going mad in the bathroom

Monday I tried to kill myself (not intentionally) with lettuce.

Tuesday my Super Villain Immune System *really* kicked in and started kicking my ass. (a super healthy, super strong immune system is–on rare occasion–not a good thing…this and spanish influenza are two such occasions)

Today, I decided to cut my finger on my extra sharp rocking pizza cutter.

I was on the phone with my mother when this happened, telling her about monday and tuesday, and she yells “Get on the couch and stay there!” 

I was like “I am hydrating like mad today! I will have to go the bathroom!”

“That’s the second most dangerous room in the house for you! Do you remember nothing of your childhood!?!”

She’s not wrong.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be wrapped in bubble wrap sitting on my couch until the BH gets home from work.

3 hours. And I’m going to have to walk the dogs somewhere in there….

The Signs In Kindergarten
  • Aries: Stealing crayons and giving them to Cancer and Pisces
  • Taurus: Napping well past nap time, clutching an animal cracker in their little fist
  • Gemini: Gets mad at the teacher and tells her to go do herself in the bathroom because she's ugly
  • Cancer: Kisses Aries as a thank you for the crayons and shares their animal crackers with them
  • Leo: Doing a dance performance in front of the class for no reason
  • Virgo: Sulking in the corner, because no one wanted to play house with them
  • Libra: Drawing on their jeans with a marker to make a new fashion trend
  • Scorpio: Drawing on Taurus's face while they're asleep
  • Sagittarius: Egging Gemini on and trying to instigate more
  • Capricorn: Trying to actually learn something
  • Aquarius: Has an "accident" and cries
  • Pisces: Using the crayons Aries gave them to draw a pretty picture of a unicorn
  • *thanx to the anon who suggested this : ) send suggestions to @cancercornastrology*