1. German Naruto Opening / 2. Heyyeyaaeyaaaeyaeyaa by He-Man / 3. German Sparkle Party by The Something Experience / 4. Disco Pogo / 5. Fucking Best Song Everrr by Wallpaper / 6. Gangnam Style by Psy / 7. You’re Gonna Go Far Kid by The Offspring / 8. Bad Boy by Cascada / 9. Harlem Shake by Baauer / 10. Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley / 11, Can’t Hug Every Cat by eHarmony Girl / 12. Promise by Hirose Kohmi / 13. Nyan Cat / 14. Cooking by the Book (Remix) by Lazy Town Cast ft. Lil Jon / 15. Hit Me Baby One More Time by Britney Spears / 16. Booty Man by Time Wilson / 17. Ding Dong Song by Gunther / 18. Apple Bottom Jeans by Flo Rida / 19. All Star by Smash Mouth / 20. Hoedown Throwdown by Miley Cyrus / 21. The Duck Song by Byrant Oden
Let’s begin with the fact I started watching hetalia in middle school. I barely had any clue what anime was other than Ouran High School Host Club, and my internet best friend recommended hetalia to me because we both LOVED history and that’s what it was initially all about. To this day I still cosplay from it which I guess is cringey in itself but I do my best to avoid the psycho weebs, which luckily I never acted like myself. So this story isn’t really about my own cringe but about the cringe I experience because I loved history and got a little too deep in with straight up weebs.
Let’s begin with E. E was normal seeming at first, I saw them cosplaying at a New Years Eve cosplay ball our local convention holds every year, never spoke a word to them but somehow we ended up talking through another person I met that night, named D.
(And boooooy do I have stories about D. This chick has an obsession with spreading rumors and is now dating this guy who tried to sext me under the guise of “roleplaying Homestuck” while dating another gal. These people are a mess.)
So there I am, invited to a hetalia themed party and I thought “Cool! People who love history like I do!” And I went. Turns out, it was a “German Sparkle Party” and I have never been so uncomfortable in my entire life. I’m somewhat afraid of trampolines and while I will sometimes go on them anyway if I’m feeling up to it this goddamn person E literally grabbed me and forcefully trapped me on this trampoline (it had one of those net things). I was more like “what the hell is the matter with you?” Than legitimately freaked out at this point and got the party’s host to get them to let me out and for the next hour things were uneventful. Then the pocky came out.
I didn’t know what pocky even was, nor did I know what the game was, but once it was explained I very LOUDLY declared I had no interest in playing because I had yet to have had my first kiss, and I was assured that no one would force me to play.
And no one did! … Until we ended up in the dimly lit basement with a bunch of 15 year olds dancing around to really loud foreign music. I was just sitting on the arm of the couch, watching everyone and feeling vaguely amused but mostly out of place and super uncomfortable, and that’s when E locked eyes with me from across the room, piece of pocky in their mouth. The expression that crossed their face was straight up predatory, and they came right up to me and so I instinctively leaned back. And they leaned closer, and I leaned further and suddenly I was on my back, this chick pinning me to the couch and trying to force a very innocent (at the time) person to play a very gross game with them.
I should also mention that I had made it clear to them that I was very straight.
I covered my face, they forced my hands back. I moved my head, chocolate got broken all into my hair and my best friend, who then noticed this going on, had to physically push E off of me. I was laughing, mostly because I was in a slight shock, and it was only after a few minutes I realized that I was also crying.
It’s worth mentioning E was dating someone else who was at the same party, and the person she was dating ALSO had to be rescued from her aggressive, unwanted advances.
Anyway, E moved to California and I haven’t seen them since and I feel blessed by that.
SORRY if that was incredibly boring, next time I’ll tell you about the weeb who licked my hand at a convention, or maybe about the brony who accused me of having Stockholm Syndrome, or maybe my own cringe of going on two separate dates with the same guy without realizing they were dates.