Markiplier Ego Imagines (pt. 6)
(I’m really excited about this one, cuties. I’m pretty sure this is the best, most important thing I’ve ever written…)
The Egos (and Anti—can’t leave the green bean out of this one) when presented with a kitten:
Imagine Wilford Warfstache going absolutely nuts because—OMG IT’S A TINY, BUZZING BALL OF FLUFF! “Why does it make that noise? Is it going to explode? That would be awesome!” He’d make it a tiny top hat to match his own and a tiny bowtie, too. He would name it Warfstache Junior and carry it around with him everywhere. Dark has no idea how he manages to sneak it into every single meeting, but the kitten always ends up running across the table, knocking over cups and scattering papers everywhere. It truly is a tiny, furry Wilford.
Imagine Silver Shephard being terrified of it. Google would find him on top of a filing cabinet in one of the offices, and Silver is screeching at the top of his lungs, “IT’S GOING TO EAT ME!” Google rolls his eyes and keeps going. He’s got business to attend to, but Silver would eventually be brave enough to get down off the cabinet and find that the harmless little bean has fallen asleep.
Imagine Anti getting on the ground and playing with the kitten. He’s covered in tiny scratches and cat hair, but he’s a happy glitch. If anyone were to so much as look at the kitten with ill intent, Anti would be at their throat with a knife in the blink of an eye. One day, Sean finds a laser pointer around the house, and lo and behold, not only will the kitten chase it but Anti will as well.
Imagine Ed not knowing what on Earth to do with it. “Do you eat ‘em?” And all the other Egos have a heart attack trying to explain that, no, kittens are pets, not food. Ed would shrug, and they think that that’s the end of it. But a week later, they’re all sitting in the Board Room, and—did Ed’s hair just meow?
Imagine Google having a sneezing fit because who knew that the droid was allergic to cats? He doesn’t see the point in keeping pets. It’s a very human concept, anyway, and such frivolous animals are a complete waste of time. Oliver just about dies. Literally—his allergic reactions to the cat nearly cause his systems to shut down, but, “Guys, it’s so cute! Look at the little pink beans on the bottom of its feet! Pleeeeease can we keep him?”
Imagine Dr. Iplier giddily trying to be a vet. He’d check the cat’s eyes and ears and teeth, all the little spaces between each tiny toe. His cat would be in perfect health. When no one is looking, the Doctor sneaks Nurse, the kitten, scraps of food left in the kitchen. It starts to get out of hand when Dr. Iplier’s kitten becomes obese, and the Doctor has to go through the torment of trying to put his beloved cat on a diet.
Imagine the Host ignoring the little beasty at first. He’s far too busy writing for a—until it rubs against his leg, purring happily. The Host immediately falls in love. He carries the kitten around in the pocket of his trench coat, its little head poking out and mewing at passersby, everywhere he goes. He names it Fitzgerald, Fitz for short, and it’s his baby and DO NOT TOUCH THE SMOL BEAN. It becomes his constant companion, and he dedicates many books to the tiny fur ball.
Imagine Dark raising one terrifying eyebrow at the smol cat as it paws innocently at his finger. He’s somewhat entranced until it nicks him with one of its tiny claws and draws blood. Everyone winces, afraid that the kitten is going to be incinerated, but Dark looks mildly impressed. The Host overhears him having a conversation with the cat one day, trying to convince it to join his side in taking over the channel.
Imagine Bim Trimmer passing out from overexposure to pure cuteness radiation. The kitten pads over and starts licking his face, and Bim’s soul leaves his body.