going to be sick

last night i was sick and lying on the couch going over and over a nightmare about my trauma and starting to spiral badly.

dorian gets himself up off the couch where he was sleeping, walks over to my desk and starts pressing buttons on my kb.

he opened spotify and kyary pamyu pamyu started playing, then he went to my open tumblr page and sent a series of numbers and keyboard mashes to @labradorduck.

then after I sat at the desk and took a photo of him he sat on my lap for cuddles while I explained to my freind what the message was, starting a conversation that helped get me out of the headspace.

tl;dr: dorian decided I was entering dangerous territory, puts on my favourite music, messages my friends for me and stayed for cuddles.

he helps

anonymous asked:

I read you're sick! I'm going to sound like the nosy worried aunt and tell you to get off tumblr and stop drawing for a while or your head will hurt more. then again, i have a cold and here i am drooling over your butt drawings :V

Aunty dont worryyyyy I have to work anyway its still noon in Vietnam right now I’m not going anyway by the way have I hugged you *ROAR*

Originally posted by dennsokagi

crazykittehcat replied to your post:“Me: *texts my boss that I’m still sick and am going to work from…”

I hope you feel better soon. It’s important you take care of yourself.

I am, alas, not very good at it, but I have at least been trying. As miserable as I’ve been, your Austen prompt has been a bright spot when I’ve had the brain to work on it. So, because you’re sweet:

“I’m sorry,” Jane blurts out, flushing red. “I didn’t mean—or, well, I was eavesdropping and I shouldn’t have been, that I meant, but I didn't—”


“I won’t tell,” she assures Lucy, and then Lucy’s the one blushing. “I won’t tell a soul, although after such an advance I certainly would expect Captain Flynn to make you an offer—”

Lucy almost chokes on her tongue.


“But if I were to say anything to anyone it would only be to him because honestly, I don’t see what other encouragement he could possibly need—”

“Jane!” Jane’s mouth snaps shut and she bites her lip, looking for all the world like a teenager who has just been caught with a dirty magazine.

(Which, Lucy acknowledges, watching Flynn kiss her very well might be the equivalent of in 1796)

Her face burns. 

Shape of You (Full story)

I found an ask in my inbox the other day asking me about what I meant when I said “Shape of You” was a song I appreciated very much as it is a love song for any and all shapes of the female body. Many artists write songs about female bodies, but never as positive or respectfully as Ed did. I’ve been debating on whether or not to go into much detail, but some recent personal events have stirred up some rather nasty emotions within me.

I’ve struggled with eating since the first time I called myself fat in the 6th grade and it’s been an ongoing struggle ever since. I never talk about it. I’ve never tried to get help. I spent most of middle school skipping lunch and going home sick. I remember in the 7th grade I was convinced I wasn’t losing any weight, until one day I was walking down the stairs and my mom stopped me to tell me how much thinner I looked, how much flatter my stomach was. I realized that my year and a half of skipping lunches and throwing away half my dinner were paying off; people were noticing results. I was beginning to notice my body shrinking and I loved the feeling of an empty stomach, I thought I was beginning to love myself. I don’t think that was the case. I wasn’t truly accepting myself, I was accepting the results this disorder was giving me. In the 8th grade, I had my first real crush, and after a few months of me getting my hopes up, he started dating a girl who he told me had a nice body than me. I took that to mean I was fat and disgusting, so I didn’t eat anything but lettuce and cucumbers for two weeks. I lost a lot of water weight, but scared myself into slightly upping my calorie count after passing out during the choir concert.

As I entered high school, I became very fast friends with a girl who was very thin. I had also had friends who were very very thin and maybe that embedded into my head at a young age that I was shaped differently and I needed to change. My new high school friend taught me how to further hate myself, all the while having me think I was understood and being helped. She lent me a book called “Letting Ana Go” and I worshipped it. For those who don’t know, “Letting Ana Go” is a book by anonymous about a high school girl who developed an eating disorder. The book is in her point of view with her live thoughts with this illness. I found myself taking tips from it. I relied on mints and lemon water to get me through the day, eating lettuce and crackers for dinner and running until I saw black spots in my vision. One day, we were in health class and discussing nutrition. We were given the assignment to record everything we ate and log the calories so we could see our nutritional value. Immediately I felt sick because I was convinced anyone who saw what I ate would think I was a pig. After anxiously doing the project and hanging it in, I got called back down to my health teacher’s office. He told me my calorie count was dangerously low and very unhealthy. I smiled to myself because someone had taken notice to how well I was doing and lied through my teeth that I filled it out wrong.

I remember going home that day and feeling more sick than the daily nausea and fatigue. I laid in bed and began to realize I had a problem and I needed help, but I wasn’t sure; I was still convinced that I was on a diet and going fine. I talked to my new high school friend about my worries and she said she would help me, motivate me to be health and strong. Two weeks later, she texted me saying I was a liar, that I made up my disorder and she wanted nothing to do with me. I was heartbroken and lost because she was the only one I felt I could trust or go to with this aching secret. Life moves on. I made new friends, but I still remained very ill. I learned to not talk about it with anyone, not to tell anyone and make this illness my best kept secret. This continued at about the same pace with bouts of binging, followed by crying and detoxing for days after. I still had this aching feeling in me. I thought I could feel the fat and calories growing on me, consuming me, bloating me out.

My sophomore year, I remember waking up at a friend’s house after a sleepover and feeling bloated and huge. I went home that day and, despite my intense fear of vomiting, stuck my fingers down my throat for the first time. By the time my purging began, I was at 105lb (keep in mind I’m 4’11). This number was not low enough. The purging lasted around four to five months as I was actually gaining weight from the binging the came first. I had returned back to eating lettuce with lemon juice and living off green tea by my junior year and reached my lowest weight (96.3lb) by the end of my senior year. My mother noticed and told my psychologist about my rapid weight loss. My next visit I was made to explain what was going on and spent months there after discussing the issue. I was diagnosed with anorexia and given a name of a nutritionist to see. My nutritionist had suggested becoming vegetarian or even vegan to help get the nutrients and calories I needed. I had become a self-proclaimed vegan, mainly as a way of restricting without much complaint from anyone around me.

That fall, I went away to college. I immediately entered a state of happiness I hadn’t felt in a long time. I was surrounded by people I trusted and adored almost immediately. I was introduced to new foods and began slowly eating a little more. I stopped running as much because the gym always had people in it and that made me anxious. Throughout the first semester, I had gained back most of my weight, leaving me at the weight I was freshmen year. I have recently had the overwhelming feeling of guilt and sadness as I feel like I have failed myself. I still have the fear of eating in front of people’s judging eyes or eating too many carbs. I fear gaining weight as it weighs the heaviest in my mind. I’ve felt more bloated and fat than I have in a while and I’m beginning to understand that I have not beat this illness. This illness is still in me and it’s a fight I might have to battle the rest of my life. I still have the thoughts of “When I’m skinny I was eat/wear that” or “I wish I was skinny like that”. I often find myself dreading shopping or going to my favorite restaurant in fear of ending up with guilt and self-hatred. I know the problem is not with my body, it is with how I see it. I long for a day when I can accept myself and have some confidence in not only my appearance, but myself over all.  

When Ed released a song about the shape, any shape, of the female body, I felt like I could burst. The song has much more meaning to me than what’s on the surface. It’s incredibly empowering to have someone you admire so much write a song saying “hey you have a body. Your body, no matter what shape or size, is lovely”. Ed has made several comments about imperfections being perfect to him and I’ve always loved and cherished them so much more than I think he will ever know, but it is quite a new story to have him write an entire song about it. I use that song as motivation when I’m hating my body a little extra or right before a weigh in at my psychologist’s office. Ed has always had a very unique way on making me feel accepted and see the dark parts of my life a little clearer. Most of all, I feel as if songs like this say “I believe you”. It’s very hard to go through dark parts of your life and finally open up about the black hole in your mind, just to have the trusted people tell you they don’t believe you or say their issues take precedence over yours. I’m thankful to have these powerful emotions and I am thankful for the kindness and acceptance Ed gives all of us through his music. Thank you, Ed. You will never know how much you have really saved me.

anonymous asked:

How does one befriend It?

I would advise against it, b u t if you really want to

you could let it know that you’re allowing it to get close 

once It know this then it’ll basically cling itself (not physically) to you to feed off your energy and emotions, whicccch would probably end up really draining you after a while, probably going to get you sick and feel terrible until you die 

i just wanted to say i’m thankful and happy that we’re all here together and that you guys made this year a little less awful and a lot more bearable. im proud of u for not giving up and still bring here to see the year end. im glad we’re all friends and hopefully 2017 treats u better than 2016. and if not i’ll personally fight the whole year for u bc u deserve nothing but endless happiness after surviving through this year. i love u.