimin’s favourite outfit, black tight booty short, a skinny strap white crop top, and black thigh socks. You were basically going to be his cuisine tonight, if he saw you in that.
Today was your 2 year anniversary and you two would normally go out, see the sites, because Jimin was afraid you’d burn down the house like a mad man. But today was special. As you flipped through another page, Jimin walked in getting the cup beside the sink and filling it up with tap water.
“Hey jagiya-ah,” he whispered. You raised a brow, not paying much attention. Jimin pressed a kiss on your cheek as he walked over and leaned on the counter on the opposite side, sipping his water. You felt his eyes roaming your body as you read, distracting you a little.

“need some, babe?” You asked and looked at him through your glasses. You saw his eyes traveling down your thighs when he snapped his head up and looked at your face and gave a small smile. “Whatcha doin’?” he asked. “I’m thinking about what cuisine I should make for our anniversary tonight,” you smiled and went back to reading the ingredients. Jimin perked up by the sound of food. “Ooh! I know what you could do! It’s my favourite!” he said. You looked at him, waiting for answer. “Your legs opened up, as I eat you out on the bed,” he smirked.. You rolled your eyes. “That’s not even a desert to be honest-” “its my kind of desert.” You chuckled and he moved towards you, towering you. You looked up into his eyes and he placed his hands on your hips and swayed you side to side, as he lined your bodies up. He pulled the book out of your hand and threw it somewhere around the room. The room got intense and you could feel your core dripping and screaming to be touched as Jimin’s large hand were pressed on your hips and his lustful stare. You looked at his lips and back into his eyes.

“And you know what I’d appreciate?” he hummed and leaned down a bit. “Hmm?” you hummed as your eyes shut. “If I got my desert right now.” You felt his lips press against yours roughly as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into him. You moaned against his lips, his favourite thing you do. It send a vibration through his body. You pulled away to push him away for a moment, but he quickly attacked your neck, making your legs trembled a bit.

“J-jimin,” you gasped. He smirked and put his leg between yours, knowing you loved that, you started grinding your core against his thigh, making him groan.

“J-jimin!” You tried to push him off you. Jimin grabbed your ass harshly and pulled them apart for a minute. “Jimin,” you whispered. Jimin pulled away and cupped your face.

“Let me eat you,” he caressed your cheek. You stared at him before nodding. he smiled before bringing your face back into his. You wrapped your hands around his neck as you pulled him deeper into the kiss. He slipped his tongue into your mouth and you happily accepted. He dipped down a bit and pulled you up onto the counter, making you giggle. You two smiled against the kiss as he started pulling your shorts down. He connected his lips quickly to your neck. “As much as I like these shorts, they must come off,” he groaned. He kissed your neck a couple of times before pulling my shorts off and throwing them somewhere. He smiled when he saw his favourite lace panties you wore. You bit you bottom lip as he kissed your inners thighs down to your core. He looked up at you for permission and you opened your legs. He smiled and wrapped his fingers around the hem and pulled it down,taking time to kiss your thighs and calling you beautiful. Just the way you liked it.

He tore it off your ankles and you rested your feet on the counter as Jimin stared at the sight. “Fuck,” he hissed. He smacked his lips and you felt his cold finger stroke your heated core. He smiled and looked up at you. “Looks who’s dripping for her daddy.” You whimpered and felt his finger slowly push inside you folds harshly making you scream. He slowly pulled his finger out and shoved it harshly back in. You started moving your hips to the pace of his finger, but slightly faster. “Eager? Want me to go fast?” he asked. you nodded your head quickly. He pressed his tongue against you slit and quickly tease your slit. You moaned and grabbed his head. He started licking and lazily burying his nose. You thrusted your hips into his face making you moan. He started to tease and bit your clit sending a wave of pleasure through your body. You fisted the counter as your legs trembled on the counter. Jimin sucked on your lips and quickly did a long lick up your slit to your clit. He sucked onto your clit and stared at your sensual expression. You felt a strong feeling in your stomach.

“Jimin,” you gasped. “I’m cumming!” He smiled and bit on your clit, tugging it in the process. You slipped a second finger inside and pulled away from your core. You could see your wetness on the corner of his lips. You weren’t moaning, just panting. 

“Cum for me,” he whispered. You started to curl his fingers inside of you making you cum harshly. All you remember was letting go. Everything.

When you came down from your high, Jimin was laughing. 

“Baby! You squirted!” he smiled. You looked at his shirt and laughed a bit. “Come on, let’s go get washed up and I’ll help you with dinner”


+

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

“How did you do it?” she asks her friend, shards of her broken heart causing her to choke on the words.

“Do what?”

“How did you let him go? How did you go from having a best friend to share everything with, to so suddenly having nothing at all?”

“It was like knives,” she whispers, “stabbing my fragile body with every breath I took. I could not escape the thought of him. I didn’t know that the absence of a single person could weigh my heart so heavily.”

She closes her eyes for a moment and remembers the strength it took to make the choice to pick herself up.

“But it comes down to a choice,” she continues. “You can mope around the house all day overwhelmed with sadness and burn your toast on purpose and stain his t-shirts with tears. Or, you can get up. Get out of bed at 6am to watch the sunset. Eat expensive desserts. Exercise. Check out abandoned coffee shops. Dance in your underwear. Laugh until you cry because you’re finally laughing for yourself. You have to take care of yourself and realize that new beginnings are on the way and they will be beautiful.
It’s hard to let go of it all. I know it is. But when the choice comes along, you have to choose yourself.”

—  it’s okay to be alone

Yato: So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes, or 4,000 degrees for one minute.

Hiyori: Yato nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES.

Yato: FLOOR IT?

Yukine: YATO NO.

Yato: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 FOR 1 SECOND

Hiyori: YATO YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN.

Yato: I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES.

Yukine: YATO P L E A S E

BTS Reaction: The boys coming home and seeing you curled up on the bed because of bad period cramps (Requested)

Jin: Usually when Jin came home, there would always be dinner on the table for him. But when he didn’t see any, he knew something was wrong. He went up to your bedroom and saw you were in pain. He would ask what’s wrong and when you told him, he would go to the grocery store and get you some chocolate and a heating pad to lessen your cramps.

Originally posted by jeonsshi

Namjoon: When Namjoon came home and saw you curled up on your couch, he was honestly confused. He would panic until he realized what was going on. He would order you pizza and make you take a warm bath to make you feel better because he’s a clumsy ass who would probably burn your house down if he tried to do anything.

Originally posted by fyeahbangtaned

Yoongi: You talked to him earlier and told him about your situation. He would come with your favorite takeout meal and some chocolate cake. He would also bring you some extra strength Tylenol and cuddle you till you fell asleep.

Originally posted by eatjin

Hoseok: Ugh this angel. His presence would honestly make you feel better. In addition to bringing your favorite food and chocolate, he would shower you with kisses especially on your stomach. He would have a movie marathon with you, which would make you feel better eventually.

Originally posted by hobisu

Jimin: He. Would. Just. Cuddle. And. Kiss. The. Fuck. Out. Of. You. I’m just kidding…..no I’m not. That’s literally all he would do, in addition to chocolate and a warm bath.

Originally posted by bwipsul

Taehyung: This cute little weirdo oh my god. He would bring video games and movies to distract you but he would bring you some chocolate and pain killers as well. Him being him, he would talk to your stomach saying “Stop hurting my girlfriend you’re being mean”.

Originally posted by jitamin

Jungkook: These poor little fetus. When he saw the position you were in, he would be so confused and shook. He wouldn’t know what to do. He would probably call his mom for help and she would tell him what do to. Other than that he would just cuddle you because he didn’t know anything before he asked his mom.

Originally posted by baebsaes

  • Tom: So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
  • Marco: Tom, nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES.
  • Star: FLOOR IT?
  • Marco: STAR NO
  • Tom: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND
  • Marco: TOM YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN
  • Star: WE'RE GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES
  • Marco: GUYS P L E A S E
Sick day rp starters
  • Here, take some medicine.
  • I got you something for your head.
  • Want me to make you some soup?
  • I made you something to eat, c’mon, at least try it.
  • How’re you feeling?
  • You don’t look so good, maybe you should sit down.
  • Did you sleep at all last night? You look like hell.
  • Yeah, you’re burning up. Lay down, I’ll get you some medicine. 
  • Gross! You got puke on my shoes.
  • If you’re going to vomit at least do it away from me.
  • Just sleep, you need it. I’ll still be here when you wake up.
  • Don’t worry about getting me sick, I’ll be fine. 
  • Nope, you’re going back to bed. Shoo. Go.
  • You’re not leaving the house like this, we’ll reschedule our plans.
  • Cover your mouth when you cough, geeze. 
  • Bakugou: So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
  • Izuku: Kacchan nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES.
  • Bakugou: FLOOR IT?
  • Izuku: KACCHAN NO
  • Bakugou: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND
  • Izuku: KACCHAN YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN
  • Bakugou: I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES
  • Izuku: KACCHAN P L E A S E
Christmas with Newt

Originally posted by hardyness

~ Newt waking you up at six o’clock every. single. year. because he couldn’t wait any longer

~ Newt always going way out of his way to get the perfect gift

~ The Niffler stealing whatever jewelry Newt picked got you

~ You getting Newt a new coat every year because he somehow destroys his every year

~ The two of you going into the case to give his creatures gifts

~ Newt trying to bake but ending up almost burning down your house. 

~ The two of you trying to bake without magic and failing miserably

~ The two of you dancing along to Christmas music in your pajamas

~ Spending half the day with the creatures 

~ You dancing around with the Niffler

~ Newt singing Christmas songs loudly in the shower

~ Going to bed late because Newt staying with his creatures for hours

~ Newt humming Christmas music as the two of you fall asleep